Eclipse Sector (V-Clan #3)

14. Cillian

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CILLIAN

What the fuck just happened?

I couldn’t feel Ivana. Couldn’t sense her mind. Couldn’t even determine her location.

It was as though she’d just died .

I scanned Glacier Sector, searching for her presence. Nothing .

My inability to sense her suggested she was no longer within reach of my powers. Which could only mean she’d left Glacier Sector.

Did she go back to her nest? I wondered, bewildered and a whole hell of a lot concerned. Did she shadow somewhere else entirely?

Fuck. I ran my fingers through my hair as I scanned the frigid landscape. Fuck!

I pulled up a screen on my watch, my finger hovering over a phone icon.

Kieran would be able to tell me instantly if Ivana had returned to Blood Sector.

Or I could shadow there myself.

Except that would mean leaving the other Omegas.

Fritz and Benz weren’t strong enough to guard them all against a pack of lust-crazed Alphas. Not that such a pack of Alphas currently existed, but the potential for one kept me rooted to Glacier Sector’s ice.

How the hell did Ivana break my hold on her? I marveled. She shouldn’t have been able to shadow, let alone leave this sector.

I’d been harsh. Cruel, even. But wandering around without a guardian… I nearly growled at the foolish concept. What the fuck had she been thinking?

For once, I couldn’t even attempt to answer the question.

Because I couldn’t fucking feel her anymore.

I uttered another curse and selected Kieran’s name.

He picked up after the second ring, his face cast in shadows as he said, “Someone had better be dying, Cillian…”

“Is Ivana in Blood Sector?” I asked, ignoring the warning note in his tone.

He sat up, instantly more alert. “Last I checked, she was with you.”

“Can you sense her in Blood Sector?” I reiterated, not in the mood to banter with my best friend.

Kieran fell silent for a beat. “No.”

“Fuck . ” I hung up the phone and wiped my hand over my face. “ Fuck .”

Where the hell did she go? My mind instantly pictured that hole I’d once found her in. Starving, naked, bruised, and going into heat…

I’d never forget that night for as long as I existed.

The images of a broken Omega on the verge of her first estrus assaulted my mind as my wrist buzzed with an incoming alert. I didn’t even have to look at the screen to know it was Kieran phoning me back.

Growling, I shadowed back to the igloo before accepting his call. “I…” I trailed off, my nose twitching as Ivana’s scent washed over me instantly. “I found her.”

I hung up again before Kieran could reply, my focus entirely on the Omega I could smell but not feel in the igloo. I’d shadowed back here with the intention of finding my pants, but now all I could focus on was Ivana and the mental wall she’d somehow created between us.

That’s new, I thought. Alphas had been able to block my ability to read their minds before, but never their auras . I could always sense their nearness, as well as their power.

But Ivana…

I sensed nothing other than her scent.

Sweet Omega perfume. Like an orange garden warmed by the sun.

Only there was an undercurrent of something sour in her fragrance. More like a grapefruit than an orange.

It inspired the memory of our first meeting to deepen in my mind, my nose twitching with the remembrance of her tainted scent.

So much sadness.

Devastation.

Fear.

The hairs along the back of my neck rose as I checked our perimeter, searching for any sign of a threat. Anyone or anything that could have made her feel this way.

But the only presence I sensed—other than hers—was my own.

And I’d been with her just moments ago, I thought. When she’d vanished from the ? —

My wrist buzzed again, Kieran’s name scrawling through the air like a bad omen.

Taking a deep breath—one filled with that grapefruit-like perfume—I answered his call. “I’m sorry I disturbed your sleep,” I told him before he could speak. “But I need to focus on Ivana right now.”

His face hovered before me in a translucent shadow, his gaze searching. “I’ll call Lorcan. He’ll shadow in to cover for you while you fix whatever you fucked up.”

This time, Kieran ended the call before I could reply.

Who says I fucked something up? I would have thought at him had he been close enough to hear me.

Except, I was pretty sure I had fucked up.

And the evidence of that fuckup was souring Ivana’s scent.

Gritting my teeth, I followed her fragrance into the bathroom and froze just outside of the glass-doored shower.

My confident, mouthy Omega was currently curled up into a tiny ball on the floor while water rained down over her.

Another image of that fateful night washed over me, one of her doing that very thing in the shower I’d taken her to after rescuing her from that hole.

“Please, I’ll… I’ll do whatever you want,” she’d whispered. “J-just don’t ground me again.”

“I’m not going to ground you, macushla ,” I’d promised her.

I broke that promise today, I realized, a pang splicing through my heart. Fuck .

All her thoughts—the disjointed ones that had caused me to shift back into my human form—suddenly made sense.

I believe you.

Not free to shadow.

Not free to run.

Not safe.

Can’t be trusted .

I winced all over again, realizing that she’d likely been referring to me with those last two lines. The simple act of grounding her had destroyed her faith in me.

And rightly so, given our history.

“Vana,” I murmured, kneeling beside the shower. “I’m so sorry, macushla.” The endearment was one I hadn’t used since the night we’d first met. It’d been reserved for her after that day.

Just like my purr , I thought, the rumbling sensation roaring to life inside me.

Oh, I’d purred for Omegas before her. But only when they were hurt or needed comfort.

However, that wasn’t the reason I purred for Ivana now.

Or why I’d been purring for her all fucking week.

While she’d slept.

It’d been a temptation I should have ignored. A desire I had no business indulging in. A need I’d repressed for far too long.

This female would be my undoing. I’d known that since the moment her icy blue eyes had captured mine.

I just hadn’t expected it to go down quite like this—with me on my knees while she silently wept on a barely warm shower floor.

It wasn’t just my grounding her that had upset her. I’d gathered that much from her broken thoughts.

She was finally done with me.

Over her crush.

Over what we could have been.

Now, she was in mourning.

I had two options: Let her hate me and move on. Or beg her for her forgiveness and…

And what? I wondered. And try to have a relationship with her? Could I be that selfish?

She would never be able to come first. I’d devoted my existence to helping Kieran. It was the honor and respect he was due.

Ivana didn’t understand that. She didn’t understand me or my history. Because I’ve never told her .

Instead, I’d spent the last six years trying to push her away. To guide her toward a more reasonable future. One where she would be happy. In love. Properly worshipped.

Yet the woman before me now was none of those things.

Because of me.

“I never meant to hurt you,” I told her softly. “Fuck, Vana, hurting you is the last thing I’ve ever wanted. It’s why I’ve refused to let anything happen between us. I’m not good enough for you, love. I’ve never been good enough. And I’ll never be good enough.”

Uttering the truth aloud was agonizing in a way I hadn’t anticipated. Because the truth was that a deeply buried part of me wanted to be good enough for her.

“You’re the first one to ever tempt me from my fate,” I confided to her. “But I’m not in your league, darling. That’s what I was saying to Lorcan that day—you’re in a league far above my own. And I need you to see that. To find someone better suited. Someone who can give you everything. Someone who…”

I trailed off, swallowing.

Because I hated everything about this conversation.

“Fuck, I’m trying. But it’s…” I closed my eyes, my wolf growling furiously inside. He absolutely understood the gist of what I was trying to say, and he didn’t agree.

Mine! he practically roared.

“It goes against every instinct for an Alpha to try to convince his Omega to pick someone else,” I said through my teeth. “But it’s the right thing to do. I’ll never be right for you. Pretty sure I proved that this morning.”

I’d grounded her in a way I shouldn’t have.

All because I couldn’t seem to control myself around her.

The moment I’d felt her wandering off without a chaperone, I’d lost my mind. She could have been taken. Hurt. Or a myriad of other things.

Was it likely something would happen to her? No, not really. Not with me here.

But just the mere concept of it had sent my beast shadowing toward her. Because she was his to guard. Until she finds another Alpha to protect her .

I ran my palm over my face and finally opened my eyes, ready to comment further on what Ivana needed to find in a mate. But I found myself unable to utter the words as I took in the heartbreak etched into her expression.

She’d finally uncurled from her ball, and I truly wished she hadn’t. Because the sadness in her features caused my heart to shatter into a thousand pieces.

I did this to her.

I hurt her.

I broke my promise.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again, my purr still radiating from my chest. “I should never have throttled your shadowing ability. I knew better. I…” I shook my head, cutting off what I’d been about to say. “I’m not going to insult you with an excuse. I shouldn’t have done it. End of discussion.”

She stared at me, her mind still eerily silent. If she weren’t right in front of me, I’d worry she might be dead.

Because that was how this felt—this separation from her aura.

This is how it’ll feel when she finds a mate and moves to Night Sector, I thought, my throat working to swallow.

I’d known losing her would hurt, but I hadn’t realized just how painful it would be.

Yet this was worse. She’d chosen to lock me out. I had no idea how she’d done it. The ability was miraculous, and under any other circumstance, I’d be enthralled.

But right now, I’d give anything to sense her again. Even if her surface-level thoughts were all filled with hatred toward me, at least I’d be able to feel her.

“I thought you hating me would help you move on,” I admitted aloud. “I was willing to accept the pain of your hatred if it meant your inevitable happiness.” I ran my fingers through my hair and blew out a breath. “I’m still willing to accept that hatred, Vana. But this…” I trailed off, my gaze taking in the sadness etched into her porcelain features.

She wasn’t happy at all.

She was downright miserable.

And that made two of us.

“I’ve said and done some things I’m not proud of, Ivana.”

That was a fucking understatement.

However, I didn’t voice that unnecessary addition aloud.

Instead, I went on by saying, “I thought I was making things easier on both of us. But nothing about this feels easy or right. I don’t know what else to say, other than I was wrong. I’m here to protect you, not hurt you.”

The words I’m sorry lingered on my tongue, but I’d already voiced them twice. She was going to either forgive me or tell me to fuck off.

The latter was more likely. And probably more warranted as well.

Still, I purred for her. Because it was all I could think to do. I remembered the hellhole I’d found her in all those years ago. I could only imagine the horrors threatening her mind now.

Her father had promised her to a Gold Sector Alpha. A fucking dragon . Not a wolf.

And her brother had done nothing to help her. Hell, when he’d told me about the arrangement, he’d laughed .

“What’s with the Omega in the hole outside?” I’d asked while pretending to drink the blood-laced beer he’d offered me at his pack’s version of a bar. It’d looked more like a cave.

I’d pretended to be a lone wolf, just passing through on my way to gods only knew where. The Alphas hadn’t thought anything of it, the mixed pack filled with all types of wolves.

Ivana’s brother and father had been the only V-Clan shifters.

And her mother had passed long before I’d arrived, probably because her father had shared her with the other Alphas. I’d never asked and Ivana had never mentioned it.

“She’s a prize,” Ivana’s brother— Chip— had said, a smile in his tone. “For Alpha Oros.”

“Alpha Oros?” I’d repeated, certain I hadn’t heard that right.

“Gold Sector Alpha.” Her brother had smirked. “He’s paying for her with some of that mystic rock shit. The kind that creates barriers.” He’d shrugged, obviously not fully aware of what Dragon Alphas could actually do with mystic rock shit . “She wasn’t wantin’ to uphold her part. So.” He took a long swig. “Dad put her in the hole.”

“She’s about to go into her first heat,” a growly W-Clan Alpha had added. “Chip here can’t play for obvious reasons. But Jinx said we can knot the Omega bitch until the dragon gets here. If you want a turn, you’ll have to get in line. Should be able to start sometime tomorrow, and I hear it’ll go on for a month.”

The excitement in his tone had been palpable.

And it’d disgusted me to my core.

We’d been close enough to where Ivana had been mentally chained for her to hear every word with her wolfish senses.

Which had consequently allowed her to overhear my reaction to her intended fate.

I’d been exceptionally violent, taking everyone down with a quick wave of power that none of them had anticipated. They’d assumed I was just a nomad passing through. A unique V-Clan wolf from a sector that had long been extinct.

Because that was what we’d led the majority of the supernaturals in the world to believe.

Eclipse Sector burned and all the wolves died.

Some powerful beings knew it was a lie. Most of those were either our allies or like-minded creatures who kept to themselves.

Regardless, I’d taken advantage of Jinx—Ivana’s father and the self-appointed small-pack leader—and his ignorance and killed all the Alphas in that run-down cave.

Then I’d freed Ivana and taken her back to my lair, where I protected her through her first heat.

She’d started in the shower—curling in a ball similar to moments ago—and quietly begged me not to ground her again.

When I’d promised not to throttle her abilities, she’d begun to sob.

For hours.

And hours.

Until finally, she grew quiet. Somber. Curious . That was when she’d first tested my words.

I’d sat in the hallway near the bathroom and waited patiently as she shadowed around my lair. Remained quiet as she’d shifted into her wolf and prowled through my personal quarters. Then cooked her dinner when she’d finally returned to her human form.

“Why am I no longer burning?” she’d asked, her voice barely audible. “How did you stop my estrus?”

“I didn’t stop anything; Prince Kieran is using his healing power to shield you from your heat,” I’d informed her.

Then I’d explained that Kieran would release her at any time. He’d only been helping her through the situation because he’d wanted her to understand she was safe before her estrus hit.

“In Blood Sector, we protect our Omegas during this vulnerable time. We don’t use them or trade them. We cherish them. Kieran felt it necessary for you to understand that before…”

“Before losing my mind and potentially going insane,” she’d finished for me, her expression astute and her words precise. “Will he be the one knotting me?”

I’d nearly choked on the bite of steak I’d just put in my mouth. No, I’d answered into her mind. Kieran’s betrothed.

She’d blinked at me, seemingly unsurprised by my mental reply. You’re a telepath?

Yes.

And you read minds?

Yes. I’d finished my steak. “But I try not to pry.”

She’d cocked her head. “What am I thinking right now?”

I’d narrowed my eyes. “Are you doubting my abilities?”

“Yes.”

My eyebrows had lifted in surprise.

Only for my power to sweep her mind and find that she was teasing me.

Except that wasn’t the only discovery I’d made that day. I’d found Ivana’s thoughts to be soothingly peaceful.

At least until she’d started thinking about asking me if I intended to knot her during her heat.

I might not mind that, she’d decided, her blue eyes dancing over me with interest. In fact, I think I would like it.

“No,” I’d told her. “If you want an Alpha to help you through your first estrus, I can introduce you to a few. I won’t be able to do that.”

“Why not?” she’d boldly asked me, the cowering female from the shower nowhere in sight. A confident goddess had taken her place.

And she’d remained inside her until today.

Until I’d shattered her faith in me.

I shifted to lean back against the wall now, my legs tucked up so my arms could wrap around my knees. It was the same position I’d taken out in the hallway during her shower in my lair. Only this time, I was in the bathroom with her. Both of us naked and staring at one another.

I’d never answered her question that day. “Why not?”

Because the truth was that I’d been tempted to seduce her. To knot her. To make her mine.

Which had been so fucking wrong.

She’d been nineteen at the time, a young Omega on the verge of her future.

I hadn’t wanted to destroy it by tying her to me for eternity.

Yet somehow, I’d managed to harm her anyway.

As evidenced by her continued silence.

At least she isn’t crying anymore, I thought, admiring her clear eyes.

I continued to purr while holding her gaze. Time passed. At some point, I’d felt and ignored Lorcan’s arrival.

I hear you fucked up, he’d said.

When I hadn’t replied, he went about taking over my tasks.

All while Ivana and I continued this strange staring contest.

If the water had gone cold, Ivana didn’t react to it. I almost reached forward to test it for myself, but I didn’t want to risk spooking her.

She needed time.

I would give her time.

And my purr .

For as long as?—

“What are my other unsavory qualities?” she asked, her question so unexpected that I couldn’t stop my eyebrows from flying upward.

“What?”

“You told Lorcan that I need to find someone who won’t mind my childish games, boldness, misplaced confidence, and other unsavory qualities. What are those unsavory qualities?”

Fuck . The fact that she remembered the precise phrasing I’d used, when even I couldn’t recall all of what I’d said, spoke volumes about what my words had done to her.

“Ivana, I said those things out of frustration. If I tell myself your traits irritate me, maybe I’ll one day believe it and stop wanting to…” I trailed off before I could finish the statement. But I’d already revealed too much.

“Wanting to what?” she asked, one haughty eyebrow inching upward as her inner goddess peeked at me through her beautiful eyes.

“It doesn’t matter what I want, love. What matters is, I said some things that day that weren’t fair. I meant, you need an Alpha who will adore your confidence and boldness and won’t mind you setting him down when it’s warranted. You deserve an Alpha who can put you first. Love you. Worship you. Exist in your goddess-like league.”

Unfortunately, that Alpha would never be me.

But I could be good to her right now. Tell her the absolute truth. And hope that she was confident enough to believe it.

“There’s nothing unsavory about you, Ivana,” I told her, my accent thickening my voice. “You’re perfect, macushla.”