Eclipse Sector (V-Clan #3)

15. Ivana

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

IVANA

“You’re perfect, macushla.”

Cillian’s praise reverberated through my mind, conflicting with the pain and heartache he’d inspired over the last few weeks.

Everything he’d said—his explanations, his words, his claim… “It goes against every instinct for an Alpha to try to convince his Omega to pick someone else.”

My belly flipped as his statement played through my mind once more.

His Omega.

He’d referred to me as his Omega.

Sort of, anyway. It’d been implied. Or maybe I was thinking too deeply about that single phrase.

I nearly sighed, irritated with the hope sparking to life inside me. I knew better. This Alpha didn’t want me.

And yet…

He says I’m perfect .

But he also called me overconfident and annoyingly persistent.

Because he wants to believe that? I wondered, recalling everything he’d said to me this morning. Because he thinks I’m in another league. A goddess-like league.

That seemed too good to be true.

Just like when he kissed me…

I narrowed my gaze. “You’re taking pity on me again, aren’t you? Saying what I want to hear as some sort of lesson, similar to this morning, right?”

My eyes rolled, irritation prickling at my nerve endings.

Nothing he’d said was true. He simply wanted me to move on, find another Alpha, and leave him alone. Which I couldn’t do while moping in the shower.

“You can stop trying to make me feel better, Alpha Cillian,” I told him, cutting off whatever reply he’d just been uttering. “I don’t need or want your pitying remarks, or any more pity kisses, or whatever else you feel you need to bestow upon me. I accept your rejection. Just leave me alone.”

I forced myself to stand in the shower. Because it was time to focus on today.

And stop sulking over a man who doesn’t want to be with me.

Closing my eyes, I allowed the water to wash over my face and drown my ears. Cillian was speaking, but I didn’t want to hear him. I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to be near him.

He’d made his feelings clear.

And I was done?—

His hand on my nape sliced through my thoughts, causing my eyes to pop open. “Cill?—”

He yanked me around into his body with a force that left me winded in his arms, my startled reply dying on my lips in an instant.

“I do not pity you,” he growled, his chest a hot wall of masculine flesh against my breasts. “And I’ve certainly never rejected you, Ivana.”

Despite my breathless state, I managed a snort and muttered, “Six years of suffering through heat cycles alone says otherwise.”

Both of his eyebrows flew upward. “ Ivana .”

“What?” I demanded. “What are you going to do? Kiss me again? Maybe you think the earlier lesson didn’t stick. Or, I know, maybe you’ll give me a pity knot this time, hmm? Demonstrate how another Alpha should properly fuck me, right?”

His dark eyes resembled midnight storm clouds, his expression positively thunderous. “If I knotted you, Omega, there would never be another Alpha. I promise you that.”

I huffed a laugh and rolled my eyes again. “Whatever, Alpha Cillian .” I tried to step back from him, but his grip tightened on my neck as his opposite arm encircled my lower back.

“I hurt you. I’m sorry. But if you keep sassing me, Omega, I will bend you over my knee and teach that sweet little ass of yours a lesson you won’t soon forget.”

Now it was my turn for my eyebrows to leap upward. “ Excuse me ?”

“You’re being disrespectful and you know it.”

“I’m being truthful,” I bit back at him. “You keep doing all these things out of pity and?—”

“I do not pity?—”

“ No ,” I snapped, my palms landing on his chest in an effort to shove him away from me.

But he wouldn’t budge.

The stubborn Alpha simply growled .

“Stop lying to me,” I told him furiously. “Your actions and your words prove that you pity me, Cillian. I mean, you kissed me because Ransom didn’t, just to show me what an Alpha should do. You offered to walk me home the other day from Quinn’s palace, which you’ve never done before. Tonight, you chase me down out of some misconceived notion to protect me. Then you… you…”

I closed my eyes, my own growl emanating in my chest.

Because how dare he ground me.

But that wasn’t the point here.

“I don’t need or want your pity, Cillian,” I said through my teeth. “I’m a big girl. I can handle your rejection. So just… stop doing whatever it is you’re doing and let me move on.”

I tried to push away from his grasp once more and found myself suddenly sandwiched between his hot form and the cold shower wall.

“Does this feel like I pity you, Ivana?” Cillian asked, his tone holding a lethal edge to it that caused goose bumps to scatter up and down my arms.

I swallowed, his heat a brand against my skin, specifically the hard part of him pressed up against my lower belly.

“Cillian—”

His palm slid from my nape to my throat, his gaze ensnaring mine and forcing me to submit. “It’s my turn to talk now, Omega.”

I shivered, his dominance washing over me in a welcome caress, one that had my wolf whimpering inside for more.

Her desired mate was naked, aroused, and had us pinned to a wall. There was only one outcome she could imagine in this situation.

Unfortunately, I knew of too many other ways this could end.

That knowledge was all that kept me from moaning out loud as Cillian drew his thumb in a circle against the throbbing pulse point of my neck.

“I kissed you because I wanted to,” he said, the violent undercurrent of his tone still very much present. “It wasn’t a lesson. It wasn’t because I pitied you. It was because I want you. Because I’ve considered you mine for six very long years. And I’m struggling to do the right thing and let you go.”

His words echoed in my mind, stirring a tidal wave of confusion. “If you?—”

His grip tightened. “I’m not finished talking, Omega.”

My wolf quivered at the way he said that, all dominance and grace, an Alpha taking charge and forcing his mate to listen .

But the woman inside me was stronger, causing my eyes to narrow in defiance.

“ That ,” he growled, the storm churning in his dark irises. “ That right there is why I find you so fucking irresistible, Vana. You’re not afraid of me even when you should be. And you don’t put me on a bloody pedestal either. You challenge me every damn day, surprise me constantly, and provide me with the most unique sense of peace, all at the same time.”

He pressed his forehead to mine, his eyes falling closed as he inhaled deeply.

“Fuck, Vana. You have no idea what you do to me. How hard this is. How much I wish I could make you mine. But I’m not good enough for you. It’s taking all my strength, all my power , to let you move on. Hell, to force you to move on. Except it’s the right thing to do. For you .”

“Why?” I whispered, my fingers lifting up to grasp his bare arms. “ Why is it the right thing to do? If you want me, then why…? Why fight it?”

I didn’t understand.

None of this made any sense.

“Because I can never put you first.” He pulled back, his eyes open once more as he gazed down at me. “You deserve someone who will make you his world, Vana. Someone who will always choose you over everything and everyone else. I can’t be that someone.”

“Who says I want that someone,” I told him. “Who are you to decide what or who I should want?”

He sighed. “I’m doing what needs to be done to ensure your happiness.”

I frowned at him. “Why do you get to decide what will and will not make me happy?”

He studied me. “Ivana?—”

“No, Cillian. You said you don’t pity me. Then you told me you want me. And now you’re saying you can’t have me because I deserve better. But I’m the one who decides who and what I deserve. Not you.”

He released my throat and took a step back.

So I followed him.

“Either you’re lying or you’re making excuses. I can’t tell which. But this is bullshit, Cillian. If you want me, prove it.” Those were the two words he’d used outside when I’d said I could take care of myself. Might as well return the favor now.

Because if he meant any of this, then he needed to act on it.

“Don’t tell me what I deserve or what kind of Alpha I should want. Respect me enough to let me make my own choices, and fight for me.”

He drew his fingers through his thick, damp hair, the showerhead having rained down over his head and broad shoulders when he’d entered the shower. “I can’t fight for you, Ivana. I can’t take a mate.”

“Why?” I demanded. “Why can’t you take a mate?”

He gave me a hard look. “You already know the answer to that.”

“Then tell me again.”

“Kieran owns my fealty. He will always come first.”

“Okay. And he doesn’t want you to take a mate?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“You said you can’t take a mate because Kieran will always come first. If he hasn’t ordered you to remain single, then why can’t you take a mate?”

“Because he comes first,” he said through his teeth. “I won’t take a mate just to make her the second most important wolf in my life. That’s not fair to her. It wouldn’t be fair to you .”

“What isn’t fair is for you to tell me what’s good enough and what’s not. Have you asked me if I mind being second to Kieran on your priority list?”

“Vana—”

“Answer the question, Cillian. Have you asked me how I feel?”

He clenched his jaw. “I won’t let you sacrifice your happiness, Ivana.”

“Do I look happy to you?” I asked him. “Have I seemed happy at all these last few weeks?”

His jaw tightened again. “You were laughing with Prince Cael.”

I snorted. “Really? That’s your answer?”

“It’s a response to your question, Ivana.”

“It’s a deflection,” I retorted. “You’re making decisions on my behalf, and I don’t appreciate it.”

“I’m making a decision for both of us. I won’t mate you or anyone else. And nothing you say will ever change my mind.”

He turned to leave, causing me to gape at his back. “You’re a coward,” I realized out loud.

Cillian froze. “What did you just say to me?” His voice was deathly quiet, the shower nearly making him inaudible.

“You’re a coward,” I repeated. Because there was something he wasn’t telling me. A reason he refused to give. “I would understand being second to Kieran. You know I would. Yet you won’t even give us a chance. Because we might actually work. And that terrifies you.”

I had no idea why it scared him, but it did. I was certain of it.

“It’s either that or you’re lying to me about everything in some ridiculous attempt to make me feel better. But I don’t think that’s it at all. My wolf has wanted you since the moment you took us back to your lair. And for six long years, I was certain you felt the same way. Until I heard you talking to Lorcan…”

I trailed off on a wince, the memory one that was still too raw for me to ignore.

However, everything he’d said to me tonight… it suggested my instincts were right. That Cillian did fancy me. He just didn’t want to like me.

Because he feels he’s unworthy of me.

Because he thinks I deserve better.

Because he’s decided that we can’t be together.

“Coward,” I breathed once more, my gaze dropping to watch the water swirl down the drain. “I… I never realized that about you until now.”

It… it changed things.

If Cillian was too afraid to fight for me—to fight for us— then maybe… maybe he’d been right from the beginning. Maybe we shouldn’t be together .

“Say that one more time, Omega,” Cillian said, a strange note in his tone. “I dare you.”

“You’re a coward,” I repeated without bothering to look at him.

What’s the point? I marveled, feeling defeated all over again. If he’s not going to try, not even going to consider being with me, then ? —

Cold tile met my shoulder blades as a hard, masculine form pressed into my front. I gasped as his fingers tangled with my hair to yank my head back, his molten irises capturing mine. “That’s a very dangerous thing to say to an Alpha, Ivana.”

I stared back at him, feeling nothing inside just like I had when I’d first stepped into this shower. “Dangerous, perhaps. But that doesn’t make it any less true.”

He growled. “Do you think I enjoy watching you with other Alphas, Ivana? Because I don’t. Not one fucking bit. But I’m willing to suffer if it means you’ll inevitably be happier. There’s nothing cowardly about my sacrifice.”

“Who are you trying to convince here, Cillian?” I wondered aloud. “Me or you?”