Blade (Silver Shadows MC #1)

Chapter Twenty-One

Blade

I woke up with Becca’s warm body curled around me. Her head was on my chest, her arm around my waist.

I kissed the top of her head, holding her tight.

I was never letting her go now.

Last night was the single greatest night of my life. A dream come true. I knew I sounded like a pussy. I just couldn’t find it in me to care. She was here, in my arms, where she belonged.

She waited.

For me.

Yeah, I knew she wasn’t waiting for me. She thought I was dead, and I needed to tell her the truth.

Today I would tell her.

I promised.

I just wanted to revel in this bubble for a while longer. When she screamed my name, my real name that she’d never known until I told her yesterday, I lost it.

Pride consumed me. Pride I didn’t deserve.

She was mine.

She was finally mine.

But for how long? Would she still be mine when she learned the truth? I honestly thought she would never be mine. Now that she was, that was it. Even if she walked away from me, there would never be another again.

Forever.

That’s what I wanted with her.

Could I have forever if she found out? Could I keep her from finding out? I knew it made me an asshole for not wanting her to know the truth. I didn’t want her to hate me.

Pretty sure we’ve already established I am an asshole.

I felt her stirring next to me and I pulled her in tighter, not wanting to let her go.

“Good morning,” she said with a yawn, stretching against me and pushing her ass against my dick.

As if it wasn’t hard enough, first thing in the morning, it got painfully hard wanting her again.

“Good morning. Are you sore?” I knew she must be, but I was hoping she’d say no so I could have her again.

“A little. It’s a good sore, though,” she admitted shyly, hiding her face in the pillow.

I turned her in my arms so I could see her beautiful face blush.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Um, sure,” she hedged, like she was afraid of what I was going to ask.

“I know that was your first time, but was that your first orgasm?” I asked, not really believing it was, despite her reaction.

She buried her face in my chest.

“I told you; you were my second kiss ever.”

“No, I remember, but… you never made yourself come?”

Gasping, her head shot up briefly, before once again hiding against my chest.

“Oh God, why are we talking about this? No, I’ve never done that. When Micah died, I changed. I thought I would never live again. I’ve never felt anything even close to desire, so I just never even considered doing that.”

“Micah? Was that his name? I haven’t heard you say it before.”

I was an asshole.

“Oh, yeah. That was his name. Last night was amazing.” She looked up at me, smiling. “But it wasn’t just sex. I think this was what I needed to let go and accept he’s gone. To accept that I’m still here and I have to live my life. I can’t live in the past forever.”

She sat up with concern showing across her face.

“I don’t want you to think I was using you. I’m glad it was you. Despite our first few rocky encounters.” She giggled, and it was one thing I missed most about her. “You make me feel… everything I’ve missed out on.”

Yep, I was a fucking asshole.

“Oh God, don’t get the wrong idea. I won’t go all stalkery and clingy on you. I mean, you were my first, but I’m not asking you to marry me or anything.”

She twisted her hands again.

I noticed she did that when she got flustered. She never used to get flustered. She used to be the most confident person I had ever met.

“Oh God, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to act the day after. I’ve never had a day after. Do you want me to go? Should I have slipped out before you woke up? I know you said we needed to talk, but I want you to know I’m not expecting anything beyond this.”

“Becca, stop.” I grabbed her hands to calm her down.

“You said that last night.”

“What?”

“You called me Becca. No one has called me that since Micah died. I wouldn’t let them. That was what he called me, and I couldn’t hear it anymore.”

Shit.

“I’m sorry, I—”

“No, it’s ok. Actually, that was the moment. When you called me Becca, it was like all the pieces finally slipped back into place. Everything just fit again.”

FUCK! I closed my eyes.

I was going to hell, and I knew it.

“Becca, listen. I need to tell you something.”

Before I could tell her the truth, there was a loud knock on the door. Then I heard Jack bellow, “Load up in thirty. If you want to eat, you better get your asses downstairs pronto.”

“Shit, the run. We need to get dressed. We can talk after the run,” I said, jumping from the bed to grab our clothes. “Will you ride with me? I want you on the back of my bike, so everyone knows you’re mine.”

“Yours? This wasn’t just a onetime thing?” she asked quietly, looking at her hands in her lap.

Leaning back on the bed I lifted her chin, “No, baby, you’re mine. I’ve got you now and I’m never letting you go again.”

Kissing her hard, I hoped she didn’t catch what I said.

I needed to have that talk with her. I didn’t want to, but she hated me last week, and I brought her around.

Maybe I could do it again.

“Ok,” she said with a smile and climbed out of bed to get dressed.

When we got downstairs, I grabbed us both a plate of food to eat quickly before going outside.

“Blade.” I looked up and saw King at our table.

“I need to speak to you a moment,” he said, then walked away toward church.

“I’ll be right back, baby. Wait here and finish up.”

I walked into church, and King was waiting for me, along with Cash and Jack. “What’s up?” I asked, not sure I wanted to know.

“Dec called me this morning. Nicholson is gone,” he relayed, waiting for my reaction.

“Damn. I was hoping to make that happen. How’d he die?” I asked, sitting down at the table.

“He isn’t dead, he’s gone. Disappeared from the hospital.”

Jumping from the chair I just sat in, I slammed my hands on the table.

“WHAT? How the fuck did he get away? He had a guard.”

“There was a commotion with a patient. The guard went to help and somehow, he slipped out.”

“They cuffed him to the fucking bed.”

It was Cash that answered this time, “You know as well as we do how easy it is to slip from fucking cuffs.”

“Yea, but the ones Rachel uses to tie you to the bed don’t count.” Jack snickered, always the joker.

“Dude, no. Rachel is like my sister. I don’t wanna hear that shit.”

Jack laughed louder, and Cash chuckled.

“Enough. With Grant out, we need to keep our eyes on Beck.” King looked at me sternly. “You talk to her yet?”

Shifting on my feet, I didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Not yet. We, uh, didn’t talk much last night and then overslept this morning.”

“Overslept, huh?” Jack teased, grinning.

King growled in Jack’s direction, then turned toward me.

“Get it done,” he said in a voice that let me know if I didn’t tell her he would.

I nodded.

“We were gonna talk this morning, but we actually overslept,” I reiterated, side-eyeing Jack. “I’ll talk to her after the run.”

“Make sure you do.” I looked at King, wondering why he was so insistent.

Since Becca arrived, he had taken a shine to my girl, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why.

One thing I knew, I didn’t like it.

“There something I need to know?” I asked, looking him over, thinking I could find the answer he wasn’t saying.

“Willow is family. That makes her family. We don’t screw over family. She needs to be told the truth and soon, before you dig yourself so deep you can’t climb out. I don’t want to see her hurt. She’s been through enough of that, don’t you think?”

Shit, he was right.

“Yea, right after the run,” I confirmed.

We returned to the main room, and I immediately stiffened. Standing over my girl was the bastard that tried to drag her off last night.

Stomping over and getting right in his face, I barked, “You didn’t learn your lesson last night, asshole?”

Jumping from the table, Becca rushed over to get between us.

“Blade, stop, he was apologizing.” She pressed her hands against my chest, trying to push me back.

I let her push me back away from Angel because I didn’t want her anywhere near him.

“He has been very respectful and stayed on the opposite side of the table. He didn’t even sit down.”

I peered down at her, wrapping my arm around her waist, as I pulled her to me.

“Are you done eating?”

When she nodded, I pulled her along with me, ignoring Angel. “Let’s go get ready.”

I walked her out the door directly to my bike. Others started piling out behind us, climbing on their bikes to line up. Everyone mounted, lined up, then rode out, with me in the front and Becca behind me against my back.

Behind us were King and Steele, the club presidents. The VPs were next. Cash, with Rachel behind him. And Stone. Then the officers from both clubs staggered together and the patched members behind them, with the prospects bringing up the rear.

Much to the agitation of the club girls, Becca, Rachel, and Lily, who rode on Ace’s bike, were the only girls allowed on the run with us. We rode through town and people waved as we passed by. Some of the store owners came out to wave as well.

We did one of these runs, usually once a month during the riding season. Our members were impressive enough. When the guys from the Mother Chapter rode with us, it was loud and shocking for those who weren’t used to it.

We rode for about three hours. The roads in Nebraska were flat and mostly straight. It was easy to lose track of everything else when we were out here on the bikes.

When Becca asked how much longer, I remembered we had planned to have lunch at the diner. We were about an hour out, but I imagined everyone was getting hungry, so we turned back toward town.

Pulling into the parking lot of The Diner, we filed in one at a time, backing the bikes up in a line that spanned the length of the diner and then some.

When we started the chapter here, we added so much business to the diner that they sectioned off the parking lot so there would always be a place to park our bikes.

Walking in, Rachel, Becca, and Lily immediately headed to the restrooms. Cash came up behind me and whispered, “Watch your back, brother, you pissed off my old lady.”

Turning toward him, confused, I asked, “What the hell did I do?”

“No clue. She came home from shopping yesterday grumbling, and it’s only gotten worse this morning when she found out Beck spent the night with you.”

“What the—”

“Hey, asshole.” Rachel walked up to me and socked me in the stomach.

“Doll, you can’t—”

Rounding on Cash, she slashed a hand through the air. “No! This isn’t club related, this is fucking personal. So you don’t get a say.”

“Doll, you can’t punch a brother,” Cash told her, then looked over at King for backup.

King was smirking at me.

Rat bastard.

“I saw nothing, brother. Let her do what she needs to do,” King said, clearly enjoying the show.

“You fucking kissed her,” Rachel whisper-yelled.

“Rachel—” She punched me again.

Fuck me. She was stronger than she looked.

“You fucking kissed her, knowing you were about to leave her. You knew she would think you were dead, and you kissed her. She never told me. If she had, I never would have let you near her again. You fucking broke her!” she yelled.

“Rachel, calm down,” I urged, reaching for her.

“Brother, you’re screwed now.” Jack laughed, moving away like he didn’t want to get caught in the fray.

Samantha walked over carefully.

“Is everything ok?” she asked, looking at Rachel.

“No, everything is not fucking ok.” Rachel glared at me. “She loved you! When you came home, it pissed me off. It pissed me off because you lied to us, but I was fucking livid for her. Everything she went through, losing someone so important to her. But I forgave you. Then, I found out yesterday that you kissed her the day you died. YOU FUCKING brOKE HER, MICAH!”

“Rachel, what’s going on?”

Everyone in the room froze when Becca spoke.

Rachel and I slowly turned toward her, and my heart broke.

She looked at me, confused.

“Justin, why did she call you Micah?”

“You told her your fucking name was Justin?” Rachel again let her fist fly into my midsection.

“Cash, get a hold of your fucking woman!” I growled.

“Cash, don’t touch her,” King barked. “Brother, you dug this fucking hole.”

I looked over at him.

His glare had me seeing red.

I turned back to Rachel.

“Hit me again, Rachel, I dare you.”

“Don’t you threaten me, asshole. I’m not afraid of you,” she snapped angrily, her hands on her hips.

“Rachel,” Becca called out.

Samantha had wrapped her arms around my girl to comfort her. She didn’t know what was going on, but knew she needed someone. That someone was me.

I stepped up to her.

“Becca, remember I told you we needed to talk? I wanted to tell you this morning, but we overslept and with the run, I was going to tell you tonight.”

“Tell me what?”

She looked at me with watery eyes. She looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time.

I reached out for her, and she stepped back.

“Baby, please, let me explain.” I ran my hand over my face, not knowing what to do or what to say.

“Explain what? Why did Rachel call you Micah?” she asked again, her voice stronger.

I could see her trying to work something out in her head.

I looked at Rachel, hoping for something, though I didn’t know what. Looking back at Becca, tears streamed down her face.

“Becca, baby, please don’t hate me. I didn’t have a choice. I was fifteen. They didn’t give me a say.”

Begging her, I could feel my own tears well up in my eyes. I didn’t care that my entire club was standing there watching my downfall. The only thing that mattered to me was Becca.

“A say in what?”

I looked into her eyes, pleading with her to understand. What I saw was realization and anger. She’d put the pieces together without me having to say the words.

“Becca, please understand. I would never hurt you on purpose. If I had a choice—”

“A choice in what, Micah?” she asked.

“The accident, leaving. I didn’t get a say in any of it,” I said quietly.

“The accident was ten years ago. You’ve been living back here for five years.”

She paused.

“Oh my God, you came here, but you didn’t come for me. You knew I wasn’t here, didn’t you? Did you even look for me?”

She covered her mouth with her hands.

“You never wanted me, did you?”

I wanted to tell her she was wrong.

I wanted her to know how much I wanted her, but she narrowed her eyes at me.

“All those things I told you. All those things I shared about how I felt. Things I never told him, never told anyone. About you! You knew I was talking about you, and you said nothing.”

“Becca, please give me a chance to explain,” I implored, reaching out for her again.

“No.” She stepped back out of reach, shaking her head. “No, you lied. You left, and you came back after I was gone. Why did you come back? Why did you stay?”

I shouldn’t have said it. I didn’t know why I did.

“She told me you would never come back here.”

She gasped.

“You didn’t want me. You were hiding from me, weren’t you?”

I nodded my head, knowing I would never lie to her again. Despite the pain her hating me would cause, I couldn’t lie to her again, not after last night.

She looked over at Rachel and demanded, “How long have you known?”

Rachel looked ashamed as she answered, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“I recognized him as soon as I went to the clubhouse the first time.” Cash wrapped his arms around her, supporting her. “I’m so sorry, Beck. I couldn’t tell you without him letting me. The club has—”

“The club?” Becca looked at King fury in her eyes. “You all know? You all knew who he was and what he meant to me? So, everyone has been having a grand old time at my expense?” She cried, “When will the little girl realize her whole life is right in front of her eyes, only she can’t see it? Who else knows? Does the whole town know?” She looked at me, expecting an answer.

“Not everyone in town knows. Ryder does. Apparently, I couldn’t hide myself from the people closest to me,” I said, not realizing how it sounded, until I heard her gasp.

“I guess I wasn’t as close to you as I thought, because you sure had me fooled. Grams?”

I nodded, not able to say anything else.

“Jack,” she called, looking around the room.

“Yea, babe?”

“Can you take me home, please?”

Jack looked over at me before answering, “Um, I only have my bike.”

“So? It has a seat on the back, doesn’t it?”

“NO!” I growled at the same time as Samantha.

Becca whipped around on me.

“You don’t get a say!” she yelled.

“Take my car, Jack,” Samantha offered, reaching into her apron and producing her keys.

She tossed them to Jack.

“Becca, please, just give me a few minutes.”

I looked into her eyes, seeing the one thing I never wanted to see on her face.

Hatred.

She walked away from me toward the door. Stopping just before she opened it, she turned back to me. Her hatred gone, and for a moment I had hope, until I realized there was no emotion at all. Just before she walked out of my life, she said something I never expected to hear from her.

“Fuck you, Micah.”

Jack gave me a look, and I knew what he was asking.

I nodded, and he followed her out the door. I knew he’d make sure she got home safe. She didn’t know Grant was missing, but Jack did. He’d stay with her.

I stood there staring at the door, willing her to come back as Rachel came up next to me, and I wrapped my arm around her, kissing her head.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

I couldn’t be mad at her.

She had my girl’s back.

This was all on me.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. This was my doing. Except maybe for slugging me, three times,” I said, eyeing her.

“I’m not apologizing for that; you deserved it.” She laughed, then quickly sobered. “What are we going to do? She can’t leave again.”

“I’m not letting her go, Rach. Never again. Though we should probably warn Ryder that the cat’s out of the bag. Once she’s done tearing into Grams, she’ll head to him.”

She chuckled. “Maybe we shouldn’t. Why should he escape her wrath?”

Smiling down at her.

“Yea, you’re right.”

Turning us around, I looked back at my brothers.

I had forgotten everyone was here.

I didn’t find any sympathy on my brothers’ faces. They all knew I fucked up royally, and not one of them would be quick to help me climb out of the hole I dug.

Angel walked over to me. As an officer in the Mother Chapter, he knew part of my story. The part that involved the FEDs and witness protection. He knew nothing about Becca and our history. Given what happened last night, it surprised me when I heard him offer consolation.

“Brother, you fucked up, but the hatred she’s feeling toward you right now, that’s a good sign. Means she still cares enough to feel something. Fix it, brother, anyway you can.” Angel slapped me on the back and walked away.

King stomped over to where I stood.

I wasn’t in the mood to hear I told you so , but this was my president, and I didn’t have a choice. I had to stand there and listen to whatever he had to say.

“You’re an asshole. You know that, right?”

“Yea, I’m aware. I don’t really need you to point it out.”

“Do you know why you’re an asshole?” he asked.

I looked at him. Did he think I was stupid? Of course, I knew what made me an asshole. I didn’t tell her the truth.

“I planned on telling her this morning. We overslept, and I didn’t have time. I wasn’t expecting everything to blow up in my face at the diner.”

I shook my head at my president.

“You’re an asshole because you had plenty of time to tell her last night. Instead, you chose to get your dick wet. You lied to her, then you used her. Now she knows it.”

Before I could reply, my phone rang, and Jack’s name flashed on the screen. “Jack?”

“Blade, get over here now. And bring Patch.”

The line disconnected before I could ask questions.

I looked up at King. He read the fear in my eyes before I ran out the door, not waiting for anyone to follow me.