Always on My Mind (Stanmore FC Soulmates #2)

27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

While Tessa enjoyed Derry at Christmas, she especially loved her hometown in the spring. And it was most comforting in the wake of her recent heartbreak.

After visiting with Billie and the baby—Henry, they named him—Tessa booked the first available flight back to Northern Ireland. She would only stay a few days, as she would need to be back at work after missing a match. But she needed to get away. She needed her family. She needed to be reminded of life outside of her circle in London.

The first day, she laid in bed and slept. When she wasn’t sleeping, she was crying. Her mother brought her tea and food, but she didn’t touch it. It was as if a part of her had died. And she supposed it had. She was suffocating the part of herself that would always love Jamie and choosing a life of contentment without her. She expected to feel the weight of her past lives railing against the choice, but she didn’t dream of them. She wondered if her choice had severed the connection.

But if that were true, why did it hurt so much?

The raw agony settled into a dull ache after that brutal first day, and she managed to get herself out of bed to have breakfast with her family. To her immense relief, they didn’t ask her about Jamie or anything that happened. They carried on as if life were completely normal. Tessa might have cried with gratitude if she hadn’t spent all her tears on Jamie.

“Tessa, love, can you go and get dinner from the chippie?” her mother asked. “White fish all around, and five bags of chips.”

“Doesn’t Granda usually get a burger, Mammy?” Tessa asked.

“Aye, so he does, but the doctor’s told us to cut down on red meat because of his heart. So it’ll be fish for him.”

“Won’t he be cut up?”

“He’ll be grand. If he gives you any cheek, you send him straight to me.”

Tessa shrugged. She considered arguing that deep-fried fish was probably not much better on someone’s heart than red meat. Not to mention the chips. But she wouldn’t contradict her mother.

“Right, I’m away then,” she said, getting to her feet.

She slipped her trainers on and shoved her arms through the sleeves of her jacket. As she grabbed her purse off the hook, a hand wrapped around her arm above the elbow. Stifling a gasp, she whipped around to come face to face with her grandfather.

“I’ll give you twenty quid to get me a burger,” he whispered.

“But, Granda, your heart.”

“My heart’s fine. That doctor’s a dose. Get me a burger.”

“Ma will have a cack attack.”

“She won’t know a thing. I’ll eat it before she knows it’s even come in the house.”

Tessa lifted an eyebrow. “You’re gonna eat an entire burger before I get the order to the kitchen?”

“Oh, aye. Don’t you believe in your old granda, love?”

She shook her head. “If you pull that off, I’ll give you your twenty quid back.”

“That’s a good girl,” her granda chuckled, and handed her the bill. “Off you get, then.”

She walked the familiar path to the chippie with an amused grin. It was her first smile in nearly forty-eight hours. It solidified her choice in coming home. Home would heal her.

The chippie was rammed with the usual Friday night crowd. As Tessa pushed her way to the front to place her order, she brushed shoulders with a familiar form. Dominic.

“Tessa?” he said with a grin. “Back already? Or have you finally wised up and come home for good?”

She playfully smacked his arm. “I’m just visiting, dicko.”

He chuckled as they moved a few steps up the line.

“What about you, then?” he asked.

“I’m. . . ” she trailed off, unsure what to say. Similar to last time, she didn’t have the words to explain what was going on in her life. “I’m grand. Grand, so.”

He searched her face, as if he didn’t quite believe her, but he didn’t press. “How many bags of chips is it for you, then?”

“Five for us,” she told him. “You?”

“Six.”

She gaped at him. “Six? For three people?”

“No word of a lie, my da eats three on his own. Ma and I have to split whatever’s left.”

“Jesus, but that’s incredible.”

They shared a laugh, and they finally reached the counter. Dominic placed his order, and Tessa watched him. It wasn’t difficult to remember what she found charming about him when they were teenagers. He was good looking, of course. The hottest ride in Derry at the time. But he was sweet, too. Gentle teasing and good natured. He was thoughtful and considerate when they had sex for the first time. It was the first time for them both, and she remembered it fondly.

“Gallagher!” the woman behind the counter barked. Her name was Majella, and she’d been at the chippie as long as Tessa could remember. Majella’s commanding voice snapped Tessa out of her wandering thoughts. “What’s yours?”

“Sorry, that’ll be three white fish, one hamburger, and five bags of chips, please,” Tessa said.

They stepped aside and waited for their orders.

“Say, Dom,” Tessa said. “Does that offer for a pint still stand?”

“Of course,” he replied, smiling wide.

“Not anything romantic like, but. . . I could use a friend right now. A friend who doesn’t have a newborn wain and doesn’t. . . know who I know.”

His gaze softened. “Of course, Tessa. I’d like that a lot, actually.”

She made sure she had his correct number and promised to text him after dinner so they could go to the pub.

When she got home, her grandfather waited in the foyer with a darkly expectant expression on his face. She glanced over his shoulder to make sure the coast was clear before she fished the burger out of the bag and handed it off.

He unwrapped it and took a deep breath.

“Granda, don’t waste time,” Tessa hissed. “You’ve got to—”

Before she could finish speaking, her grandfather had polished off the burger in three massive, swift bites. Tessa watched in wide-eyed awe as he pocketed the wrapper and held his hand out.

“Sweet, suffering Jesus,” she said under her breath, and handed him back his cash.

Dominic was easy to spot among the tables of pub-goers. A few of Tessa’s schoolmates said hello as she side-stepped between the tables. When she reached Dom, there was already a pint waiting for her. Tessa didn’t normally drink beer, but at a pub, there hardly seemed to be another choice.

After sharing initial sips and greetings, Tessa met Dominic’s gaze. “So, what’s the craic?”

“With me?” he said. “Not much. I’m working for my father.”

“That’s nice. D’you enjoy the work?”

He shrugged. “It’s fine. What about you? What are you doing for work these days?”

“I’m still writing for the paper,” Tessa said. “But I also work for the Stanmore FC women’s team doing their social media.”

Even mentioning Stanmore made a pang shoot through Tessa’s chest. It was a reminder of Jamie. She pushed it down with another swig of beer.

“How d’you like it?” he asked.

“The pay is great,” she replied, and it was true. If only her soulmate being there wasn’t going to ruin her life. “Not that football is exactly my passion, but living in London isn’t cheap.”

“No doubt,” he said with a chuckle. “I still can’t believe you live there. It seems so busy.”

“Oh, aye, it is. But I love the diversity of the city. I love how much there is to do. I don’t even mind the tourists.”

“No?”

“I’m rarely in central London where they tend to be. But when I am, I don’t mind. I just love living somewhere with so much life.”

“Perhaps I’ll have to visit you sometime and see what all the fuss is about.”

“You should! It’ll be grand. I’ll show you all the restaurants that are actually good.”

“Ach, you sure know the way to my heart.”

He smiled as he sipped his beer, and for a moment, Tessa let herself imagine what it would be like to show him around London. He certainly wouldn’t shy away from holding her hand while they explored. He wouldn’t jerk away if she leaned in for a kiss. He might even put an arm around her. Her heart cracked inside her chest.

She picked up her pint glass and downed it.

Dominic blinked. “Woah. There’s, er, no need to rush, Tessa.”

She slammed the glass back down on the table. “Another round?”

His eyes bounced between his nearly full glass and her face. “I’m alright.”

“I’ll just help myself then.”

She pushed herself to her feet and headed to the bar to order another. She also ordered a shot of whiskey, which she took before carrying the beer back to her table. Dominic pinned her with a look.

“Are you alright, Tessa?” he asked. “Seriously.”

Tessa heaved a sigh. “No, I’m not. I broke up with my girlfriend. I’m cut up about it, but I can’t talk to my best friend because she’s just had a baby. I can’t talk to my parents about it because they’ll just tell me some gobshite about how I’m better off because she’s English.”

“Christ, you were with an English girl?”

“English and Protestant.”

“Oof,” Dominic winced. “Double whammy.”

“I know. Usually I have better taste.”

He chuckled. “You must have loved her a lot.”

Tessa swallowed through the sudden tightness in her throat. If only he could understand the true depths of the love that existed between her and Jamie. It was impossible for most. Even if she could explain it, she didn’t want to. If she started, she was sure she would burst into tears right there in the middle of the pub. And while that wouldn’t be the most embarrassing thing she’d ever done, she wasn’t eager to let it happen. And yet, her bottom lip trembled.

“Aye,” she said quietly. “So I did.”

Hearing herself put it in the past tense made her gulp down the rest of her second beer. Clearly, being sober was not going to get Jamie out of her mind.

“If I get super drunk, would you be able to see me home?” she asked him.

The corner of his mouth ticked up into a sad smile. “Is that what you want?”

“It really is.”

“Alright. I’m here for you.”

“God bless you, Dominic Keegan.”

The lights reflecting on the wet street blurred in Tessa’s vision as she stumbled, catching herself on Dominic’s arm. He kept her upright with a giggle. She took a big step leaning against him.

“D’you believe in soulmates, Dom?” she asked, slurring her words.

“I suppose,” he replied. “Do you?”

“Oh, aye. I don’t have a choice but to believe in them. The girl I just broke up with was mine. Which is why I think I’ll need to be steaming like this for the rest of my life if I’m going to live it in peace.”

“You’re drunk right now, and still thinking about her,” he pointed out. “I’m not sure that’s the solution.”

“Ach, that’s a good point, so it is. But I still think it makes it easier. I don’t want to cry right now, and that’s better than usual.”

“If she’s your soulmate and you’re this cut up about losing her, why did you break up?”

“Because she’s not out, and it’s a massive secret,” she said through a sigh. “If I was with her right now instead of you, I wouldn’t even be able to do this.” She shook his arm to clarify. “And we aren’t even having sex or anything.”

“Aye, so we aren’t,” he chuckled.

“See, it’s stuff that wasn’t even inherently romantic, but she was so scared of being out, she pulled away every time. And maybe I’m sensitive, but it hurt me.”

“Ach, no, I don’t think so. It’d be hard for anyone to be with someone they felt as if they were hiding from the world. I know I wouldn’t put up with that either.”

“And we’ve tried dating before. Had the same problem. But I gave in to her wanting to try again because of the stupid soulmate thing. And it is stupid. Fucking soulmates. Bunch of gobshite, so it is.”

“Soulmate or not, everyone deserves to be loved without shame.”

Tessa blinked and nodded. “Absolutely.”

“I’m sorry you’re hurting, though.”

She hummed and rested her head on his shoulder. “Thanks.”

They continued in silence until they reached the Gallagher’s front door. Dominic went to ring the bell.

“Stall the ball, you!” Tessa gasped, swatting his hand down with a slap.

“Ow!” he cried and shook out his hand. “What’s the matter?”

“Don’t ring the bell, I don’t need my ma seeing me like this.” She patted her pockets in search of her phone and handed it to him. “Text my granda. I got him his burger, he’ll help me get past my ma.”

She told him the passcode. He opened up her texts and typed. Within minutes, her grandfather was at the door, offering her a hand over the threshold.

“Thanks for the pints and sympathy, Dom,” Tessa said softly.

“Anytime,” he replied. “I hope you heal soon, Tessa.”

She smiled and leaned into her grandfather. As she watched Dominic leave, she wished she could have been with someone like him. It would have been so simple, so easy. And yet, she knew she never could. Not while Jamie was on the same planet. Whenever they existed together, they held each other’s hearts. Tessa let her grandfather help her to bed with the worst case of existential dread. Even drunk, she realized that her fears from the moment she discovered that Jamie was her soulmate were true. She would never be happy—truly happy—unless she and Jamie were together. And she had torn them apart once again.