Always on My Mind (Stanmore FC Soulmates #2)

26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

For reasons inexplicable to Tessa, she woke up at four in the morning. As much as she fought it, her eyes flew open and took in her dark bedroom. Jamie slept soundly by her side. They had a solid month since the baby shower. Jamie made good on her promise to socialize more with the team so that she and Tessa could outwardly be a couple somewhere besides their houses. They had also had a triple date with Billie and Ethan and Jordan and Laci. So why was Tessa awake at an ungodly hour with a pit in her stomach?

She picked up Jamie’s arm to wrap it around herself. Jamie stirred enough to pull Tessa in close, but she didn’t wake up. Tessa figured physical contact would lull her back to sleep. She closed her eyes once more and slowed her breathing. She tried to match it to Jamie’s, but couldn’t get the rhythm right, so she gave that up and counted the beats of each breath. Four beats in, four beats out. Supposedly, that would make her sleepy.

Yet sleep eluded her.

She tried the age old counting sheep method. Only she couldn’t decide if she wanted to count sheep or cows, so she abandoned the idea altogether. With a heavy sigh, she snuggled closer to Jamie. The woman had given her four orgasms only hours ago. She should be sleeping like a baby.

But she couldn’t keep her eyes closed.

Jamie woke, and with a groggy voice, asked, “What’s the matter, Tess?”

“Ach, I dunno,” Tessa replied. “I can’t sleep.”

“Something wrong?”

“No, just a bad feeling. I think perhaps I had a bad dream.”

It seemed like a logical explanation, though she couldn’t recall whether she had been dreaming or not.

Jamie lifted her head. “Anything I can do?”

“Thank you, but no,” Tessa said. “I think I’ll make a cuppa.”

“D’you mind if I go back to sleep?”

“Go on, love.”

She kissed Jamie’s cheek and got to her feet. Once she had her dressing gown and slippers on, she padded out to the kitchen. She remembered Billie telling her that there was no better cure for a troubled mind than a cup of tea. They had shared several in their years as flatmates. Nearly two years ago, they had sat at that very table while Billie shared a dream she had. One that pointed to Ethan and her soul connection.

But that was certainly not the explanation for Tessa. She had clarity about her dreams now—on the nights she did have them. And she and Jamie were together and happy. They had fallen into a routine together. It was finally working.

While the water boiled, Tessa checked her phone. Sometimes an Instagram or TikTok scroll could clear her mind. Maybe she could find a good ASMR video to put her out. Only as she opened the app, her phone rang, and Ethan’s name flashed across her screen. She picked up on the first ring.

“Hello?”

“Tessa, hey!” he said, and for some reason, he sounded winded. “I’m sorry to call you so early, but Billie’s going into labor.”

“What?” Tessa cried, nearly dropping her phone. Collecting herself, she brought it to her ear. “How is she? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything is fine, but the contractions are just the right amount apart, and we were advised to come in. I know you said you wanted to be around, so I wanted to give you a heads-up. Stevie is already on the way.”

“Of course, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Tessa said. “Tell Billie I love her and good luck.”

“Thanks, Tessa,” Ethan said gently.

They hung up. Tessa flicked off the kettle switch and hurtled back to her bedroom. Jamie started and sat up at the sound of the door, but Tessa paid her no mind as she scrambled to find some clothes.

“What’s going on?” Jamie asked through a yawn.

“I’m away to the hospital,” Tessa replied. “Billie’s having her baby.”

“Now?”

“No, in another week or so—yes, now!”

Jamie leaned over to switch the lamp on, rubbing her eyes. “Do you want me to come?”

“You’ve got training.”

“Technically, so do you.”

“I’ll write Nelle an email on the tube.”

“The tube isn’t running for another hour,” Jamie said. “I’ll drive you.”

Tessa’s mind was too jumbled to argue, so she tossed Jamie her phone. “Ethan texted me the name of the hospital.”

Jamie scanned the screen and nodded. “I know where that is.”

She yanked the duvet off her legs and got dressed too. Tessa picked some joggers and a tank top. She knew that births, especially the first baby, could take hours, sometimes even days. She made a mental note to ask Niamh to bring her a bag of things if it came to that. For the moment, Tessa tossed a book, her phone, a charger, and her wallet into a tote bag and called it a day. She threw a cardigan over her shoulders to keep the April morning chill at bay, but she was so excited, it already felt too warm.

The crisp air cooled her skin on the way to Jamie’s car. The leather of the seat even chilled Tessa’s legs enough to put goosebumps over her skin. But she hardly noticed. Billie was having a baby. Her best friend had created a life and would be bringing it into the world.

Tessa recalled the feeling she had when she woke up. Was that why the universe had disturbed her sleep? So that she would be ready for that phone call? Or was it a warning? Was Billie about to be in danger? Her heart dropped at the thought.

“Hey,” Jamie said, her voice drawing Tessa out of her thoughts. When had they started driving? “Are you okay?”

“It’s not me we should be worried about,” Tessa replied.

“Who then? Billie?”

“Aye.”

“Why?”

“Childbirth is dangerous,” Tessa said. “It’s the number one killer of women.”

“I don’t think that’s true anymore,” Jamie said gently.

“Women still die, though. There’s a lot that could go wrong. What if he’s breeched? She’d need to have a C-section, and—”

“You don’t need to overthink it. Billie has access to some of the best care in the world. And you said yourself that her pregnancy has been healthy.”

“What if something happens to the wain then? What if he’s stillborn and my poor friend went through all this for nothing?”

“Tessa,” Jamie said firmly. “You’re getting yourself worked up over nothing. Women have been giving birth forever, and hospitals are equipped to deal with any and all issues that may arise. However rare they may be.”

Tessa couldn’t shake it. “I dunno. I’ve got this feeling that something horrible is going to happen tonight.”

“That sounds like anxiety talking.”

“Wise up, Jamie. You and I both know there’s no such thing as a coincidence.”

“Sure, when it comes to soulmates. But this isn’t that.”

“How do you know? How can you be sure?”

“Because this is Billie and Ethan’s happily ever after,” Jamie said firmly. “This time, it’s all working out for them.”

Oddly, the tightness in Tessa’s chest loosened. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly through her mouth. She could admit she was overthinking it. And that there was some anxiety about her best friend taking such a big leap in life. One that would ultimately take priority over Tessa. But she couldn’t find it in her heart to be sad. Not when the idea of being in this child’s life made joy bubble up inside her.

The whirlwind of emotions was liable to make her vomit. She reached for Jamie’s hand to steady herself.

“You’re right, it’s their time,” Tessa said.

Jamie squeezed her hand. “It’s ours too. At long last.”

Tessa nodded. “Stop being so cheesy or I’ll boke.”

“Don’t you dare. I just had my car detailed.”

Laughing, they drove on. Tessa’s muscles relaxed. It was going to be okay.

They reached the hospital and Jamie pulled right up to the door. Tessa gathered up her things and faced her girlfriend one more time.

“Keep me updated,” Jamie said. “I’ll come back after training to wait with you for a while if need be.”

“Perfect,” Tessa said. “I’ll see you later.”

She leaned over the console to give Jamie a kiss, but Jamie drew back. Tessa saw the immediate regret on her face as she tried to regroup.

“Sorry. Habit.” She leaned forward and pecked Tessa’s lips. “I love you, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Right,” Tessa said, still a bit stung. “Love you too.”

She didn’t give Jamie the opportunity to say anything more before stepping out of the car.

A nurse at the front desk directed her to the lift and told her that labor and delivery was on the fourth floor. Tessa pressed the button, and as the lift doors closed, she tried to shake off what happened in the car. Jamie had corrected, but why was she still struggling when there were no people around?

All thoughts of Jamie fled her mind when she arrived on the ward, where she met up with Ethan’s grandmother, Betty. Ethan got a lot of his looks from Betty. The soft blonde hair, green eyes, wide forehead. Tessa had met Betty several times, most recently for Billie and Ethan’s wedding. Betty hadn’t been able to make it to the shower. She extended a red nail polished hand to Tessa.

“What about you, Betty?” Tessa asked.

“I’m doing just fine,” Betty replied. Ethan got his sweet Southern accent from her too. “Ready for my great-grandbaby to get here already!”

“Did you fly over from North Carolina just now?” Tessa joked.

Betty grinned. “I would have. But I flew in a week ago so I could help Billie out while Ethan is at practice.”

“That’s kind of you.”

“Well, we all know the schedules of athletes unfortunately don’t stop for babies.”

“Quite true. Are they in a room already?”

“Yep, they took Billie back a few minutes ago. Her sister and Ethan are with her.”

Tessa let out a relieved puff of air. Billie had offered to have Tessa in the room while she gave birth, but Tessa politely declined. Billie didn’t seem to mind. Tessa thought Stevie might be a better presence anyway, since she had two kids of her own, and could ease any anxiety Billie might have.

“How long do you suppose it’ll be?” Tessa wondered.

“Could be days with a first baby,” Betty said. She reached into her purse and pulled out a couple decks of cards. “Wanna pass the time with some canasta?”

“I’ve never played.”

“I’ll teach you. Believe me, we’ve got time.”

Betty was right. The sun shone through the window as dawn arrived, and Tessa had finally gotten a grip on the game of canasta. They talked about how excited they were for Billie and Ethan. Betty mused about being a great-grandmother. Though Tessa assured her she didn’t look the part.

And it was true. Betty was already young to be Ethan’s grandmother. Billie told Tessa some of the back story. Betty was eighteen years old when she had Ethan’s mother, Laura. And Laura was twenty-one when she had Ethan. Ten years later, she passed away from a drug overdose, and Betty took over raising Ethan. Tessa was amazed at how Ethan turned out so kind after such a harsh childhood. But Billie said it only made Ethan want to be the best father possible, and his child would want for nothing. Tessa had no doubt he would be an incredible dad.

Hours passed. And then more hours. Tessa napped on the waiting room couch. While she slept, she found herself dreaming of her life as Rosie, only this time, she was back in Derry, heartbroken and crying in her house. When she woke, she needed a distraction, so she read her book and played more cards with Betty until the sun went back down.

Ethan finally entered the lobby. Bags under his eyes, his hair and clothes rumpled, sweat stains under his arms—and yet, Tessa had never seen him happier. His green eyes were misted over, but glowing. The smile on his lips accentuated his dimples. His body gave no signs of weariness. He was the definition of elated.

“He’s here,” he said in his deep drawl, and his voice cracked over the last word. “My son is here.”

Before anyone could congratulate him, he collapsed into his grandmother’s arms and wept. Betty held him upright as he sagged against her, his body shaking with sobs. She rubbed her hand up and down his back, soothing him the way a mother would with a child.

“He’s here,” Ethan blubbered.

“He is here, honey,” Betty replied. “You have a little baby boy. You’re going to be the most wonderful father, I know it.”

Ethan squeezed his eyes shut and fresh tears rolled over his cheeks.

A lump formed in Tessa’s throat. She turned away, feeling as if she were intruding on something private. Questions burned in her mind about how Billie was, but she held them off to give Ethan a moment with the woman who raised him.

A small flash of light caught her eye. From across the lobby, a young woman had her phone aimed directly at Ethan. Then she pointed to him and showed the surrounding people while they all snickered. Anger simmered in Tessa’s belly. The nerve of people! To intrude on someone’s most vulnerable moment just because he was a famous footballer! Tessa had to warn him.

He had finally stepped back from Betty when she looked again, but still rested a hand on her shoulder. Betty squeezed his arm while he wiped at his face with his free hand.

“Billie did so great,” he said. “She’s resting now, but she worked so hard. She was truly incredible. God, I can’t believe I’m this lucky.”

Tessa’s heart warmed. She hated to break up such a beautiful moment, but she had to let him know.

“Ethan, I’m sorry to tell you this, but the woman on the couch behind us took your picture, and I’m pretty sure she’s tweeting it out to the world,” she said.

Ethan blinked. “What?”

Tessa nodded in the direction of the woman. “I saw her take your picture while you were crying.”

Betty narrowed her eyes, bristling. “You just say the word, Ethan, and I’ll snatch the phone right out of that nosy heifer’s hands.”

“Oh, aye, you get her, Betty,” Tessa encouraged.

Betty took one step in the direction of the other couch, but Ethan grabbed her arm.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “It’s not worth it.”

“Are you sure?” Betty asked.

He nodded. “Thanks, but I’m sure. I love my wife and my son more than anything in the world. I ain’t ashamed of that, not one bit. I don’t care who knows it.”

“But. . . she’s going to post it online or send it to the press!” Tessa cried. “They’ll eat you alive!”

“I don’t care,” he said with a shake of his head. “Nothing could make me care about what strangers online or journalists say more than I care about my family. It just. . . doesn’t matter.”

The ominous feeling that woke Tessa suddenly slammed into her chest. She understood it now. The bad thing she felt was coming did not have to do with Billie and Ethan. They were simply the catalyst for showing her what she needed.

She needed to be with someone ready to love her as shamelessly as Ethan loved Billie. Someone who felt she mattered more than the online trolls and the press and the fucked up family. And that person was not Jamie. Not now. Not this time.

“Y’all wanna come and see him?” Ethan asked.

“Oh, hell yes!” Betty cried.

Tessa glanced at her phone and saw a text from Jamie, letting her know that she was parking and about to head inside.

“I’ll give you a moment first, Betty, my girlfriend’s here,” Tessa said.

“Alright, when you want a turn, you know the room number,” Ethan said.

Tessa nodded, fighting back the wobble of her chin and the tears in her eyes. She made her way to the lift, her heart already breaking.

In a haze, she made it to the main floor. She hardly remembered the lift doors opening or walking past the nurse’s station. The pleasant spring evening air couldn’t penetrate her sorrow. She didn’t hear the traffic or the birds. She saw only Jamie walking up the pavement, an unsuspecting smile on her face. A smile that dropped the moment she took in Tessa’s expression.

“What’s happened?” she asked. “Is Billie alright? Is it the baby?”

“No,” Tessa said, steeling herself against the hurt she knew she was about to inflict on them both. “It’s us, Jamie.”

Jamie lifted a brow. “Us? How do you mean?”

“This isn’t working.”

She held Jamie’s gaze, willing her to understand, but found only bewilderment behind those gorgeous blue eyes. She was going to miss them for the rest of her life.

“Jamie, I can’t keep chipping away at my own heart to protect you,” she said. “It’s been months, and the progress with your father is minimal. At this rate, we’ll be in our fifties before anything truly changes, and I’m not willing to carry on this way.”

Jamie frowned, her brow furrowing. “If this is about not kissing you in the car—”

“It’s about that and every other time I’ve felt like a secret around you,” Tessa said. “I just watched a man publicly weep for the love of his wife and baby. And I realized that’s what I want too.”

“I. . . Tessa, I’m working on it,” Jamie said, her lip quivering. “I can get there.”

“I need someone who is there,” Tessa replied. Her throat closed up around the words, as if all her past lives were begging her not to say them. To fight for this. But the fight had gone out of her. “I know you’re working on things, but I still feel like I’m on a roller coaster. Where we have a good moment, then I get hurt, and you make it better with sex or a grand gesture. I’ve got to get off the ride, Jamie, or I’ll go mad.”

“It’s not going to be forever.”

“It’s not going to be right now, either.”

Jamie opened and closed her mouth a few times and sniffled before speaking again. “But we’re soulmates. We’ve found each other across the centuries! We’re meant to be together!”

“Aye, I know. Maybe in the next life.”

Jamie sucked in a soft gasp as a tear ran down her cheek. Tessa turned away. She wouldn’t be able to stand it if she saw Jamie break down. When she got into the lift, she burst into tears. She let herself fall apart in the time it would take to get back to the labor and delivery floor and Billie’s room. She had to condense those centuries of ache into a few short minutes. She would have more time to truly grieve later. For the moment, there was new life to celebrate. Even though it felt like hers was ending.