Breathing Without You (The Courtlynd #2)

28. Emerald

28

EMERALD

I rush off to the back room, he was the last person I was expecting to see for the second time today. I knew he was working today so I didn't think he’d be coming in here at all. It killed me this morning when I saw him in the driveway. I was already crying to begin with, then seeing him made it worse. It almost made me have a panic attack thinking about the fact that I'll never get to feel his hugs again or kiss his lips. I'll never get to hear his voice tell me he loves me or call me Sugar and it made my already bad anxiety worse and made it hard to breathe. My chest hurt from the pain of it all, my body was shaking I thought I was going to pass out.

Then looking up at the door and seeing how handsome he looks in his dark washed jeans, his light-blue T-shirt that formed to his sexy muscles. His tattoos showing on his arms and hands. I would’ve done anything to run towards him, jump into his arms and hug him. Not run away and cry because I’m fucking breaking right now.

“Sweetie, are you okay?” I hear Lisa open the door and walk into the breakroom talking to me.

“Fuck, this sucks, sorry for swearing but no, I mean I’ll be ok in a minute. But fuck, Creedence and I broke up,” I tell her right as Stacy walks into the back room.

“Hey Lisa, someone’s–” She pauses. “Wait, you guys broke up?” She smiles. What. A. Fucking. Cunt. I can’t stand Stacy and the bitch she is.

“Tell them I’ll be right there, this is none of your business, Stacy, please leave,” she tells her with a mad look on her face.

“Oh sweetie.” She hugs me tightly. “I’m so sorry, do you want to talk about it?” She starts rubbing my back gently.

“I appreciate it but if I start talking about it now, I won’t be able to stop crying,” I tell her, wiping away the rest of my tears and taking a deep breath and holding it for a second before slowly letting it out. Trying to calm my anxiety down. That seems to be my new thing, deep breathing to calm myself down and talk my body out of a panic attack.

“Okay, I’m ready to go back out now,” I tell her while I’m calm before the tears start coming again.

“Are you sure? You can take a few minutes if you need to.” She gives me one more hug.

“Thank you, Lisa. I appreciate it. I’ll let you know if I do end up needing a minute. But right now, I think I’m good.” I tell her as she starts walking towards the break room door.

“That’s fine sweetie, just let me know.” She walks out the break room and I’m left alone to take a couple deep breaths by myself for a minute. Hopefully by the time I come out Creedence and Carsten will be seated already, and I won’t have to talk with them. Not that I want to ignore Carsten since he’s my best friend's fiancé, but right now I don’t really want to get into a conversation with him, especially since he’s with Creed. I take a couple more deep breaths and walk out the door of the break room right as Stacy is talking with Carsten and Creedence. Fucking fuck. Right as I’m about to walk away so I don’t have to talk to Carsten, Stacy starts saying my name.

“Oh, look who it is Emerald, your boyfriends here,” Stacy laughs. “Oh wait, I mean your ex-boyfriend is here.” Her tone is bitchy with a nasty smirk on her face. “Because I forgot he doesn’t want you anymore…which I don’t blame him at all. Who would want…that?” Her smile gets bigger as she points at me moving her finger up and down. Is she fucking serious right now? My face is bright red because not only did she say that to me, but she also said it in front of Creedence. And any other customer waiting in line to be seated and all the people around us could hear her clear as day. I can’t believe her. I don’t even say anything as tears well up in my eyes and I rush back into the break room. Fuck her and fuck this job right now.

Lisa comes rushing in behind me, the same time I hear Creedence say, “You don’t have to be such a fucking bitch to her Stacy, you know damn well she’s going through a hard time right now.” And then the door shuts so I don’t get to hear anything else before Lisa comes rushing over to me.

“Oh sweetie, are you okay? I heard what she said to you. I’m not going to let her get away with it either. I just wanted to get to you first.”

I’m a sobbing mess and can’t even talk, I’m on the verge of hyperventilating and my head is still all fucked up from all the alcohol I drank last night. I’m still pretty hung over and it’s well into the afternoon. The crying is only intensifying my pounding headache. I knew I shouldn’t have picked up any extra shifts today, but I needed to keep my mind busy, and I figured getting out of the house would be my best option instead of being drunk all day. But I’m thinking being drunk would have been the better option.

“I just don’t think I can do this, I just… I just don’t want to be without him,” I cry out, spit flying out of my mouth from how hard I’m crying.

“Oh honey, it’s gonna work itself out, I know it will. You guys are meant to be together. I have never seen Creedence so in love before, I don’t know what happened, but I know it’ll blow over.” She puts her arm around me as she sits down next to me on the bench in the break room. I want to tell her she has no idea what she's talking about because he broke up with me and doesn't want me anymore, even fucking Stacy can see he doesn't want me anymore. But I don’t want to come off as a bitch to her because I'm not trying to be bitchy.

“Do you care if I go home?” I frown. “I know when you called, I said I was fine working the extra shift today but I don’t know if I’m okay anymore.” I hiccup, wiping my tears with both hands.

“Of course, you don’t have to explain yourself. I know what you’re going through is a lot right now. I completely understand, sweetie.” She pats my back again with a sweet smile on her face.

“Thank you so much, Lisa, I truly appreciate it,” I tell her, pulling my apron off.

“I’ll take care of the rest of your tables and whatever tips you get from them I’ll put in your locker. I have a key and don’t argue with me about not taking them.” She laughs a little, lightening the mood.

“Lisa, I’m not going to take them when I barely did anything today. You can have them,” I tell her, putting my apron in my locker.

“Whatever you say, sweetie. Whatever you say.” And I know that’s her way of arguing with me, telling me she’s not going to listen. But I’ll just give her back the money either way.

“You go home and take care of yourself, take a few days off. I’ll text you to see if you’re ready to come back in, in a couple days, okay?” she tells me instead of asking because she knows I’ll argue with her about that too. She walks out of the break room as I finish putting my stuff away.

I grab my purse and phone, rushing out of the room.

Then I walk out of the break room and over to the computer to check out real quick. Then I head past the front counter, looking down in the process so I don’t have to look at anyone as I walk out the door. I take a deep breath of fresh air when I get outside and close my eyes standing there for a minute just taking deep breath after deep breath to calm down this ache in my heart and the chest pains from my anxiety. After that I walk over to the side of the building and sit down on a bench. I need a minute before I go to my car. Then I look down at my phone, not really sure what to do with it since I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I feel so alone and sad right now. I wish I had Creedence here to hug right now. But I need to start getting over it because he’s not gonna be here anymore. I hear someone clear their throat and look up to see Creedence standing there. Fuck. What else could he want; he already broke my heart, did he come here to yell at me some more? I don’t even bother talking. I just look back down at my phone and act like he’s not there.

“Sorry I thought you left,” he says, looking over in my direction. He sounds and looks sad, but I still don’t say anything, I don't think I can without breaking down.

“I’m sorry for what Stacy said to you.” Wow he’s sorry about that but not about what he fucking said to me last night. I still don’t respond. He doesn’t deserve my response honestly and like I said if I open my mouth to even try to talk to him, I’m going to break down and cry and I won’t give him that. He doesn’t deserve to see my heartache or what he did to me, right now I'm trying to be strong and show him I’m not phased.

“None of it was true, and I felt like you needed to hear that.” I don’t even bother looking back up at him. I grab my stuff and stand up to go walk to my car. I need to get away from him and cry some more. But I need to cry alone, not in front of him, he doesn’t deserve to see any more of my tears.

I can’t believe he just went over there and started talking to me like nothing even happened between us. How was he able to talk without being affected at all? He sounded a little sad but not as sad as he should be for someone who was in love, unless he was putting on a good show to not show me how hurt he is.

I unlock my car door, getting in and starting the ignition. I drive home in silence, besides crying that’s the only sound in my car. I’m too sad to listen to any kind of music and I probably wouldn’t even be able to hear it over my crying anyways.

I pull into my driveway and wipe away my tears. I have a bottle of cherry vodka and some wine waiting for me inside along with a hot bath, then after I think I’m going to watch some crime shows. It’s been a while since I’ve watched one of those and I need a good distraction, and why not watch something about crime and creepy stuff instead of something sad that’ll make me cry.

I walk up to my front stairs and sit down; I need to text Chastity to kind of fill her in on everything and to see if we’re still going to the party Friday. I’m still up in the air about going, especially now that I’ll be going alone and single. But Winter told me I didn’t have a choice.

Emerald

Hey bitch.

Chastity

Hey bitch, whats up hoe?

Emerald

Nothin really. Creedence and I broke up…

Chastity

Fuckkk babe I’m so sorry. I want to ask if you’re ok but I know you’re not.

Emerald

It’s ok babe. I appreciate it.

Chastity

Well then you definitely need to come out to that party Friday.

Chastity

LETS GET FUCKED UP BITCHHHHHH!!!!!

Emerald

That's another reason why I was texting you to see if you were still going.

Emerald

Guess if I’m going I’m going to get fucked up. WOO HOO WE’RE GETTING FUCKED UP BITCHHHH!!!!

Chastity

That’s my girl. They always have the best drinks there so you’ll definitely get drunk.

Emerald

Good, I’m about to go in and take a bath. I’ll text you later.

Chastity

Hang in there babe. I’m here if you need me. Love you.

Emerald

Love you babe.

I love that she didn’t push me to tell her and that even though she has no idea what’s going on she’ll still be here if I need her. That’s one thing about Chastity, she always listens no matter what the situation is, and she doesn’t pry, she waits for you to be ready and if you don’t ever bring it up, she still doesn’t try to pry it out of you.

Right as I stand up to head inside Creedence’s truck pulls up into his driveway.

“Can this fucking day get any fucking worse,” I mumble to myself as I rush up my porch stairs, so he doesn’t try to talk to me again. I think I’m in the angry stage of the breakup now, at least right at this moment I am, along with still being heartbroken but instead of heartbroken and sad I’m now heartbroken and fucking angry. I can’t believe he just threw us away like that and I still can’t believe he just tried talking to me like he didn’t just break my heart into a million tiny pieces. He came over and spoke to me like things wouldn’t be awkward and uncomfortable, like you would talk to someone about the fucking weather, not to someone you just broke up with that you said you were in love with.