CHAPTER EIGHT
GOLD RUSH
SIX MONTHS LATER
ASA
Routine was one of things he was always going to loathe needing.
He wished he could be fine with no schedule, no plan, no system. But every time he tried to live wild and free, he ended up depressed.
And not a little depressed but a lot depressed.
Routine kept him—well, not exactly happy but not unhappy.
Routine kept him. End of sentence.
It had taken him years to understand that about himself. And just because he understood it didn’t mean he liked it.
So maybe it was good that his band and all of his hopes and dreams had imploded years ago. Because getting everything he wanted probably would have killed him.
How’s that for irony?
Six months ago, after the Zara Lorna, NMAs, CELEBX incident, he’d realized he needed just a little more in his routine to occupy his mind. Otherwise he found himself scrolling the internet endlessly reading everything about her that he could.
So, he’d muted her name and Black’s name on all his socials. Then, when he still couldn’t seem to stop checking, he’d deleted his socials.
He’d started rock climbing and bouldering with his friend Steinhoff. They used to do that when they were younger and he’d gotten away from it. Coming back to it at thirty was a harsh reminder that his body was aging and if he didn’t start using it, it was going to waste away.
He’d stopped playing at the Iggy. It was just too hard to go back to music even after the gossip sites had cooled down. Creating music, existing in that space had only ever led him to pain and chaos.
Hannah and Johnny had given him more managerial duties at the studio. They tried to gently nudge him into working with indie artists that needed some guidance but he kept dodging it.
He was the last person who should be giving advice.
But the jingles kept him busy. Sometimes he’d get a bonus if a client liked his work.
It wasn’t what he thought he’d be doing with his life. But he liked it enough to keep going.
He was currently on the shave part of his day.
Which was why he was having existential thoughts about routine. Looking at himself in the mirror often prompted an internal conversation.
Especially since he still wasn’t used to seeing himself with a beard.
It wasn’t a mountain man beard. It was short and thick; he had to trim it every day or it got out of control quickly.
But sometimes he’d see himself and think he looked way more grown-up than he felt.
Hopefully how he appeared would eventually take over how he felt.
The sounds of power tools and boots scraping on bare wooden floors in another part of the house had also been a prompt for his pragmatic conversation.
The routine was about to be interrupted.
And he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
Actually, that wasn’t true. His life was about to be upended and he knew exactly how he felt about it.
He hated it.
But he’d told Nikki he was fine with it.
And so now he was trying to turn his lie into the truth. He wanted to be fine with it.
Nikki and André were getting close to finishing the renovations on the house. And that meant Asa needed to move out. He had known this was coming. But he hadn’t even started looking for a place because he was in denial.
But at least he knew he was in denial.
That was better than denying he was in denial. Right?
At least that’s what he told himself.
He had a couple more months and then it was so long, farewell, goodbye to ol’ Asa Young and his time at the Lil Snug House.
Al had left first, followed by Steiny.
Nikki had been living at André’s apartment since they’d gotten married (the audacity). Leaving Asa in the huge old Victorian all alone.
So far he hadn’t been able to find anyone else he wanted to be roommates with, so he was going to have to look for a small apartment for just him.
He rinsed his face, patted it dry, and put his glasses back on.
Loud laughter and voices rang through the house followed by the sound of a drill. Or maybe a power saw. He had no idea. He was a musician, not a carpenter.
Or at least he used to be a musician. Now he was just a button pusher.
He went into his room and removed the towel from around his waist, tossing it on the bed.
This room was new for him; his old room had been upstairs. Most of his stuff was still up there. But when Steiny had moved out, Asa had moved down to the larger bedroom because it was connected to a bathroom.
And also, he really wanted the “big” room before he had to move out.
He was such a child sometimes.
He was still sleeping in a twin sized bed for example. Though that made it easier to move around. Maybe someday he’d get himself a “big boy bed.”
It did make for awkward moments in dating.
He reached for his boxers and paused.
Was the wall moving?
Nah.
He squinted at the far wall. The one he shared with the dining room.
For a second, he thought he saw it sway. That couldn’t be right.
He held his breath and waited.
Okay. That had definitely moved. Like a banner in a light breeze, the wall to his room moved ever so slightly back and forth.
A loud thud caused him to jolt. Dust and plaster puffed out of places in the wall. Another thud. Followed by another.
Someone was knocking down his wall.
His mouth opened to shout—something, he didn’t know what—but it was too late.
Plaster and sound exploded inward and knocked him on his ass.
He didn’t move for at least a minute as his mind tried to process what had just happened. He coughed and waved futilely at the white cloud covering his vision.
What. The. Fuck?
“Nikki!” he yelled.
“Oh my God! Asa?”
He could hear her, but he couldn’t see her.
He couldn’t see anything.
He coughed again, harder.
Plaster dust settled slowly around him like miniscule snowflakes in a snow globe.
“Asa, are you okay?”
Was he okay?
He continued to cough and pushed his glasses to the top of his head.
It didn’t help much. He was still surrounded by a cloud of white dust. Like a wizard’s house party in his bedroom.
“Asa?” Nikki’s voice came closer.
“I’m not—” He stopped and growled, looking around at the remains of the bedroom. “I’m not wearing…anything.”
He struggled to his feet. Chunks of plaster and splintered wood rolled off him. He brushed away some of the debris but it made no difference. He was covered.
Bleck. It was in his mouth.
He coughed more.
What the fuck had Nikki done now?
“Asa! I thought you were at work!” Nikki hollered through the fog.
Right. If he’d been at work what? He’d not notice an entire wall of his bedroom was gone?
He found his damp towel among the rubble and quickly covered himself.
“What the fuck happened?” he asked, stepping through the mess and ignoring the way it cut at his bare feet.
“Are you mad? You sound mad.”
That wasn’t Nikki.
He cleared his room and stepped into the sunlit workspace that used to be a formal dining room.
Nikki, in safety goggles and a hot pink work helmet, and gray workman’s overalls, held an electric saw in one hand.
“So the thing is—” she started to say.
“You took a fucking wall out of my room?” he said—more like yelled. “You didn’t think I’d notice? I’d come home from work and think, ‘Oh, right. This is normal. Don’t see anything wrong here.’”
Nikki made a face. “It wasn’t supposed to disintegrate like that.”
“What the fuck was it supposed to do?”
He was swearing a lot. Even for him.
But the adrenaline of nearly dying had kicked in and he didn’t have anywhere else to put it.
“I was naked ,” he yelled. “I could have lost my dick and balls! The only real friends I have left!”
“That’s not even your room! Steiny moved out! How was I supposed to know you’d be in there naked!” Nikki yelled right back.
“It was my fault.”
Asa swallowed and finally looked at the other person standing in the room. He had assumed it was André, Nikki’s husband.
He had assumed wrong.
The figure held up a hand and wiggled their fingers. His glasses were still on his head so his vision was too impaired to know for sure who it was.
But there were literally only three people in the world he didn’t want to see standing in his home. Two of them, Nikki would never let through the door. The other though?
“Zara.” He heaved a sigh, ignoring the way his fingers tingled and his skin heated. “You’re the last person I expected to try to castrate me.”
“Okay, let’s all calm down,” Nikki said, suppressing a laugh. “We need to find you some pants, bud.”
“Castrate you?” Zara replied, her voice that low, husky timber that drove him crazy. Somewhere between seductive and bored. A trademark of her brand and one of the reasons she was the most famous and successful singer in the industry. And also why even though he’d been avoiding her and any mention of her, she still showed up in his dreams every once in a while. “I would never.”
Asa shook his head and turned around to go back into his room, knowing full well that both Nikki and Zara were going to get an unobstructed view of his ass since he hadn’t wrapped the towel fully around himself. They could kiss it for all he cared.
“Whoa. Asa. Pants,” Nikki sputtered.
He stomped as best he could in bare feet over crumbling plaster and the remnants of the wall back into his room. Or what used to be his room.
“I have to shower again. I’m going to be late.”
“Wait.” Nikki followed him. “Please don’t shower. All that plaster in these old pipes?”
He dropped his glasses back onto his face but that was worse, so he shoved them back up again. He turned to scowl at her. “And what do you suggest?” he asked.
“You look like Santa,” she said, really testing the limits of their friendship.
She snorted and he glared harder.
“I’ll call Johnny and let him know you’ll be late while you go out back and have Zara hose you off.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Asa replied.
“I think that’s a great idea,” Zara contributed. “I am an excellent hose wielder.”
His lip curled in her general direction, annoyed that she was there. Annoyed that he was happy to see her. Annoyed that she was adorable no matter what the circumstances.
“I’m really sorry,” Nikki said, dropping her voice. “I really didn’t know you were using this room. Also, the wall wasn’t supposed to come down like that. I had a whole plan. It was—never mind. That’s not important now.”
Asa closed his eyes and dropped his head.
“Just go get hosed off and I’ll have this cleaned up before you get home tonight. I promise.”
He didn’t reply. Not with words. He sighed and adjusted his towel so it was wrapped more securely around his waist. What did Nikki expect? For him to get fully nude in front of Zara Lorna in the backyard while she hosed him down?
If you’d asked him yesterday what his worst nightmare was, he would never have come up with that scenario. And yet there it was.
He picked his way carefully through the construction of the old house and headed towards the back door.
Nikki had always worked on it, trying to fix it up. But after she got married last year and then immediately got pregnant, her motivation seemed to go into hyperdrive. She wanted to finish the house. Either for herself or to sell it, she hadn’t decided.
He knew him having to move out was fast approaching. He hadn’t realized it was happening today.
Not that she would make him leave. But he couldn’t take it anymore.
The stress of living in a place that was chaotic and unpredictable? No. He needed his home to be his. He needed quiet and peace and not walls collapsing and nearly killing him.
“Where is good?” he asked, stopping in the soft green grass of the backyard.
At least their fence was tall enough that no neighbors could see.
At least it was a warm spring and not a frigid Chicago winter.
At least he had very little shame left to his name.
“Right there is fine,” Zara said from somewhere behind him. “I’m just getting…the thing.” She grunted and puffed as she labored to get the hose where she wanted it.
He was not going to help.
He was never helping her again.
Once.
He’d helped her once and even that had been too much.
ZARA
“Brace yourself.”
It was the only warning she gave before she sprayed his face with cold water.
She did not enjoy how he gasped and shivered and growled.
She took no pleasure in his discomfort. Nor did she think it was funny to see him covered in plaster, including his glasses.
That would be rude.
If she’d have known he was naked on the other side of the wall, she would not have hit it even harder with the sledgehammer.
Nope. No way.
Because she didn’t wish horrible things on anyone.
Not on people she disliked such as her ex, or the press that seemed to judge her (incorrectly) for every little decision she made. But especially not on people she liked.
Even if they had ghosted her and never once returned a text.
As comical as it was to see a grown man looking like a powdered donut, she really hadn’t meant to do any harm.
She’d just been trying to get some feelings out with a sledgehammer at the suggestion of one of her best friends.
The plaster rinsed free of his skin, revealing unexpected muscles and a deep tan on his olive skin.
Huh.
She hadn’t seen that coming.
Asa had never struck her as the muscular type. Glasses, thick black hair, usually in jeans and a band tee of some kind. Or a flannel. Sure, he had that hot rockstar persona but… Had she just forgotten how hot he was?
The last thing she thought lurked under his clothes was a very defined six-pack, rock hard pecs, thick thighs, defined biceps, and round shoulders. She could now see the tattoos on his arms. He had two full sleeves that stopped at the curve of his shoulder. No tattoos anywhere else on his sun-darkened olive skin.
Dark hair sprinkled his chest and trailed down to the towel he still held around his junk. The towel that had been wrapped around his waist but she’d managed to spray free.
“Turn around so I can get your back,” she said, hearing the amusement in her voice and wondering if he’d comply.
He did. After a glare in her general direction, he slowly turned to reveal a tight, round booty and back muscles that said he worked out. Or something. Also, his hamstrings were like rugby hamstrings.
She stopped spraying him for a moment.
“Do you play rugby?” she asked.
He frowned at her over his shoulder. “No. Are you done?”
She rolled her eyes and turned the water back on. His shoulders flinched with the cold water’s return.
“I have some clothes for you,” Nikki said, appearing next to Zara. “Oh,” she said, seeing Asa’s glorious butt. “That’s not—” She shook her head and glanced at Zara.
Zara shrugged, a smirk creeping along her lips.
Asa had a beautiful booty.
“I think you got it all,” Nikki said.
Zara reluctantly shut off the sprayer. Asa turned around as Nikki handed him a fresh towel.
Nikki set the pile of clothes on a nearby lawn chair and motioned for Zara to turn around.
Fine. Zara dropped the hose, crossed her arms and faced the house.
After a few minutes, Asa walked past them into the house. Fully dressed.
Nikki grimaced and raced after him.
“Asa, I’m so sorry.”
Zara trailed after them.
Asa stopped at the front door to put on his shoes.
He still had plaster in his beard.
Which was new.
She’d never seen him with that much facial hair. It probably looked good without all the extra stuff in it.
“It is what is, Nik,” he said. “I’ll make some calls and see if I can find a couch to crash on.” He straightened and ran his hand through his wet hair. It was longer than the last time she’d seen him six months ago. “Maybe I can sleep at the studio while I look for a place to live.”
“Asa,” Nikki whispered, worry and pleading in her voice.
He lifted his eyebrows. “I don’t get it. What was even the plan?” He waved a hand back towards the remnants of the wall. “And why are you even here?” he addressed Zara. “Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for a huge album release?”
Zara opened her mouth. Closed it.
Nikki looked between them, struggling with whether or not to reveal Zara’s secrets. “She needed to vent. I needed to take down a wall. I thought it would help.”
That was essentially the truth.
Asa narrowed his brown eyes at Zara. “Forget I asked.” An exasperated sound rumbled from his chest.
Was he mad at her for the wall? Or was there more there?
They hadn’t even spoken in six months. And the last time they’d seen each other she thought they were maybe becoming friends. She had told him things. Things she didn’t talk about because of the way she was afraid people would look at her. And he’d listened without judgment. Or so she’d thought. But then when she’d tried texting him over the next few weeks, he’d never replied.
She could take a hint.
But mad at her? That seemed excessive.
It had to be because of the powdering of his donuts.
She’d figure out a way to make it up to him.
Asa’s eyes flicked to Nikki and back to Zara. He swallowed, shook his head, and left without so much as a wave.
Nikki sighed and dropped her head back to look at the ceiling.
“So does he play on a sports team or something?” Zara asked, her mind lingering on Asa’s assets.
Nikki rolled her head to look at her. “What?”
“His muscles.” Zara shrugged. “Just trying to figure out where they come from.”
Nikki’s frown deepened. She righted her head and faced Zara. “His muscles?”
Zara shrugged. “Asa’s hot. I had no idea.”
Nikki screwed her face up like Zara had just said that pizza was overrated. “He is not.”
“Okay,” Zara said, though her tone said she did not agree.
“You know,” Nikki said, tapping her chin, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “I still haven’t heard the full story of what happened that night in LA.”
Zara blinked slowly, keeping her expression neutral.
If Asa hadn’t told his best friend about that night, she wasn’t going to do it.
Besides, she believed that night had been for her and him and no one else. She couldn’t speak for Asa, but she knew what it had meant to her.
And it wasn’t up for interpretation.
“How about we clean up Asa’s room before he kills both of us? And then I can come over tonight and snuggle that baby,” Zara suggested with a crooked smile.
Nikki’s suspicion melted away with the mention of her baby.
Easy as pie.
Unfortunately that’s where easy ended.
Asa’s bed was coated in plaster and debris. And the room itself was not suitable for sleeping. Zara and Nikki had to wear masks so they could breathe.
They cleaned the room out as best they could though.
Zara gathered the bag they’d filled with rubble and hauled it outside. Nikki and André had gotten a dumpster for their renovation rubbish and Zara hurled the bag in. It landed with a thud.
She dusted off her hands and removed the face mask and safety glasses. She tipped her head back, closed her eyes, and stood in the warm, late morning sunshine.
It was weird to not have her security with her. Scary. But also, freeing.
It wouldn’t last.
She was too famous and people were too predictable for her to be without an escort for any length of time.
But for that moment, she was just Zara.
Not the award-winning pop star, nor the focal point of every media publication for the past six months.
For one small breath she was neither amazing nor villainous. She just was.
Her team knew. Sonja, Gregor, Kenna, her dad, Cas. But no one else. Not really.
After what had happened in LA and everything that followed, she’d decided to pivot. And not in a small way. She needed space. And time. And to be around people who didn’t rely on her for their paycheck or clout.
One night on the phone, lamenting to Nikki about how suffocated she felt, Nikki had invited her to Chicago. To come see the baby and just chill for a bit.
No agenda, no album, no interviews.
And for the first time in months, Zara had felt the pressure in her chest ease.
She’d already shelved her unreleased album. But getting out of New York seemed like the next best step.
Gregor had worked with Cas to find her a place in East Lincoln Park. They leased it under an alias hidden under an alias, buried in an LLC that didn’t have her name attached to it.
As long as she didn’t go out into busy public spaces, she could pretend for a minute she wasn’t the most watched woman on the planet. At least for a while.
A black SUV pulled up alongside the curb at the end of the block. Zara shielded her eyes from the sun as she watched her longtime bodyguard Cas step out. Bodyguard number two, Devan, exited the passenger side and pushed her aviator shades to the top of her head.
Zara waved once. Cas nodded.
They didn’t approach. Devan, dressed in jeans and a loose casual tee that hid whatever superhero contraptions she carried on her person, started walking away from Zara. Scouting the area, checking for threats, seen and unseen.
It was the best Zara could have hoped for.
They were trying to give her the space she’d asked for, sobbed for.
But they also needed to keep her safe.
And after the stalker that was found sleeping in her bed in LA a couple weeks ago, they wouldn’t let her be alone for too long.
All the negative attention in the media had emboldened the already unhinged. Threats increased; stalking incidents went up. And she’d started to feel like she couldn’t go anywhere without someone trying to scream at her because they felt entitled to.
There were a lot of people who truly believed she deserved to be hurt for the things Logan had accused her of.
She understood on some level that it wasn’t really about her. Those types of people were loose cannons in all areas of their lives. But they’d fixated on her and that made it very dangerous.
Taking another deep breath of fresh air, Zara went back inside.
“I really don’t think Asa is going to be okay with this,” Nikki said, surveying the work they’d done.
Zara concurred.
What self-respecting human would?
“I thought he was still living upstairs,” Nikki repeated for the twenty-fifth time.
“I’m sure he doesn’t think you did this on purpose,” Zara pointed out. “It was obviously an accident.”
“Yeah,” Nikki said, not sounding as convinced. “It’s just,” she turned to face Zara. “I worry about him, you know. We’ve been friends forever and now that I’m married, and Steiny and Al are gone, he’s all alone. And it feels like my fault.”
“I’m the one that knocked the wall down,” Zara pointed out.
“But I handed you the sledgehammer and said, ‘let ‘er rip.’”
They both chuckled.
“Oh man,” Nikki pressed her palm to her forehead. “What am I gonna do? He can’t sleep on the couch at work!”
Zara opened her mouth but closed it because she couldn’t just make an offer. She had to check with Cas first. And she was trying to get away from being the type of person who gave and gave and gave to those who really didn’t care about her at all.
But she had an enormous house that was well-furnished. It had several unused rooms and the girl that grew up in Jersey saw that as a waste.
Instead, she said, “I’ll help you think of something.”
“This has been his home for years Nikki said softly. “I am the worst friend.”
“Oh, my goodness,” Zara said. She grabbed Nikki by her shoulders and looked her in the eye. “You are not the worst friend. This is a terrible set of events and we can solve this, yeah?”
Nikki nodded sadly. “Yeah, okay.”
“Maybe he can rent a room from me,” Zara said despite her earlier reservations on sharing that idea. “I have the space.”
Nikki’s blue eyes turned wary.
“I’ll have to run it by Cas before I mention it to him, obviously.”
Her security would have a fit.
They’d crawl so far up Asa’s ass that when he brushed his teeth, he’d be brushing Cas’s too.
Zara crossed one arm and rubbed her chin with the opposite hand. “I am the one who swung the hammer that destroyed his bed,” she pointed out. “It’s the least I can do. It’s not like you can invite him to stay with you and André.”
“No,” Nikki agreed.
André and Nikki lived in a loft apartment. It was the perfect size for two people. But then they’d added baby Amber. Which was why they were pushing to finish the house. So, it could be a home for them.
Nikki’s gaze sharpened on her. “He’ll want to know why you’re sticking around.”
“Probably.”
Nikki sniffed a laugh and shook her head.
“I’m surprised you haven’t told him yet,” Zara teased. Nikki was known for talking too much. But Zara liked to think of it as “chaotic sharing.” She loved the freedom with which Nikki lived. Flat out and full of heart.
Zara needed more of that in her life.
“Oh, I probably would have by now if he’d asked.” Nikki shrugged.
Meaning Asa didn’t care enough to ask.
Why did that make Zara a little bit sad?