Why Not Now? (The Blue Vista Crew #2)

10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Derek

I wake when I reach to the other side of the bed and find it empty. Looking around the room, I see no evidence that she’d ever been here. No clothes, no sounds of her in the house, nothing. She’d even pulled the blankets up on her side of the bed. I go downstairs where the only proof that it wasn’t all a dream are my buttons scattered on the floor and my keys sitting below my mail slot.

I pick them up and put them on the table before I make my way to the shower, scrubbing the feeling of her off my skin. I doubt I can stay sane with the lingering floral scent of her plaguing me. Lavender? When I get out of the shower, I go to my top drawer to find some underwear and socks and my fingers brush a small box I haven’t thought about for a long time. I pull it out, but I don’t open it, turning it in my hands. I haven’t opened this box since the day I bought it. I put it back in my drawer.

While I get dressed in my usual jeans and t-shirt, my phone rings and I rush to it, wondering if it’s her, if she’s calling to tell me what the fuck last night was all about if she was going to sneak out before I woke up, anyway.

Instead, my heart turns to lead in my chest as I see Dad displayed across my phone’s screen. I set the phone face down on my bed and cover it with blankets as it continues to ring. I could hit ignore. Instead, I watch the spot where I’ve set it until it goes silent once again. He won’t leave a message. He never does.

I’m completely out of it when I make my way into work, grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting in the staff lounge. For the first time since we opened Blue Vista Events five and a half years ago, I’m here before anyone else. I’m still sitting there, my coffee long since gone cold, when Spencer comes in.

“You’re here early,” he says, going over to the coffeemaker to pour two cups, one for himself and one for Lis. She hadn’t come in with him, so I assume she’s taking her dog, Cerberus, for a longer walk before coming in.

I meet his eyes. “I think I’m fucked.”

“Obviously,” he says, stirring both coffees and sliding into the seat across from me. “What about?”

I push my cup away. I’m not drinking it, anyway. “I slept with Ava last night.”

“You don’t seem exactly happy about this.”

“She left before I woke up.”

He taps a finger against the side of his mug. “Maybe we should start at the beginning. You dated this woman. When?”

I look away as memories swamp me. “High school. Started the summer before grade twelve. We were each other’s firsts. First kiss. First fooling around. First fuck. Everything.”

“You didn’t have your first kiss until you were in grade twelve?” he asks, disbelief lacing his tone.

I roll my eyes. “We kissed before we dated. We met when we started high school. There was a party one night. We played spin the bottle. I thought about asking her out, but I wasn’t exactly the confident man I am today. You may not believe this, but I was a bit of a nerd in high school.”

Spencer snorts. “As opposed to now, when you’re definitely not a nerd.”

The corner of my mouth tilts up, but I can’t hold the smile. I shake my head. “By the time I felt like I could ask her, some asshole had beaten me to it. They broke up sometime during grade eleven and I went to her birthday party during summer holidays. I’d been doing track for a year by that point, had grown into my body a bit. Finally asked her out, and she said yes.”

“Then what happened?” he asks quietly.

I get up to dump my coffee and make a new one, giving myself a moment to pull up the wall that holds the emotions at bay. I keep my back to Spencer as I speak.

“We’d been dating about two and a half years. I loved her. Then her parents were in a car accident. Both died. She got custody of her young sister, Lacey. After that, things… changed between us. She’d always been the kind of person who had to do everything on her own, but it got worse. She pulled away. I tried to help her, but I didn’t know what to do. She wouldn’t tell me. One day, we had this huge fight. I can’t even remember what started it. I just remember how it ended.”

Spencer waits, understanding I need a minute before I can say the words out loud. I brace my hands on the counter.

“‘Just go, Derek. I don’t need you.’ That’s what she said.” I think about the small box in my drawer at home. I’d never gotten the chance to give it to her. I don’t mention it now, or what’s inside.

“You want to call in the gang? Let them know what’s going on?”

“Not yet.” I turn back to him with a laugh, taking my seat. “I don’t even know what the fuck is going on. I’d like to say it’ll never happen again. I got her out of my system and now we can move on. But the truth is,” I shake my head, meeting his eyes, “she’s the only woman I’ve ever loved. How do I say no?” I shove my fingers into my hair, dropping my head into my hands, elbows propped on the table. “I’ve tried to get over her. I’m just really bad at it.”

We’re silent for a long minute, before Spencer asks, “You want to make a list? Fifteen reasons not to sleep with Ava again?”

It’s something we’d done for Vic when she kept going back to her ex-girlfriend, Emily. It hadn’t really worked for her. Though lately, we’d all noticed Emily hasn’t been around. No one has said anything, and Vic hasn’t brought it up. We’re all pretty nosy with each other, but we also wait until the person is ready to talk.

I snort and shake my head. “It won’t work. She’s always had me wrapped around her little finger. I’ll do anything she asks.”

Spencer regards me and I wonder what he’s thinking. It’s stupid, but it’s the truth. My kink has always been to have her beg for me so it can feel for just a moment like she needs me as much as I need her.

“You want to get drunk?” Spencer asks.

I laugh. “It’s nine in the fucking morning.”

He shrugs. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.”

I shake my head. “We’ve got shit to do today.” I take a drink of my coffee and stand.

“Are you still taking her out tonight?”

The question makes me pause. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you don’t want to make it more complicated than it already is? We could go out, get you wasted. If you want a wingman, I’m there for that, too. Weren’t you the one who said the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else?”

I suppress a shudder at the idea of sleeping with another woman so soon after sleeping with Ava. The shower had washed her smell off me, but it can’t erase the memory of her under me, the sound echoing in my head of her begging me to take her.

“I did say that. You should know, I lied. Unfortunately, I’m an idiot.”

“Well, yeah. I could have told you that.” He gets up and follows me out of the lounge, with his coffee and the one for Lis. “You’re going to be okay?”

“Sure. Yeah. Everything is fine.”

Spencer gives me a look that tells me he knows I’m lying. He doesn’t call me on it though and we separate to do our jobs. I get all my stuff done early since I’d planned it that way and am about to leave when Spencer catches me by the front door.

“Seriously. You should let Vic and Adalie know what’s going on.”

“Lis, too. It’s not a business thing,” I say, shoving my hands in my pockets. “It’s a friend thing. Let’s get through the wedding tomorrow. Your place, Sunday night.”

“You mean so Lis can cook?”

I grin. “Obviously.”

He nods because we both know she’d insist, regardless of whose house we’re at. “Sunday night.”

I head home to get ready, exchanging my hoodie for a black waterproof jacket and grabbing my favourite ball cap, sporting the Vancouver Stealth logo, the local lacrosse team. I wear it backward, then feed Abyss and go to pick up Ava. I park in front of her house and climb the steps to her door, knocking and leaning back against the railing, looking over the yard while I wait for her to answer.

When the door opens, it’s not Ava on the other side, though the girl looks like her. They have the same wavy brown hair and are the same build. The shape of their nose is identical. However, this girl has blue eyes instead of hazel.

“Lacey,” I say. “Jesus. You’re all grown up. What are you, sixteen now? Do you remember me?”

Her eyes widen slightly as she holds the door open. “Derek.” Her voice is small. I’m surprised to see her eyes glisten, as though filling with tears. Then she sniffles, blinks, and smiles. “Of course I remember. What are you doing here?”

“Ava and I ran into each other a few weeks back. I was going to take her out tonight.”

“You are her date.”

Oof. Date. Yeah, I guess that’s what it looks like. I stuff my hands into my pockets. “Uh. No. Not exactly. We’re just friends, Ace.”

She grins at the use of her old nickname and backs up to allow me into the living room. It looks a lot like the last time I was here. Ava hasn’t purchased any new furniture. She hasn’t painted the walls or changed the carpet. She hasn’t made the place hers at all.

“Ava’s downstairs. She said she wasn’t sure if she was still going tonight. She’s probably also lost all track of time.” Lacey rolls her eyes. “She’s editing.”

“Shall we interrupt her?”

Lacey’s eyes light up with mischief and she leads me to the basement. I look around the rec room, which has changed since the last time I was here. No longer a cozy spot for two teenagers to spend hours making out, it’s now pretty much empty. The room in the back corner, that used to be Ava and Lacey’s parents’ bedroom, has the door closed.

“It’s her office now,” Lacey explains. “She spends most of her time in there when she’s not working.”

“Which she does a lot.”

Lacey nods, her expression troubled. I want to ask her what’s wrong, but I just go to the door and turn the knob, inching it open. Ava’s back is to me, and she’s completely focused on her computer, so she doesn’t notice I’m here. I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the frame to wait.

After about a minute, I clear my throat and Ava spins, her hand over her heart.

“Mother trucker!” she says.

“Seriously?” I ask.

Behind me, Lacey bursts out laughing.

Ava glares at me, then at Lacey. “What are you doing?”

“Six o’clock,” I say. “I’m here to remind you why you love Christmas. I didn’t miss the distinct lack of decorations on this house, by the way.”

“It’s still November. And you.” She focuses on her sister. “Shouldn’t you be studying?”

Lacey scowls but spins and stomps up the stairs.

When Lacey is gone, Ava turns to me. “Sorry. I, um, lost track of time.”

“That’s what Ace said might have happened. She also said you weren’t sure we were still going out.”

Ava won’t meet my eyes. She’s standing close enough that I can smell her shampoo. The lavender scent causes memories to swamp me and my dick swells in my pants, reminding me that it would love a second round.

“Yeah,” she says. “After last night, I just thought it might be… awkward.”

“Why would it be awkward? It’s not like that was the first time we slept together.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I call myself an idiot. Because now I’m thinking of the first time we were together. She’d been so confident then, knowing exactly what she wanted from me. I’d been more than ready to give it to her. I’d also been incredibly nervous, my hands shaking as I removed her clothes, then laid back so she could be on top, in control.

“I could hurt you,” I said.

She shook her head. “You could never hurt me.”

Her fingers trailed over my cheek as her body slid down onto mine.

I blink to try to dispel the memory, focusing again on the Ava of today, a combination of caution and desire in her eyes as she looks up at me. Interestingly, it’s the caution that reinforces my resolve from last night. I’m more certain than ever that I want this woman in my life.