Why Not Now? (The Blue Vista Crew #2)

3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Ava

I would like to say I put Derek out of my mind for the two months between the last wedding and today, when I would see him next. Unfortunately, I’d be lying. The smell of amber and cardamom has lingered, reminding me how it felt to be held in his arms, how his smile used to make me feel like I didn’t have to be any more than I was to be important. The memory of him in those darn grey sweatpants hasn’t helped either. That t-shirt he’d worn hadn’t been much better. He’d always been fit, taking part in the school track-and-field team and continuing to run and exercise after we graduated. The way the fabric had clung to him showed me he’d clearly kept up with that practice.

Stupid Derek and his stupid hot body. Stupid me and my stupid libido and memories of how it used to be. I’ve been anticipating the wedding tonight—seeing him again—since he’d given me his business card. Though whether it’s nervous anticipation or excited anticipation, I have no clue.

I park in front of my house after working the morning shift at one of my three jobs and rush inside to get changed out of the restaurant’s ugly yellow shirt. I have fifteen minutes to change and grab my camera and equipment if I’m going to make it to Blue Vista on time for the wedding this afternoon.

When I get inside, Lacey, my sixteen-year-old sister, is sitting on the couch watching TV and scrolling on her phone.

“Hey,” I say, dropping my purse and keys by the door and heading toward the stairs to the basement. “I won’t be home until late tonight.”

“I remember. Geez, Ava. You told me yesterday.”

“I know. I left you money on the fridge for dinner. You saw it?”

“Yes.”

She doesn’t look up at me as I pass, but I hear the eye roll in her voice. I race downstairs, stripping as soon as I close the door. I’d laid out my clothes last night, spending way longer than I should have picking a gold sweater dress, black leggings, and brown boots. I refuse to consider that I want to look nice for Derek, but as I turn to my mirror, buckling my brown leather belt around my waist, I know that’s why I spent so long selecting this outfit from my limited wardrobe. Thankfully, the braid I’d done this morning is still neat, so it’ll have to do.

I shake my head, calling myself ridiculous for caring so much about my appearance. Yes, he’s single. Yes, I’ve fantasized about kissing him again about twenty times a day since September. Yes, I’ve wondered what he’s like and if I’d love the man he is now the way I did then.

No, I’m not going to act on any of those thoughts.

I load up my camera equipment, grab my purse and keys from where I’d left them, juggling everything while Lacey remains glued to two screens.

“Please don’t forget to do the dishes,” I say. “And if you have any homework, I’d like for you to have it all done before you go out tomorrow.”

She has plans with a friend to go to a craft market or something.

“Yeah, sure,” she says without looking at me.

I hesitate, wondering if I should be more forceful, if I should insist she do the dishes or her homework now. But I can’t really enforce it since I need to leave. That’s always been one of the problems with our relationship: I can’t exactly ensure she’s doing what she needs to do when I spend so much time working. I also can’t be there for her as much as I want to be. I need to work to keep up with the bills that continue to flood in.

After our parents had died, there had been enough in their life insurance policy to pay for the mortgage, and that was it. The money they’d saved for me to go to college had been transferred to an account for Lacey and I’d started working, quitting school to focus on keeping us afloat, keeping Lacey’s life on an even keel. For close to nine years, I haven’t stopped.

I’ve never really known how to deal with Lacey. We’d gone from being sisters to me being more of a mom to her when I was barely more than a child myself. I didn’t know what I was doing then, and I don’t know what I’m doing now.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say, then leave. I wave to my neighbour, Theresa, and get into my car again before she can try to pull me into a conversation. She’s nice, and has helped me a lot over the years, but once she starts talking, it’s hard to make her stop.

The drive to Blue Vista isn’t bad, traffic at a minimum. I park in the underground garage where Derek had taken me two months ago, pulling into a spot a few down from his little red car.

I remind myself to calm down. I’d known he would be here. I’d been expecting it. I might not even see him.

Loaded with all my equipment, I march out of the parking garage, around the corner, and through the front doors of the venue.

Of course, he’s right there when I come in, stirring a coffee in the staff lounge. Our eyes lock and he pauses his stirring.

He looks amazing, dressed in dark jeans and a blue button-up shirt that stretches across his shoulders. His curly, dark hair looks so soft that I want to shove my fingers into it.

He gives me a smile. “The one and only Ava Calligan. How’s it going?”

My heart flips over. Before we started dating, he used to greet me like that. It had always given me the sense that he was truly interested and glad I was there.

“Going okay,” I say, smiling back.

He opens his mouth, like he’s about to say something else, and I wonder if he’s going to remark on the fact that I’ve said okay instead of good . He’d always noticed when I wasn’t at my best, doing everything he could to make me feel better. However, Spencer comes into the lobby, interrupting the moment.

“Ava. It’s nice to see you again,” he says.

I blink as I turn to him. “It’s good to see you, too. Where can I set up?”

“Right this way.”

I glance at Derek, but he’s back to stirring his coffee, no longer looking at me, as though the moment hadn’t happened at all. I follow Spencer to a small room on the main floor near the kitchen, managing to keep my focus on what he’s saying as he leads me there.

“You can leave your things in here.” He hands me a key. “It’s not always available. We’ll usually set up a bride or groom in this room if the ceremony takes place here. Since the ceremony is at a church today, it’s free.”

I put the key in my pocket while Spencer uses his own to open the door. Cindy and Bethany are at the church, taking pictures there. It should have started about half an hour ago. I’m going to take some shots of the reception area before people show up, then have a break before people arrive after the ceremony.

“If you need anything at all, just let me or Derek know. Adalie will also be around for about another hour. Vic will probably be here too in her office, but she’s working on some spreadsheets, so go to her last.”

I set my things down so I can sort through what I’ll need, then turn to him. “I think I’m good for now. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

He hesitates and anxiety washes through me. What has Derek told him? Is he going to say something about it? Then he shakes his head and offers me a smile. “I’ll leave you to it.”

When he walks away, I let out a breath, trying to shake off the weird feelings roiling within me, avoiding thinking too hard about what they are. About how warmth had flooded me when Derek greeted me. About how an unexpected calm filled me, making me want to unburden myself to the one person who’d always been there for me.

Except for when he wasn’t.

I take my pictures, losing myself in the process of capturing the images. When I return to the room for my break, the thoughts flood in again, memories of the way Derek used to touch me like I was the most precious thing in his world. No one has ever made me feel as special as Derek did. And I’d be lying if I say I don’t want to have that back.

I’m immensely grateful when a woman breezes in, distracting me from my thoughts before I’ve taken more than a bite of the sandwich I’d brought with me.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she asks, staring at me.

I recognize her, but I can’t remember where I’ve seen her before. She’s obviously part of the kitchen staff, wearing a red chef’s jacket and black pants and Doc Martens. Her blonde hair is twisted and clipped to her head. She’s holding a plate with a dome over it.

“Taking a break before the guests arrive?” I say.

She rolls her eyes. “I meant, what are you eating?” She sets the plate in front of me, lifting the lid with a flourish. “When you’re here, if you’re hungry, you come to me.”

“Holy shirt, this is beautiful,” I say, quickly getting up to clear some things from the table and grabbing my camera.

The plate is a gorgeous, clean white. On it are artfully arranged, bite-sized pieces. I take some pictures of the plate while the woman laughs.

“Did you just say holy shirt ?”

I nod as I turn the plate and take another few pictures. When I sit again, she points to each item. “This is a beef and bacon slider. A croquette, cured salmon rolls, avocado stuffed tomatoes, and a mini taco. I’m Lis, by the way. We weren’t formally introduced at the last wedding.”

I remember the name. “You were one of the maids of honour. The twin sister.”

She nods. “And the head chef. Tina, my sous-chef, took over that night. I’ll have to get back to her in a minute, but I wanted to make sure you were fed.”

“This looks amazing. Thank you.”

“No problem. You and the other photographers all get dinner as part of the contract with Blue Vista. So whenever you’re here, you don’t need to bring your own food.” She looks skeptically at my sandwich, but doesn’t comment. “These are the appetizers being served tonight. The buffet will be ready at 5pm, if you want to take pictures of it before the guests descend.”

I pick up a cured salmon roll and bite into it. Flavour explodes in my mouth, the salmon pairing with a cream cheese and dill filling in a way that has my mouth watering for the second one on my plate.

“Good, right?” Lis asks, smiling widely. “That’s a new addition to the menu. Personal recipe. All right.” She stands. “I have to get back to work. See you later.”

I barely wave at her as I eat the other salmon roll, my eyes closing in pleasure.

“You’re going to be fun,” Lis says before she leaves.

I eat all the food she gave me. Everything is as good as the salmon rolls. Lis is incredibly talented if she can make food like this. No wonder she’s head chef at one of the most difficult to book venues in Vancouver. After the first wedding, I’d done some research on my newest place of employment. The owners of Blue Vista had spent the last few years making a name for themselves as a premier spot to get married. They have contracts with one of the highest ranked bakers and florists in the city, as well as an impeccable crew and a five-star rating on their in-house catering. I hadn’t remembered much of the food from that first wedding since Derek had been sitting right across from me, distracting me every two seconds.

When my plate is clean, I go back upstairs. Bethany arrives shortly after the guests start to trickle in, Cindy staying with the wedding party. I focus on work and don’t see Derek again. I notice Spencer a few times and once, Lis comes upstairs to check on things. But Derek remains out of sight. Not that I’m looking for him.

There’s no table set aside for the photographers tonight, so we eat downstairs in the room in shifts. I let Bethany and Cindy eat first, since I’d gotten the appetizers before they got here. After I’m done with dinner—another delicious dish of pork tenderloin with Brussels sprouts and squash—I tidy up and turn toward the door, only to run smack into a wall of muscle.

Derek holds my elbows to keep me steady and I stare up at him, entranced by his deep brown eyes as the sweet and spicy scent of his cologne invades my senses, causing the memory of when I’d first given it to him to flash through my mind.

“Are you trying to tell me something, sweetheart?” he asked with a smile.

“I just thought it smelled nice,” I told him. “It made me think of you.”

“You all right?” he asks now, bringing me back to the present.

I nod, mutely. My body flushes with heat, spreading out from where we touch. I want to press closer, pull his head down so I can find out if his kiss still evokes a feeling of heat, heaven, and home. His fingers tighten on my arms, pulling me a fraction closer. His head dips.

Then he clears his throat and takes a measured step back, releasing me. I shiver at the loss of his warmth.

“Just wanted to make sure you don’t need a ride tonight,” he says. “I’m about to head out, but I’ll wait if you... need me to.”

I try not to let myself feel the desire echoed in his eyes. I try not to feel a little melty at the concern he’s showing. I fail at both.

“No. My car is running okay today.” I offer him a smile, hoping it doesn’t look forced.

“All right. I guess I’ll see you later, then.”

I watch him walk away, certain he wants me as much as I want him.

He always made me believe I was the most beautiful person in the room. I haven’t had that sense of belonging, that sense of being important to someone just for being me and not because he needs something, for a very long time.