Breathing Without You (The Courtlynd #2)

32. Creedence

32

CREEDENCE

BEFORE THE PARTY

It's been two weeks since I've talked to Emerald. I feel like such an asshole I can't believe I spoke to her how I did. I never talk to women like that.

I've seen her in passing in the driveway and she's just quickly gotten into her car. She's only tried talking to me once, that was the night we broke up and after that she didn't try again. Not even when I tried talking to her the next day at the diner. I don't blame her, I treated her like shit. I've been miserable, my heart hurts. I've never felt this way about anyone before. This really must be like what it's like to lose the woman you love, I can't eat, can't sleep, I'm barely functioning. I’ve been staying home instead of working, I’ve been drinking almost every day, all day. But I just can't man up and face her. I wouldn't even know what to say or where to start.

I'm sitting at my table attempting to eat when Carsten comes walking through the garage door. I left it open for him after I talked to Winter, and he came over about two hours later.

“Hey, man.” He's quiet. I’m sure he’s not sure how to talk to me, especially after how I talked to him on the phone earlier. I was kind of a drunken dick.

“What’s up, brother.” I look over at him before taking a small bite of my sandwich I was eating so I don't have to talk.

“I like your helmet out there, when did you get it?” He smiles. Kind of excited. As he’s trying to start a conversation but I'm just not in the mood. I never went into details about why I broke it off with Emerald, so unless Winter told him because I know Emerald told her. Then he doesn’t know about the helmet. But I don’t respond, I just take another small bite of my sandwich pretending to be hungry.

“Okay, fine,” he sighs. “Where'd you get the engraving done? It's awesome, I’d like to get some engraving done on mine.” He looks back to the garage before he looks over at me. And that gets my attention. I look up at him a little quicker than normal and raise one eyebrow.

“What engraving?” I’m getting angry, and I’m really confused. I feel like he’s fucking with me right now or something.

“Bro, are you losing it? You get yourself a new helmet and forget you had something engraved on it?” He’s laughing a little, shaking his head. “Maybe you’ve been drinking too much.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I snap getting up. I'm not in the mood for games. I rush out of the house into the garage and pick up the helmet. I don't see anything on it until I turn it around and on the back of the helmet along the bottom, below the gray and white shaded skull says In loving memory of Xander, forever watching over you big brother. And I lose it. Tears start falling down my face and I hear the door open behind me, fuck I’m such an idiot. I slam the helmet down on the desk in my garage, hard, but not hard enough to cause any damage.

“FUCKKKK,” I shout.

I see Carsten standing there, arms crossed in the doorway one shoulder against the door frame.

“Emerald had this made for me, she said she got a matching one too. She’s been trying to get me into riding again. She's been wanting me to go for a ride for my brother she said she knows he'd love it and fuck man I'm afraid to but fuck I'm an asshole.” I let out the breath I was holding.

“She asked me if you and Xander had any nicknames for each other, and I didn't know why so I just told her. I didn't realize this is what she was doing,” he states before asking, “but why are you an asshole?”

“Because I didn't really pay attention to the helmet I just kind of went off on her because I felt like she was forcing me to ride again when I wasn’t ready. I felt like she was forcing me to be ready for her, not for myself. But really she wasn't, she was just trying to help me find happiness in it again and I'm an asshole. I broke up with her and everything over it,” I sigh. “I was caught off guard and wasn’t expecting this as the surprise that she had for me, so when I saw it, I reacted before thinking and I reacted like a fucking asshole. I was pissed, I felt like she wasn’t listening to me and just thinking about herself but really, she wasn’t thinking about herself she was thinking about me.”

“This is why you broke up with her dude?” He looks shocked and a little disappointed maybe.

“Man, I mean I love you like a brother, but I’m gonna be honest, you fucked up big time.” He shakes his head at me with a disappointed look on his face.

“You don’t have to tell me because I just realized I fucked up big time. Fuck dude.” I push my hands through my hair, pulling at it. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I cannot believe I was such an idiot. I’ve had this fucking helmet sitting here on this desk for two weeks that I’ve avoided it each time I’ve been out here and all I had to do was stop and actually pay attention to it. But instead, I was a dumbass and avoided it like it had a disease.

“What are you going to do now?” he asks me with a concerned look on his face.

“Fuck, dude. I have no idea, but I know I need to think fast and find a way to fix this mess.” I let out the breath I was just holding, suddenly feeling stressed as fuck.

“Well, I can help you think of something, I can come over tomorrow after work with the twins and we can come up with some kind of plan if that works for you?” He crosses his arms again and leans against the opposite side of the doorway.

“That sounds good, anything will help, I appreciate it,” I tell him because as of right now I have absolutely no idea as to how I could even begin to get her back.

Right as I’m about to say something the doorbell rings and I know it’s Winter coming to get the guys, that could be me going with them too but I fucked up big time and now I’ll be spending my night sobering up so I can come up with a way to get my girl back before it’s too late.

DURING THE PARTY

I sit on the couch at home feeling miserable. This seriously must be what it's like to miss someone and feel heartbroken. Because it feels like fucking shit. I feel like I need to go find her and apologize tonight, but I know she’ll be drunk and will probably not care or like I said before, try to kick my ass. Plus, I need to come up with a good way to get her back, not even just get her back but to find a way for her to forgive me for being such a piece of shit with how I spoke to her and then for pushing aside her gift like it didn’t mean anything to me, when now that I look at it and actually pay attention to all the details, means more than the world to me. Just like her.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and look down to see Axton’s name and decide to ignore it. I know everyone is at that party, including him so I’m not sure why he’s even calling and I'm not really wanting to talk to anyone. Not right now, I’m busy trying to think of ways to save my ass and win Emerald’s heart back. I look down after I ignore his call and see I have a bunch of texts from Carsten and Axton right as I'm about to open them Carsten starts calling and instead of ignoring them again, I decide to answer it.

“Listen man.” I’m angry answering the phone. “I already told you guys I didn't w...” And then he cuts me off rushing out his words that I almost don't hear what he said.

“Emerald, dude, somethings wrong.” I barely hear him say because it's so loud and my stomach drops, my heart starts racing and I break out in a sweat.

“Dude, what the fuck I can't hear you. I told you I'm not ready to apolo...” I start saying.

“Dude, you need to get here NOW, something is wrong with Emerald, we keep trying to wake her up, but she's passed the fuck out. I don't know if she drank too much or if someone drugged her. Get here now!” he shouts. “Fuck, I think we need to take her to the hospital dude, her pulse is barely fucking there. What the fuck,” he shouts, and I sit up all the way feeling instantly sick to my stomach at what he just said. Her pulse is barely there.

“What the fuck, dude, what do you mean, what do you mean,” I shout not giving him a chance to respond but rushing to get an answer from him because I’m pissed he didn’t start with that shit.

I jump up off my couch rushing to my keys and shoes. I don't even care that I'm only in a wife beater and basketball shorts. I put my slides on and rush out the door running to my truck.

“I don't know, she said she was gonna get drunk tonight, she's really heartbroken man. I don’t even know what she fucking drank. She left us when we got here, and we’ve been searching for her for a half an hour now. I don’t even know how long she’s been like this.” My turn to cut him off.

“Fuck, she was left alone, Carsten, what the fuck man, you guys know these parties aren’t exactly safe.”

“Someone said they saw her, one of the guys at the drink table. He said she was being reckless and doing shot after shot and taking drinks left and right, she even took one from Brynn and Daisy,” he shouts.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I swear to God if those two have anything to do with this I'm gonna let the girls beat their asses. Actually no, I'm gonna get the police involved fuck those psycho bitches.”

“Then someone found her passed out on the bathroom floor and started panicking. Then that’s how I found the guy who told me about her, he was the guy serving drinks. He recognized her and remembered her coming in with us and got us,” he rushes out in a panic trying to tell me all the details.

“We just got her in the car, meet us at Fernfield Hospital.”

“Fuck man, I swear I hope she’s okay. I'll be there in ten,” I say speeding out of my driveway. “Actually, fuck it, make it five. I don't care about the speed limit tonight, the cops can suck my dick,” I say, hanging up the phone and pushing down on the gas pedal. Feeling extremely sick to my stomach trying to ignore these terrible thoughts that keep trying to surface.

I pull into the parking lot parking my truck in the first spot I see; I don’t even know if it was an actual parking spot, and I really don’t even care. Fuck it if it gets towed. Right now, Emerald is where I need to be, she’s who is important. I run in through the emergency room doors, practically knocking someone over.

“Fuck, fuck. Are you okay?” I grab the older gentleman’s shoulder, stopping him from losing his balance even more.

“Shit son, you almost knocked me out there,” he chuckles. C’mon speed it the fuck along.

“Sorry, I can’t wait.” And he gives me a confused look as I run off further into the emergency room waiting area. Running straight for the desk I don’t want them to stop me and delay this any longer.

“Emerald… Emerald Hart,” I accidentally shout. “My girlfriend, she was just brought in, please she… she was unconscious, and her pulse was barely there. Please, I need to see her,” I rush out hoping they’ll allow me to go back there and at least wait for her.

“Sir please, please, I’m going to need you to calm down for a second, please you can’t go back there this worked up,” the lady behind the counter says in a sweet calm voice, not even affected by how loud, or angry I sound or the fact that I’m breathing like I just ran a marathon and can’t catch my breath.

“Sorry please I just…” I pause feeling defeated for a minute. I can’t let anything happen to her without her knowing how I feel about her and that I’m sorry. “Please, she’s all I have left. I just need to know she’s going to be okay.”

The lady looks around to see if anyone is looking and leans forward. “If you could please lower your voice I could help you, sir.” She smiles.

“Sorry, miss.” I’m fucking furious, does she not realize how fucking important this situation is. Right as I’m about to go off on the lady I hear someone from down the hall yelling my name.

“Creed, Creed.” I look over and see Winter running down the hall towards me. “She’s down here, follow me.”

The lady gives me a look and I smile at her as I turn towards Winter and run down the hall towards her. “Thank fuck, I don’t think that lady was going to let me go back she was being a bitch.”

“She was a bitch when I came in yelling that we needed help. She was going to make us wait out here and not let us go back with her,” she says out of breath as I catch up to her. Damn that was a long fucking hallway.

“How is she?” That’s all I care about. I’ll ask what exactly happened after finding out if Emerald’s okay.

“Here umm, let’s talk to Carsten.” She gives a quick smile before turning into the room I’m assuming is Emerald’s. I walk into the room and there’s a curtain drawn around her bed to where you can’t see anything in the room.

“What’s going on guys, where’s Emerald?” I’m pissed. “Tell me what the fuck is going on.”

“Man please, Creed. I need you to promise me you won’t do anything–” I cut him off. I’m not promising shit.

“I’m not making any promises man, tell me what the fuck–” It’s his turn to cut me off.

“She fucking overdosed man,” he shouts at me. “She fucking overdosed,” he chokes out and I look over to a sobbing Winter.

“What the fuck…what the fuck do you fucking mean. Please tell me. Is she okay?” I’m losing my mind I feel like I’m about to have a mental fucking break down. I just need to hold her; I need to kiss her. Please let her be okay.

“She’s unconscious. But she’s okay,” he chokes out. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get the words out sooner. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. Man, we didn’t know what she drank or took, so they had to pump her stomach.” He’s wiping his tears that are falling as quickly as he’s talking. “She was so lifeless. I was so fucking scared for her, for you. Fuck, her whole family. Goddammit, I need to know what the fuck happened,” Carsten shouts. He’s protective of Emerald like he would be of a sister.

“Wait, you said she took a drink from Brynn and Daisy?” The thought pisses me off. The fact that anyone could purposely hurt someone is so fucked up.

“Yeah, that’s what I was told, I don’t know how true it is,” Winter says to me as she opens the curtain to an unconscious Emerald lying in the hospital bed. IVs in her hand and arm. A couple hospital bracelets on both arms. She’s so fucking pale, I question if she’s even breathing. Shit I feel sick. But I try to hold it in. I can’t throw up not here.

“We’re lucky we got here when we did, Creed. If we would’ve been a few minutes later, they may not have been able to save her.” Winter starts rubbing Emerald’s cheek as she talks to me. I slowly walk over to her. Thoughts of my brother lying lifeless on the cement try to flash through my thoughts, but I push them aside. I need to focus on my sweet Sugar. I get next to her and Winter moves away. Standing at the end of the bed. Wiping her tears away as she looks down at Emerald. I sit next to her and grab her cold hand.

“Fuck, Em,” I choke. “Why isn’t she awake?” I turn to Winter and ask her or Carsten whoever wants to answer.

“They don’t know what she took yet. They said whatever it was could be the reason she hasn’t woken up fully yet. They’re waiting for the results of her blood work and as soon as they know they’ll tell us.” She gives me a sad smile.

“Sugar, I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” I lean down kissing her hand. “Please, please come back to me.” I have no idea what I’ll do if something happens to her. I can’t lose her too.

“Fuck, Creed.” Carsten places his hand on my shoulder crying next to me. Then my idea that I thought of before returns and I look over at Emerald I lean down and kiss her. “I love you, Sugar,” I whisper to her. “I’ll be right back.” I stand up and look over at Carsten and Winter. “I’ll be right back guys, trust me.” And I don’t wait for an answer, I run out the door. Running through people that are walking through the halls, doctors that are staring at me like I lost my mind, with a look of confusion on their faces as I run from yelling nurses and other people who work here, I finally make it to the doors when I see security coming. What the fuck? Security because of me running in a hospital? Fuck this. I pick up speed. I used to play football, so I’m used to running. Our coach was a psycho about our speed. I make it to my car before the two overweight security guards get to me and speed out of the parking lot. Fuck the speed limit tonight I need to get to this party.

I get to the party and rush in through the door, I'm immediately greeted by Brynn and Daisy, who hold cigarettes in their hands like they were about to come out and smoke.

“Damn, you look fucking hot,” Daisy slurs a little trying to rub her finger against my chest but misses. I’m out of fucking breath from all that running and anger. I don’t have the energy to react to more than what I need to.

“What the fuck did you do to my girlfriend. Daisy?” I'm fucking fuming and it's taking everything in me not to fucking choke her.

“Word around town is she's not your girlfriend so why does it matter what I did?” She has the ugliest smile on her bitchy face. Fuck her. I push her up against the wall pushing my hand against her throat, fuck being nice. Fuck her and Brynn.

“Tell me what the fuck you did to her, what the fuck did you put in her drink? My friends are calling me freaking the fuck out cause she's not waking up then next thing I know they’re rushing her to the hospital. I can’t get into detail I’m too fucking pissed. I’ll do something I regret if I do. So save yourself and tell me before I fucking hurt you.” I’m seething with anger. She suddenly has a panicked look as all the color drains from her face.

“I roofied her drink, okay. That's all I did. I wanted her to pass out and for someone to see her and sleep with her so that way she'd be cheating on you and you guys would be done for good. That way maybe you’d want to get with me.” She smirks a little, looking away from me, tears in her eyes.

“What the fuck is your problem? You wanted someone to fucking rape her?” I’m fucking furious now. She's lucky she's a girl and I can't kick her fucking ass.

“Well, no, I didn't think about it that way, please don't be mad at me, Creed,” she whispers then sticks her bottom lip out in an ugly pout. She never was cute when she pouted. I don’t know what I ever saw in this nasty fucking girl or why I ever gave her the time of day. I should have ran when she showed interest in me, especially after what her friend Brynn did to Carsten last year when she tried to pretend she was pregnant to get him to leave Winter for her.

“Don't be fucking mad at you? You roofied my girlfriend and wanted someone to fucking rape her. I’m not mad…” She smiles like she’s relieved. “I'm fucking livid.” I slam her body into the wall a little while walking away. I don't care if I fucking hurt her, she's lucky I didn't do more.

“What the fuck did you give her Daisy?” I yell in her face not caring how shitty I’m being to a woman right now.

“The guy called it liquid ecstasy,” she shouts in a nervous voice squinting her eyes closed like I’m about to hit her or something.

“You fucking gave her GHB! What the fuck is your fucking problem. Dammit,” I shout and shove her against the wall one last time before running out of the house back to my truck.

Once I arrive back at the hospital, I park in the same made-up spot I parked in before and I run back inside, bypass the desk with the bitch behind it and run down the hall dodging everyone until I get back to Emerald’s room. “GHB,” I pant, out of breath from how fast and how far I just ran. “They gave her liquid ecstasy,” I breathe out.

“Knock. Knock.” In comes a man with what looks to be a tablet in his hand. “Good evening, I’m Dr. Franks, we're still waiting on the results from her bloodwork.”

“GHB,” I blurt out. “The girl at the party who did it told me. I went to the party and got it out of her.”

“Thank you for that information. Well that definitely explains why she overdosed. I was told she was drunk all day and then overdid it on the alcohol at the party. That mixed with gamma hydroxybutyrate, also known as GHB, mixed with that amount of alcohol mixed with however much GHB can cause someone to overdose. She should be awake sometime tonight, if not depending on how much was left in her system she could be out until morning. But she’ll have to stay for a day or two to be monitored.”

“When she comes home will she be back to normal? Will she be okay or?” I’m worried about her; I can’t help all the questions that come to mind.

Dr. Franks gives me a kind smile. “She may have suffered some memory loss. She may not remember the night of the party or why she’s in the hospital. Little things, nothing major like she will remember who you are and everyone else in her life. She’ll be okay, she'll just be groggy for a few days.” He turns away towards the door before turning back. “I’ll have her moved up to the third floor, that’s where she’ll be for the rest of her stay. I’ll be back to check on her before she’s moved though. I’ll let you guys visit.” He walks out the door not waiting for us to respond to what he had just said. I wish Emerald was awake so I could talk to her about how fucking scared I am right now that even though Dr. Franks said she’ll be okay it’s still hard to fully trust it. I can’t lose her. Ever. I need to tell her how much I love her, and how sorry I am.

“We’re gonna head out.” Carsten comes over to me. “That way you can spend time with her plus we gotta go get the twins from my mom’s.”

“We love you guys so much,” Winter says, as she comes in and gives me a big hug from her little body.

“Love you too, Winter. Em loves you too.” I squeeze her back.

Carsten comes in and gives me a hug and pats me on the back. “Love you, Creed.” Carsten squeezes me tight, a hug I didn’t know I needed from him.

“Love you too, Carst.” I smile to myself while hugging my best friend, my brother. Thankful for them and their support.

After they leave, I gently slide into bed next to Emerald. Being careful not to move her too much as I adjust myself next to her. I miss her so much; I just need to be close to her. I need to feel my body next to hers. I need to warm her up, so she won’t be so cold when she wakes up. I lay there in the bed next to her, brushing the hair away from her beautiful face and just stare at her. God I’ve missed having her next to me, the warmth of her body and to just be able to reach over and feel her soft skin under my rough skin, just knowing she’s there, even if I’m not touching her. I’ve missed it. Now I just hope in the morning I can convince her to forgive me, after she wakes up and realizes where she is of course. I end up closing my eyes, getting some rest while I’m next to her. It’s been so long since I’ve slept well, being without her has sucked. I fall asleep to the sound of the machines around Emerald beeping and the slow beat of her pulse, I feel as my fingers grip her wrist gently. I find comfort in her pulse knowing her heart still beats for me, even if she doesn’t realize it yet I know she fought for us.