Why Not Now? (The Blue Vista Crew #2)

12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Derek

A fter we’d been at VanDusen Gardens for about an hour and a half, Ava’s jaw cracks in a huge yawn and I take her home.

At her front door, I give her a hug and send her inside, telling her to go to sleep early and I’ll see her at the wedding tomorrow. I don’t kiss her goodbye, though I want to. That kiss under the mistletoe had only made me want more. I’m still not sure where we stand or how far I want us to go. There were moments tonight when I’d thought she wanted more from me than just taking her out a few times. But what? With all the history between us, a relationship would be unwise. Anything less would be painful.

I spend the night lying in bed, staring at my ceiling, reminding myself of all the reasons it would be stupid to try to get into anything with her. I do things for people without thinking, like when I did Gina’s dishes the other day. I don’t consider it; I just do it. Every time I would do something like that for Ava after her parents died, she told me off. She said it made her feel guilty for not doing it herself. I can’t turn that off, though. If she still feels that way, we’re going to have more problems.

When she told me to leave—when she’d said she didn’t need me—it cut deep. Deeper than it should have. In the time since, I’ve been able to admit to myself that the reason it hurt so much was because it hit on my deepest insecurities. If I’m not useful, if I’m not needed, the people I love are going to leave me, just like my dad did. It’s ridiculous and I should probably seek some help for that insecurity, but there it is.

By the time morning rolls around, I’ve gotten little to no sleep. I stand in my bathroom for a long time, wanting to leave my contacts in their case and wear my glasses, but knowing my friends will all bug me for what’s wrong if I do. I’m not ready to talk yet, so I go for a hot shower and put in my contacts.

I’ve just poured a cup of coffee in the staff lounge at Blue Vista when Spencer comes in.

“How was your night?” he asks.

“No comment.”

He chuckles and pours two cups of coffee, adding a huge amount of sugar and cream to one of them. Lis comes into the lounge a moment later with Cerberus and takes the cup from him with a smile and a kiss.

“Good morning, Derek,” she says. “I hear you took Ava out last night. And you’re still not sleeping with her?”

I look at my friends. “No comment.”

Lis snorts and pats my shoulder. Today’s wedding is another reception-only in the early afternoon. Spencer needs to finish a few details and Lis needs to start cooking, but my job is pretty much done by this point. I’m only hanging around to make sure no one needs anything. I’m about to head back into my office when my phone rings.

Ava’s name flashes across the screen.

“Hey, what’s up?” I say to answer.

She sniffles and I stand, my whole body on alert. She’s been crying.

“Derek. I, um.” Her voice cracks and she sniffles again.

“What’s going on, Ava? What do you need?”

Lis and Spencer turn to me with concerned expressions.

“I drove my car to work this morning,” Ava says. “It was sluggish to start, but it got me there and back. Now, it won’t start at all. I’ve been trying. I need to get to Blue Vista on time. I can’t lose this job, Derek.”

“You won’t. You’re all ready to go?”

“I shouldn’t have called.” She sniffles again. “Even if you leave immediately, it’ll take forever for you to get out here and back. I’ll be late. I can’t afford a taxi or an Uber, and the bus will take forever. I—” Her voice breaks.

“Don’t worry, Ava. I’ll get you here. Grab your gear and wait out front.”

I hang up and quickly place another call.

“Everything okay?” Spencer says.

“Yeah. I’ll have to run out for a bit.”

He nods, but I’m already on my way to my car, listening to the phone ring. When she answers, I say, “Mom, I need you to do me a huge favour.”

After I hang up, I drive to my house. A few minutes later, my mom arrives with Ava and all her equipment. We quickly switch it over to my car, and I give Mom a hug.

“Has he called you again?” she asks quietly before she lets me go.

I nod into her shoulder. “Yesterday.”

She sighs, pulling back. “You should do what your sisters have done and block the number.”

I grimace. “I can’t.”

She shakes her head, then gives me a smile, tipping her head in Ava’s direction. “Don’t think we’re not going to be talking about this.”

“Just helping out a friend, Mom.”

“Mm-hm. I’ll see you later. It was good to see you again, Ava.”

“You too, Ms. Moritz.”

She heads back home while Ava and I start toward Blue Vista.

“She hates driving downtown,” I say as we cross the bridge. “Otherwise, I would have asked her to bring you the whole way.”

“I admit, I was surprised when she pulled up. She still lives in the area?”

“Same house I grew up in.”

“Thank you, Derek. I was supposed to leave the restaurant an hour before I did, but my boss told me I had to stay even though I’d cleared it with him last month.” She sighs and rubs her eyes. “I would have asked Bethany for a ride, but she’s already at the ceremony with Cindy.”

“It’s no problem at all.”

“You were at your job. You can’t drop everything any time I need something.”

It’s exactly how I expect her to feel. But I have a perfect response to this.

“I’m the acquisitions director, Ava. I acquired our photographer. Getting you to Blue Vista is my job.” She still looks skeptical. “Ava, seriously. If I hadn’t been able to get you, I would have figured something else out. I’m always happy to help you.”

“You shouldn’t have to. I should be able to get to and from work myself.”

I wonder if that’s the same guilt from before, making her believe—wrongly—that she needs to do everything herself.

“Your car died,” I say. “Shit happens. Didn’t you just get it fixed?”

She sighs, dropping her head against the headrest and closing her eyes. She looks so tired, and I think back on the schedule, how she works every single day, sometimes more than one job. How she’s raising her sister without help from anyone. A part of me is fiercely proud of her, taking everything on, not giving up when things are difficult. Another part wishes she’d let me in.

“Yes. A new alternator. It wasn’t cheap, either. Now it’s doing the same thing it was doing before.” Tears leak down her cheeks. “I can’t afford another alternator.”

I pull into my parking spot in the underground beside Blue Vista and reach over to wipe the tears away.

“We’ll take it to my mechanic. Carter will tell you what’s wrong.”

“I can’t—”

“Don’t worry about money right now. Carter owes me a favour. He’ll take a look, and we’ll figure out where we go from there.”

“How am I going to get it to him?” she asks, looking at me with tears filling her eyes again.

“I can take care of that as well. I have insurance.”

“Why are you being so nice?”

I bite my tongue against the urge to tell her it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I’ve only ever wanted to take care of her. She’s just never let me. Instead, I joke, “I’m always nice.”

She snorts and I shrug.

“That’s what friends are for, right? Come on. Let’s get you inside.”

I get her situated and head out to her house, calling Carter first, then for a tow truck before I even leave downtown. Once the car is set up and heading toward Carter’s garage, I follow it, getting there at the same time.

“What do you have?” Carter asks, coming out of his office. He’d come in on his day off to meet me. “I have to say, when you said you were bringing in someone else’s car, I was a little confused. Then Nessa said you finally took her up on those ballet tickets. You have a girlfriend?”

I grimace. “It’s complicated.”

He laughs and claps me on the shoulder, then looks over the car from the outside. “You said something about an alternator?”

“Back in September, she had some trouble with it. Said she got a new one put in.”

Carter nods. “Leave it with me for a few days. I’ll figure out what’s going on.”

“Thanks, man.” I turn to leave, but hesitate before getting into my car. “If there’s a bill for the diagnostic, send it to me.”

Carter arches his brow. “It really is complicated, huh? Sounds good, man. I’ll be in touch.”

I drive back to Blue Vista where the wedding reception has begun, hiding in my office until Ava is done. While I’m there, Vic finds me.

“Is there something I should know?” she asks, sitting across from me, her expression impassive.

“How did you figure it out?”

She looks at me like I’m stupid, which I probably am. “You took off to get her like something was on fire. Then you left again to deal with her car.”

I fold my arms on my desk. “There’s nothing for you to know yet. I was going to talk to everyone later. Once I figure out what it is.”

“You’ll be careful? Because you know we’re not firing her because you fucked around and found out.”

I shove my hand through my hair. “It’s not like that. Ava is…” What? The one that got away. The woman who made me never want to get close to anyone else. The only one I’ve ever loved and possibly the only one I ever will love.

All of those are true, but also not what I want to say.

“All I’m saying is think this through,” Vic says when I don’t continue.

“Did you have this conversation with Spencer when he was falling for Lis?”

She smirks at me. “Are you falling for Ava?”

Shit. Should have seen that one coming.

But also, does it still count as falling if you did it ten years ago?

I huff out a breath. “I will be careful. I will think this through.”

She nods and stands. “Good enough. I’m heading out. You staying?”

“I’m giving Ava a ride home.”

“Mm-hm.” Before she leaves my office, she turns back. “Thinking it through is for the business. Being careful is for you. I don’t want you to get hurt, Derek.”

I sit with her warning for another few hours. I don’t have any work to do, so I prop my feet on my desk and read my book on my phone. Eventually, I hear Ava come downstairs with her friend Bethany.

“Hold on. You slept with him, went on a date, and he helped you with your car. And you’re not dating this guy?” Bethany asks.

I hold my breath as I wait for Ava’s answer.

She sighs. “I don’t know what we’re doing.”

“Is he giving you a ride home?” Bethany asks.

“He didn’t really say. I think so. Spencer said he was down here waiting for me.”

“You want me to wait? Make sure you find him?”

I get up and walk toward them, only to pause when Ava says, “Would you mind giving me a ride? I mean, he probably didn’t wait around this whole time.”

“Ava,” Bethany says patiently, “Don’t be a chickenshit. Find the man. Figure out what’s going on. And thank him properly for helping you today.”

They laugh for a second before Ava says, “It’s easier to ask you than him. There’s nothing unresolved between us. You’re just my friend. He’s…”

She trails off and I want to pull my hair out. I’m what? But she doesn’t finish the statement anymore than I did with Vic.

I find Ava with Bethany in the room we’d left aside for the photographers. She has her phone out and looks up, startled as I come in.

“I was about to text you to see if you were still here.”

“I was in my office,” I say, indicating behind me. “Had a few things to take care of.” Lie. But I’m not about to tell her I sat there waiting for her. How pathetic would that sound?

“Well, if you don’t want to take me home, Bethany can do it.”

“No. It’s fine. You got everything?”

Bethany nudges her shoulder and nods, then leaves us alone.

Ava picks up her equipment.

“Do you want me to carry something?” I ask. I already know what she’s going to say, so I’m not surprised when she shakes her head.

“I’ve got it.”

I lead her through pouring rain to my car and we drive out to her house in silence. I let Ava choose some music from my phone again and she selects a couple Taylor Swift songs and one by Beyoncé. Instead of parking in front of her house, I park in the back where she normally would, turning the car off. We both sit there for a moment without saying anything, staring at the door to her bedroom.

“Your car is with my mechanic,” I tell her. “He said he’d have the diagnostic in a few days.”

“Thank you for doing that. I really appreciate it.”

“Is Lacey asleep?” I ask, noting there are no lights on in the house.

“Yeah. As long as she’s following the rules. She should have been in bed over an hour ago. That’s where I’m heading, too.”

“Good. You need to rest more.”

“Derek?”

Something in her tone has me turning to face her. It’s dark and rain pelts the car, drumming against the metal.

“Do you want to come in?” she asks quietly enough that I’m not certain I hear her right over the percussion.

I think back to Vic’s warning about not getting hurt. And my own thoughts last night that it would be stupid to try a relationship again after how it ended before. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea, sweetheart.”

“Do you want me to beg?” she asks.

My breath leaves me in a rush. “Fuck.”

She smiles. She knows she has me. I get out of my car and follow her to her door. We rush through the rain, and she lets us in.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Ava says, taking her camera equipment with her to put it away in her office. Then her footsteps creak upstairs, presumably to check on Lacey.

Just like the rest of the house, this room hasn’t changed much since the last time I was in it. She has the same double bed she had before. It’s shoved in the same corner. The same family of stuffed animals sits on the chair beside the same dresser.

When Ava returns, I’ve moved around the whole room, taking it in. I’ve also turned on the lights, because tonight, I want to be able to see her. She closes the door, and I do. I see the damp clothes and hair from the rain, the desire and nerves warring in her eyes, the way she looks a little more worn down than before.

“Is this going to be a recurring thing?” I ask while she takes off her boots.

“If you want it to be.”

I kick off my shoes and take a step toward her. “So we’re going to do this? Sex. No strings.”

I consider the little box in my drawer at home, the warning flashing in my mind that having only this small piece of Ava will possibly hurt more than not having her at all. Then I shake the thoughts out of my head.

She nods, taking a step toward me. As soon as we’re close enough, she grabs me as though I’ve been away from her too long. I tug her against my chest.

“No strings,” she agrees.

“It could get complicated.”

“We’re both adults.” Her voice is breathy and her hazel eyes gleam with heat. “We know what we’re doing.”

Do we? Do I? Because everything inside me is screaming this is a bad idea. There is no way for me to sleep with Ava Calligan and not fall back in love with her. Had I ever really fallen out of love with her?

But this is all she’s offering me, so this is all I’ll take. And I’ll take it all. Because when it’s over, it’s going to hurt.

“Okay,” I say before my mouth descends on hers.