Write or Wrong (Common Threads #9)

Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

PAPER FISH

ASA

“People are the worst,” Asa announced as he entered the upstairs lounge a week later.

“Uh-oh,” Nikki replied, moving aside so he could get to the coffee maker.

“Uh-oh is right.” Asa took off his jacket and tossed it over the back of a chair. “I am so screwed.”

He nodded good mornings to Johnny and Justin who sat on the couch with coffee already in hand.

The morning meeting at the studio was mostly routine. Sometimes they discussed what was on the docket for the day, but usually it was coffee and shooting the shit.

Asa had almost been late because he’d been busy finding out he’d been scammed out of his first and last month’s rent plus deposit on the only place he’d been able to afford.

The worst part was how stupid he felt. How had he fallen for such an obvious con? He was smarter than that!

Wasn’t he?

His brain had been a mess for seven days. Every other thought was about Zara. Why had she been in Chicago? What was going on with her album?

Why did she look so sad?

“Is this because of the apartment?” Nikki asked.

Asa grabbed the half and half from the fridge before answering her.

“There is no apartment. Well, the apartment exists. But the person who I gave all my money to doesn’t have the authority to rent it.” He got a cup off the shelf and added the cream.

“Oh no!” Nikki covered her mouth with a hand.

“Yep.” He let the word end in a pop.

“You can stay at the house for longer,” she said quickly.

Asa rubbed his fingers over his forehead. “No, Nik,” he said softly. “You have to finish your house. You have plans.”

“You can stay there until you have enough money to move out,” Nikki pressed.

“Nikki,” he said, pain radiating through his brain as he thought about the amount of money he’d lost that day. And it wasn’t even nine in the morning yet. “It was fifteen grand. It cleaned out my savings. That’ll take me months to recoup. Not to mention I have to buy a new bed.” He made a face as he poured coffee into the cup. It would take longer than Nikki realized because he hadn’t told her he quit the Iggy and he’d been turning down extra jobs from Johnny. “Did you know how much mattresses go for these days? Because I didn’t.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to let the overwhelming feeling of dread take over.

“I’m gonna have to move back in with my dad and stepmom,” he croaked. “In the burbs .”

“No, that’s crazy,” Nikki argued. “You’re too punk rock for the suburbs. You’ll never survive. We’ll think of something.”

God, she was so optimistic.

Fuck he missed living with her.

But living with your friends forever wasn’t realistic.

Nikki married her soulmate and now they had a baby and she was the happiest he’d ever seen her.

Shit. Now he felt like crap for even thinking about how it used to be.

He really didn’t want to move in with his dad for two enormous reasons. First, he got along better with his retired police detective father when they didn’t see each other often. Second, Dad still had somewhat of a relationship with Shelby. Asa didn’t need to make it easier for Shelby to find him. Christmas Day had proved that. Again.

“What’s going on?”

Asa turned at the sound of her voice, knowing it was her, and yet still shocked when she was indeed standing in the doorway of the lounge.

He nearly swallowed his tongue. What was she doing there?

His eyes connected with Johnny’s and he could read the man’s question that echoed his own.

“What are you still doing here?” he asked with way more force than was necessary.

Zara’s eyebrows lifted and she made a face. “Still mad about your powdered donuts I see.”

Nikki snorted and Johnny and Justin pretended to study something interesting on the ceiling.

“Cool. So, everyone’s heard about that,” Asa said. He closed his eyes and focused on getting the coffee into his mouth and therefore caffeine into his bloodstream.

When he opened his eyes again, she was still there.

In black skinny jeans that had rips along her thighs. Her shirt was a black graphic tee with the words “chaotic good” on it. She’d tied it into a knot off center, showing the barest hint of golden skin at her midriff.

Her black hair was in a loose bun at the nape of her neck and she wore big silver hoops in her ears. Along with three silver necklaces of different lengths. One with a wolf’s cross pendant that nestled at the notch in her throat. One was a plain, thick chain, and one was a silver oval pendant with a rose on the front and a Z engraved on the back that hung lower than the rest.

He knew way more about those necklaces than he should because even though he hadn’t been texting her, he’d watched every single fucking interview he could find before he’d muted her on everything.

He knew the wolf’s head made her feel brave. And the pendant was from her grandmother to remind her of where she came from.

“Asa got scammed on his new apartment,” Nikki ever so helpfully informed her. “He needs a place to live.”

Zara gave Asa a look.

He should have braced.

“You can move in with me.”

Asa smelled burning rubber as his brain short-circuited.

Wait.

Hold up.

Stop.

Seriously stop.

“Asa?”

He glanced up to see her dipping her head to try and meet his eyes, a concerned expression on her face.

“What?”

The grin she flashed him did something funny to his chest.

Asa swallowed and his gaze bounced from person to person, looking for an ally.

“I can’t just move in with you,” he finally sputtered.

“Why not?” Nikki asked.

“Yeah. Why not?” Zara repeated, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Because it would be…weird,” he replied haltingly.

“How?” Nikki and Zara asked at the same time.

Johnny snorted.

Asa pointed between Nikki and Zara. “Not loving this dynamic.”

Zara’s lips quirked and her eyes sparkled.

She looked less sad than she had the other day, which eased something in his chest. But there was still a tightness around her eyes he didn’t like. And he absolutely could not ask about.

“You’ve been sleeping on the sofa in control room X, haven’t you?” Johnny asked, entering the conversation.

Asa slowly slid his eyes over to his boss. Johnny was trying to hide his smile behind his coffee cup.

“You have not,” Nikki said, whacking Asa in the bicep.

He glared at Johnny before turning the glare on his best friend.

“First, ow. Second, it’s fine.” Even if it was causing a pinch in his neck that probably added to his dour mood. “It’s just sleep. I still shower and everything at the house. For now.”

Zara moved further into the lounge and opened the fridge. The ease with which she moved around his place of employment was unnerving. She moved like she belonged there.

He didn’t like that he liked it so much.

She got out the half and half and poured herself a cup of coffee, using the last of it. Without saying anything, she rinsed the carafe, tossed the used filter, and made a fresh pot. Perfect coffee etiquette.

“I have a place in East Lincoln Park. It’s enormous. Already furnished. Which gives you time to save money and buy a new bed without having to sleep on a couch.” She faced him and leaned a hip against the counter.

It took him a second to process what she’d said.

“I have so many questions.” He ran a hand through his hair and stared at the floor.

What about her release? Wasn’t she supposed to be announcing a single any day now? Why was she still here?

“Let me see if I can guess what those questions are.” Zara squinted one eye and looked upward. “What about the album that’s supposed to be dropping soon? Don’t you have obligations? Aren’t you supposed to be planning a tour to support the new album? What about the three-year schedule? Are you crazy? What does your manager think? What did your dad say? Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”

She took a drink of her coffee and flattened her mouth. “Did that cover it?”

Asa grimaced. Because those were a lot of the questions he had. But not all of them.

“Well,” Zara went on. “I can tell all of you because you’re my inner circle at this point.”

Asa and Johnny exchanged a look.

“The album is…” Zara made a slicing motion with her hand near her neck accompanied with a clicking sound. “Done. I pulled the plug months ago. I’ve canceled everything. All of it. The release, the tour, any and all appearances. I wiped the calendar clean. Actually, I threw away the calendar. No more anything for a while.”

“You put so much into it though,” Nikki said gently.

Zara’s expression flickered with sadness but she blinked it away. “It had to be done. Sometimes we have to kill our darlings.”

She said it with such certainty that Asa found himself leaning in. To ask her to expound. They had spent one night talking to each other and he had spent six months wanting more. Missing her voice and ideas and energy.

Six months had done nothing to curb his curiosity.

But maybe it was okay for a moment. As long as he didn’t get carried away and stay too long, he could enjoy her presence.

“How do you do that?” he asked, turning his body and sinking into the pull of her gravity.

She flicked her warm eyes to him and a soft smile touched her lips. “Just because I shelve something doesn’t take away its value to me. The value was always in the creation in the first place. And making it settled the itch I had at the time. Sharing it lives in a different space in my heart. Not everything I make needs to be shared.”

“But you wanted to share it once,” he pointed out.

She nodded. “And then I changed my mind.”

“That easy, huh?” he asked, his mouth relaxing into a crooked smile.

Zara’s own mouth stretched into a knowing smile. “Speaking of changing your mind…”

Asa chuckled. He’d walked right into that one.

But he couldn’t live with Zara Lorna. The offer was too good. Not just because of the timing and the location but because it was Zara . He couldn’t separate that from the offer.

If one person saw them together one time, lives would be turned upside down. Again.

His gaze flicked to Johnny.

He’d told Johnny there wasn’t anything significant between him and Zara. Roommates would absolutely register on the “significant” spectrum.

See? And this was the danger of returning to Zara’s orbit. It was warm and cozy and wonderful. But he needed to remember why he’d cut off contact with her in the first place.

Because it would start all over again. Shelby talking to the press, people calling the studio asking for him, lies about him using her, Zara’s reputation smeared and scandalized on every website. And his middle of the night anxiety attacks that he hadn’t told anyone about.

Johnny and Hannah had already gone to so much effort to hide him so he could keep working there.

He took a deep breath and glanced at his watch.

Speaking of work.

He finished his coffee, rinsed his cup, and headed for the door.

“Bye?” Nikki called.

He flicked two fingers her direction but otherwise didn’t look back.

Distance.

Distance from Zara Lorna was the only way to make sure nothing exploded.

ZARA

“If I smelled like b.o. you’d tell me, right?” Zara asked the room.

Nikki snickered. Johnny and Justin smiled.

But no one answered her question.

She lifted her arm and sniffed her armpit. Then she checked the other one.

Nikki barked a laugh.

“I don’t get it,” Zara said honestly. “That is the second time he’s left so fast, I’m surprised there’s not flames shooting out his backside.”

Nikki shrugged. “I don’t know. Asa’s been a little on edge since…” She stopped speaking and cleared her throat.

Hmm.

Since what had happened after the NMAs?

He’d been put through it. For someone who didn’t like the limelight, that had probably been very uncomfortable.

Had he attached her to that discomfort?

Damn, that sucked. Zara really liked Asa.

When she’d made plans to move to Chicago, she’d secretly planned to hang out with Asa again. She liked how his brain worked.

Logan was still taking things away from her.

This next part of her life was supposed to be about reclaiming what was hers. Even if she didn’t know what it was anymore. She was determined to figure it out.

And she wanted to be friends with Asa.

If he wanted that.

ASA

It had taken a couple hours but he mostly forgot that Zara Lorna was upstairs drinking coffee.

Commercial jingles were distracting that way.

They hooked into your brain and didn’t let go. In fact, that was their entire reason for existing. So that you sang stupid little songs all day long and subconsciously bought the product you were singing about.

Was it the way he’d wanted to spend his career in music? No. But it was safe enough.

Also, sometimes Nikki had him mix things for important artists like Ashton James, or Sunshine Capone…or Zara Lorna.

Fuck.

Now he was thinking about her again.

Avoiding her had been incredibly easy over the past six months.

Well, avoiding her in person that is.

She was on every magazine, pop news banner, and gossip site in existence. She and her ex fighting through their publicists.

Hopefully she would go back to New York or London or wherever she lived these days.

And he could resume his life that didn’t involve thought-provoking conversations with beautiful women.

He played the jingle again and his forehead hit the control panel with a soft thud as he slowly died inside.

It was finished. It was better than it needed to be.

He wouldn’t call himself a perfectionist. Unless it was something he had a hand in. Something he created or was responsible for. And then he had to keep tweaking it until someone finally took it away from him.

Which Johnny usually did.

The hairs on the back of his neck prickled and he froze.

His hand hovered over the control board as he waited for a sign that he was in the clear. He held his breath, the damn cat food jingle playing on a loop through his headphones.

A soft touch on his shoulder told him his gut had been right.

She was here.

She’d come downstairs to torture him in his dungeon—he meant workspace.

He swiveled in his chair, bracing, frowning, putting every ounce of effort into looking as unapproachable as he could.

It was difficult with the meowing melody ricocheting through his ears.

He reached over and shut it off. Then he removed his headphones.

His eyes caught on the silver hoops in her ears. And the slope of her neck. And the soft smile she was offering him that hit him in all the places it shouldn’t.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked.

He waved a hand at the leather couch.

She sat down and took a breath. Her eyes skated over the control panels and along the walls of switches and equipment.

Asa didn’t want to have to ask. He wished she would just tell him what she wanted so he could get back to work.

Even though his work was done. She didn’t know that.

“What are you working on?” she asked, not starting where she wanted to start.

“A cat food commercial,” he said with a sigh. He flicked a switch and the jingle played through the speaker.

Zara’s light laugh tickled his eardrums and he turned away from her pretty smile.

“I like it,” she said. “It’s cute.”

He rolled his head to the side, stretching his tight neck.

“Are you mad at me?” she asked quietly.

He swiveled around to face her.

Should he lie and say yes? It might be easier to let her believe that his anger is why they couldn’t be friends. Why they couldn’t even be acquaintances. Why they couldn’t even share a cab.

But he had that overzealous need to be honest.

Thank you, trauma.

She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees, folding her hands together. “I get it. What happened after…” She looked away and shook her head. “You didn’t deserve any of that. I’m sure it didn’t make life very easy for a while. So I get it, why you’d want to stay away from me."

His eye twitched.

She thought he was mad about what they’d said about him?

Like he was some whiny little Logan Black crybaby?

Fuck that noise.

“I wasn’t mad about what they said about me,” he said. “I was mad about what they said about you. You didn’t deserve that.” He snorted in disgust and crossed his arms. “You never deserve that. It’s bullshit.”

“You don’t deserve it either,” she said.

He had no reply to that because he disagreed but didn’t want to argue about it.

Her pink tongue slid along her lower lip as she studied him. “So, you’re not mad at me?”

He opened his mouth and then shut it.

They stared at one another in silence for a minute.

“I’m sorry about your bed and room getting destroyed,” she said, guessing again as to why he was being an ass.

He shrugged. Because every time he spoke, he revealed way more than he was comfortable revealing.

“Okay, cards on the table, I already had my security go through your background to get you clearance.”

His eyes went wide and he blinked at her.

“That’s why I didn’t offer right away last week. I had to make sure they would approve. They’ve been really strict after the stalker thing a couple weeks ago.”

“What stalker thing?” Asa asked, his chest churning with alarm and anger.

She waved a hand. “Oh, some guy broke into my house in LA and security found him in my bed.” She made a face. “It was all over the news, I’m surprised you didn’t see it.”

He scratched the side of his neck. He hadn’t seen it because he had her muted everywhere.

“Anyway, you’ve been approved! Yay.” She waved her hands in a lowkey celebration. “I have the place for six months. It’ll give you time to rebuild your savings without having to sleep here.” She looked down at the couch beneath her.

It probably looked pretty sad from her perspective.

He licked his lips, trying to get moisture back into his mouth. “You’re really staying in town a while?” he asked, realizing that avoiding her wasn’t a plan he could keep.

And also realizing he didn’t really want to.

She blew raspberries. “Yeah. I’m—” She shook her head like she didn’t know what to say. “I’m taking some time off. From all of it.”

“But what about your album?” he asked. She’d been so excited about it just a few months ago. “You really shelved it?”

A pained look crossed her face. “Indefinitely.”

“Why?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“Asa,” she said, like he knew better. “You know why.”

He rubbed the back of his neck as heat gathered in his chest. This conversation was barreling right toward the place he wanted to avoid.

Right back to that night where they’d talked and talked and talked .

Fuck.

She was so easy to connect with.

She was too damn likable.

He knew he should be rude and end the conversation. Tell her to leave. Risk Nikki’s wrath.

But he couldn’t.

When it came to Zara, he was just too damn weak to commit to the asshole bit anymore.

And just like that, he let go of the edges of emotional distance he’d been clinging to by his fingernails. He fell, fell, fell, into the warm, cotton-soft rapport he had only found with her.

“It got worse?” he asked.

“So much worse,” she confirmed with an eye roll. “And I could release it. I could. It would be a legal battle with Logan because he wants credit. But even then, you know everyone will read into it. Everyone will pull apart the lyrics and dissect them looking for clues as to why I’m the villain. Looking for the proof of all that I’ve been accused. They’re determined to paint me as a gimmick or a fad or worse, a fake.”

He gave her a look. “You are not the villain.”

Her lips curved into a sad smile like she didn’t quite believe him. And he should have stopped, but something took over and he couldn’t.

“You’re not a gimmick or a fad. You’re not the product of a boardroom trying to sell an image. You’re… remarkable. Gifted even. Fuck, I’d bet that if the entire industry reversed course tomorrow you’d still come out on top. You’re the realest fucking thing this industry has ever known. You shouldn’t have to apologize for any of it.” He swallowed, realizing he’d said way more than he’d intended but he wasn’t going to take it back. It was all true.

Her eyes flickered with something, a spark of something he hadn’t seen since October and he had really fucking missed it.

“Maybe I just don’t know if I have the guts for it right now.” Her eyes tracked to the floor. “Or if I even want to.”

He pushed aside the queasiness that accompanied her confession. Ignored how much he wanted to ask more questions. To listen to her low, husky voice explain what was happening in her life that had brought her here.

She forced a smile. “Anyway, all that to say, I’m here for a while. I have a place. It’s quiet. No one is doing construction.” They shared a smile. “You can have a room for however long you need it.”

She really meant that too.

It was part of her nature—to give without expectation. To help where she saw need. To show up when no one else would be able to find the time and do it all with a smile.

“Please,” she said, something new in her tone. “I’d really like it if you’d let me help you. Consider it repayment for everything you had to go through on my account.”

Fuck.

If he declined, she’d keep believing she owed him when she didn’t.

Her amber eyes pleaded with him. She chewed on her bottom lip as she waited for his answer.

“Okay,” he said, surprising himself as the words left his mouth.

She smiled a tentative smile. “Really?”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

This was probably going to end badly. But the way her entire face lit up and how she pressed her hands to her heart like he’d just given her a gift, made him feel like he could handle whatever came next.

“Oh, I’m so glad.” Her head dropped back and closed her eyes. “I thought you were going to harbor a lifelong grudge against me.”

He sniffed a laugh. She stood to leave.

“I’m going to get you a key. Let’s move your stuff tonight if we can,” she said, clapping her hands once.

He flicked two fingers her direction as a goodbye.

Yeah, it wasn’t a lifelong grudge he was harboring.

But she didn’t need to know that.