Born to Make You Smile

THIRTY-THREE

My real estate agent, Shirley, had suggested not to bother with house staging for photos and open houses. “Most likely, the buyers will only be looking at the land,” she’d said. “We’ll have the photographer focus on your yard. It’ll sell fast. Believe me.”

Her words made my stomach twist into knots. I had to face the reality of the situation. Knowing this house would be torn down or, at the very least, completely gutted.

Before the photographers arrived, I walked through each room of the house. As I stood in the living room, I admired the way the morning sun painted the yellow patterned wallpaper and the collectibles in the display case. Mom and I would sit on the couch by the fireplace. She’d flip through her fashion magazines while I read my comic books. Sometimes she’d blast music, and we’d dance and sing without a care in the world.

Moving to the kitchen, I ran my hand along the speckled granite countertop. I let out a sigh, as I thought about the countless meals and desserts Mom and I made here together. I looked at the backyard and recalled those warm summer nights when we’d set up a tent and camp out back there. I thought of the bug-filled picnics, lazing in the hammock together, sharing fresh lemonade. I went into her bedroom and sat on her gray duvet, remembering all the times I’d come to her and cuddle after a nightmare.

So many memories. Soon to be gone, forever. I let myself have a good cry, then with several deep breaths, I put on my big girl pants and went to pack.

The house sold in two weeks in a bidding war for a shocking one hundred grand over asking.

Gavin most likely knew about the house being on the market, as well as the selling. It was hard to miss with the many signs in the front.

I’d see him periodically. We’d wave or exchange brief pleasantries. Being away from him was one thing, but seeing him was heart-wrenching. I wasn't even sure if he'd want me back after everything that transpired. If what I was doing would be enough in the end. How could he ever trust me after everything I did to him?

***

One evening in April, I was cleaning the garage when Charlotte and Mackenzie came up to me.

“Hey, girls,” I said, putting a set of stray tools into a labeled bag.

“Grace! Hi! We haven’t seen you in forever, ” Mackenzie said with a pout. “You haven’t been over for pizza and game night in sooo long.”

My shoulders sagged with guilt.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ve been very busy.” I placed the bag of tools into a cardboard box. “Getting things ready and packing. You know I sold this house, right?”

“We know. Dad told us.” Charlotte frowned. “Why did you sell?”

“Sometimes people need a change. They need to move. This house was too big. Too much for me to maintain on my own.”

“Where are you gonna live?” Charlotte asked, worried.

“I don’t know yet.” I shrugged. “Right now, I’m living with some friends, but we’ll see.”

Mackenzie’s body sulked. “I hope you don’t go too far away.”

I took her hand in mine. “I promise. I won’t. And tell you what, one night I’ll take you both to Joly’s for dessert if it’s okay with your dad.”

It definitely wasn’t fair to the girls that I couldn’t spend time with them. It wasn’t their fault Gavin and I broke up.

“Okay!” Mackenzie exclaimed. “What about tonight? Right now?”

I smiled. “Sure. But better ask your dad first.”

“Dad!” Charlotte shouted, facing her house. My pulse spiked as I saw Gavin walking over from his yard in a fitted green sweater and black pants.

I rubbed my dusty hands on my jeans and tried to calm myself.

Over the past few months, his hair had become heavier with gray. It made him appear more mature and distinguished. Even more handsome, if that was possible.

“Hi, Gavin.” I flashed him a tight smile and a wave, trying to hide my discomfort.

“Grace. Hello.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, peering into the garage. “I heard you sold. Congrats.”

I nodded, my eyes darting around. It was so damn hard to look at him. “Thanks.”

“That must have been difficult,” he said with a drawn expression.

I sighed. “It had to be done.”

“So,” he said, scratching his forehead, “when’s closing?”

I glanced at him, then back down. “End of May.”

“Quite soon. Where will you live?”

“I’m actually living at Dorina and Vanessa’s condo right now. But I’ll have to start looking for my own place soon.” I continued to nod awkwardly, unsure of what else to say.

“Grace wants to take us to Joly’s,” Mackenzie said as if she could sense the tension. “Can we go? Please, Daddy?”

“You don’t mind, do you?” I said to him.

“Not at all. But, girls, don’t be too late. You have piano in the morning.”

“You’re not coming with us?” Mackenzie asked, looking over at her father with a frown.

“No. You two go along with Grace. I have some things to take care of here.”

Every muscle in my body ached to reach out and hold him.

But I knew we weren’t quite ready for that.

I wasn’t ready.

As we walked into Joly’s, I was struck with the boisterous sounds of the video games and the decadent scent of warm vanilla. The place, commonly referred to as a dessert café meets arcade, was loud and crazy at times, but the girls loved it. Thankfully, we got seated right away at a bubblegum-pink booth. My eyes focused on the kitschy, cartoon fruits painted on the walls, then on the games scattered throughout the room.

The three of us ordered our own crepes with ice cream. I knew it’d be too much. We could have easily shared one between the three of us, but I couldn’t help but spoil them.

Mackenzie bounced in her seat. “Grace. Are you coming to my birthday party in two weeks?”

I actually wasn’t invited, but I didn’t want to tell her that.

“Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it, but I’ll take you out. Here or someplace else. Just us two.”

“Oh. Okay.” Her expression sank, almost as if she was about to cry.

My heart pinched. I wished it didn’t have to be this way.

“Can I go do the claw machine for a bit? I saw a penguin I wanted. Do you have money, Grace?”

“Here,” I said, handing her just about all the coins in my wallet as if it would make up for missing her party. “Lots of money, just for you.”

“You’ll never get it,” Charlotte said sardonically.

“Charlotte,” I scolded, then whispered. “Try to be a little more supportive. You have to cheer her on. Boost her confidence.”

“Yeah, fine. Good luck, Mac!” Charlotte exclaimed, then she nodded at me. “Better?”

“A little,” I said with a smile.

After Mackenzie ran off to the claw machine, Charlotte leaned in close. “Did you and my dad break up?”

I stared at her, stunned. “What do you mean?”

“Please.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m almost thirteen. You think I didn’t notice? It was like, really obvious. But now…”

She frowned.

“Yeah. We’re no longer together,” I said with a sigh. “It’s kinda complicated.”

“He misses you. So, so much. And he’s super grumpy without you. He listens to really depressing songs. Like, really awful. If I have to hear ‘Ain’t No Sunshine’ one more time…”

I chuckled with a wince. Poor Gavin.

“Please tell me you’ll work it out and get back together.” She looked at me with hopeful eyes.

“I don’t know, Char. I can’t tell you that right now. But if we do, it’ll take some time.”

“Is there anything we can do to help?” she asked.

I wish.

“Be patient. Sometimes adults love each other and want to be together more than anything, but so many things keep them apart.”

“Even if they’re meant to be?”

An amused smile tickled my lips. “You think we’re meant to be?”

“Yeah.” She propped her head in her hand. “The way you guys talk and laugh. How you look at each other. You two are definitely meant to be.”

I rubbed her arm. “I hope you’re right. Does your sister know about me and your dad? That we were together?”

“No way. She’s in her own little world.”

I loved that about Mackenzie.

The sound of cheering made Charlotte and me glance up. Mackenzie made her way to us, jumping up and down with the small plush penguin in her hand.

“She did it,” Charlotte said with disbelief. “She really did it.”

Mackenzie slid into the booth, holding the penguin proudly. “Look, guys!”

“I knew you could do it!” Charlotte cheered, and I winked at her with a smile.

Our crepes arrived just in time, and we dug in. After dessert, we played games. Air hockey and Whac-A-Mole. A motorcycle racing game, which I actually won. Then the three of us took silly pictures in the photo booth. The evening went by fast. Soon, our special time together ended, and I returned them home.

***

Joshua came to my house that Sunday to help me pack. Besides his collar, he was without his pup gear in jeans and a black T-shirt. He brought colored masking tape and Sharpies to label boxes. He also brought one of his smaller professional cameras to take photos.

He had the ability to be objective about random keepsakes. As difficult as it was, I knew I had to let a lot of my mom’s things go.

We tackled the dining room and the kitchen. We went through drawers with random receipts, a pack of cards missing an ace of spades and ten of hearts, expired creams and medication. Old cords that served no purpose.

“Do you really need these?” he kept asking me, and before I could answer, it was usually tossed. “What about this random jar of pink turnips?”

My eyes widened. I looked over at Joshua as he held them up in the pantry. I’d forgotten I still had that jar. A weight dropped in my chest when I thought back to that day grocery shopping with Gavin. How our relationship was before. How much I missed us. Not only our relationship but our friendship. Losing him as a friend had really been the most difficult part of all of this. “Um. Actually. Can we keep those? I know it seems weird, but it’s special.”

“Grace. Really?”

“Just…” I inhaled a breath. “Trust me.”

“Okay, Goldie. You can keep your precious turnips. Eww.”

I chuckled.

We had a good momentum going until we got to my mother’s precious collectibles. My anxiety spiked, and I started to pace.

“Out of everything here, which items mean the most to you?” he asked.

I sighed. “All of them.”

“What about her absolute favorite piece, or maybe the one that reminds you of a memory of the two of you?”

How was I going to do this? Mom had so many favorites.

“These pieces remind me of the traveling we did together,” I said, my brow lowered. “Our cherished trips to Austria and France.”

“What if I take photos of everything?” he suggested. “The entire collection. So you can still have the memory, but it’ll take up way less space.”

I tilted my head to the side. Would that be enough? “Maybe.”

“Goldie, trust me.” He put his hands on mine. “You can do this.”

I briefly considered renting a storage unit to keep everything but knew that was yet another bandage on an open wound. I thought about Gavin. The girls. How much these physical things were holding me back from true happiness. True love.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes.

“Okay,” I finally blurted. “Take the photos.”

We continued to pack. He took photos of me and the house. Anything we both felt worthy of keeping, we kept. We got rid of the trash, then decided to donate the rest.

While I was still unsure, overall, I felt positive. A very cheery Joshua by my side definitely helped.

As a thank you, I offered to take him out to eat. Before we left, he took one last photo. I stood on the front porch with a wide smile. Glancing at Gavin’s house, I wondered if he was home. I was tempted to say hello and tell him how much progress I’d made. But I knew I had a lot more work to do in the weeks ahead.

***

My leg bounced furiously as I sat on the oyster-gray couch, my eyes taking in the small office. The various books on the shelf of mostly psychology and self-help. The fern planter and scenic artwork on the walls—beaches and mountains. The box of tissues on the coffee table in front of me, which I knew I’d put to good use.

“So, Grace, tell me more about why you’re here, why you’ve decided to seek therapy,” Dr. Chadha said with a nod, pen in hand, ready to write out everything I was about to unpack.

After a deep breath, out it came. All the details about my mother. My father. My money issues. Gavin. Along with many, many tears.