Wildflowers and Wide Receivers

38. Sophie

Chapter 38

Sophie

P ulling onto Davis Islands, my heart aches, knowing that they’re close. As many times as I’ve driven to Camille’s, I’ve always loved the feel of this quiet little slip of a neighborhood in downtown Tampa, but now it feels different, it feels more. As much as I hate to say it, it feels like home.

A home that’s not mine, but with each day that passes, I’m wishing more that it was.

As I pass the hospital, my phone rings throughout my car. It’s my dad and instantly I feel better at seeing his name.

“Hey, Dad,” I say as the road curves. The late afternoon light streaks gold through the tree branches, and it’s so beautiful and inviting.

“Hey, kiddo. How’s it going?” His voice is warm, familiar, and I already know I’m about to spill all the tea.

“It’s going,” I tell him, uninterested in trying to mask the sadness I feel.

“Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound too good,” he says. He’s moving through the house, and after a beat I hear him close a door.

“I don’t know what it is, but not good sums it up.” The road forks, and I veer to the right.

“Well, are you going to tell me, or will you make your old man worry.”

I let out a deep sigh. Just like I should have told Jonah about the job interview, I feel like I should have told my dad about Jonah when I was back home. I thought I was doing the right thing by compartmentalizing the different areas of my life. As it turns out, I wasn’t.

“I met someone,” I tell him, suddenly feeling nervous and relieved at the same time. I’ve never spoken about a guy to my dad, so this is uncharted waters, and while I’m not sure what his reaction is going to be, I am proud and excited to tell him about Jonah and Vivi.

There’s a long pause and then he says, “And?” Like he’s confused as to why this is a problem.

“He lives here.”

My dad chuckles. “You live there, too. I’m not sure what the problem is.”

“I got the job,” I tell him, my heart thumping hard in my chest. I’ve waited so long to be able to tell him this, and now here I am with tears of sadness filling my eyes instead of tears of joy.

“Oh. I see now,” he says, the bed squeaking as he sits down. I can totally picture him too. I’ve seen him sit on this side of the bed, his side, my whole life.

“Yeah,” I tell him as I make a few more turns and pull onto Camille’s street.

“Is it serious?” he asks, and unless I’m reading more into his tone than there is, it almost sounds like he’s hopeful.

“It’s still kind of new, but it has the potential to be.” Who am I kidding, it’s already serious. I know it, Jonah definitely knows it, and I’m guessing Vivi does too by the way she’s taken to me.

“And now you’re second-guessing yourself.”

“I am.”

But I don’t know what I’m really second-guessing. Is it taking the job or staying here?

“And you don’t think he would want to move with you? Can’t be that serious if making a sacrifice for you isn’t on the table.”

I pull up to the small gate at their house and let myself in. A while ago Camille gave me the code, she said it would be easier for me to have it, versus having to call her and wait every time.

“It’s not that simple. Does the name Jonah Dallmann ring a bell?”

“The wide receiver for the Tarpons?” The surprise he has is evident, but I’m not sure why. He knows I’m friends with Camille and am frequently around the players.

“Yep.” I pull through and park under the massive oak tree that covers their front yard.

“That’s who you’re dating?” He sounds completely incredulous.

“Why do you sound so shocked?”

He doesn’t answer me but says, “Now I see how that complicates things.”

I park my car and push the seat all the way back so I can prop up my legs.

“Did you know he has guardianship of his niece?” I glance over to my passenger seat where there is a picture of a dolphin that she drew and colored for me. It’s been there for a few days and I love it.

“Now that you mention it, I do remember seeing something about that a few years ago. Someone died, right?”

“Yeah, his brother.” My heart aches at what Jonah has gone through.

“So not one, but two complications.”

“I don’t really like thinking of it that way. They aren’t complicated, but being long distance would be an obstacle.”

“Do you love them?” he asks, as if it’s that simple.

I don’t need to think or even hesitate. “Yes, I do.”

It’s the first time I’ve admitted this out loud, well, even to myself really. Sure I’d felt it pushing in at the edges, but I wasn’t acknowledging it on purpose. But now it comes so easily, just like taking my next breath, and with it comes peace. Peace from a struggle that I’ve been dealing with for weeks that suddenly doesn’t feel like a struggle at all.

“Then there’s your answer. Life is short, and unexpected things can happen. You know this, so why would you leave them?”

“What about you? We had a plan.”

“Sophie,” he says in his unique way, which tells me he thinks I’m being ridiculous.

“I know. But it’s all we’ve talked about for what feels like my whole life. You and me.”

“Yes, it is what you’ve talked about, and I just went along with it because I know you. You like plans, you like feeling secure. Uncertainty makes you nervous, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but you can’t close yourself off from the possibility of great unexpected things because you made a plan. Plans can change.”

I know he’s not wrong, things change all the time, but this isn’t small. It’s huge. I’m pivoting from a dream that I’ve had for more than a decade, and this new direction suddenly makes me want to jump out of my skin as it looks like the adventure of a lifetime.

“But how does that make you feel? You’re my family, don’t you want us to be together?”

“Of course I do. But, Soph, if I’m reading between the lines here, it sounds like between you and me, our family might be growing by three. It’s not just the two of us anymore. You don’t need to worry about me, I have Chrissy now, so it will be the five of us. Doesn’t that sound amazing?”

When he puts it like that.

My eyes prick and blur with tears.

“Yeah, it does.”

Jonah and Vivi as my family . . . suddenly my heart calms as it floods with more love for the two of them and all those worries and fears I had for disappointing him subside. Not that I thought he would ever be disappointed with Jonah and Vivi, but more so that he might have been over the loss of our plans. A plan that apparently was just mine.

“I look forward to meeting this young man of yours. Make sure you tell him it’s not personal, but I’m a Vikings fan until the day I die.”

I laugh.

“So what’s he like? What’s the little girl’s name? How did you meet?”

I tell him everything. Well, almost everything, and after twenty minutes of sitting in Camille’s driveway, I finally let him go, knowing that everything will turn out okay.

“You good?” Camille asks. She’s popped her head out and stands in the doorway, swaying back and forth like a new mom does. “The camera went off a while ago that you were here.”

I’m more than good.

“I’m good,” I tell her. “Was just talking to my dad.” I climb out of my car and make my way over to them, my heart suddenly so full, as I realize I’m not going to be leaving her either. “Look at you, little mama,” I say, smiling, as I wrap her and baby Claire in one giant, gentle hug. She’s glowing with happiness, even though there are deep dark circles under her eyes.

“Isn’t it so surreal?” she says, as she looks down at the sleeping bundle in her arms.

“She’s so tiny. I always forget how small babies actually are,” I tell her as we make our way back into the house. Izzy comes running over and I bend down to give her a pet too.

“Tiny, but as much as she eats, she’ll be growing soon enough,” she laughs, patting her bottom.

“How’s it going?” I ask as we make our way toward the kitchen.

“It’s going. When Reid and I got home from the hospital, he set her car seat bucket down on the couch over there. Claire was sleeping and not moving at all, and we just looked at each other like Now what? ”

“That’s funny. I guess I’ve never really thought about it.”

“We just sat there and stared at her until she woke up. So how are you doing?” she asks again, while reaching in the refrigerator and pulling out a sparkling water. This time her gaze is a little more thorough.

“I feel like this is a trick question.” I grin, feeling lighter than I have in the last month.

She laughs. “I’m just asking because Reid mentioned that Jonah has been a little more quiet than usual. Kind of reminded him of the Jonah he was two years ago. What happened?”

“I got a job in Minneapolis.”

She gasps. I can tell she’s not certain if she’s supposed to be happy for me or upset.

“He found out because I left the offer letter and a flier lying on the kitchen table.”

“But didn’t he know that has always been your goal, to end up back there with your dad?”

“Nope. It wasn’t that I was withholding it from him, I just never had anything to tell him. When I saw him at the beach, I had already inquired to see if there was an opening, and nothing was happening between us. Then suddenly it was. And then I received an email asking for an interview. So I went, and here we are now. All of it happened so fast.”

“So what are you going to do?” she asks, moving toward the living room and I follow.

It’s funny, after speaking with my dad, I realize I always thought of Minnesota as my home, but it’s not. My singular focus for so long has been to get back there, and to be with him. He’s right, it was the safe and easy choice. But, if I’m to really break down that thought of home, at the core of it, what I wanted was to be with my dad, my family. It really had nothing to do with Minnesota. If he had moved, I would have sought a job in the new city, not Minnesota.

Family.

Family of five.

For so long, I’ve traveled on the path I designed for myself and the one I knew. And if another path popped up at any point in time, regardless of how good it sounded, I refused to take it. It wasn’t worth the risk.

But they aren’t a risk. They are so much more than that.

And the thought of leaving Jonah and Vivi nearly breaks me. Why would I break my own heart when I can have everything that I want right here? And I know without a doubt that if Jonah and I had been together this whole time, the past two and a half years, I wouldn’t be trying to move. I would be here with them . . . indefinitely.

I look at Camille as we settle onto the couch and smile. “I have a plan.”