Breathing Without You (The Courtlynd #2)

29. Creedence

29

CREEDENCE

I’ve been sitting on my truck bed all night drinking and playing guitar. Each time Emerald’s come outside with Winter she’s had either a bottle of wine or a bottle of cherry vodka out there with her. Hopefully they’ve been the same bottle, and she hasn’t gone through more than one of each.

I wish I was with her, part of me wishes I never reacted the way I did and that I had the balls to just go over there and apologize. But I don’t have the balls yet and I know she won’t accept it. Especially not after how it went earlier when I apologized for what Stacy said. I can’t believe she said that to her in front of all those people. She’s such a miserable bitch, but that’s okay. I stuck up for Emerald and everything I had said to Stacy embarrassed the fuck out of her, like she deserved. No one fucks with my Emerald like that. Not that she’s mine anymore but still… she didn’t deserve that. I sit here in the bed of my truck, my back against the side and my feet over the edge listening to her mumble to herself. She sounds pretty drunk, and it almost makes me laugh.

“Yeah, fuck you, Creedence.” She sorta shouts to no one since it’s dark and she doesn’t know I’m watching her. I’m not sure where Winter is either.

“Fucking break my heart like that, you asshole,” she slurs. Taking another sip of whichever bottle she has now. She’s going to feel like absolute shit tomorrow that’s for sure.

“I can’t believe him.” Now she’s crying and it breaks my heart that I broke her heart. But I’m an idiot and broke my own heart too in the process. I slowly get out of my truck, grab my guitar, my empty beer pack, and start walking towards my house when her crying becomes louder. I don’t know if it’s because I’m closer or if it’s actually getting louder, but my fucking heart can’t take it. It’s taking everything in me to not go over there and hug her. But I can’t do that. She'd probably kick my ass right now anyways. I head into my garage ignoring the helmet but going to my bike and sitting on it.

“Fuck Xander, I don’t know what you want me to do man,” I say to no one really but hoping my brother can somehow hear me.

“I don’t know if I should ride again for you or stop riding permanently because of what happened to you.” I sigh, tears starting to form in my eyes.

“Fuck dude, why’d you have to leave me man, I miss you so goddamn much. I wish you were here.” I sit on my bike as the tears start streaming down my face faster than I can wipe them. God, I’ve become a bitch these last few days, an overly emotional bitch about a lot of shit. As I sit here lost in my thoughts my phone vibrates in my pocket, as I reach down to get it, I see it’s Axton. Fuck I wipe my tears quickly, I forgot he wanted to go out to Black Velvet tonight.

Axton

Be home in 3 be ready cuz we're leavin then.

Creedence

Ok I’m ready.

Axton

Alright man.

Fuck I wipe away my tears some more and rush inside to wash my face down with some cold water, then grab a towel out of my closet and dry my face off. I check my hair in the mirror real quick because I want to make sure it’s not messed up from when I fell asleep earlier. Then I grab my wallet, and I head out the front door locking it behind me right as Axton is pulling into the driveway.

I open his passenger door and sit down in the seat.

“Hey, man.”

“What’s up?” I say, shutting the door.

“Not much, partied all night, slept most of my day away so I’m just getting up to do it all over again.” He gives a slight chuckle. He’s going through heartache just like I am right now except his was for three years. Not a few months. But he’s handling this by partying away the pain, I don’t think I could handle drinking as much as he’s been every day without dying from it.

We pull into the parking lot at Black Velvet and park out back like usual and head in through the back door, almost running into Carsten as he’s heading out the door with garbage in his hands.

“Fuck man.” He looks at me since I’m the first one walking through the door. “You fucking scared me.”

“Fuck dude, you scared me.” I laugh because I wasn’t expecting him to be walking out the same time I was walking in.

“Sorry for scaring you, dick face,” I chuckle.

“It’s cool, cock breath.” He punches my shoulder.

“Glad I wasn’t in the line of fire; someone could’ve accidentally punched me or something from both of you pussys scaring each other.” Axton shakes his head, placing his keys in his pocket.

“Hey, who you callin pussy?” I ask him.

“Right, I don’t know who you’re callin a pussy but it ain’t us,” Carsten says to him with a look of disbelief on his face.

I hold the door open as Carsten walks back in. I miss hanging out with them like we used to.

“I miss the old days, man when we were younger hanging out getting in trouble for all the dumb shit the three of us used to do.” I smile back on all the memories.

“Right, all the times we got caught by the fucking cops over dumb shit that we thought was so fucking cool,” Axton snorts.

“No wonder the cops hate us now, always watching out for us to make sure we’re not still doing dumb shit, stealing stupid shit from the store. Blowing up shit in parking lots, shooting shit with our BB guns behind stores.” Carsten laughs as we all stand there laughing with him. I stand there with a smile on my face for the first time all day before I’m hit with a lonely sick feeling in my stomach that I try to hide. I feel empty, and I know why. I hate this feeling. I’ve never experienced it before; sure, I’ve experienced heartache from breakups but never like this and it fucking sucks.

“Hey, you good man?” Carsten has a concerned look on his face as he watches me.

“Ya, ya I’m cool sorry. Was just zoning out.” I lie because I don’t feel like talking about it although I’m sure they already know what’s wrong. They’re not stupid they’ve all experienced heartache before, hell Axton is literally going through one right now and hasn’t looked sad at all tonight. I mean he was cheated on. He should still be devastated, he wanted to marry that girl. But things don’t always work out the way you want them to. I’m sure he’s just trying to have a good time like the rest of us. I push my thoughts of Emerald to the side and try to get back to enjoying myself with my friends.

“You guys wanna go do a shot?” Axton yells over the music as we come down the hall. “Fireball is calling our names.”

“I can do one but I’m working so I can’t get sloppy, Chase will kick my ass.” Carsten laughs, poor Chase had to take care of a drunk Carsten at work last year and make him go sleep it off in his office on the couch from doing too many shots. He was pissed the next day and wouldn't forgive him for a while for leaving him alone on a busy ass Friday night. Poor guy was slammed all night, and didn't get one break.

“Yeah, I’m down, I need to get drunk anyways.” It’s true I’m feeling too much at the moment and I just need something to numb some of it.

“Hey, guys what’s up?” Chase walks up to us as he gives us a man hug, with a handshake.

“Guys wanna do a shot?” Chase yells to the three of us.

“Fuck yeah, that’s what we came in here for.” Axton yells as he walks around the bar and grabs two stools for us to sit on. Of course, they have to be next to some girls who are looking over at us and smiling. Fuck please don’t talk to me, go straight to Axton and talk to him I think to myself because I’m not in the mood for some drunk girls.

“Here you guys go.” Chase sets the Fireball shots down in front of us and waits for Carsten to come over.

“Only one shot, Carsten.” Chase glares at Carsten as he says it.

“Don’t worry, my man, I already told them I’m only doing one shot.” He stands next to Chase grabbing the shot glass.

It was definitely a lie, four shots and one beer later I think Carsten forgot he was working when Chase comes over and punches his arm.

“Yo dick face, forget we’re runnin’ the bar together, you fuck.” He laughs but doesn’t seem too mad since they have been steady but not slammed.

“Fuck, I’m sorry dude, I got caught up in everything and forgot where I was really. Like I forgot I was working.” He laughs, and Chase just shakes his head at him.

“You boys having fun?” The brunette next to me asks with a sexy side smirk on her face. Shit what am I doing I can’t think her smile is sexy.

“Yeah, we’re havin’ a good time, what about you ladies?” I ask them, feeling the alcohol so I’m in the mood to talk a little to get Emerald off my mind.

“Yeah, we are, what about your friend, is he having a good time?” She leans forward pointing at Axton.

“Hell yeah, I’m having a good time. You ladies want a shot? It’s on me?” He winks at them. And I sorta wish I could be like him and not feel my feelings right now.

“Sure, what shot do you guys wanna do?” The blonde with her asks.

“We’ve been doing Fireball, are you ladies fine with that?” I ask them hoping they say no because I’m now regretting the decision to talk to them. I feel like I’m cheating, and I don’t like it, even if I am single now.

“Sure, I’m down,” the brunette giggles, scooting closer to me. Great.

“Hell yeah, I love Fireball,” the blonde yells to us as she comes and stands next to Axton.

“Hey, Carsten,” Axton yells to him even though he’s across the bar.

He holds his finger up and grabs a beer from the refrigerator before handing it to the guy at the other end.

“Hey guys, what's up?” Yep, he’s buzzed. His body sways a little as he stands there.

“Ohh, there’s three of you guys?” The brunette smiles, hand on her chin biting her finger a little.

“I’m happily engaged and have two kids at home, I’m good. No offense,” he shouts out quickly before they start flirting with him too.

“Damn,” she pouts and then looks back at me. “Well, you’re single right?” She bites her thin bottom lip, and usually I would find that attractive even if she didn’t have full, plump lips like Emerald’s. I still would have found her really fucking attractive, hell I may have even tried to bring her and her friend home, I’d never turn down two kinky looking girls and a threesome. But none of those thoughts excite me, not even one of those thoughts made my cock twitch.

“It’s complicated, but I’m not here to talk about relationships. Let’s do this shot,” I grumble trying to change the subject.

“Well alright.” She gives me a pout, it’s cute and all but nothing worth changing my mind over.

“Fireball?” Carsten holds up the bottle as we nod our heads, and he walks away. He comes back with six shot glasses, and I can’t help but laugh knowing one of them is for him.

“Chase, get your ass over here,” Carsten yells to his brother as he walks over shaking his head.

“Carsten, this is your last one, asshole. You’re supposed to be working.” He laughs it off like he’s not pissed but no one missed the angry tone.

“So, are you single?” the blonde and brunette ask at the same time and laugh as they look at each other in shock.

“Sorry, I’m sorta taken, my uhh girl should be here shortly.” He sounds really fucking confused as he says that. Maybe he’s just not used to having a girlfriend or something. Him and Saylor started secretly dating before they told us. They snuck around like we wouldn’t catch on. Idiots. It was very obvious that they were obsessed with each other, but they both tried to deny it.

“Damn, you guys are no fun.” She gives us a dramatic pout before laughing. At least she’s not truly upset.

“Right, I was thinking the same thing,” the blonde pouts right along with her friend, but I think hers is actually serious.

After taking the next shot, I head outside to get some fresh air and to get the fuck away from those chatty fucking girls because they were driving me fucking crazy. The urge to text Emerald is so strong, especially with the buzz I have going on. I miss her so much and it makes me wonder if this feeling will ever go away. Then it takes me back to the thoughts I’ve been having. Was I too harsh or did I make the right decision? And I fucking hate second guessing myself like that. Right as I’m about to head in the guys come out to with drinks for some fresh air and we end up talking outside for the rest of it before Axton and I head on home, he probably shouldn’t drive because I know If I’m drunk, he’s gotta be drunk too and it’s a stupid ass decision we both make. Unless he started sobering up and I’m just too fucked up to pay attention.

“I’m heading into bed, man, see you tomorrow,” Axton says as he walks through the front door stumbling a little, you can tell the alcohol is kicking in more now that we’re home.

“Night man,” I call out after him.

I head over to my truck and lay the tailgate down hopping up on it before heading inside. I love being outside. I’d rather be outside relaxing with my guitar or someone’s company than inside watching TV anyways. And even though I’m outside alone, I’d rather be alone with my thoughts outside than trapped behind my bedroom walls. Plus, I’m stupid and hoping to see Emerald on her front stairs again. This is the only spot in the driveway where you can see her stairs, because the bushes around her front porch block them unless you’re standing here right where I park.

But with the way her house looks, it looks like she’s probably sleeping. I look down at my phone to look at the time and see that it’s one-thirty in the morning, so she’s probably drunk and passed out. She’s probably naked too since she prefers to sleep with no clothes on, and picturing her naked in her bed makes my cock hard.

I lie back in my truck bed, closing my eyes. I picture her on her knees, arms tied behind her back and her mouth open with her tongue out. Waiting to suck my cock just how I like it, well just like she likes it too since she’s obsessed with sucking my cock.

I picture my fingers in her pussy thrusting in and out of her while she’s choking on my cock and swallowing it down, her favorite thing to do. My piercings scraping her throat as she moans out from how turned on she is and I have to reach down and readjust my cock from how hard I am.

I hear a door creek and look next door to see Emerald stumbling out onto her porch, slurring whatever words she’s saying.

“Fuck that hurt, stupid foot getting in my way.” I laugh quietly, of course she’s ruining my perverted thoughts of her. It’s almost like she knew I was thinking of her and had to ruin it.

“Fuck, I’m drunk and horny. This is fucking stupid. Fuck you, Creedence for breaking up with me, we could be fucking right now,” she yells a little as she starts sniffling. Shit. There goes my rock-hard cock.

I sit up trying to listen to what else she’s saying but she’s not being as loud now, it almost sounds like she’s whispering. Fuck, I hope she’s not crying.