Are You Ready? (Everlasting Ink #3)

Chapter 16

CHAPTER

SIXTEEN

Briar

My heart is shredded. There isn’t a single piece that’s still intact. When I saw Forrest snuggled up with the girls in their fort in the middle of my living room, I knew my time was up. I had to tell him. The girls are attached. I’m attached. I couldn’t let us keep falling for this man, knowing he’s missing a huge piece of who we are as a family. My girls and me, and even my sister.

“Go?” Forrest grits out.

I can feel his heavy gaze, but I can’t make eye contact with him. It’s too much. Losing him is too much. I knew better, but it’s not all my fault. He slipped into our lives, and into our hearts like a thief in the night, and here we are.

Our hearts are invested.

“Please don’t make this harder than it already is,” I plead through my tears.

I hear him rustling and my heart stutters in my chest. This is it. This is the moment when he walks away. In a way, this is just as soul-crushing as that night all those years ago. He’s not a nameless, faceless memory .

He’s our Forrest.

Our Forty.

He’s in our hearts, and the pain is already unbearable.

I startle when he slides his arms beneath me, lifting me from the lounger. He takes my place with me nestled on his lap. There’s a lump in my throat that makes it almost impossible to swallow back the sob that’s threatening to break free.

“You had your turn, baby. Now it’s mine. I need you to listen.”

I nod because words fail me. I don’t know what he’s about to say, but being in his arms, it feels right, as if this is where I’ve always belonged. This very well could be the last time I feel his strong arms wrapped around me. So, while this is torture, I’m soaking up every second of time with him.

“I’m not going anywhere. Do you hear me, Briar? I’m right here. You’re safe in my arms, and that’s where you belong. That’s where I need you.” His breathing is labored, and his voice is stern.

“I wish you could see it,” he continues. “I wish you could see you how I see you.” He pauses and presses his lips to the top of my head. “Every day, Briar, you are the first thing I think about when I wake up. Not just you, but the girls too. I can’t tell you how many times during the day I want to call you to tell you something. From a song on the radio to something I think the girls would love.”

He stops again, and I notice his breathing is calmer. He seems to be settling down, and oddly enough, it’s calming me too. His words race through my mind, and I don’t have time to really decipher them when he starts talking again.

“At night, my house is quiet and lonely. I find myself wishing you and the girls were there with me.”

I lift my head to look at him. He wipes at my tears with his thumbs. “Really?” I ask. I’m having a hard time processing all the emotions of the evening.

“Really. Baby, I hate what you went through. I hate what was stolen from you. It hurts my heart that you think I’d walk away because of it. ”

“I’m broken, Forrest. I’ve had sex once in my life, and I don’t remember it. That one night that I can’t remember gave me two of the greatest gifts in this world. I have a lot of emotional baggage.”

“I have broad shoulders. I want you to lean on me, and use my strength. I want to help you find yourself again. I want to help you build your confidence and learn that trusting is okay. I want to make you smile and see your eyes light up, and those girls, they’re mine too.

“And don’t get me started on you thinking I would treat them differently or think differently of those little angels because of circumstances beyond your control or theirs. They are your daughters. They are a part of you. I’m very aware that there are three hearts I’m fighting for.”

“Are you? Fighting for them, I mean, for us?” I bite down on my bottom lip. Hope soars inside my chest. I’m almost afraid to think about what that means for us. For me and my daughters. Forrest wants to be a part of our lives, and I know without the shadow of a doubt, we want him to be a part of it.

“You’re damn right, I’m fighting for my girls.”

His words hit me square in the chest, and I can’t hold my tears. A sob escapes, and Forrest pulls me back to his chest. He rubs his hands gently up and down my spine until I get myself under control.

“I don’t know when I’ll be ready,” I confess to his chest.

“That’s fine. We have forever.”

Forever.

How can one word make me feel giddy? It’s easy to picture Forrest as a permanent part of our lives. I want that. I know this is a me issue. I’ve never really dealt with what happened to me, and then Dad passed right after the twins were born. I think it’s time I talk to someone. Honestly, it might be good for Brogan to as well.

It’s time to move forward.

“I want this with you, Forrest.”

“Good. I’m not going anywhere. ”

“Can we try something?”

“What’s that, baby?”

“Do you maybe want to stay here? Tonight, I mean. It’s getting late, and the girls will be up early, but I’m not ready to be away from you.” My confession is a huge step for me, one I never could have seen myself taking before I met the man who’s holding me as if I’m the most precious thing in his life.

We both know what my request means. Forrest has my trust. He’s had it for a long time. It’s the next step of me moving forward, and he’s not the only one who’s thought about what could be. I’ve lain awake staring at shadows on the ceilings, wondering how it would feel to fall asleep next to him, wrapped in his arms. He’s not some nameless, faceless frat boy.

He’s ours.

“What about the girls?”

“They adore you.”

“What are we going to tell them? I can be up early and sneak out.”

“No. I don’t want that. I want you here with us, Forrest.” I think about his question. “We’ll tell them that you’re my boyfriend and that we’re all going to be spending a lot more time together.”

“Yeah?” His eyes brighten in the moonlight.

“Baby steps.”

He lifts my hand and places it over his heart. “There is so much I want to say, but I know it’s not the time. When you’re ready, you let me know. Until then, just know that this is where the three of you are. That’s what you mean to me.”

My eyes widen because I’m pretty sure he’s saying that he loves us, or is this just my lonely heart reading too much into his words?

“Okay.”

“Come on, baby. Let’s go to bed.” I stand and offer him my hand. He takes it, allowing me to help him stand. Hand in hand, we step back into the house. Forrest locks the door behind us as I go to peek in on the girls. “They’re out,” I whisper .

“Let’s let them sleep here tonight.”

“Yeah. I’ll turn the light on over the stove in case they wake up.”

He waits for me to handle the lights and follows me to my room. My hands are shaking and my stomach rolls with a little excitement and a little fear of having a man in my room.

“We’re just sleeping, Briar, and if you’ve changed your mind, I can head home.”

“No. I’m just nervous.”

“Go get changed for bed, baby. I’ll be right here.”

Nodding, I grab what I need and disappear into the en suite bathroom. When I emerge a few minutes later, he’s shirtless, still in his shorts, lying on top of the covers.

“You tell me how this is going to go, Briar. Under the covers? Me on top of them? Lights on? Whatever you want this moment to be is how it’s going to play out. You have all the control here, baby.”

“I apologize now if I wake up freaking out. I’ve never done this.”

“Understood. I’ll be here regardless until you tell me to leave.”

“Under the covers.” Turning out the light, I walk to the other side of the bed and slide beneath the cover. Forrest does the same. Anxiety rolls through me. I take a few minutes to dissect how I’m feeling. I’m tired of running and avoiding life. After a few minutes, I know the cause of my anxiety. It’s not because I’m scared. It’s because I’m nervous.

“Tell me what you need, Briar.”

“Will you hold me?”

“All night long,” he promises.

I feel the bed dip, and then his arms are around me. He kisses my shoulder. “Tomorrow, you’re coming to Sunday dinner. You and the girls. Brogan too,” he adds.

“Okay.” I don’t tell him that I already promised Emerson I would be there.

“Thank you. Night, baby. ”

“Night.”

I assumed it would take me hours to fall asleep with him next to me, being my first time and all that, but his arms around me have the opposite effect. The Forrest effect, I guess, because I feel safe, relaxed, and cherished. Sleep claims me quickly.

“Mommy.” I hear a little voice.

“Mommy, Forrest is sleeping in your bed,” another little voice announces.

My eyes pop open to see the girls standing beside the bed. Their eyes are wide and curious. “Good morning.”

“Did Forty have a sleepover?” River asks.

“He did.”

“Hims could have slept with us.” Rayne pouts.

“I did sleep with you,” Forrest says. He leans over me and bops each of the girls on the nose with his index finger. “We fell asleep in our fort. When your mommy got home, I didn’t want her to be lonely, so I came to bed with her.”

River tilts her head to the side. “Aunt Brogan was probably lonely too. We should find her a friend to have a sleepover with.”

Forrest huffs out a laugh.

“Girls, why don’t you go to the living room, and we’ll be right there to make breakfast?”

“Forrest too?” Rayne asks shyly.

“Yeah, sweetheart. I’m staying.”

“Yay!” the girls cheer as they rush out of my bedroom and down the hall toward the kitchen.

“Morning, baby.”

“Hi.” I feel embarrassed, but I don’t know why.

“How did you sleep?”

“Better than I have in a long time.”

“Me too. We should do this more often. I like waking up to my girls.”

“You don’t have to stay. I can make an excuse. ”

“There is nowhere else I’d rather be. Besides, you promised me breakfast, and the five of us are going to Monroe and Legend’s for Sunday dinner.”

“They’re going to tell us the gender of their baby.” I slap my hand over my mouth.

“Wait a minute. You were already going, weren’t you?”

“Sorry.” I wince.

“Come here.” He leans in, and I turn my head.

“I need to brush my teeth.”

“No, you need to kiss me. Come on, woman. Pay your penance, and we can make breakfast.”

I can’t say no. I don’t want to say no, so I lean in and press my lips to his. Who knew adult sleepovers could be so fun?

“Who lives here?” River asks as Forrest parks my car in Monroe and Legend’s driveway.

“This is Monroe and Legend’s house,” Brogan tells her. She’s sitting in the back seat with the twins. She wanted to drive separately, but I insisted she come with us. I’m not ousting my sister because I have a boyfriend.

“I don’t think I know them,” Rayne says thoughtfully.

“You’ve met them both,” I assure her.

“What are we gonna do?” River asks.

“We’re going to eat lots of good food and hang out with our friends and family,” Forrest answers her.

River gasps. “We have friends and family?”

My chest tightens. The girls have only really known Brogan and me until Emerson and Monroe brought us into the fold of their lives, and now, Forrest.

“You do,” Forrest answers her. “You ready to play with Lilly?”

“Lilly is here? We love Lilly,” Rayne replies.

“She is. Come on.” Forrest opens his door, and there is nothing left to do but follow him. He insisted he drive, and since the car seats were in my car, I compromised that we would take mine instead of his truck. He grumbled something about getting his own damn car seats. At least that’s what it sounded like.

Brogan helps the girls unbuckle, and soon we’re all striding toward the front door. Forrest doesn’t bother knocking as he turns the knob and steps inside. He offers each of the girls one of his hands, and they jump at the chance to have his attention. “Ladies.” He grins and nods at Brogan and me to go on inside.

“We’re here!” Forrest calls out once we’re all in and the door is shut behind us. He leads us down the hall to a large living room.

“We’re here too!” Rayne says, making everyone laugh.

“Come on in. Make yourselves at home,” Monroe says.

“Girls, do you want to play blocks with Lilly?” Emerson asks. She’s sitting on the floor with Lilly.

I watch as my daughters look up at Forrest for his permission. He kneels. “Do you want to play with Lilly?” he asks them. They nod. “It’s okay. Mommy, Aunt Brogan, and I will be right here.”

“We want you to go with us.” River juts out her bottom lip.

“Blocks are my jam,” he says enthusiastically. Standing to his full height, he walks to where his sister is sitting on the floor with his niece, takes a seat, and the girls plop down on his lap. He reaches for a few blocks, and they start to play. Lilly comes walking over, and she, too, somehow manages to settle on his lap.

“Girls, let Forrest have some space.”

“Mommy, he’s our Forty,” Rayne says.

“Yeah, Mommy.” Forrest winks at me. “They’re fine, babe.”

I melt under his gaze, and I’m certain everyone in this room can see it. I’m terrible at hiding my emotions and right now, they’re stronger than ever when it comes to this man.

“It’s almost time to eat,” Legend announces.

“Can we help?” Brogan asks.

“Sure, come on into the kitchen.” Brogan follows Monroe and Legend into the kitchen. Maggie trails behind them.

“You coming, Briar?” Emerson asks me .

I glance back at the girls.

“I’ve got them,” Forrest tells me. “Go have girl talk or whatever it is you ladies do.”

“Are you sure?”

“He’s sure,” Maddox speaks up. “We’ve got a tower to build, right, girls?”

“A tower?” the twins ask at the same time.

Maddox moves to the floor and starts stacking blocks, and the girls climb off Forrest's lap to help him. Lilly curls up on his shoulder, and let me tell you, it’s a sight to see these men so tender with my daughters and Lilly. I don’t know what we did to bring these people into our lives, but I’m grateful.

“How much longer?” Emerson whines. “This is torture, Mo. Pure torture.”

“Baby girl, she’ll tell us soon.” Roman tries to pacify her.

“I guess we can tell everyone.” Monroe looks up at Legend, who is staring at her like she’s his entire world.

“Whatever you want,” he tells her.

“Let’s do it.” Monroe stands from where she was sitting on Legend’s lap on the couch, and moves to the kitchen. She comes back holding a box. “Everyone gets a cupcake. Rayne? River? Would you want to help me with something really special?” she asks the girls.

“Yes!” they cheer.

“Em, how do you feel about Lilly getting messy with a cupcake?”

“I don’t think she needs all the sugar. It’s almost nap time,” Emerson replies.

Monroe nods. “We’ll send hers home with you.” She motions for the girls to come to the coffee table. She places two small paper plates down and unwraps two cupcakes. “Okay, are you ready for the rules?” Monroe asks them.

“Yes,” they say in unison .

“So, these cupcakes are very special. The insides are either pink or blue. If you have pink in your cupcake, that means my baby is a girl. If you have blue inside your cupcake, that means I’m having a boy.” Monroe peels the paper off the cupcakes to make it easier for them to bite into.

“Where’s your baby?” River asks.

“In my belly.”

Rayne turns to look at me. “Mommy, can we have a baby?”

My mouth falls open. I don’t know what to say. If I say yes, Forrest will think I want him to knock me up, and his friends and family are here. Also, the girls will keep asking. If I say no, it might crush them.

“Maybe one day,” Forrest answers for me. He’s sitting on the floor in front of my chair and gives my leg a gentle squeeze. His answer seems to appease my daughter, and she turns back to Monroe, ready for further instruction.

“Now, when I say three, you take a big bite of your cupcake and tell us what color it is. Are you ready?” Monroe asks them.

“Ready!” They wiggle in excitement.

“One. Two. Three!” Monroe calls out and the girls grab their treats and take a huge bite. They have icing all over their faces, pink and blue to throw us off, but there is no missing the blue crumbs that fall to their plates.

“A boy!” Emerson cheers and rushes toward her best friend, wrapping her in a hug. “We’re getting a boy.” Everyone takes turns passing out hugs, handshakes, and congratulations before we venture back to our seats.

“Em, it’s not ours.” Roman laughs.

“We’re a family. It’s ours. We need a boy. Three girls, he’s going to feel outnumbered.”

I freeze. Three girls. She included my daughters. Hot tears prick my eyes. I blink hard to push them back, but they’re still there. I chance a look at my sister, who is watching me closely. She’s sitting on the love seat with Maddox next to her. She also has tears in her eyes. She gives me a subtle nod.

This is where we belong .

“We need more babies,” Rayne announces.

“What do you think, Brogan? We could get some practice in,” Maddox asks my sister. She swats at his arm, and everyone laughs. Maddox catches my eye and winks. He could see the heaviness of the moment, and he eased the tension in the room.

I mouth a “Thank you,” and he nods.

“All right, who wants a cupcake?” Monroe asks.

We eat cupcakes, laugh, and talk, the kids play, and I can’t remember a day where I had more fun. It feels like everything we went through brought us here. To this town, these people.

This is where we were meant to be.