Duncan’s Honor (The Aegis Network: Jacksonville Division #7)

Chapter 3

3

C hastity sat at the table in the kitchen at the station house, staring at her spaghetti and meatballs. The beginning of the shift had been a little crazy. A four-car pileup on the highway, followed by a fire, a lightning strike, a call by an old lady whose husband had fallen out of his wheelchair and she couldn’t get him up off the floor, and finally, a man got his dick stuck in a jacuzzi jet.

Now, that one she’d never seen before and she hoped she’d never see it again.

It was an unusually busy and slightly odd morning.

All the men in the station house had been walking around as though their manhood had gotten stuck somewhere.

“Hey.” Duncan shuffled into the kitchen. “Any more of that?” He wiggled his finger over her food.

They hadn’t seen each other since the morning they had sex. That was three days ago. He’d texted that he wouldn’t be home for a few days because of an assignment with the Aegis Network. That was nice of him but wasn’t necessary. Although, he’d been doing weird shit like that for months.

Random texts.

Random phone calls asking her if she wanted to have a drink. Or go for coffee. Or just hang out. Nothing would ever happen. But there would be awkward silences. Long gazes. His hand on the small of her back.

Today, they’d barely said two words before their first call had come fifteen minutes after their morning meeting, not giving them a chance to be awkward.

Since then, they’d been too busy.

Thank God for small favors.

“There’s tons left.” She waved her fork. “And while you’re in there, you can grab me another slice of that garlic cheese bread. Or two.”

He laughed. “No idea how you stay so tiny eating all those carbs.” He rested his hand on the back of her neck and gave it a good massage.

“By running every morning with you.” Unable to resist, she dropped her head and moaned. “God, that feels good.”

“It’s been a long day.” His fingers snaked across her shoulders, hitting all the right muscles. This right here was why half the station house busted both of their balls about a storm brewing.

“Where is everyone? It’s too quiet in here.” She stiffened her spine. This wasn’t appropriate for two people trying to forget they’d ever slept together.

“Arthur is in his office with Rex. The rest of the crew is napping or watching something in their bunks, hoping it’s a quiet night.” He shifted. “And that we don’t see weird shit, because I never want to see a man with his?—”

“Don’t say it. Just the thought actually makes my girly parts hurt.”

“Imagine what it does to my manly parts.” Duncan visibly shivered. “It would be nice to have a few hours of absolutely nothing. I’m exhausted.” Duncan made his way to the fridge where he took out the pasta that Garrett had made before the last call. He dumped a large portion on a plate, shoving it in the microwave. After that, he took out some bread and placed it on another plate. The way he moved about the kitchen only served as a reminder of what had transpired between them.

Her cheeks heated.

Quickly, she stuffed her mouth full of pasta.

The microwave dinged, and he set his plate next to hers while he warmed the bread.

She’d finish her food and go close her eyes for a little bit. But she wasn’t going to run from Duncan. She needed to show him—and herself—that things weren’t any different than they were before.

Or maybe they were better.

Because he wasn’t avoiding her anymore.

He pulled out the chair and scooted in a little too close for comfort. “What did you do on our extended few days off?”

“Unlike you and the rest of this crew, I know how to relax.” She laughed. “I read a book. I went to the beach. I binge-watched a show and I FaceTimed with my baby sister.”

“Lilly or Serenity?”

“Lilly. The other one, for whatever reason, is mad at me.”

“Probably because you’re acting like a grown-up and not her partner in crime.” Duncan pressed his leg against Chastity’s. “She’s at that weird age where she’s technically an adult, but not really equipped yet to handle all the things that go with it.”

“I remember those days well.” Chastity broke off some bread and plopped it in her mouth. “I dealt with it by running off, setting a precedent for rebellion. But the difference between Serenity and me, or even Manly and my sister, is that my brother and I had a plan. Manly had my parents’ blessing, I didn’t. I’m not sure they will ever accept me for who I am, or even forgive me for what I did. But Serenity takes it all to a new level.”

“I’m not sure I’ve ever met a teenager who hasn’t done some kiss-off to their parents. I know I did my share of things that crossed the line.” Duncan wiped his fingers and mouth on his napkin. “I’m pushing forty, and there are moments when my folks still accuse me of being in that rebellion stage.” He twirled some pasta on his fork.

“I find that hard to believe. Your parents are amazing.”

“They are pretty freaking awesome.” Duncan nodded. “However, there are two areas they struggle with when it comes to my life and I know you can relate.”

“They feel like you turned your back on God.”

“Which I haven’t. I just don’t think I need to go to church or believe in the same strict principles as they do, or your parents. I know how that’s put a damper on your relationships with your family.”

Her chest tightened. Not because of how distant she felt from her family, though that did always cause her some pain. But while she desperately needed her and Duncan to be friends again, it didn’t change that her feelings for him hadn’t miraculously gone away. “My family still doesn’t understand.”

“They will. Give them time.”

She cocked her head. “What’s the other struggle with your parents?”

“Family.” He shrugged.

“And you no longer want one,” she said as a matter of fact. “Can I ask why?”

“Oh boy. That’s a loaded question.” He chuckled. “I used to and when I was your age, it’s all I could think about. But being in the Air Force made it difficult. Most of the women I dated struggled with my deployments.”

“What about Robin?” Inwardly, she cringed. No one at the station brought that woman up. It had been a little over a year since Duncan and Robin had called it quits and Chastity hadn’t been around to see how madly in love they had been.

Or to watch her destroy one of the most wonderful men Chastity had ever met.

“I’d been out of the Air Force for a while when I met her,” he said.

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

“She’s not worth either of our oxygen and I have something else I’d like to discuss with you,” he said. “I’m glad for this moment alone. I wanted to make sure we’re okay. That you’re okay. We haven’t had the chance to talk since that morning.”

She arched a brow. “Do I look like there’s something wrong?”

“Well, no.” He scowled. “I just don’t want you to think I go around sleeping with just anyone. Even though I’m not ready for a relationship, with anyone, I’m not a man who uses women. I don’t go to bed with someone unless I care about them,” he said softly.

“We’ve covered this. I appreciate that you’re concerned about my feelings. I really do. Not to toss this back in your face, but you’ve mentioned my age and religion a few times. I am twenty-six. I won’t deny the fact that’s young. Or the fact that my religion taught me that I was supposed to get married and have kids long before I reached this milestone. As a woman, that was my purpose.”

“You know what my opinion about all that is.”

She smiled and nodded. They had a fair amount in common and she valued how he could straddle both worlds much easier than she could. Her sex made it difficult. Where she came from, men didn’t take her seriously. Hell, neither did the women.

Even out here, she had to fight for equality.

Duncan understood that and he always treated her as if she were just another one of the guys.

Until he didn’t.

But he managed to do it gracefully and in a way that didn’t make her feel as though all he saw were her tits.

“I sure do, and to be fair, at one point, I thought that was what I wanted,” she said.

“Let’s be honest about that.” He rested his arm over the back of her chair. His fingers twisted around her ponytail in an exotic dance that didn’t belong at work. “Because I know you and you still want all that one day.”

“I do.” She nodded. “But not today. And not anytime soon. Right now, I want to enjoy living in the moment.”

“I get that. Trust me. I do. However, you’re acting as though you’re giving up on all those hopes and dreams and I don’t understand what’s changed. Was it that asshole ex of yours? Or have I done something?” His thumb brushed gingerly across her neck, right under her ear. “Because I don’t want to be the person you chase after when I can’t offer you anything.”

“You’re giving yourself too much credit,” she said. “Honestly, I’m taking time for myself and enjoying life. Can we leave it at that?”

“Yeah. Of course.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against her cheek. “Want to go watch that show we started last week?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll clean up in here. We can watch in the small room.”

“Sounds like a plan.” She stood at exactly the same time as he, bumping into his chest.

He gripped her hips and stared into her eyes. “Another time. Another place,” he whispered.

“Duncan. Now you’re giving me mixed messages. And at work of all places. Don’t.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be the one having a hard time with what happened and to be honest, as much as I wouldn’t mind it happening again, it can’t. We both know that.” He kissed her palm. “I’ll make some popcorn.” He gave her a good shove.

Damn, that man was giving her whiplash.

But this was what he wanted and she would have to agree to it. She didn’t need a man who had one foot out the door.

And the other one grounded in a relationship with another woman that had ended badly.

She snagged one of the blankets and stretched out on the big sofa. The more she did things with him as they used to, the faster things would go back to the way they were.

Or at least she hoped they would.

But everything felt different. Even the playful banter, which they had always done ever since they had met. The sexual tension had always been there, that neither one could deny.

“Are you going to hog the entire sofa?” Duncan grabbed her big toe before setting a bowl of buttered popcorn on the table. He lifted her feet, swung them to the side, and shifted her body.

She was about to protest, but he lifted the bowl of popcorn, rested it on his knee, and then had the audacity to wrap his free arm around her shoulders, tugging her to his chest. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Watching a show with you, like we’ve done a million times.” He arched a brow. “And if you all of a sudden curl up over there on the other side of the couch like I’m a leper, that will get people talking. Or do I need to remind you of all the times you’ve fallen asleep with your head in my lap?”

“Which got both of us a fair amount of razzing.”

He chuckled. “As did you being at my house the other morning. Or me chasing you down the street after Buddy’s wedding. But no one believes I’ll ever act on whatever they think they see.”

She jerked her head. “Now I’m insulted. That makes it sound like I’m not good enough.”

He cupped the back of her neck, drawing her closer. “No. You’re too good for me. Hell, you’re too good for most men. But that’s not even the point.” He glanced over his shoulder before kissing her and it wasn’t the kind of kiss that was shared between co-workers. His tongue slipped between her lips, twirling around hers in a passionate tango. “Shit,” he mumbled, setting aside the popcorn. “I’m going to hit the weight room.” He stood and strolled out of the small room.

“Damn it,” she whispered. That didn’t go as she intended. She touched her lips. What she felt for Duncan was real. It was powerful. And she knew without a doubt, he felt something more than a sexual attraction for her, but whatever this chick Robin had done to him, it had successfully destroyed his ability to open his heart to anyone.

Ever.

Duncan leaned against the sink and stared into his glass of water. He’d tried working out. Then a cold shower. He’d tossed and turned in his bunk for an hour, but he couldn’t push Chastity out of his thoughts.

For the sake of their working relationship and friendship, he had to.

Fucking Robin and her damn lies and betrayal. Every time he thought he could get past what Robin had done and move forward, it reached up from the depths of his soul and consumed his heart.

“Wow. You look ridiculously serious.” Rex maneuvered into the kitchen. “No. More like constipated.”

“More like traumatized from our last call.”

“What man wouldn’t be.” Rex shook his head. “What grown-ass man sticks his dick there? I mean really, he was forty-six. And not bad-looking. I don’t get it.”

Duncan chugged his water. “I thought sticking it in a toaster was weird.”

“Time to change the subject.” Rex jumped up on the counter. “What’s really got you out of bed at four in the morning? Because as strange as that call was, that’s not what has your wheels turning.”

“Just couldn’t sleep.”

“Bullshit,” Rex said. “And I bet she’s got a name.” He cocked his head. “What the hell is going on with you two?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“Come on, man. We’ve been friends a long time. Something shifted since Buddy’s wedding and it’s got you more tense than usual.”

Duncan set his glass next to the sink. He wasn’t going to discuss what happened with anyone. He wouldn’t do that to Chastity. She deserved better than to have what happened between them reduced to watercooler chat. But Rex was right. Duncan was a ball of nerves. He struggled to compartmentalize his emotions. If he was being honest with himself, that had been a problem before he slept with Chastity. Now that he had, part of him wanted more. But his heart refused him. “You all have been telling me for a while now that I have feelings for Chastity. That I need to put Robin in my rearview and get on with my life. But it’s not that simple. And to be honest, I tried.”

Rex arched a brow. “What does that mean?”

“It means I talked to Chastity and we’re at a weird place because being friends is more important. It’s what I want because I can’t give her what she needs for the long haul.” Duncan sighed. “But now, to be honest, I find myself tempting fate.”

“We all know how much you care about her and what I personally don’t understand is why you don’t go for it.”

“There are a million reasons. The two biggest ones are I will hurt her and what it will do to everyone we both work with. It’s already started just by me chasing her down after Buddy and Kaelie’s wedding. Telling her I was attracted to her, knowing she had feelings for me was a mistake and I can’t put that back in the bottle. All I can do now is try to make things normal again. It will take time, but we’ll get there.”

“From where I’m sitting, it sure as shit doesn’t sound like that’s what you want.” Rex held up his hand. “I don’t begin to understand everything that went down between you and Robin. But I do know you’re holding on to some major pain there. You’ve got to let it go. It’s not you who’s going to hurt Chastity if you get involved with her, but your past and your inability to release it. Trust me on this. I know a lot about that subject and it’s slowly killing you just like it did to me.”

No one knew about Rex’s past with his wife Tilly until she strolled down that dock, unpacking a shit ton of baggage at that man’s feet. However, it had turned out to be the best damn thing that had ever happened to Rex.

This wasn’t the case for Duncan. Or for Chastity. This situation was very different. “Chastity is young. A better man than me will roll into her life and sweep that girl off her feet and give her everything I can’t. It’s best if I put a plug on it now and save everyone a little heartache later.”

Rex pushed from the counter, letting his feet hit the floor with a thud. “You can tell yourself that lie all you want. But it’s going to be your heart that suffers the consequences when you have to sit back and watch her with some other guy. By that time, it might be too late and you’ll wish you had gotten your head out of your ass.” He slapped Duncan on the shoulder. “If I were you, I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“I have to.”

“Then you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.” Rex turned and strolled out of the kitchen, leaving Duncan alone with his thoughts.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t deny—not even to himself—that he cared a great deal for Chastity. It went way beyond the physical. They shared so many common bonds. At first, he used the age difference to keep her at bay. But that soon disappeared. It was just a number and she was so damn easy to talk to. He related to her in ways he couldn’t with anyone else, and that alone was refreshing.

The sound of feet shuffling against the tile caught his attention. He lifted his gaze and his breath got stuck in his throat. “Can’t sleep?”

“I got a couple hours in.” Chastity managed to make a pair of sweats and a T-shirt look sexy. She snagged a mug and placed it under the coffee machine. She reached for a pod and opened the top before pressing the button. “It’s weird being here without Buddy, but Hampton’s not a bad guy.”

“Nope. He’s not. And Arthur got him a job with the Aegis Network.”

“I don’t know how all you manage to do work for that outfit and do this job. I struggle to keep my head above water, working part-time in the investigator's office with Kaelie.” Chastity leaned against the far counter and crossed her arms.

This was good. It was kind of normal and he was damned if he wouldn’t keep it that way. Maybe if he didn’t bring up that stupid kiss or what happened, things would stay that way. “How is that going? Are you going to get your investigator license? You’d be good at it.”

“Thanks, but I don’t know. I like the admin part of the job and right now, that’s where Kaelie needs me the most. She’s got enough investigators in the field.”

“That’s true, but one more can’t hurt, especially when we’re always running off with the Aegis Network, something she’s constantly complaining about.”

Chastity smiled. God, he loved her face and everything about her. “But not once has it ever interfered with this job. None of you have ever let that happen. Besides, Arthur keeps telling me I’m good at managing people and he and Rex want me here doing other shit too.”

“You do like barking orders at all of us.”

“That I do.” She lifted her mug from under the coffee maker. “Are we going to talk about what happened earlier?”

“Nope. We’re going to push forward with being friends. It’s what we’re good at. It’s what we need to be. It’s what’s best for both of us. More importantly, it’s what I want.”

“All right.” She nodded. “But then I need something from you.”

“What’s that?”

“No more banter. No more neck massages. No more random touching. No more mixed messages. And certainly no more kissing.” She blew into the steaming liquid and took a small sip. “I will do my part. What happened wasn’t anything so earth-shattering that it can’t be put in the past. You’re one of my dearest friends and I don’t want that to change. But in order for us to get to the other side of this, you have to promise me that there won’t be any more crossed signals. It’s not fair.”

“I agree.”

She pushed from the counter. “I’m going to take my coffee and go shower. I’ll see you for breakfast.”

He stared at her ass as it swayed out of the kitchen. All he could think about was her naked while soapy water lathered her bare skin.

Fuck.

But he’d just made a promise to himself, and to her, and he was going to keep it if it was the last thing he did.