Dirty Secrets (The Heights #1)

Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

LOGAN

“ R ae?” I called out as I knocked on her bedroom door, cracking it open and almost losing my nose as she threw something at the door to slam it shut again. “Jesus, what did that prick do? I’m team Raven, stand down.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said firmly, and I risked it as I opened the door to step inside.

“Good, me either.” I closed the door and walked closer, jumping on the bed beside her and jostling her. A smile tugged at her lips as she tried to stay mad but failed.

“Fuck off. I can’t be mad at you.”

“That’s probably why I’m the one that was left to knock on your door while the other two fucked off to argue else where,” I chuckled, not giving her a chance to escape as I wrapped my arms around her tightly to cuddle her. “I can’t believe you have Cruz lying to me.”

“Did you wash the skank off, or am I getting chlamydia right now?” she deadpanned, sinking into my hold anyway.

“C’mon, I wouldn’t do that to you,” I tsked. “Are you still mad at me about bringing her home?”

She sighed, snuggling closer. She’d been doing that a lot lately.

I mean, we’d always snuggled, but I swore she buried her face in my neck now to fucking inhale me.

I ran my hand up the back of her shirt to draw patterns against her warm skin, loving how she sank even further into me somehow.

“I’m frustrated, not mad.”

“You know you’re my favorite girl, right? This right here means more to me than getting laid.”

I hated how she scoffed, not believing me. Raven would always mean more to me than any other woman on the planet.

She was who I’d run to as a child after the traumatic situations I’d faced, thanks to my mother.

I hoped that woman rotted in her damn prison cell. She might not have hurt me, but she’d let other people, which felt like the same damn thing.

“Yeah, right. Nothing is better than pussy to you. No need to lie to make me feel better.”

“I’m not lying. I’ve been selfish lately and ignoring how random girls in the house were obviously bothering you. You come first to me, and I’m sorry for acting like an asshole. No more, I mean it,” I said seriously, knowing I had to stick to that promise.

“You guys would make a crime scene if I had a gangbang while you were home,” she said tensely. “You can’t treat girls like shit then get angry when someone does the same to me. It’s just what guys do, right?”

“Okay, we’re going to have a sex talk,” I muttered under my breath, psyching myself up a little. Raven and sex shouldn’t have even been in the same sentence, and it was a little bit of an uncomfortable discussion to have with her.

It gave me a fucking boner, and I prayed she didn’t move her damn leg or she’d feel it.

“It’s not like you’re shy. Spit it out,” she grumbled, but curiosity lined her tone. If any man managed to get into her pants, I’d bet money on her letting them do anything they wanted out of pure curiosity.

That thought made my dick turn to granite.

“It’s weird talking sex with you,” I huffed, making her laugh.

“I’ve literally seen you fucking before, Logan. It’s not like you have boundaries. I’m the one that should be uncomfortable, not you. Which I am, by the way.”

“The thing is, we sleep with girls with experience and zero attachments. You’re going to want to find someone nice and date them, but someone’s likely to just hump and dump you. It’s not a bad thing that you don’t have experience, you just need someone who respects that about you and won’t push you too far.”

“You won’t let anyone close enough anyway.”

“Tell me some guys you’d let fuck you and I’ll make lists about why you shouldn’t,” I said dryly, knowing she had terrible taste. “Any guy you’ve shown interest in was a piece of shit. Find a decent man and I’ll try to hold Reid back.”

The thought made me sick, but I couldn’t keep her caged forever to try and keep her safe. I should’ve just been grateful that she was happy to talk to me about these things and not sneak off to fuck someone for the sake of it behind our backs.

She technically had every right to, we were just friends, but she had no idea of the dangers she could face by putting herself out there like that. Especially here in the Heights.

I kept telling myself that was my reason, anyway. It was mostly because she’d been my first crush and I wasn’t ready to watch her love someone else.

I couldn’t have her, but I was struggling to let her go.

“What was wrong with that blond guy at the track? He was nice to me,” she asked bitterly, making me snort.

“You mean the prick in the black Mustang that tried to get you to ride with him for his race? He had a bet with his buddy that he could get into your pants and was going to secretly film it for proof. Next.”

She seemed surprised by that but didn’t ask. Zavier had overheard the guy bragging about how he was going to win the bet since Raven was eating out of his hand.

He possibly lost a tooth.

“Well, the guy with the jacked up truck was polite. He even offered me a bottle of water when I complained that it was too hot. You got jealous when he returned with it and tipped it out,” she scowled.

“He spiked it with roofies. Next.”

“The guy with the guitar at the Heights bonfire two years ago!”

“He beat his last girlfriend half to death and forced himself on her regularly,” I answered sharply, remembering that night well. Broke my hand on that fucker’s face for even considering touching Raven. “You’re upset we didn’t let you fuck those assholes? You don’t even know their names.”

“As if you know who you’re fucking. Double standards.”

“I remember my first. Keisha Bentley. She told everyone I rocked her world when, in reality, I came fast and she didn’t even get off. She knew it was my first time though and was nice about it, despite my fucking embarrassment,” I chuckled as if Raven wasn’t aware of how my first time had gone.

I’d gone home and told her and Reid all about it because that was what best friends did.

“I don’t want to get attached to them though. I’m not looking for romance and coddling, I’m looking for a dick to take my virginity.” She said it so casually that I did well not to snap at her.

We’d done that. Given her the mindset that sex was meant to be no strings attached.

“Rae,” I sighed softly, ignoring her annoyance as I grabbed her jaw gently and forced her to look at me. “Find the right person first, okay? You’ll end up hurt otherwise, and I don’t just mean emotionally. Someone selfish would use you for their own pleasure and not care about injuring you. You need someone gentle who can give you the right aftercare.”

“I don’t need aftercare.”

“You do. Listen to me. I’ve had a lot of sex and I’ve learned a lot. Girls with experience don’t seem to get so emotionally attached, but the inexperienced ones? They subconsciously get upset about it even when they say they’re happy with just a fling. You won’t be able to help it, Rae. Being intimate with someone puts you in a vulnerable position and your emotions will come into play, no matter how much you try to suppress them. I don’t want you lying on some old, stained mattress alone, feeling used and upset.”

I released her as she sat up, but she didn’t leave like I thought she was going to. She wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled them to her chest, resting her cheek on her knees to watch me.

“Maybe I should rob a bank and pay a male sex worker to just do it. At least they’re trained.”

I huffed out a laugh, reaching out to ruffle her hair lightly. “Never thought you’d be the one chasing hookers.”

“Shut up. It would be a good idea if I had the money,” she smiled, vulnerability shining in her eyes. “I already asked Zavier about his likes, but what do you like? I might not have skills, but maybe I can have some knowledge.”

“The fuck do you and Lopez talk about?” I asked with narrowed eyes, sitting up so that we were level. “You talk sex with him?”

“He’s not an overbearing asshole like you and Reid have been.”

I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Mainly because I knew how badly Zavier had wanted to fuck her since we were teenagers.

Did he know all of her private things like I did?

“What did he tell you? I swear if he told you something stupid like DP being a turn on, I’ll hunt him down and beat his ass right now,” I grumbled, and she rolled her eyes.

“Just that he likes eating pussy and not to be afraid of messy blow jobs. I know you’re an ass man, but is there something I should be doing that guys like? Since this is already uncomfortable, you might as well tell me.”

“You get them to do all the work and make them get you off more than once. That’s all you need to know.”

“C’mon, tell me. Do you like feet or something?” she teased.

“No. I like reverse cowgirl. It feels different,” I shrugged, leaning back against the headboard. “And Lopez is right, messy head is hot. Can we talk about something else? I’m getting hard and it’s weird to be hard while looking at you.”

I was always hard when I was looking at her but she didn’t need to know that.

“Can I ask one more question?” Her cheeks heated, which intrigued me. Raven rarely got embarrassed about anything.

“Sure.”

“How much will it hurt? Should I use something else first so it’s not so bad when I do it? Like, a toy?” she mumbled, my dick becoming so hard I thought it would snap off.

If I thought about Raven fucking herself in the room beside mine to stretch her pussy out a little, I’d definitely come in my pants.

“I think we need to find you some girlfriends. I honestly don’t know what it’s like for girls, other than it can burn a little,” I answered as I silently prayed that I didn’t start humping her leg or something. My balls ached, and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from blurting out that I’d give her what she wanted.

“Ugh, yuck. I don’t want girlfriends,” she muttered, cracking me up and thankfully taking the subject away from her pussy. She really didn’t get along with many girls, and it wasn’t like Beckett would want to talk sex with her.

She wasn’t exactly the type to giggle and swap sex stories.

Raven

I spent most of the day locked in my room with Logan. He told me about a lot of his bad experiences with hookups, like the time he had drunk sex with a girl and she threw up all over him when she was riding him.

I really didn’t understand the appeal of getting that drunk every weekend. Maybe because I saw what alcohol had done to my father, but throwing up on people and not remembering an entire night sounded scary, not fun.

It was rare I drank enough to affect me, but when I did, one of the guys stayed sober to make sure I was okay.

Zavier and Reid apparently had a beer and got over their issues with each other, since they’d been talking happily in the kitchen for the past few hours, and Zavier poked his head into my room to check on me as if he’d done the wrong thing earlier.

He hadn’t, I was the one with the problem. I’d had no right to act mad at him just because I’d felt embarrassed for thinking he’d be attracted to me, and for the guys joking about it, so I’d hauled him onto the bed so he could watch a movie with me and Logan for a while.

By dinner, they’d both left to hang out with Cruz, leaving me alone with Reid.

“Hey,” Reid said warily when I entered the kitchen, finding him sitting at the counter.

“Hey. Why did you stay home?” I asked with a frown as he got to his feet.

“I wanted to stay home with you instead.” He hugged me, his voice gentle. “Fighting with you sucks. I know you’re an adult, I just worry about you and get defensive. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I know. Do you want to go to the Pit or something? I can drive so you can drink?” I offered as I stepped back, relieved that he hadn’t stayed home to argue with me.

I swore it was all we’d done lately.

The Pit was just the Heights’ abandoned swimming pool. The tall, chain link fence was covered in vines and weeds, making it the perfect hidden place to graffiti, sleep, and host fights.

“I’ll drive so you can have one or two and relax. C’mon, go put on your best sweats and hoodie. Let loose tonight,” he chuckled, making me wince.

“You know that doesn’t really appeal to me.”

“You don’t have to get drunk, just have enough to get a little tipsy. We can tag some walls or something,” he grinned, knowing that would convince me.

I loved graffiti art, the Heights was covered in it, and we’d spent a lot of nights out on the street leaving our mark on abandoned buildings.

There wasn’t much else to do around here. Considering they’d never rebuilt the Police Station after someone had burned it down last year, it was unlikely they’d ever find the money to invest in shit for people to do around here.

“You really know how to twist my arm,” I huffed, making him wink.

“I’d be worried if after all these years I couldn’t. We’re good, right?” he asked to double check, earning a small smile.

“Yeah, we’re good. I’ll grab my things and we can go.”

Maybe a night out was what we needed. We used to go out every night to tag walls, set shit on fire, and get in fights. These past six months had somehow led to most nights at home and the guys being more focused on getting laid than anything else.

I changed into my black, baggy cargo pants and black crop top that stopped just above my belly button, making sure to grab a hoodie on my way out. It was one of Reid’s old hoodies, so it was way too big on me, but it was really warm and had a massive hood, which was great at hiding my face when we were sneaking around with spray paint.

I shoved my feet into my old, worn high top sneakers, sighing when I noticed the hole on the side was bigger. These were my favorite, and new shoes weren’t a priority over food and bills.

I was almost out of mascara too, just to make matters worse. I didn’t have a lot of things, but basic makeup to feel better about myself was one thing I made sure to keep on hand.

I didn’t give a fuck about the latest phone or computer, my phone was old but it still worked, and our TVs were only those fancy smart TVs because Reid had bought them off someone selling them cheap.

They were definitely stolen, but most things in the Heights were.

I snagged my backpack on the way into the living room, the tinkering of the metal spray cans in it making me smile. It had been a few weeks, so I was looking forward to this.

Reid’s eyes ran over me when I walked in, his gaze lingering on my holey shoes for a second but he didn’t mention it. He knew we couldn’t afford new ones, so telling me to get some was pointless.

“Ready to go?” he asked as he handed me a six pack of beer, opening the door to let me past.

“Do the guys know we’re going out?”

“Yeah, I texted Logan. They’ve got keys to get back in,” he answered, sticking a cigarette between his lips and lighting it, handing it to me once it was lit before lighting another one for himself. We walked to the car and climbed in, the Challenger roaring to life and making the neighbors curtains move as they came to investigate.

I was surprised no one had stolen our cars, but it probably helped that the last time someone had been caught sniffing around them, Reid and Zavier had beaten them half to death.

It probably also made a difference that we were known to be friends with the Donovans. That seemed to scare a lot of people away.

We rolled the windows down as Reid drove towards the Pit, the evening air feeling cool on my face as I blew the smoke out the window.

“Do you think Josh would’ve liked Zav?” I asked randomly, earning an instant snort from Reid.

“Probably not.”

“Why did you like him then?”

“I just did,” he said vaguely, and I narrowed my eyes.

“Reid.”

“You know how he used to crash at the abandoned school before meeting us?” he asked with a sigh, waiting for me to nod. Zavier had spent years hiding from his father, Kristoff Lopez. The man was the devil, and thankfully, the crews took care of erasing him. “He noticed you sneaking around in the middle of the night a few times and became your own personal stalker.”

“Wait, what?” I asked, a little alarmed that I hadn’t noticed some random guy following me. I was born here, so I was good at being aware of my surroundings as a kid.

Reid chuckled, shaking his head a little. “He saw some kid following you one night and dealt with him for you. He started following you around whenever he saw you on your own to make sure you got home safely. He’s the one who told us you were sneaking out in the first place.”

“That fucking snitch,” I grumbled, making him laugh.

“In his defense, you really shouldn’t have been walking around alone at night. I’m glad he stalked you.”

“Me too. I kind of like having him around,” I said dryly, eyeing him in the fading light. “I’m sorry I was difficult back then. I know how much it freaked you out to wake up to me missing.”

“You were a kid who’d watched your brother get murdered in front of you. You were traumatized and grieving. I never blamed you for your behavior,” he said seriously, glancing at me.

“You were a kid too, Reid. You watched Josh die just like I did.”

“I couldn’t help him, but I could help you. I’ll never regret the years I’ve spent with you and Logan. Never. If I was offered a life outside of the Heights with financial security, I wouldn’t want it if it meant leaving you guys behind. I’d rather live in a cardboard box with you than be anywhere else,” he promised, reaching over and taking my hand.

I took it and didn’t let go until we arrived at the Pit, where we climbed out with the bag and beer before starting to walk to the overgrown vines that hid the hole in the fence. We could see the faint glow of the fire pits, and if it wasn’t for the laughing and talking, you wouldn’t have thought anything was here.

Reid held the vines back as we reached the hole, and I slipped through it and waited for him to join me before we walked towards the far corner to put our things down.

“It’s unusual to see you two without Logan,” Cami grinned as we approached, and I held out a fist to bump against hers. She’d spent a lot of time in and out of rehab over the years, but we’d been friends since elementary school.

Her skin was clear today, and her strawberry blond hair looked freshly washed, making me relax. She was still sober.

Some days when I’d run into her, she’d fallen off the sober train and was an absolute mess, but she was doing really well this time. She’d put herself in there last year through a government program when she’d had a small slip up and hadn’t felt strong enough to get back on track herself, which was better than it used to be.

She hadn’t lasted long after getting out before going back in though.

“He’s out with Lopez. You look really good, Cam. How are you?”

She beamed, motioning to the soda in her hand. “I’m great! Haven’t even had a drop of booze for three months now. Although, rehab was really good for my sex life.”

“I bet,” I scoffed, uncapping a beer and taking a mouthful.

“Anything new with you? Still got that pesky virginity?” she asked teasingly, eyeing Reid. “How do you guys keep your hands off her? She’s gorgeous.”

“I see her as a friend, not a warm hole for my dick,” he grunted, resting his elbow on my shoulder. “Besides, Rae never does as she’s told. I like my girls obedient.”

“Yes, Daddy,” I deadpanned, earning a dirty look from him.

“Never say that again. That’s weird.”

“You don’t like being called daddy?” Cami laughed, and I swore Reid gagged.

“Not particularly, and definitely not from fucking Raven.”

I playfully punched him in the stomach, making him hunch slightly.

“Good, because I wouldn’t be a good girl for you anyway, Reid Barron.”

He scowled at me as I turned to Cami, ignoring his grumbling as I spoke to her like nothing had happened.

“It’s okay, my pure pussy won’t be pure for long. I’m working on it.”

“Excuse me?” Reid snorted, but Cami smirked.

“Girl, good luck. Everyone’s too fucking scared of getting their asses beat to go near you.”

“Only those who deserved it got beat up,” I answered, glancing at Reid. “Right? Logan was telling me all about it earlier.”

Reid frowned, not seeming to know what to say. “He told you?”

“Yeah. You should’ve told me ages ago why you’ve been punching people all this time and scaring them away.”

Cami chuckled. “Sure, that’s why they’ve been chasing people away. I’m going to hang by the pool to watch some of the guys skate. You coming?”

“We’re going to drink beer and tag some shit,” I answered, tapping my backpack with my foot and making the cans rattle slightly. “We’re having a bestie night.”

“Cute,” she grinned, giving Reid a wink before walking away and leaving us to it.

“Hey,” Reid murmured as he hooked an arm around my neck to tug me back when I reached for the bag, my back pressing against his front. “If you need to piss or something, let me know. Don’t wander off alone, okay? Devon’s here.”

Devon had been a pain in the ass for a while now. He’d always been a sleazy piece of shit who thought he was God’s gift to women, but it had only gotten worse last year when I’d caught him drugging my drink at a party.

Reid had beat him up, and in return, Devon had shown up at the track in Ashburn Valley with a gun to shoot Reid.

It was all very dramatic and unnecessary, but now the guys had some kind of permanent pissing contest that was getting out of hand.

“As long as you don’t wander off alone without me too,” I said firmly, intending on pulling away from him but he tightened his hold, his lips tickling my ear.

“I mean it, Rae. There’s been a lot of talk about him lately. I’m worried he’ll try and hurt you.”

“Can we not snuggle in public?”

“Snuggling will be the least of your worries if you don’t listen to me,” he warned, and I could've sworn his dick hardened against me just before he stepped back.

I turned to face him but he was already bending down to unzip my bag, passing me some paint.

I took it, swigging on my beer as I moved towards the wall.

The world around me melted away as I started spraying my design, absently taking other colors from Reid as he offered them to me. There was some kind of peace in art, the colors and lines telling a story or an expression, each individual artist's emotions and personality giving it a unique style.

The hiss of the spray soothed me, and I lost myself for fuck knows how long before Reid nudged me, snapping me out of it. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said with a frown, and he lifted his chin at my work.

“You’re adding frustration to your art today. Maybe a hint of violence too.”

I looked at the artwork I’d created and was a little surprised to see that he was right. Angry slashes of color filled the space as a backdrop, thick, black lines creating a creature from the dark on top. It kind of looked like a wolf that had recently fed on a village or something.

I downed the rest of my beer and accepted the fresh one he handed me, his eyes not leaving me.

“Rae? Talk to me.”

“I’m fine, really. Maybe it’s just because it’s almost Josh’s anniversary,” I mumbled, a shiver rolling down my spine. “I can’t believe it’s been nine years since we lost him.”

Reid sighed, finally taking his eyes off me to admire my painting. “I know what you mean. It feels like yesterday that it happened, but at the same time, so much longer.”

We stood in silence after that, and I had to admit, I was feeling the buzz from the beer already.

I didn’t really give a shit though, Reid would keep me safe.