AJ’s Fire (Hampstead Valley #3)

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

AJ

Jamie and I were the first to arrive at the restaurant on the Upper West Side, and we were seated right away.

“Oh, you’re with Ms. Wyecrest’s party? Right this way, gentlemen.”

We sat, and Jamie immediately pulled his phone out, which wasn’t like him.

“You worried about Vee?”

“Huh?” Jamie looked up, clearly not having heard me.

“Vera seemed fine when we left.” I gestured toward his phone. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah. No. She’s fine. I was just … That friend of Josh’s is coming in a few days for his internship, and I was just checking to see if he’d texted his travel plans yet.”

Jamie was still holding his phone up, so I guided his wrist down to the table. “Man, it’s New Year’s Eve. I’m sure that kid is out partying and not thinking about his internship tonight. Put the phone away. Emily told me her cousin is thinking about moving to New York. Tonight could be the start of something for you …”

“No!” Jamie’s emphatic tone surprised me. He continued with, “I mean, I’m sure she’s lovely. It’s just … I’m just …”

I nodded in understanding. “Not ready?” I was surprised when my brother paused before answering.

“It’s not that, exactly. I’ve just got some things going on …” I waited for Jamie to elaborate, but instead he changed the subject. “So Jackson is or isn’t coming tonight?”

I squinted my eyes at him, which he ignored, though I’m sure he knew full well it meant I was calling bullshit on him about changing the subject. “He is. He asked that waitress from Lucy's Taphouse to join us. Or actually, I think Emily might have set them up? I told her she’s barking up the wrong tree. Over the years, Casey has had many opportunities where Jax and I are concerned and has never been interested, but Emily insisted.”

“So, you and Emily?”

“Yeah, no. I mean, she’s really sweet, and she adores Jackson almost as much … Well, she really cares about him, so I know she's a good person. But …”

Jamie put a hand on my shoulder. “My brother, the ladies’ man. Not ready to give up your wild ways just yet?”

He was laughing as he said it, but he quieted down when he saw that it was my turn to ruminate. “Actually, Jamie? Lately I’ve been thinking maybe I’m getting a little old for all that. Or I don’t know … Jackson stopped going out with me, like, months ago. And it’s just not the same, you know, without …”

“Your wingman?”

“My best friend.”

“Oh.” Jamie paused for a minute as if he was hesitant to ask me something, which was surprising because pointed questions were part of his job description as a therapist, and he’d never been shy around me. Eventually, he worked up the nerve to ask, “Did you two ever … you know … together?”

“Jesus, Jamison!” Jamie’s question surprised me, and I barked out a laugh, but I answered him honestly. “We’ve been propositioned together, more than once, but, no, never. We always go our separate ways.”

Jamie’s phone buzzed, and he was quick to pick it up. There was a brief second of what looked like disappointment on his face before it lit up.

“Vera and the babysitter made crowns for New Year’s.” He flashed the photo my way and was fiddling with his phone when two women in slinky black dresses approached our table, the ma?tre d’ behind them. I knew I was off my game when my first thought was how cold they must be. One of the women was Casey, so I elbowed my brother in the ribs, and we both stood as they headed our way.

I was buttoning my jacket when two other figures appeared. Emily’s black dress had some kind of shimmer to it that made it stand out from the other two, and next to her my best friend stood in a light-gray suit, impeccably tailored to frame his fit body. He’d coupled it with a green tie that I knew would highlight the green in his expressive eyes. His blond hair had grown out since the summer, and he’d styled it to frame his face, parted to one side and firmly in place, held there with the high-priced, high-quality hair-care products I’d teased him about over the years. He looked … stunning.

He was staring our way, arm in arm with Emily but not moving toward us. The two other women, on the other hand, had arrived at the table. Casey looked behind her and shrugged as Emily and Jackson appeared to be deep in conversation, leaving her to make the introductions.

“AJ, Jamie. Happy New Year. This is Emily’s cousin, Ruth. Ruth, meet AJ and Jamie.”

“I’ve heard so much about you both. It’s nice to meet you.” Ruth was poised and polite and clearly checking my brother out. Maybe Jamie would make it two for two on New Year’s Eve hookups.

I, on the other hand, would definitely not be hooking up that evening.

Wait, whoa? When had I ever gone out for the night, and New Year’s Eve of all nights, and decided ahead of time that I didn’t want to hook up? I really should have explored that feeling, but at that moment, Emily and Jackson joined us, and by some subtle sleight of hand on Emily’s part, I ended up sitting next to my best friend, with Casey next to him. And my date? She ended up across from me and between the two other women.

Jackson sat down and nodded stiffly at me. He was clearly anxious, and it made that knot in the pit of my stomach return. Maybe this was the night I would finally be able to figure out what was really going on with him. I convinced myself that was why I didn’t have any intention of hooking up that evening. I needed to focus on my best friend.

We talked as a group while we reviewed the menu, and our waiter came by and poured us each a glass of champagne.

We clinked glasses, and Jackson and I were last to tap each other’s glass.

“Happy New Year, Jackson.”

“Happy New Year, AJ.” I looked into those hazel eyes as if I could ferret out the truth, and Jackson caught me staring. How had it taken me so long to notice how remarkable the color was? Maybe it was the tie, bringing it out more.

“What? Do I have something in my teeth? A hair out of place?”

I shouldered him, almost causing his drink to splash. We both watched it settle before he took a sip and I said, “Nah, man. You look great. Really … really nice.”

I don’t recall ever seeing Jackson blush before, but I watched as color traveled from his neck up his cheeks. It made him look even more amazing than he had walking toward me. He was bright, vibrant, alive.

“Thanks, man. And you look …” Jackson stopped himself, and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Amazing? Hot. Like I could have any girl in this place.”

Jackson pointed to the bartender, the male bartender, and said, “And some of the guys too.” And yeah, the bartender was definitely checking one of us out.

I let out an awkward laugh as Casey asked how things were at the station, and we ended up talking about a charity event we were planning for the spring.

“Christmas is hardly over, and we’re already thinking about Easter!” Ruth chimed in.

“Yeah.” Jackson was animated, and it was the most relaxed I’d seen him all night. “There’s a home for LGBT+ youth on our block, the Burcus Center. Some people from the station volunteer there, but we all get to know some of the kids just from hanging around the neighborhood, you know? So our captain thought we should hold a fundraiser for them. We’re having a family day in the park. Food, arts and crafts, games. An Easter egg hunt.”

I looked at him. “I think Chief wants either you or me on the planning committee.”

Jackson shrugged. “Maybe we could do it together.” But then he tightened up again, his shoulders practically reaching his ears as if he’d said the wrong thing or something outrageous. I had the strangest instinct to reach out for him, like he needed to be held. Instead, I grabbed my drink, took a big sip, and spun the flute on the table to keep my hands occupied.

Ruth had pulled her phone out and kept up the conversation. “Well, it sounds wonderful.” She flashed her phone for all to see. “This place looks amazing. I’m thinking we might be able to drum up a few contributions, don’t you think, Em? Jax? And maybe help out as well. It sounds like fun!”

“That’s a really awesome thing for you guys to support.” Casey looked serious. “It can be really hard coming out, feeling you have nowhere to go. No one who supports you. Kids definitely need a place to go where someone will tell them it gets better .”

Emily grasped Casey’s hand.” You’re so right, Case. That was beautiful.”

We were interrupted by our food arriving, but I was distracted by the fact that Jackson was rubbing his hands on his thighs nervously. I bumped him in the shoulder again and nodded to Casey.

“You remember that time we closed the bar with her?”

That got a smile out of him. “She was so annoyed with us, crashing chairs onto the tables, offering to mop.”

“We were so drunk.”

“You know, that can really sum up many of our nights out together. A pissed-off bartender shoving our drunk asses into a cab.” He paused before asking, “Have you … Are you still going out?”

“Nah, been busy.”

“Hey, did you hear Jordan got promoted over at the Eighty-Six?”

I couldn’t tell you what else was going on around the table, because all of a sudden Jax and I were chatting and bullshitting like old times, and it felt so right. I could have spent all night joking with him, talking about work or my weekly stint as a dance mom or whatever. But then his phone buzzed again, and whatever, or whoever it was had him distracted, tense, and nervous again.

I nodded toward his hand on the table, which at that moment was squeezing his phone so tightly I thought it would shatter. “Everything okay?”

He nodded without responding.

“I’m not convinced, dude.”

He plastered on a fake smile then and made me promise not to worry about him.

Since he was lying to me about being okay, I had no compunction about lying to him that I wasn’t going to worry.

I tuned back into the conversation to hear Emily squeal, “Oooh, the Lava Floor! Let’s go there.”

“I don’t know,” Casey started. “Can we get in? There’s probably a line around the block. It’s New Year’s Eve!” To emphasize the point, Casey pulled up a social media app and started playing videos of people standing in line outside the trendy night club even though it was freezing out, and the night was young.

Emily was also tapping on her phone and after a minute simply said, “We’re in,” without explanation.

We got up to leave the restaurant a while later, and thanks to my location, all I could do was watch while Jamie and Jax helped the women into their coats. As our group worked its way to the front door, I noticed that Jackson had left his coat hanging off his chair. I snatched it up and ended up behind another party as I followed our crew out of the restaurant.

As I exited the door, Jackson turned around to re-enter, muttering, “My coat.” We were both startled as we bumped into each other, chest to chest, and stumbled backward, Jackson dropping his phone in the process and losing his balance. I grasped him by the waist with one hand and pulled him to me. My other arm was in front of me, his coat draped over it, but the move put us face-to-face again, those hazel eyes wide in surprise and so close I could see the flecks of darker green and light brown that made them sparkle. He huffed a breath that caressed my cheek, and it wasn’t just my stomach that swooped at the sensation. I may have gasped as my dick began to tighten in my already-too-tight jeans.

For a second it felt like Jackson was leaning toward me, our faces, our lips so close. Was he? He couldn’t possibly be … All I could do was stare at those lips, so close I could tell they were chapped from the cold winter air.

Jackson dropped his head, and I realized a few things at once. I was still holding his side in a tight grip, I was still holding his coat as we stood outside in below-freezing temperatures, and his phone was still on the concrete somewhere at our feet. He hadn’t been leaning in to kiss me, of course he hadn’t; he must have been looking for his phone.

I used the hand on his waist to guide Jackson away from the door, and only then did I let go and shove his coat at him. While he worked himself into it, I scanned the ground and found the phone, face up and illuminated, a message of some sort having just come in.

The rest of our group, who had been chatting off to the side and paying no attention to us, turned then.

“Here’s our first car! Oh, and our second!”

Casey grabbed Jackson by the arm as I extended my arm to hand over his phone, but she pulled him away too quickly and led him to the first vehicle. I waved the phone at him, and he nodded as Casey shoved him in the cab.

Emily looked from me to the two figures piling into the back of a cab, sent a small frown my way, then followed Jackson into the car. My brother was holding the door of a second vehicle open for Ruth. I sat in the front, Jackson’s phone still in my hand.

I was about to put it in my pocket so I could get my seat belt on when it buzzed and lit up again. I didn’t realize I was invading his privacy until too late. I’d become so accustomed to glancing at a phone when it buzzed, and I never really carried anyone else’s, so bringing the screen to my face was not a conscious choice. Seeing a message from a site called Guys4Guys was not my intention. It wasn’t until I had read the note that I realized what I had done.

Newbie1164: A cabin at Cedar Lake. Sounds perfect.

I quickly shoved the phone in my pocket and buckled myself in as we made the drive to some club called The Lava Floor. Staring out the window at the New Year’s Eve chaos, our cab crawling along the congested roadways, the lights of the city flashing, my ears buzzing: it was the perfect metaphor, the universe that is New York City bustling all around me while my world had slowed to a stop.

Somewhere behind me I heard Jamie checking in with the babysitter. “Nah, little one. He’s in the front seat … Yup, with the window between us … Here, hang on.”

There was a tap on the glass, and I startled. I turned toward the back of the cab to find a smiling Ruth. Jamie held his phone up to the glass, and though all I could see was my niece adjusting a lopsided headband on her head, I’d become acutely aware that someone else’s phone was none of my business. My heart started to hammer as I stared at her.

“Hey.” Jamie tapped again. “Vee wants to say hi.”

I turned as best I could in the front seat, and Ruth took the phone from Jamie so Vera was at a better angle.

“Happy New Year, kiddo. Check out that headband. Pretty cool. Did you make that?”

Vera began describing the arts-and-crafts project in detail until her father cut her off. “Little one? Say goodbye to Uncle AJ. I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay, Daddy. I’ll see you when you get home. I’m definitely big enough to stay up until midnight. I won’t fall asleep! Happy New Year!” She blew a party horn, the sound blaring throughout the cab.

“Love you, kiddo,” Jamie said, and I could hear a bit of sadness in his voice. “I’ll be home soon,” he promised again. I snuck a glance at Ruth, and she smiled at me, not fazed that Jamie seemed clearly anxious to get home to his daughter.

I went back to staring out the window but couldn’t stand it. I took out Jackson’s phone and stared at the message as another one popped up.

Newbie1164: It means a lot that this is all new to you too. I’m really looking forward to our date.

I knew what Guys4Guys was. One of my younger brothers, Vance, had spent a lot of time in the city with us after Vera’s mom died, and on a rare night that we talked about that kind of thing with Vance, he brought it up when he, Jackson, and I were at Jamie’s.

“I mean, you hook up all the time, AJ. Right? What’s the hetero version of Guys4Guys?”

“I honestly have no idea, Vance. That pub near the station, O’Doyle’s, or Lucy's Taphouse work just fine for me.”

I can remember jokingly brushing my fingers on my opposite shoulder, a gesture of mock pride as Jackson coughed out a “bullshit.” He started listing any number of apps he and I were both on.

“For some of us”—Vance shrugged—“the apps are just easier. More convenient. I used them a lot in Seattle. I mean, it’s not like I’m looking to date, or to find the love of my life or whatever. I’m just looking for a good time, you know.”

“You are so right, Vance. Who believes in that ‘great romantic love of your life’ bullshit! It’s a myth.”

“I didn’t say that,” Vance mumbled while staring at the TV, like whatever political story the newscaster was prattling on about was the most important thing he’d ever heard.

Jackson and I teased Vance about his romantic side and how successful his novels were as a result, and there was no more talk of hookup apps after that. But with two other gay brothers back home Upstate, Guys4Guys had definitely come up again. I’d seen both of our gay brothers warn our youngest brother, Hunter, that they better not find him on those types of apps at his age.

I shut Jackson’s phone as the car pulled to a stop in front of an alley. I paid for the cab and hopped out, my brother and Ruth ahead of me, finding the rest of our crew waiting near a decidedly not chaotic and very-nondescript side entrance. Emily had her phone to her ear, and a moment later, a sharply dressed woman, about my age or a bit older, opened the door.

“Ms. Wyecrest, Mr. Dorso. Welcome to The Lava Floor. Right this way.” We were led into an area of the club that was clearly not for customers though we could hear the music, the shuffling feet, and the sounds of who-knew-how-many people having fun somewhere nearby. I held the door open as everyone else filed in.

I gently wrapped my hand around Jackson’s wrist as he walked past. He stopped as I closed the door, and we stood at the end of an industrial hallway, our friends clomping up a set of stairs nearby.

I looked at Jackson, and understanding bloomed. I might have been confused and disappointed that Jackson had felt the need to keep a secret from me. Usually we told each other everything, or at least I thought we did, so there must be a reason for the secret. When I looked into those sparkling eyes, none of it mattered; all that mattered was that my friend needed to be okay.

“Your phone,” I muttered as I pulled it out of my pocket and very intentionally handed it to him upside down.

He nodded and looked down. It was only then that I realized I still gripped his arm. He was in layers of clothes topped with a wool jacket, and I was wearing gloves, but the realization that we were touching made my stomach explode. I didn’t let go, and we both stared at our arms until I sensed him move his gaze to look at my face. Somewhere behind us, The Lava Floor pulsed an insistent beat, but all other sound ceased. It reminded me of the most intense moments I’d ever had fighting fires. All sight and sound became secondary to the task at hand. And like those moments, Jackson was in it with me, my partner, so in tune to me that I didn’t need sight or sound to know, instinctively, where he was and what he was doing.

And I thought I knew what he was doing in that moment, too, as we stood, my hand tight around his wrist, our eyes locked. But what was I doing? I could feel my heart beating, sense it pulsing where it met his wrist. We leaned in, my hand traveling up his arm, my other arm extending, ready to reach out for his waist, to grasp him tight, so he would know I was there to keep him from falling even as we stood still and stable, even as we might be falling together.

A cacophony of sound exploded from above us, and it broke the moment. We both looked up to see our friends clustered at another door, except for Jamie, who was bounding back down the stairs as I took a step back, only then releasing Jackson.

“Are you two plotting a call to the fire marshal? Come on, the girls are worried we’re gonna lose you.”

Jackson cleared his throat but didn’t take his eyes from me. “Yeah, yes. On our way.” Only he didn’t move, and neither did I. My heartbeat pounded opposite the beat of the thumpa-thumpa of the club, causing my entire body to tense as I waited for Jackson.

“Thanks, man,” he said, pocketing the phone without even looking at it before turning and bounding up the stairs.

I stood at the bottom, but my, “Jax, wait,” was drowned out as the group opened the door wide and entered the night club proper. I followed in a daze.

We found ourselves on an upstairs balcony that circled the room below. There were people milling about, but not nearly as many as crowded the dance floor below. The person who had met us led us to a corner, where I was surprised to find an empty table awaiting us.

“Ms. Wyecrest, Mr. Dorso, we’re happy to have you and your friends at The Lava Floor. My staff will be by shortly to take your order, but please enjoy some champagne on the club while you wait. Happy New Year.” She popped the champagne for us and filled six flutes that had been lined up on the table.

I stood a bit apart from the group as Jamie walked behind Jackson, put his hands on his shoulders, and joked, “Mr. Dorso and Ms. Wyecrest, coming in clutch with the VIP table.” He looked over at me, sure I would laugh along with him and tease my friend, but my scowl made him pause. He frowned at me in question before scurrying to hold out chairs for the group. Jackson mumbled something about a drink and flew past me so quickly he brushed up against me.

I turned and watched him stride with purpose to the bar. We must have been in a VIP section because despite the throngs of people on the dance floor below us, the balcony we were perched on was busy but manageable.

I watched the bartender clock Jackson and meet him at the end of the bar. Jackson must have given his order because the server took off toward the center and began pouring a drink.

It was only then that Jackson pulled his phone from his pocket. His face was neutral as he opened it, though I could only assume he was reading the notifications I had seen.

Jamie’s voice in my ear made me realize he’d come up right behind me.

“Alexander Jeremy, are you planning on joining us, or are you just going to stand in the middle of the floor all night?”

“Huh?”

“You getting a drink with Jackson or joining the table? We have champagne.”

“Jackson?”

“Ohh-kaay.” I didn’t move, and Jamie came around to face me, gripping my arms.

“He’s right there, AJ. AJ?” Jamie was right in my face, blocking my view of Jackson.

“What? Huh? Champagne sounds good.”

Jamie shook his head at me and kept one hand on my arm, guiding me to the table.

He pulled out a chair and turned it slightly toward the empty one next to it.

“Sit.” He placed a flute in front of me. I smiled up in thanks, then downed it in one gulp while Jamie sat, and I watched Jackson typing on his phone.

Jamie turned his chair, dovetailing our legs as he sat, looking right at me again and pulling my focus from the bar. Across the table, our three companions were taking selfies and ussies. “AJ, what the fuck is going on?” my brother implored. “Is everything okay with you?”

“Hey, Hampstead Valley boys, smile!” We both looked up at Emily, and she snapped a photo. She took one look at it. “Yuk. Pretend you like each other.”

Jamie leaned over and placed an arm around me, tilting his head and ordering me to smile. I did so, and Emily snapped a few shots as I muttered into my brother’s ear.

“Hey, therapist, you ever have someone come out later in life?” I didn’t often directly ask Jamie for professional advice; he was my idiot brother, after all. I was a little surprised and a lot self-conscious when he yanked himself away from me to target me with laser-focused eyes.

“What did you say!”

“Sorry, man. Yeah, I guess you don’t want to be thinking about work right now. It’s just …”

“No, no, it’s not that, it’s just …”

“Holy shit,” Emily shouted, and I was impressed at how loudly the sound traveled over the table in the ear-splittingly noisy dance hall. “The feminist author Natalie Marchetti-Gordon just liked my photo. Holy crap! Is she? … Are you … ?”

Whatever Jamie was about to say, and whatever I thought I was going to ask or confess, it was lost as we both put on polite smiles and turned our chairs to the table.

“She’s our stepmom,” Jamie confirmed, and Emily started to praise one of Nat’s books to her two companions, peppering us with questions about Nat and our dad as we shouted back and forth at each other across the table.

Jamie was sitting next to Ruth, and as the conversion veered away from Nat and feminism, he took me in once more. “You okay?”

“I’m okay.”

“We’ll talk later this week, alright? Go for a beer?”

“Yes, let's.” Jamie’s eyes locked with mine. I knew he was trying to confirm if I was really okay, so I gave him a smile and told him to stop ignoring his date. He stood and offered her his hand.

“Shall we dance?” he said formally. My brother could be such a dork sometimes, but Ruth simply gave him a soft smile as she took his hand and rose.

As they took off, I looked at the other two women sitting across from me; they had their heads together conspiratorially. I poured myself another glass of champagne and purposefully kept my eyes on the crowded dance floor below.

I was in my own little world, thinking about what I’d seen on Jax’s phone, what I knew of him, of our relationship, of myself. I was rapidly coming to the conclusion that I didn’t know one fucking thing.

“It’s so close to midnight!” Emily’s voice really did carry. She looked knowingly at Casey and then at me. “AJ, you’re closer; go get your partner.”

“My partner?”

“Isn’t that what it’s called? I thought I heard Jackson describe you as his partner after that fire, when you had to go to the hospital. He was worried because he had taken off work that day for Thanksgiving, and you had to team with someone else.” Emily and Casey shared another look as Emily stood and came around the table. “I thought he called you his partner. Anyway, you should go get Mr. Moody over there. He shouldn’t be tapping on his phone when midnight hits. He should be with you, with us, I mean, his two best friends.”

“Casey doesn’t want to …”

“No, she does not,” Emily interrupted to state pointedly. “Go get ’em,” she said as if I was a little kid being called in to substitute on the soccer field, I half expected her to slap my ass as I turned around. I walked to the bar, where Jackson was nursing a drink, staring at it instead of the phone that rested on the counter. As I stood next to my sullen-looking best friend, I watched Casey and Emily run down the stairs hand in hand to join the dancing throngs.

“The girls are going to dance. Did you want to join them, Jax?”

“Nah, you go. Enjoy your date. I’m good.”

“I …” The bartender pointed at me, and I waved down to Jackson’s drink, then flashed him two fingers.

“I’ll stick with you.” I shoulder bumped him. “Ring in the New Year with my best friend.”

“Not with Emily?”

“You know, I don’t think Emily ever had any real intention of dating me. At least, she hasn’t shown much interest tonight. What about you and Casey?”

Jackson shook his head, still distracted. “Ems set that up. We’re just here as friends.”

I laughed. “I don’t think Jamie and Ruth are a thing either. He told Vera he’d be home early, so we’re oh for three tonight.”

Jackson finally let out a soft laugh. “Happy New Year.” The bartender set down two glasses and collected the one Jackson had been staring intently at.

Jackson handed one glass to me, our fingers brushing in a way I’m sure they must have done a thousand times before, in a thousand different situations. I had never noticed that the touch of his hand against mine, the brush of his mere finger against my skin, could elicit such a reaction. It was as if the countdown had already concluded. As if corks were popping, and cheers were rising, and people were … kissing.

I grabbed that drink from him and guzzled it down, slamming it on the counter as the countdown actually did begin in earnest. “Ten, nine, eight … “

I waited for the “one” to return his “Happy New Year,” then … then I leaned in, bringing our faces close together, unsure what I meant to do until I chickened out, kissing him on the cheek and saying again, directly in his ear, “Happy New Year.”

My hand was resting on the bar, close to his phone, and I felt it vibrate next to me at the same moment mine buzzed in my pocket. Jackson used the distraction to snap his phone up, hop off his stool, and move back a few steps. I pulled mine out.

Jamie had texted both of us.

“Guess he’s leaving, then,” he shouted at me because we really wouldn’t have been able to hear each other over the celebration since he’d put distance between us.

“Yeah,” I shouted back “We should find the girls.”

He nodded as if making his mind up about something, then chugged his drink, slamming it on the table even harder than I had before storming off, heading down the stairs and into the sea of partygoers.