Why Not Now? (The Blue Vista Crew #2)

29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Derek

I don’t go home. I consider it, but I don’t need my cat. I need my friends. In the end, I drive downtown, and park at Blue Vista. There’s three hours before we have to be at the venue to get ready for the wedding today. All the setup had been done yesterday afternoon, so we just need to be there before the bride and groom arrive later. I walk the fifteen minutes in the rain to Lis and Spencer’s apartment. I don’t have a hat with me and the only jacket I have, other than my suit jacket, is the rain shell I’ve loaned Ava a few times. I flip the hood up, but raindrops still splatter against my glasses, making it difficult to see.

I let myself into their building with my key and go up to their place, knocking before I unlock the door and step inside.

“Who—” Lis says, poking her head around the corner from the kitchen. “Derek? What are you doing here?”

Cerberus comes down the hall toward me, his claws clicking on the hardwood floors, his tail wagging softly, showing me he’s happy to see me but seems to understand I’m not happy myself.

“I should have called first,” I say.

Spencer follows Cerberus from the living room. “Well, probably, yeah. But it’s fine. What’s wrong?”

“I think Ava and I broke up.”

Spencer ushers me into the living room, pressing me down onto the couch. Lis remains in the kitchen, bustling around while I stare blankly out the window. I’m not sure how much time passes as I sit in shock. I’ve lost her again.

Then, suddenly, Vic and Adalie are here and they’re sitting on the couch with me. Spencer is sitting in a chair. Lis is still in the kitchen.

“Tell us what happened,” Spencer says.

I do. I tell them about Lacey’s conversations with me and how I paid for the repairs on her new car. About how the fight started this morning, and that she was pissed. And how she’d told me to leave.

“So I left,” I conclude as a timer goes off.

“Let me see if I have this straight,” Vic says. “Last time, she told you to leave, but she didn’t actually want you to. This time, she told you to leave again. Do you think you maybe shouldn’t have?”

It had crossed my mind. About a million times since I left. Was my leaving a mistake? It had been before. But I’d done what she asked. I’d done what she told me she needed.

“I asked her if she was sure. She said she was. She doesn’t want my help. I can’t be with her and not help her. I’m not wired that way.”

Lis brings in a plate of steaming chocolate chip cookies.

“Did you bake me cookies?” I ask her as she hands me the whole plate.

“Yeah.”

“You hate baking,” I say.

“Why does everyone think they need to remind me of that? I bake for people I love when they’re sad. I love you. You’re sad. Now eat your fucking cookies before I take them back.”

Spencer laughs and I bite my lip against a smile. “Yes, ma’am.” I take one, then set the plate on the table for anyone else to have some, which, of course, they all do. No one ever says no to Lis’ cooking or baking.

“Does she know how you feel about her?” Adalie asks.

I nod. “I told her last night.”

I reach into my pocket and pull out the little black box I haven’t given her, looking at it like I can’t quite remember why I still have it.

“Though I guess I didn’t tell her everything.”

None of my friends say a word for a long moment. Then, Lis says, “You didn’t buy that when we went shopping. You bought a necklace and earrings.”

“I bought it around nine years ago.”

They all exchange a look with varying degrees of shock. They don’t ask the question, but after a while, I answer it anyway.

“When her parents died, I knew I wanted to help her. I wanted to be there for her. We were only nineteen. I was going to propose. Maybe have a long engagement. Just something so she knew I wasn’t going anywhere. I was planning some grand gesture or something stupid. Then we got into a fight about Lacey. Kids at school had been teasing her, and I wanted to take her out for ice cream to make her feel better. Ava told me to stay out of it. That Lacey was her responsibility and not mine. She told me to leave, and that she didn’t need me. I never gave her the ring.”

I turn the box in my hands, spinning it around and around as I speak, though I don’t open it.

“So you’ve held onto it? For like nine years?” Lis asks.

“Yep. It’ll be nine years in February.”

“Why didn’t you get rid of it?” Adalie asks.

I shrug. “At first, I told myself I’d get around to it. Then I told myself when I was ready to date again, I’d get rid of it. But seriously? It’s hers. I bought it for her. I guess all this time, I held on to it for her.”

We’re all quiet for a while. I pocket the box and say, “It’s fine. I’m going to be fine.”

“Ah, I remember you,” Spencer says. “The liar Derek, who tries to make people believe he’s okay when he really isn’t.”

Vic snorts, then asks, “So what are you going to do now?”

“Fuck if I know. Give her some space? Take some space. Everything has happened so fast between us this month. It felt like we’d been starved for each other. Maybe we weren’t supposed to be together.”

“Bullshit,” Spencer says.

No one contradicts him. Not even me.

“It’s time to go,” Vic says. “We all have jobs to do.” She stands and holds out a hand. “Come on, Derek.”

I take her hand and get to my feet. Then my friends each take a turn hugging me. I blink away tears because I am not going to cry. In front of people.

Lis grabs a container for the cookies and thrusts it into my hands. “Don’t forget these.”

I laugh as we leave the apartment, Cerberus clipped to his leash. Since Lis moved in with Spencer, he’d been coming to Blue Vista when they’re going to be there most of the day. He has a spot in Spencer’s office where he hangs out and we take turns walking him throughout the day. He trots along beside me as though he knows I’m still upset, looking up at me with those soulful brown eyes that seem to ask that question: What are you going to do now?

When we reach Blue Vista again, I grab my bag from my car so I can change into more professional clothes. I change in my office, taking the box out again. I haven’t opened it since I bought it, but I don’t need to in order to remember what the ring looks like.

My thumb lifts the lid, cracking it open a millimeter before I snap it shut and stuff it into my pocket. I find my friends in the staff lounge drinking coffee or tea before getting started.

“When Lis wouldn’t date Spencer,” I say, “he told us not to treat her any different. Same goes for Ava.”

Everyone nods their agreement.

“I’m going to give her until the 28th. That gives her one week. We’ll get through tonight and Christmas. Then I’ll go talk to her. We’ll figure this out.”

Spencer claps me on the back and my friends file out. I follow and return to my office. My eyes snag on the picture of Abyss that Ava made, where she’s been photoshopped to look like a queen.

“We’ll figure it out,” I say to no one. “We have to.”