Beneath Dark Skies (Rolling Hills Ranch #1)

34. Farron

THIRTY-FOUR

FARRON

APPLE IN HAND

Day 426

“Lunch is ready.”

I can’t help but startle at the unexpected voice, feeling like I’m about to jump out of my skin. My head snaps around, finding Adrian casually leaning against the stall right before EJ’s. He’s got his arms folded confidently over his chest and a big grin. Those gorgeous curls of his are unruly, a few strands falling into his face. He’s dressed in a pair of jeans and a blue-gray short-sleeved tee that contrasts against his skin and makes his eyes appear even more blue than normal.

I groan internally, cursing the universe for making all three of these men so damn attractive. My will is only so strong, and it’s so hard to ignore them when all you want to do is let your eyes drink their fill. And judging by the looks I’ve seen on the faces of the other women in the community, I know I’m not the only one.

Finishing my perusal of him, I make my way back up to his face, only to find him smirking at me. I quickly turn back to EJ before I speak.

“You didn’t have to come out here to tell me that,” I mutter, feeling my cheeks heat at the knowledge that I’ve basically been caught ogling him. But Adrian clearly doesn’t plan on letting me off so easily, sauntering over to join me, standing shoulder to shoulder .

“Actually, Sunflower…” he says, his tone teasing, “I did have to come out here to tell you since it’s clear you’re avoiding all of us.”

“I’m not avoiding you,” I respond back a little too quickly, unable to make myself meet his eyes even though I can feel them burning into me. Despite my denial, the truth hangs between us. We both know it’s not true. I am avoiding them very actively and, apparently, very obviously. I let out a defeated sigh and lean forward to rest my head against EJ for a moment. “I just needed some space for myself.”

“Well, I think you’ve had enough space,” Adrian responds playfully, slinging his arm over my shoulder. “Which is why I’ve taken the liberty of preparing a nice little lunch for just the two of us, along with a bunch of snacks.” He subtly shifts my body and points to a big basket resting on the shelf near the entrance of the barn.

I escape from under his arm and turn to face him, brows furrowed.

“So, let me get this straight… You’re convinced I’m avoiding you, so you’ve prepared an elaborate picnic for me? In the rain?”

His smile only widens as he says, “Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of the two of us going over to your cottage to have a little movie marathon. I’m feeling Twilight .” He punctuates his statement by pulling an apple from his back pocket and, with a dramatic flourish and dance of his arms, ends up in the classic book cover pose.

“What if I don’t even like Twilight ?” I bite out.

“I have a hunch you might…” he responds, chuckling like he’s in on some sort of secret before his eyes dart over to my horse as if to call me out. My cheeks heat. “Either way, it’s a classic, and the weather right now is perfect for it. Plus, I love Twilight . I’ll impress you with how many lines I know by heart.”

My heartbeat stutters in my chest as my eyes dart between his, noticing just how serious and excited he is about this. My throat gets clogged with emotion as I remember the last time I watched Twilight was with Holden on the couch next to me, and I wonder if I can do this with someone who’s not him when I don’t even know if he’s okay.

I must take too long to respond because Adrian’s expression falters.

“Or not,” he murmurs softly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I just figured we could make a nice day out of it. Even if you need some space, I know it’s not always great to be all alone, and I thought a little movie marathon might cheer you up… No stress, I’ll just leave the food for you, okay?”

His words strike me, causing a pang of guilt to surge up inside of me. Here he is, offering me a moment of vulnerability, his thoughtfulness on full display, despite the fact that I’ve been avoiding him. I can’t stand the thought of hurting him when all he wanted was to do something for me.

He starts to turn away from me and I impulsively reach out and grab his hand to stop him, feeling a spark of electricity when I do. He looks down at me and I give him my best smile.

“No, this is unbelievably sweet of you, Adrian. I can’t believe you’d do something like this for me, and I appreciate it. Let me just finish up with EJ, and we’ll go over to my place.” A dazzling smile breaks across his face, taking my breath away, and he nods.

Less than half an hour later, Adrian and I find ourselves in my cottage, a little damp from the rain outside, and sitting next to each other on the small couch. Adrian pulls out a boxed DVD set of the movies that he must have gotten from the main house, but I shake my head. He gives me a cheeky grin and shakes his head when I pull out a DVD box set of all the Twilight movies, extended editions. “What if you don’t like Twilight , huh?” he teases, earning a swat on his shoulder.

With a laugh, I throw the movie into the old-school DVD player and turn it on while Adrian pulls all of the goodies out of the basket. Soon the coffee table is covered with a bottle of what looks to be strawberry lemonade, some fruit, chocolate, popcorn, and a small pizza. I immediately reach for the pizza, unable to stop my eyes from fluttering shut and the moan from escaping my lips when I take the first bite. When I open them back up, I find Adrian’s heated gaze on me, his expression unreadable.

“Sorry,” I mumble. “I just really love pizza, and I can’t even remember the last time I had it.”

“Oh, Sunshine, I do not need an apology from you for enjoying my food. Ever.” His words elicit a funny feeling inside me, and he shoots me a warm smile.

My eyebrows jump up in surprise as I swallow another mouthful. “You made this?”

He nods, a shy smile creeping onto his face. “Completely from scratch, too. It’s unbelievably convenient having all these cows around during an apocalypse. I’ve never made mozzarella cheese before, but I think I did a decent job on my first try.”

“Decent?” I say, in absolute shock. “It’s amazing, Adrian. Like, so good that I want you to cook for me all the time. I only want to eat whatever you feed me.”

Another flicker of heat passes over his face as he meets my eyes. “We can arrange that,” he says in a low voice, the subtle promise causing me to shiver.

I can feel the flush spreading up my neck and my cheeks, causing me to avert my gaze from him. We settle in, eating in comfortable silence as we watch the movie, the TV casting a soft glow around the dark room. The food is delicious, and once we’re done with the pizza, we grab some of the other snacks. Adrian starts miming certain movements and dramatically speaking along with some of the lines.

Everything goes well until the scene where Bella is in Port Angeles and surrounded by creepy men, and Edward zooms in with his Volvo to save her. The scene used to make me laugh, given how dramatic and ridiculous it is. But now, my reaction is different. At first, it makes me think of a day I try to forget from when I was on my way to the ranch. Although I had protected myself, my thoughts trail off to the protector I’ve had my whole life, Holden. The combination of the awful memory, compounded with my brother missing, immediately overwhelms me.

Suddenly, my breathing comes in short and shallow bursts, my chest constricting with each exhale. The tears that welled up in my eyes have since overflown, trailing in silent paths down my face. It’s not until I feel Adrian’s hands softly wiping the tears that I realize I’m falling apart.

Without any hesitation, Adrian pulls me onto his lap and into his arms, enveloping me in his embrace. One of his hands is gently rubbing my back as he holds me, and I continue to sob into him. Eventually, the panic and adrenaline subside, leaving me wrung out and tired from all the crying. The noise from the TV is still going, causing me to look over and realize we’re already much further into the movie, now at the point where Bella’s met the Cullens at their home.

Adrian's voice breaks the silence between us, his tone gentle yet concerned.

“You want to talk to me about what hit you so hard just now?”

I hesitate, grappling with myself. Part of me immediately recoils at the thought of exposing my biggest vulnerabilities and getting him involved in the shit show that is my life and my emotions. But the other part of me is longing to confide in Adrian, to be honest with him about what just happened and what’s weighing on me, especially after how open he’s been about himself and his family .

I nod as I look up to meet Adrian’s gaze, my own showing a mixture of both gratitude and apprehension. “Yeah,” I whisper hoarsely, my voice barely above a whisper.

I take a moment to gather my thoughts before speaking.

“The last time I watched Twilight was just a few months ago with Holden,” I begin softly, feeling Adrian tense up beneath me. He doesn’t say anything, silently waiting for me to continue. “He didn’t even like Twilight , but he must have watched it dozens of times with me just because he knew I loved it…”

My mind flits through memories of Holden and I on this very couch, watching the Twilight series over the last year. He would always point out things that didn’t make sense or make fun of the characters for poor acting. His favorite was pointing out how Rosalie is conveniently wearing gloves when she breaks the salad bowl for no reason other than to protect the actual actress’s hands from getting cut during filming. “They couldn’t do a better job of making it look like the gloves were a fashion statement or something?” And boy, did he love to make fun of Renesmee and the whole imprinting thing. “Ronnie, why did they have to use a CGI baby? When did this turn into a horror movie?”

I shake my head to clear it before I continue, my voice still soft.

“He left just a few weeks before you guys showed up. I begged him not to go on a supply run on his own, but he’s just as stubborn as me. So he left, and I don’t even know where he was going. I have no clue where he went or how long it should have taken him, and now… Now, it’s been more than a month, Adrian. A month of my brother being gone, and each day that passes scares me more. Each day that passes makes me worry that he’s never going to come back.”

The tears start falling again, unchecked, and I take a deep shuddering breath to try and calm myself down. “I should have gone with him or tried harder to get him to stay. It’s all my fault he’s gone, and I don’t know if he’s going to make it back. I don’t know how to handle it. Holden has been my rock, the person who’s kept me going and moving forward for the last year. I genuinely don’t know how to live without him.”

His arms have tightened around me, and I feel one of them drop as his hand finds itself in my hair at the base of my skull, slowly and softly kneading.

“I’m so sorry, Farron,” he says, his tone filled with genuine empathy. “We’ve heard Holden’s name multiple times, but we didn’t know what happened. Trust me, I understand the anguish of not knowing the fate of those you love. I know how the fear and guilt eat away at your soul.”

I nod weakly to acknowledge his words while his hand continues its ministrations, offering me comfort. “I know you do, Adrian,” I murmur. “That’s why I felt like I could be honest with you about Holden. It’s not like it’s a secret. I just…” I trail off, trying to figure out how to articulate exactly how I’m feeling. “I just don’t know how to talk about him being gone without feeling like I’m flaying my chest open and bleeding out.” My voice falters and cracks as I finish my sentence.

“You’re allowed to choose what you do and don’t want to share, Farron,” he tells me gently. “But holding in this sort of pain on your own isn’t good for you. I feel honored that you opened up to me and told me. You’re not on your own in this. I’ll be here for you anytime you need to get things off your chest or talk about Holden. But if your brother is anything like you, there’s no way he’s not going to find his way back to you.”

“He’s my twin, you know?” I tell him as I bring my hand over my heart. “I feel like I would know if my twin was dead. I’d feel it in my chest if he were gone, but I don’t. ”

“Then you hold onto that,” Adrian responds. “You hold onto that feeling, and you wait for him to return because you know he has to. And I’ll be here for you until then. You’re not alone, Farron. You’re never alone.”

“Thank you…” I softly kiss his cheek in appreciation, then nestle my head under his chin, right in the spot where his neck meets his shoulder. I relax against the feel of his heartbeat, and Adrian kisses my head before he whispers out an “Always.”

Adrian’s warm body underneath mine is a cocoon of comfort and security. Exhaustion washes over me like a tidal wave, my head beginning to ache from all the crying. Everything seems to fade away as I focus on Adrian’s hand kneading the back of my skull. I feel my eyes start to get heavy and before I know it, I’m falling asleep to the sounds of Twilight in the background and the rain gently falling against the windows, safe in Adrian’s arms.