Festive Hearts And Kisses (Hope Valley Christmas 2)

13. Reed

REED

Sunday morning dawns bright and clear. It’s days like this that enforce my belief that I was right to move here. Well, for now, I remind myself because this isn’t necessarily where I’ll end up.

But I’m not thinking about that today.

The air is cold and crisp, my breath visible as we walk out to Jerry’s car, and when I look up, the sky is an amazing blue colour, with just the odd fluffy cloud in sight. If it wasn’t for the bite to the air making me shiver, you could mistake it for a summer’s day.

We drive over to Sean and Vic’s place to pick up the trail at the back of Sean’s house. This morning was, well, not awkward, but I don’t know how to describe it. We fooled around a little last night, but I slept in my own bed again. I know Jerry wanted me to join him in his, I saw it in his eyes when he looked at me, but however foolish it might seem, I needed to go back to my own bed. To keep what we’re doing clear in my head.

And what is that, exactly, Reed?

I glance out the window at the fields upon fields, ignoring the voice in my mind that sounds irritatingly like Paul. “Do you think it’ll snow?” I ask, to break the silence more than anything.

But I am curious.

I want to see Jerry’s house with a layer of snow covering it. See the tree in his garden glisten with a dusting of white.

“More than likely.” He glances over at me, smiling. The sun catches his hair, picking out some red highlights, his gaze just as warm and inviting, and I’m suddenly struck by how handsome he is. “Why? You hoping for a white Christmas?”

I don’t remember the last time it snowed on Christmas Day.

A day I’m going to be spending here, since I’m not due at my parent’s house until Boxing Day. “Maybe,” I mutter, a flare of panic making my voice go up at the end.

Jerry frowns. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Time to be honest, because the day in question is only a little over a week away. “It’s just occurred to me that I’m going to be here on Christmas Day. All day. And I never asked if that was okay or if you had plans.”

His fingers tap on the steering wheel, and he bites his lip.

Fuck. Maybe he does have plans.

“It’s fine, I can go to the pub or?—”

Jerry shakes his head quickly. “I don’t have plans. Well, I do, but—” he sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “You’re not the only one who forgot to ask something.” He glances my way again. I’m the one who’s been blushing a lot lately, but now it’s Jerry’s turn to have pink cheeks. “You didn’t say you were going anywhere, so I kind of assumed you’d be here Christmas Day. And I bought a small turkey. And stuff.”

My smile is instant and huge because an embarrassed Jerry is an adorable Jerry. “What sort of stuff ?”

He shrugs, but studiously watches the road instead of looking my way. “Some nice red wine. Pigs in blankets, stuffing...” He finally glances at me. “And a Christmas pudding and brandy sauce.”

“No veg?” I ask, raising an eyebrow, because it’s not Christmas dinner without Brussel sprouts.

“I was going to pick that up in the week.” He clears his throat. “Sooo...”

I notice with a start that we’ve arrived at Sean’s house. Jerry parks, but neither of us make a move to get out.

I wait for him to continue, because this is his turn to talk. “So?” I prompt, when he just sits there.

I’m not prepared for him to turn in his seat and cradled my jaw with a gentle hand. It makes my breath catch and my heart race.

“Will you have Christmas dinner with me, Reed?” His voice is low, a little rough, and his gaze is so full of hope and longing I’m lost for words.

I could get used to being looked at like that. To someone wanting to spend time with me so badly and not even trying to hide it. “Yeah,” I finally whisper, hoping he can see how much I want that too. “I’d love to.” He leans closer, and just as I’m anticipating his kiss, a door closes and then loud barking pierces the air. Jen answers, making me jump. I’d forgotten she was even in the car.

Jerry sits back, but his hand lingers, stroking my jaw. “Later,” he murmurs, and there’s so much promise in that one word, I shiver. But then Sean appears in front of the car, and the moment’s gone.

We get our coats and gloves on and fetch Jen out of the back of the car. I pull on the hat Jerry gave me, not missing the way he smiles when he sees me in it.

“Ready?” Sean walks up beside me and claps me on the shoulder, two dogs on leads beside him.

“I’d forgot you’ve got two now.” The dogs in question bark again, well, more like excited yipping as Jen joins them, tugging Jerry along with her.

Sean grins. “The more the merrier.”

“If you say so.” I secretly think one dog is enough for me. I wouldn’t mind another cat though. Maybe when I’m in my new place, I’ll get Frank a playmate. I think of the way he is with Kyla and feel a twinge of sadness about taking him away from that soon.

I’ve not told Jerry, but I had a call yesterday from the estate agent. Apparently, someone’s going back for a second viewing this week. She said they seem really interested. I don’t know why I’ve not mentioned it. Well, maybe I do, but I don’t want to face that just yet.

“Come on.” Sean nudges me into walking, Jerry and Vic about ten paces ahead with all three dogs now off their leads. “You okay?”

I glance at him, frowning a little. “Yeah, why?”

“You seemed miles away just then.”

“Hmm...” Sean’s my friend, we’ve got closer since Christmas, and if it were anyone else I was sort of involved with, I’d probably talk to him about it. But Jerry’s his best friend. It feels a bit like the Karl situation all over again.

I sigh.

Fuck’s sake, Reed. It’s like history repeating itself.

That’s not fair though. There’s no long-lost ex in Jerry’s past, at least I don’t think there is, and probably more importantly—Jerry isn’t my boyfriend. My face must show what I’m thinking or give Sean a hint because he grasps my arm and slows me down, letting Vic and Jerry get far enough ahead that they can’t hear us.

“You’re my friend too, Reed. Like I told Jerry, anything you say to me will go no further, not if you don’t want it to.” It’s a repeat of what he’s told me before, and I trust him to mean it.

And I need to talk to someone. I could call Paul, but Sean’s here and he’s offering. “I think I’m about to get an offer on my house. It’s a strong possibility, anyway.”

Sean sighs. “I take it Jerry doesn’t know?”

“No. I only found out yesterday.” We both know that’s not why I haven’t told him.

“How do you feel about that?” he asks carefully.

“Pleased, obviously.” I chuckle, because I don’t sound all that thrilled.

Sean nudges me. “It’s okay to feel both excited and not . And it’s okay to admit you like living with Jerry.

“I do like living with him.” Maybe a little too much if I’m not over the moon about my house possibly being sold.

“Just because your house might sell, doesn’t mean you have to find a new place straight away. It’s not like Jerry’s going to kick you out or anything.”

“I know. But I don’t want to outstay my welcome.”

Sean barks out a laugh and mutters, “Pretty sure that’ll never happen.” I don’t know if I was supposed to hear that or not, so I choose to ignore it.

“I looked at a few places yesterday.”

His gaze snaps to mine. “In the areas your boss suggested?”

“Yeah.” And around here, just out of curiosity, but there’s nothing for sale around here that I could afford.

“There are other areas you could look. Some that are the right side of Sheffield and close to... your friends .”

I sigh. “You’re not subtle.”

“Wasn’t trying to be.” He reaches down to stroke Lucky who’s run back to see where we are and by the looks of things try to get us to walk faster. “He’s a good guy to have in your corner. Either as a friend or more .”

“I know he is.” I lower my voice to a whisper just in case. “I don’t know if Jerry would be happy with just friends after this, and I’m not sure I’m ready for more.”

“There’s no rush, Reed. He’s not going anywhere.”

“No. Which means it’s probably a good idea if I do. Give us some space to see how we feel when we’re not under the same roof.”

He nods. “Whatever you need to do, Vic and I will be here for you.”

“Thanks.” I send him a grateful smile, not realising until then that I needed to hear that.

As we’re about to catch up to the others, Sean leans in and whispers, “And so will Jerry.”

I nod, because I know he will. He’s said as much, time and again. But at what cost? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt me either, though, and as much as I like to think otherwise, what happened with Karl changed me and I’m more cautious than I used to be.

I wish I wasn’t, but it is what it is.

And fuck me, this is not how I expected the morning to go.

I force myself to smile when I feel Jerry watching me. His forehead scrunches, so I walk over and nudge him. “All right?”

“Yeah, you?” His eyes search mine, so full of concern, and I can almost feel the tension drain away in the face of it.

My smile comes easier this time, reaching all the way to my eyes, and it’s nothing but the truth when I say, “I am now.”

I’m sure that confused him even more, but he smiles back anyway, maybe sensing the change in me, and starts to point out landmarks as we walk.

It’s easy to get lost in the rugged beauty surrounding us, in the friendly banter as the four of us walk and chat while the three dogs have the time of their lives racing around chasing each other.

I shove the house and my prospective new home to the far recesses of my mind to deal with much later. Maybe it won’t sell any time soon and I won’t have to make a decision for a while yet.

I get the call on Wednesday morning. A young couple have put an offer in. It’s a fair bit below the asking price, so I tell the estate agent no, I’m not accepting that.

She calls back four hours later with a revised offer that she advises me to consider. In her words, the housing market is notoriously dead over the holiday period so it could be a while before I get another offer. I know she’s right, so I tell her I’ll think about it. With a promise not to take too long, I hang up and sit at the desk in my bedroom, head in my hands.

I have a couple of tabs open on my laptop, showing prospective properties. I click on them with little enthusiasm. They’re nice enough: one’s a flat, the other a semi-detached house. Both affordable, since I’ll have made a nice profit on my house.

They’re not too far from the office, and it would truly be a new start because I won’t know a single soul there. And it’s at least a forty-minute drive from here, where I’ve started to put down roots despite not intending to. I know more people here outside of work than I ever did back home. People wave and say hello, even if I don’t remember half their names.

But this was only supposed to be temporary.

Frank chooses that moment to wander in, meowing. He’s followed a few second later by Kyla, and the pair of them jump on the bed and curl up together. It’s the cutest thing, and before I realise what I’m doing, I take a photo of them and send it to Jerry at work.

He reacts to it with a heart and then sends a selfie back of him standing under the mistletoe with what looks to be a chihuahua kissing his cheek and the message, “Rules are rules!”

I laugh out loud, my smile so wide it makes my cheeks hurt. And then groan and bang my head on the desk.

I like him.

I like everything about him, and if things were different... but they’re not. And they won’t be, not until I have my own house again and space enough to sort out how I feel.

Reluctantly I click open the property tabs and start scrolling again.

The rest of the week seems to fly by, not helped by regular calls from the estate agent asking if I’ve made a decision.

I haven’t.

I still haven’t told Jerry about it either, and I don’t know why.

Liar.

I am. Such a fucking liar.

In every other way, this week has been wonderful. We’ve eaten together when we could, watched TV, and Jerry has kissed me under that mistletoe at every opportunity. We’ve not done anything else, by some mutual silent agreement, and I wonder if that’s down to me giving off some sort of vibe.

A guilty vibe.

Because I can’t let myself go there when I’m keeping such a big secret.

I need to tell him, and soon. He’s made all these plans for Christmas Day, and I don’t want this hanging over me, over us, so I need to get it over with way before then.

Like tonight.

I shoot him a quick text.

Reed : Hey. What time will you be home tonight?

I cringe after I’ve hit Send. Could I sound more like his boyfriend if I tried?

You could’ve added a kiss at the end.

Now that thought has popped into my head, I kind of want to.

Thankfully Jerry replies before I do something stupid.

Jerry : Last appointment is at 7, so hopefully be home by 8. Why?

I can’t very well reply with , we need to talk. Even though we do. I’m not sending him that while he’s at work.

Reed : So I know what time to have dinner ready for.

Oh my god. I face palm. That’s even worse than the first text. And now I actually have to cook something.

Jerry : you don’t have to do that, but thanks. I appreciate it, and I’m fucking starving. See you later x

I stare at my phone, that small little x like a neon flashing light. I wonder if he realises he sent it. If it was habit or intentional? Does he send them to Sean?

I spend way too much time analysing one letter of the alphabet when I have actual work to do and now a dinner to cook.

And someone’s heart to break.

Maybe that’s exaggerating the situation, or maybe it’s not. I’m not blind to the way Jerry looks at me sometimes. He’s going to be hurt that I’ve not told him when I’ve known for a few days now. And probably upset that I’m potentially moving out sooner than either of us expected.

Upset, like you are.

Yeah, like I am. But I’m still going to do it. And it might take months to find somewhere I like. But I need to tell him, and I’m not going to enjoy one second of it.

I’m halfway through making dinner when my phone rings.

It’s six forty-five, so when Jerry’s name flashes on the screen, I know it’s not going to be for anything good.

“Hey,” I say when I answer the call.

“Hey.” He sounds wrecked with just that one word and my heart drops to my stomach.

“What’s wrong?”

“Fuck.” There’s a heavy sigh on the other end, and the sound of clothes rustling. I imagine him closing his eyes and running a hand through his hair. “We’ve got an emergency coming in. A cat and kittens. Apparently some fucker thought it’d be fun to use them as target practice with an air rifle.”

I’ve never heard him sound so hard and bitter, but considering the subject matter, I don’t blame him. “Oh my god,” I whisper, horrified. “That’s awful.”

“Yeah,” he sighs again. “A few of the local kids found them and one of the mothers is bringing them in now. I don’t know how bad it is, but we’re all staying until...” He pauses and I don’t need him to fill in the rest. “We’re staying.” He repeats. “So I’m going to be late for dinner.”

“That’s okay,” I say softly, wishing more than anything that I could wrap my arms around him and give him a hug. “I’ll be here whenever you get home.”

He ends the call, and fuck, there is absolutely no way I’m telling him tonight.

I finish cooking dinner on autopilot, the despair in Jerry’s voice on repeat in my head. I’ve made way too much food, and as I stare at it, I get an idea.

Probably a terrible idea, but it’s in my head now and I can’t unthink it.

I spend the next five minutes dividing the lasagne I’ve made into individual plastic containers and then set off for the vets.

I park out the front of the clinic, the parking spaces free at this time of night.

Fairy lights decorate the reception area, and through the window I can just make out tinsel strung up along the ceiling and a small tree. It looks deserted, and I guess they’re essentially closed for the night. I send Jerry a text.

Reed : Hey, I’m outside. Have you got five minutes?

I don’t know if he’ll be too busy to answer, so I settle in for a long wait. Twenty minutes later, my phone buzzes .

Jerry : Sorry. I only just saw this, are you still here?

Reed : Yeah, I’m still here.

Five minutes later the door opens and Jerry appears. His hair is all over the place, like he’s run his hands through it a million times, and he looks exhausted, but... he looks happier than I was expecting. That’s got to be a good sign, right?

I get out of the car and meet him halfway. We stare at each other for half a second, then I tug him towards me and he all but falls into me. His arms wrap round me in a vice hold and he lets out the deepest sigh.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispers, the words almost lost into the side of my neck where his head is buried, but I hear them loud and clear.

I hug him tighter. “I am too.”

I’m not sure how long we stay like that, but I have no intention of letting go until Jerry’s ready.

When he finally releases me, he doesn’t go far. “What are you doing here,” he asks, finally realising it’s a little odd for me to have come down here.

I swallow back the warnings old me would’ve been clinging to and tell him the truth, because I can’t not with the way he’s looking at me. “I was worried about you. I thought you could maybe use a hug, and I wanted to be the one to give it to you.”

His eyes widen and the most beautiful smile appears. “Thank you.”

“I also brought dinner,” I add quickly, because I’m not ready for any more truths tonight.

Jerry rubs the back of his neck. “That’s a lovely thought, but we’re just about done here and everyone’s ready to go home.”

“Yeah, I figured. But I also thought that maybe some of you will be too tired to cook. So those who want to can take some home.” I reach back into the car and get the cool bag I put them in. “Here. Just take them in and offer. If no one wants them we’ll just take them back with us.”

“We?”

I shrug. “I also came to pick you up, because I bet you’re knackered, right?”

As if on cue, he yawns so wide his jaw cracks.

“See.”

He laughs and reaches for the bag. “Okay. I’ll take these inside and offer them around. What is it?”

“Lasagne.”

He groans. “That’s my favourite.”

I feel ridiculously pleased at this news. “Go.” I turn him around and steer him inside. “Then I’ll take you home.”

I wait another fifteen minutes for Jerry to come back out. He’s joined by other members of his team, one of them carrying a large cat cage. Most of them also carrying my lasagne. They all thank me as they pass, and that pleased feeling returns with a vengeance. I’m glad I could help in some small way.

When Jerry finally gets in my car, I have to ask. “So it all turned out okay? With the cats?”

He sighs but nods, so I relax. “Thankfully it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. We removed the pellet from the mum and stitched her up. The kittens thankfully only had grazes, and we treated them for shock. Mark’s going to drop them off at the emergency vets so they can be looked after overnight.”

“That’s good,” I murmur. Relieved. I start the car and head for home, while Jerry rests his head against the seat.

No sooner have I pulled out onto the road than he says, “You’ve kept some of that lasagne for me, right?”

I laugh at the horror in his voice, the worry that he might have just given it all away. “The biggest piece.”

“Thank you,” he whispers, for about the fourth time tonight, his smile soft and content, and I can’t help but think that he wouldn’t be feeling that way if the night had gone like I planned.

I leave it a day or so, but it’s Christmas Eve in two days’ time and I need to give the prospective buyers my answer today. It’s Sunday, so Jerry has the day off. I went out with some of my workmates last night on our Christmas party, so Jerry’s already up by the time I surface around eleven o’clock.

He laughs when he sees me. “Good night?”

“Yeah.” I’m not hungover, since I had to drive back, but I am tired. This house business has been messing with my sleep. “Thank you,” I say when he sets a mug of coffee in front of me. Then I pluck up my courage and add, “Can you sit down for a minute. I have something to tell you.”

He freezes for a second, his smile fading, then he pulls out the chair opposite me and sits. “I’m listening.”

I take a breath. “I’ve had an offer on my house. And I’m going to accept it.”