Worth the Fall (Sugar Mountain #1)

STRUGGLING

brOOKLYN

C lara got released first thing the next morning with a clean bill of health and all ten fingers and toes. She’d been lucky, and Thomas and I both knew it. He drove her back home while I headed down to Main Street Diner to pick up some of Clara’s favorite foods.

By the time I showed up at Thomas’s place, Clara was napping on the couch, her uncles and Pops staring at her like she was a miracle they didn’t want to let out of their sight.

“Still need space, Little Runner?” Thomas breathed against my neck as I put the food I’d just bought in the fridge for later.

“Stop calling me that.”

“Nah,” he said, his voice playful, like he didn’t have a damn care in the world.

I spun around to face him. “I need to go into the office and make sure all the vendors delivered for the holiday parties this weekend,” I said, and he just looked at me like he completely understood.

“Someone else can handle it,” he suggested.

“They’re all busy setting up and doing their job. This is mine.”

My team was at the beginning of a very busy holiday season, and we each had a lot on our plates. Our calendar was packed with everything from winter weddings to company Christmas parties and more.

“Come back later? Clara will want to see you.” He reached for my waist and tugged me against him.

Sucking in a quick breath, I avoided looking into his eyes because they were my undoing. “I will,” I said, but I honestly wasn’t sure.

Thomas leaned down and kissed me like I was the air he needed to breathe. Like kissing me kept him alive. And even though I still felt the exact same way about him, I knew that my kisses were more tentative. His tongue touched mine, and he held me so tight that it almost hurt.

“Don’t go too far, Little Runner,” he said once he broke the kiss. “Remember, we’ll come get you if you try.”

“You’re infuriating.” I actually smiled for the first time since everything had happened.

“But you love me anyway.” He grinned, still gripping me tight.

“I do,” I admitted, and he looked relieved that I’d said it. “I’ve got to go.”

When I removed myself from Thomas’s grip, I was a little surprised that he hadn’t insisted on walking me out or acted overbearing in any way. The man simply gave me my space to do what I needed. Which I both loved and hated, if I was being honest.

I drove to the resort, answered a million questions from everyone, and reassured them that Clara was okay before locking myself in my office. When I spotted the bundle of clothes that Clara had laid down on my couch yesterday, I lost it. Scooping it all up, I pressed it against my face, breathing in the scent of that sweet little girl. And I cried. All of the emotions from the last fifteen hours spilling out of me. Thoughts of what could have happened filled my head. Worst-case scenarios.

Setting them down, I got to my computer and double-checked all of the vendor delivery schedules and billing invoices before heading down to the conference rooms to check on the setup and make sure everything had arrived as planned.

The rooms looked stunning. Lights and flowers made the room look like a winter wonderland. Everything was as it should be, and it was beyond comforting to know that I had a staff I could rely on when times got tough. It almost felt like they didn’t even need me. But then again, I was in a self-loathing kind of mood, so it made sense that I’d think that, even if it wasn’t really true.

I made my way back to my office, my heart lurching inside my chest at the sight of the Christmas decorations that I couldn’t wait to show Clara yesterday. They felt tainted now. And I hated that. I didn’t want to feel that way about something so beautiful.

Grabbing my things from my desk and Clara’s from my couch, I fired off a text to Lana and hoped like hell she wasn’t fully booked at the salon.

Meet me at the saloon? I need my best friend.

Relief flooded through me as she answered right away.

On my way.

I shoved through the heavy wooden doors, thankful that only a handful of regulars dotted the giant space, but didn’t really pay me any attention as I walked inside. I was happy to see Bella behind the bar.

“Brooklyn.” Her tone was filled with worry. “How are you? How’s Clara? How’s Thomas?”

“Hey,” I said as I sat down at the bar and tossed my purse on the stool next to mine to save it for Lana. “Everyone’s okay. Thank you for telling Lana last night. And for reaching out to Matthew.”

She jerked slightly, the same way Matthew had done last night at the mention of her name, and I vowed to one day figure out what exactly their deal was.

“Is Matthew all right?” she asked, and I could tell that she cared about him.

“I think so. He’s at Thomas’s house right now. They all are.”

I watched as she swallowed before asking, “Are we waiting for Lana?”

“Yeah,” I said right as my best friend came bouncing into the saloon like everyone in there was being graced with her presence.

I hopped out of the chair and hugged her. It felt good.

“You’re okay, Brooky. Everything is all right.” She petted at the back of my hair, her hand running down the length of it repeatedly, as if to calm me.

“It doesn’t feel all right,” I admitted as she moved my purse over and hopped onto the stool.

“Talk to us,” Lana said, including Bella in the conversation, and honestly, I didn’t mind one bit.

I blew out a breath and tried to stop myself from crying. It was annoying the way the tears seemed to continuously fall. I knew that no one would blame me for being an emotional basket case about the situation, but still, I should have a little more self-control.

Bella hopped to it, mixing, measuring, and shaking something without asking, and I hoped it was for us. I watched as she poured the concoction into three martini glasses before carefully handing them to us, herself included.

“Drinking on the job, Bella?”

“I think today calls for it.” She shrugged, and I’d never seen her be this rebellious before.

Lana reached for hers so fast that the liquid splashed over the top of the rim, spilling onto her hand. Bella handed her a napkin before she even asked for it.

“What’d you make us?” Lana asked.

“A chai martini. It’s on the winter menu. Try it and make sure it doesn’t suck before I release it to the world.” Bella winced as I carefully took a sip, not wanting to spill the same way Lana had.

“Holy crap, Bella. It’s delicious. I love the flavor. So Christmasy,” I said before taking a little too big of a gulp.

“This is perfection in a cup,” Lana said. She downed hers and slammed the empty glass on the bar top.

“It isn’t supposed to be chugged, Lana.” Bella shook her head before she went to work, making what I assumed was another for my best friend.

“What can I say? I don’t believe in sipping,” she said.

I actually giggled. It felt good to laugh again.

“You can stop avoiding the question now, Brooky. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Bella leaned on the bar top, giving me her full attention as another bartender worked around her, pouring drinks for the rest of the people in the saloon. “I don’t know everything that happened, so I don’t even know why you’d be upset in the first place.”

“Because I lost Clara yesterday.” I looked her in the eyes as I said it, and she leaned her head back in disbelief.

“How did you lose her? She’s not a dog,” Bella genuinely asked.

“I took a work call, and I walked away. When I came back, she was gone. If I’d never left, she wouldn’t have wandered off. I bet her real mom would have never taken her eyes off of her daughter or let her get lost in the snow and almost die.”

Bella laughed. A loud, get-everyone’s-attention type of holler that I didn’t appreciate.

“Not sure how that’s funny,” I ground out as I pushed my drink away, suddenly too annoyed to enjoy it.

Bella shoved it back in my direction. “Brooklyn, I used to hide from my mom all the time. It didn’t matter how much she tried to keep an eye on me; the second she turned around, I’d take off running. In the grocery store. Parking lots. The mall. I constantly hid from her. She’d be screaming my name, and I still wouldn’t come out from my hiding place. I thought it was funny to put myself inside a rack of clothes while she frantically searched for me.”

“You’re evil,” I decided.

“I think I was normal. Didn’t you ever hide from your mom?” Bella asked.

I realized that I hadn’t. At least not that I remembered.

Lana placed her hand on my arm, and I turned my attention toward her. “Do you think you can’t be a good mom to Clara because you didn’t physically give birth to her?” She waited a few seconds for me to answer, and when I didn’t respond, she kept going. “You’re the only mom she’s ever known. You love that little girl, and she adores you. I don’t know the first thing about being a mother, but I do know that you are always thinking about what’s best for Clara. You include her in your plans. You never talk about a future that doesn’t involve her. And I think that’s exactly what a real mom does.”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat as I choked up. “I wanted to be better for her. For Thomas. I feel like I really messed up yesterday.”

Bella placed another drink in front of Lana, but this time in a different glass. Lana eyed it.

“It’s the same thing. But in a glass you won’t spill. Try not to chug it this time.”

“No promises,” Lana said. She took a long gulp, finishing off half the liquid in one swallow. “So, we’ve established that you are a good mom. Because you are. And just like any mom would do, you’re punishing yourself because you had a hell of a scare yesterday.”

“Is Thomas blaming you?” Bella suddenly asked, her eyes narrowing like the thought alone pissed her off somehow.

“Not at all. He’s being way too nice about the whole thing,” I responded as I finished off my first drink.

“He’s being reasonable,” Bella said, her expression calming. “That sounds like Thomas.”

“He shouldn’t be reasonable when it comes to his daughter,” I fired back.

“What do you want him to do, dump you because his kid ran off and got lost?” Lana asked, clearly feeling lippy from her two drinks.

“Kind of.” I figured that maybe I was being a little naive or stupid, but I was so mad at myself that I needed Thomas to be mad at me too.

“Stop it. He loves you. He understands that, sometimes, shit happens. I’m actually impressed he didn’t blame you.” Lana slapped the bar top with her hand.

“You’re impressed by that?”

“Well, yeah. You know that when guys get scared, they get angry and mean. It’s their stupid defense mechanism. And Thomas didn’t do that. He kept a level head. That’s downright impressive. You should go jump his bones as a thank-you and give him more babies.”

Okay. My best friend is clearly drunk.

“So I can lose all of them too?” I asked, sounding like an asshole, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

“Enough of this self-loathing already,” Bella ground out as she finished off her drink as well.

We were all going to be hammered if we kept this up. It would be like the first day I’d run into Thomas’s rock-hard chest all over again.

“Thomas loves you. He’s a grown-ass man. Instead of sitting here, whining about the fact that he isn’t mad at you for something you didn’t do, you should be thankful for his maturity. I think you’re used to being in relationships with immature guys. Time to get on Thomas’s level and step the hell up.”

This freaking twenty-two-year-old girl just gave me a verbal ass-whooping I hadn’t expected. Heck, I didn’t think I’d ever heard Bella swear before.

“I agree with Bella.” Lana was texting furiously on her phone nonstop.

“I hate you both,” I said because their words rang so true, and they hit me square in the guts, causing my entire body to tense up. “Who are you texting anyway?”

“Sven,” she said, but I could tell she was lying. Lana couldn’t stop smirking. Whenever she texted her husband, she typically had a dopey grin on her face. This was different. She was up to something.

Bella walked away to pour a few drinks for other customers before coming back to us. She was shaking up another concoction, but this time, she only poured out two glasses’ worth. One for me and one for Lana.

“Quitter,” I teased.

“I can’t drink another, or I’ll pass out behind this bar, and you’ll never see me again.”

I inhaled, feeling better than I had when I first arrived. Just in time to see all four O’Grady men sauntering into the saloon like they owned the place, little Clara and Jasper trailing behind.

A few older men shouted, and I watched as Mr. O’Grady peeled off from his sons and headed toward a table filled with men he must know.

“You can’t bring Clara in the bar, Thomas.” Bella’s eyes grew wide like she might get fired for having an eight-year-old inside this establishment that was literally monitored by no one except the owner, and I highly doubted he cared.

“It’s only for a second, Bella. Promise,” Thomas said as his eyes latched on to mine.

“And, Patrick! The dog. Come on.” Bella sounded exasperated, like she was about to throw in the proverbial towel.

I watched as Clara’s wide brown eyes took in the saloon from every angle, like it held magic and mystery in its wooden slats. I swore I’d never even seen that look on her face before.

“Told you she was here.” Matthew bent down as he pointed to where I was sitting, and Clara’s attention suddenly focused on me.

“Mama!” she shouted before running and hopping up in my lap. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

“Then, how come you weren’t at our house whenever I woke up? I like it when you’re there.” She cocked her head to the side and waited for me to answer.

“I think Brooklyn likes being next door to me better,” Matthew said with a laugh, and I watched as Thomas shot him a menacing look.

These two.

Thomas walked up to Lana and thanked her for the texts.

Traitor. I had known she hadn’t been talking to Sven, but I’d never thought she was communicating with Thomas. I hadn’t even realized she had his phone number, but I should have known how resourceful my best friend could be.

“It’s about time you got here. I think we fixed her for you. She breaks sometimes, but you just have to put her back together with logic and stuff.” Lana waved a hand toward me like this was something I did all the time.

Was it?

“Are you all fixed, baby?” Thomas asked before adding, “Done hating yourself for something you didn’t do?”

“I can’t stand how well you know me,” I ground out, but Clara smooshed my cheeks together with her hands, making my lips get all funny. “Or how understanding you are,” I tried to say, but it came out sounding more like, Rrrr hehr underrrstanding u ahhhhr.

“You love us, Mama. Just like we love you. Daddy said it was time to come get you.” She pressed a kiss on my cheek as she let my face go.

“He did, did he?” I asked the little girl who I loved like my own flesh and blood.

“Yep.”

“Time for you to move in with us,” Thomas announced like it was the most natural and expected thing in the world. Also as if I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

“What? I lose your daughter, and you ask me to move in with you?”

“You didn’t lose her, Brooklyn. She ran off ,” he emphasized.

My mature, logical, sweet-hearted man.

“You actually trust me to keep her safe?” I whispered around Clara’s head, not wanting her to hear this part of the conversation, but knew that she most likely would anyway.

“It’s my job to keep the two of you safe,” he said, sounding deadly serious.

“Because I can’t be trusted.”

“No, baby. Because I can’t live without you.”

“Me neither,” Clara added with a smile after obviously hearing every word.

“Please put me out of my misery and say yes, Brooklyn,” Patrick piped up from the other side of Lana, Jasper sitting like a good boy at his side. “I can’t deal with my brother whining for the next six months,” he said, and I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not.

Thomas did not whine.

“Put us all out of our misery.” Mr. O’Grady suddenly appeared behind me, adding in his two cents as Matthew and Bella stared at each other, their eyes locked in a secret conversation only the two of them could hear. I wondered if anyone else even noticed. “You’re going to end up there eventually. Why wait? Every day is a gift, Brooklyn.”

Why wait indeed?

“Do you need help packing?” Matthew asked, as if sensing my immediate change of heart on the subject.

I glanced over at Bella, who was making herself busy behind the bar and no longer watching Matthew’s every move, and I realized that she was possibly in love with the guy.

A smart-ass response was on the tip of my tongue, but I’d only be saying it to be difficult, not because I truly meant it, so I swallowed it instead.

It shocked me how much I wanted to take this next step. How it felt like the exact right thing to do, even with all of my insecurities about what a good mom looked like or how fast my relationship with Thomas had progressed. None of it mattered. The only thing that did was that all three of us were together and happy.

Mr. O’Grady was right when he said that each day was a gift. Time wasn’t guaranteed. It felt almost disrespectful to act like it was. Especially when Thomas had been shown at such a young age that it wasn’t. The same way that his father had as well. They’d both suffered. How could I forget all they’d lost and act like Thomas wouldn’t want to hold on to our relationship with both hands like we were something precious and fragile?

“There isn’t really much to pack,” I finally admitted, unsure of which O’Grady to look at. “Most of my things are at the house already anyway.”

The condo I’d been renting came fully furnished, and the majority of my clothes already lived in a closet at Thomas’s house. I probably had a single suitcase’s worth of things to bring over, and that was about it.

“Well, my work here is done.” Lana clapped her hands together, sounding just like Matthew had that one time.

“Welcome to the family, Brooklyn. It’s about damn time.” Mr. O’Grady gave me a hug that included Clara since she was still sitting on my lap.

“Bad word, Pops! Let’s go home, Mama,” Clara said as she shoved herself off of me, and her little feet hit the floor.

“Ready to go, Little Runner?” Thomas whispered in my ear.

He claimed my mouth, and finally, I felt my body melting into his touch the way it always had before, and I knew I was going to be okay.

That the three of us were going to be okay.

“Thank you,” I said once we broke apart.

“For what?” His blue eyes shone with so much love when he looked at me that I wondered how I could ever question anything this man felt for me.

“For being patient with me. For not getting angry. For understanding that, sometimes, I run, but I promise, I’ll always come back.”

He tugged at me, and I stood there, pressed against his chest. “I know you will. But you’re done running, baby. There’s no point anymore. If you want to run anywhere, it’s straight into my arms.”

How had I ever lived without this man by my side?