Winter in Kentbury (Kentbury Tales #6)

Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Dear Jenna,

After I dropped you off, I thought long and hard about the day we spent together. It was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. Even with everything left unresolved between us, being close to you made me feel a way I hadn’t felt in years—like I could be someone worth fighting for, someone capable of love, of trust, of peace.

Your rejection hurt, but it gave me clarity. I realized I can’t keep asking for a place in your life if I’m not in the right place in mine. Before I could even dare to ask for a real chance with you, I have to work on me.

I know I tried to play it off, but the truth is, I’ve been carrying around things I’m finally ready to face. I want you to know that I’m taking a real step forward. I’ve found a place where they’ll help me deal with the PTSD, the anxiety, the depression that’s rooted itself so deeply in me.

It isn’t easy to admit that I need help, but the time I spent with you made me see that I can’t keep living halfway, stuck between who I was and who I want to be. I want to be a better man, not just for you, but for myself.

It’ll mean stepping away from the vineyard for a while. Landon and Bishop aren’t exactly thrilled about that, but they understand. They’re behind me on this. My family is behind me. It’s strange, really—how the people we think we’re letting down the most are the ones who end up holding us up. And Jenna, the thought that one day I might be able to hold myself up . . . well, it gives me a kind of hope I haven’t felt in a long time.

I don’t know how long it will take, and I can’t make you any promises, except this one: I will do everything I can to be the kind of man you deserve, someone who’s whole, someone who can give you more than just memories. Whatever happens, you’ve changed me, Jenna. You’ve shown me that I can be more than my past.

I don’t expect you to wait, but maybe one day you’ll give me another chance. And if that day never comes, I’ll still carry this time with you close to my heart. The time we shared is a gift I’ll never take for granted, and no matter where this path leads, you’ll always be a part of me.

Thank you for giving me the strength to face myself.

Yours,

Holden