Fix You (The Irish Rogues #3)

Chapter Ten Maeve

W hen I came down the stairs in my green dress with my hair and makeup on point, I couldn’t remember a time when I felt more beautiful. To have not tried on the dress, it felt like a second skin. With the sweetheart neckline, the emerald and pearl necklace set off the look. It also drew attention away from the way my boobs bulged out the top.

On shaking legs, I entered the living room. To my surprise, Caterina stood by the piano outfitted in a dress just like mine except hers was ruby red, which went so well with her dark hair. I had to give Mam credit. She knew that by giving Caterina a matching dress style, it wouldn’t look like I was trying so hard in mine.

Quinn and Dare glanced up from the television. At the sight of me, they did a double take. While Dare continued to gawk at me, Quinn muttered, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Maeve.”

Glancing down at myself, I said, “What?”

With a soft smile, Quinn said, “You went and grew up on us, didn’t you?”

I returned his smile. “I suppose so.”

Winking, Dare added, “You look grand, love.”

“Thank you.”

I bypassed them and went over to Caterina. “You look stunning,” I said.

Her cheeks flushed. “Thank you. As do you.” She ran her hand over the waist of the dress. “Your mother has impeccable taste.”

“She really does.”

Caterina had a ruby necklace encrusted with diamonds that I knew was also a gift from my mother. The one thing my father loved was to flaunt his wealth by drowning Mam in expensive jewelry.

When the doorbell rang announcing the Neretti’s arrival, I fought the urge to run. You can do this, Maeve. Just say hello and be cordial. Act like nothing happened between the two of you.

Gianni appeared first, followed by Leandro. At the sight of Raphael, my heart leapt into my throat, and I fought to breathe. He was just as handsome as he had been at the reception. The only difference in him was the full beard he sported. It made him look even more distinguished.

With an excited yip, Murphy tore across the rug to launch himself at Rafe. As his propeller tail started up, Rafe bent over to take Murphy into his arms.

At the sight of Murphy and Rafe, Callum furrowed his brows. “Since when is he a fan of yours?”

“Since I snuck him bacon last time I was here and overlooked when he pissed on my leg,” Rafe joked.

Callum grinned. “I suppose that would do it.”

“You’re lucky Maeve didn’t catch you. She doesn’t like him having treats,” Dare warned.

Rafe stared past him to meet my eyes. At the intensity of his gaze, my knees felt weak. “My apologies.”

“No, it’s fine.”

When the words left my lips, I realized there was far more meaning in them. He was giving me an apology for what had happened at the reception. My body started moving of its own accord to close the distance between us to give him my own apology. I realized now more than ever that he deserved one.

But then Gianni stepped in front of me, blocking my view of Rafe. “Merry Christmas, Maeve.”

“And to you, too,” I said with a smile.

When he moved on to say hello to my mother, he gave her the traditional kiss on both cheeks, which he hadn’t done with me. Unease pricked up my spine. Had he skipped the intimacy with me because he’d learned about my past? If he knew, did Rafe as well?

Panic ricocheted up my spine. As I fought the urge to bolt from the room, Leandro appeared before me to give me a quick hug. Like Gianni, he didn’t kiss both my cheeks, but he did Caterina’s and Mam’s.

Before I could wonder anymore about it, Rafe stood before me. I sucked in a ragged breath at his closeness. “ Nollaig Shona , Maeve,” he said in an impossibly deep voice.

My heart skipped a beat at hearing the words on his lips. “ Buon Natale, ” I whispered.

Uncertainty flashed in his eyes. From his tense body language, I knew he was debating if he should hug me like his brothers had. To put him at ease, I took a step forward. He then reached his arms out. When he wrapped them around me, I closed my eyes against his chest, inhaling his scent.

Before I could stop myself, I blurted, “You don’t smell like smoke.”

He pulled away from me. With a sheepish look, he replied, “I decided it was a nasty habit that I should probably give up.”

I blinked up at him. As my mind spun with out-of-control thoughts, I could only wonder if he thought him smelling like smoke had caused my reaction. My heart twisted at the thought he was blaming himself when it was all my fault.

Callum clapping his hands brought me out of my trance. “Come on, let’s eat before it gets cold.”

“Are you implying that we were late?” Leo teased.

With a shake of his head, Callum replied, “From the way I see it, you’re right on time.”

“Excuse me,” I said to Rafe.

On wobbly legs I hurried out of the living room to head down the hall to the kitchen. Mam and Caterina were already there. Since the boys’ usual cook and housekeeper, Lorna, was back in Ireland with her family, it was up to us women to get the massive spread on the table.

Kellan and Eamon came strolling into the kitchen. “Let us carry the turkey and ham,” Kellan suggested.

Mam nodded. “Just don’t start carving them. That honor goes to Callum since he’s the head of the family.”

Eamon rolled his eyes as he took the platter of ham. “Just for once, I’d like to say screw the birth order.”

Mam laughed. “Aw, you poor, suffering last son,” she mused.

With the large dish of stuffing in my hand, I followed Kellan and Eamon into the dining room. The others had already taken their seats. Motioning to the turkey, Mam said, “Put the stuffing there, love.”

Inwardly, I groaned. Between me and where the stuffing should go on the table was Rafe. Sucking in a ragged breath, I leaned over him. When he turned his head, it landed against my cleavage.

“Oh fuck. I’m sorry,” he apologized, jerking away as if he were on fire.

“It’s fine.”

“I didn’t realize you were there.”

“Seriously, it’s fine.”

When I finally dared to bring my eyes to him, my heart deflated. No, no, no! It was right there in both his horrified expression and his haunted eyes.

Rafe knew.

I don’t know how he knew, but he did.

Everything I’d feared I’d see in his face and in his eyes was right there in front of me, and it was even worse than I’d imagined it would be. As if he could read my thoughts, he murmured softly, “Maeve, I?—”

“I said it’s fine,” I snapped before whirling away from him. Tears stung my eyes as I hurried back into the kitchen.

“There’s just a few more things to take in,” Mam said.

Although he was far from the back door, I said, “Murphy’s wanting outside. I better take him out before he pees on one of the rugs.”

Mam opened her mouth to protest, but I ignored her. Grabbing Murphy up, I then bolted out the back door. As soon as the frigid air hit my lungs, I let the tears flow.

I’d been right about the reasons why Gianni and Leo hadn’t kissed me. Apparently, Rafe had shared my secret with them. I hoped, more than believed, he had done it out of protectiveness and not just to relate how he’d dodged a bullet with the broken and defiled Kavanaugh girl.

I patted the tears from my cheeks, desperately trying to salvage my makeup so no one would imagine I’d been crying. Turning my thoughts from Rafe, I closed my eyes and focused on the ocean. I sucked in a breath and held it for ten seconds before exhaling it slowly. I repeated the process several times before I realized I was good.

Picking up Murphy, I hurried up the backstairs. I grabbed the decanter of spiced wine we’d forgotten on the counter and headed into the dining room.

Mam glanced up from her seat next to Rafe. “Oh, you sweet thing. Thanks for preparing the mulled wine for me.”

I forced a smile to my lips as Mam gave me an excuse for being gone so long. “It was nothing.”

Callum smiled at me. “You’re just in time for us to say grace.”

I slid into my seat across from Mam, which unfortunately put me directly across from Rafe. As we bowed our heads, I felt Rafe’s stare on me. After returning thanks, Callum began to carve the turkey.

The food began to make its way around the table. Although my emotions had wiped my appetite, I still heaped the food on my plate. It was an easy distraction to keep my eyes off of Rafe. I also poured myself a large glass of wine and began taking long sips from it.

Since she’d worked so hard on the Italian side of her meal, I glanced down the table to smile at Caterina. “The ravioli is delicious.”

She threw me a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“It’s not my usual Irish fare, but Maeve’s right. It is delicious,” Callum chimed in with a wink.

Holding up one of my mince pies, Gianni said, “While having Italian food is delicious, these are amazing.”

Before I could say anything, Mam replied, “Those are Maeve’s speciality.”

He grinned. “They’re out of this world. I think I’ll have to have them every year now.”

I laughed. “I’ll have to give you the recipe.”

Leandro snorted. “That’s cute considering he can barely boil water.”

Rolling his eyes, Gianni countered, “Like you can do any better, stronzo .”

Trying to diffuse the situation, I replied, “Maybe next year I can teach you how to make them, Gianni.”

Chuckling, Leo said, “ Dolcezza , he might be a computer genius, but he would burn down your kitchen.”

As Gianni scowled at Leo, Rafe muttered, “Don’t call her that.”

I jerked my surprised gaze from Leandro over to Rafe’s. But he continued staring at his plate.

Leo’s amusement didn’t falter. “What’s wrong with calling her sweetness? She is sweet to be offering to do that for our culinary- challenged brother.”

Rafe glanced up to cut his eyes over to Leo. “I doubt her brothers would appreciate you calling her that.”

With a grin, Dare remarked, “I can’t speak for the others, but I think you’d cross the line at calling her sweet cheeks.”

“Absolutely,” Quinn replied.

After glaring at her brothers, Caterina huffed, “Would you guys stop arguing?”

“We’re just teasing each other, Kitty Cat,” Leandro protested.

With a playful roll of her eyes, she said, “I was just sitting here thinking how thankful I am to be spending Christmas with my brothers again for the first time in years, and you have to go and ruin the moment.”

“Then let’s remedy that.” Leo raised his glass. “A toast to family–new and old.”

Caterina grinned as she grabbed her glass. “I’ll toast to that.”

We all raised our glasses. After downing a sip, Caterina said, “I also think extra thanks should go to Callum for agreeing to the madness of all of us Nerettis crashing his home on Christmas Day.”

Callum laughed. “How could I say no? Especially since this is probably the last Christmas Day Rafe willget to spend with you guys as a family. I’m sure he’ll be expected to spend it with his fiancee next year.”

Every molecule in my body shuddered to a stop. For a moment, I couldn’t even process the conversions and clattering silverware around me. And then before I could stop myself, I blurted, “You’re engaged?”

A myriad of emotions appeared in Rafe’s eyes. Each one of them felt like a knife in my chest. Recovering quickly from over-showing my emotions, I forced a beaming smile to my face. “What wonderful news! We should include that in our toasting.”

Rafe gave me a tight smile. “Thank you. It’s very new considering we just signed the contract a few months ago.”

A few months ago.

It had been a few months ago when he’d blatantly flirted with me at the wedding reception. When he’d kissed me at the wedding reception. Had he been engaged then?

At the clenching of my chest, I lay my fork down on my plate. While my gaze was trained on the intricate design of the placemat, I pictured the ocean waves crashing around me. I counted my breaths as I twisted my napkin in my lap while bits of conversation floated around me.

Andrea Caruso.

An October wedding after her twenty-first birthday.

A necessary alliance for the Neretti family.

It would bring even more stability to the Kavanaughs.

“Maeve?”

I raised my head to see Caterina standing before me. With a comforting expression, she asked, “Would you like to help me bring in some of the desserts?”

“Um, yes, of course.”

Without another look at Rafe, I shot out of my chair and hurried into the kitchen. I went over to the counter. With more force than necessary, I started slicing through one of the sugary concoctions.

Caterina appeared at my side with the china dessert plates in her hands. They’d been a wedding gift from me to the new couple. “I didn’t mean for you to find out like that. I was trying to tell you earlier when we were interrupted.”

With a shrug, I replied, “It’s fine. I mean, we only shared a few dances.”

“And a kiss.”

The knife slipped from my fingers, clattering on the counter. I glanced at Caterina in horror. “How did you know?”

“Rafe told me. He was worried about…your reaction to the kiss.”

My breath wheezed out of me. Oh God, he’d told her about what happened. It had bothered him enough to reach out to her. “What did he say?”

Caterina stared down at her hands. “Based on your reaction, he wanted confirmation that something had happened to you.” She glanced up at me. “But I told him that was your story to tell.”

Nausea churned through me. “That’s why he was afraid to touch me and why your brothers wouldn’t kiss me.”

With a shake of her head, Caterina said, “The reason they didn’t kiss you is because they didn’t want to piss your brothers off. From the way he spoke to me, Rafe wouldn’t betray your privacy like that.”

I felt a little better knowing my secret hadn’t been spread beyond Rafe. “When was it that he asked about me?”

“He called me from the plane right after he left. He wanted to reach out, but I told him to leave you alone.”

I blinked at her in surprise. “Why?”

Sadness pooled in her eyes. “That night at the reception after seeing the two of you together, I told Callum there might be another Neretti and Kavanaugh union in the future. But told me it would never happen because Rafe had to marry a girl from an Italian family. When I spoke to Rafe, I asked him if it was the truth, and he said yes. I knew then that there could be nothing gained but hurt if he reached out.”

Swaying on my feet, I gripped the edge of the counter to keep me from sinking into the floor. I pinched my eyes shut. “It was nothing.”

Caterina placed her hand on my shoulder. “Maeve, it’s okay. You can be honest with me. We’re sisters now, right?”

I jerked away from her. “You don’t have to make a big deal out of it. It’s not like I didn’t know he was going to be in a marriage alliance. He told me so himself at the reception.”

“It doesn’t mean it hurts any less to hear it.”

“Please…don’t.” Shaking my head, I countered, “I can’t take your pity. Not now.”

“I wasn’t–”

“Yes, you were.” My hands returned to frantically cutting the cake. Snatching a plate from her, I slung a piece onto it.

When I reached for another plate, Caterina’s hand stopped me. “It wasn’t one-sided. I saw the way he looked at you.” A ragged breath escaped her lips. “But I knew he would hurt you, and I was right.”

With a mirthless laugh, I replied, “I’m used to being hurt. I’ll recover. I always do.”

Caterina opened her mouth to argue, but I shook my head. “There’s nothing else you need to say. You did nothing wrong, and in the vast scheme of things, neither did Rafe.” I then jerked my chin at the plates. “Take those in while I take Murphy out.”

She bobbed in her head in agreement before gathering up several plates. Since he was always at my heels, I didn’t have to look long to use Murphy as a decoy. Once I gathered him into my arms, I escaped out the backdoor.

Crunching through the snow, I then deposited Murphy on the ground for the second time in an hour. He glanced up at me like he had nothing to do. “I know you don’t have to go. You’re just my cover, sweet boy.”

Murphy wagged his tail as if he understood what I meant. As if to sell it to anyone who might be watching from the windows, he started sniffing around in the snow.

Tilting my head back, I eyed the cornflower blue sky. As I exhaled a ragged breath, it swirled through the air above me. In my desperation, I wished for a way to rid myself of my pain in a similar way. How easy it would be just to purge myself of all the heartache by sending my anguish skyward.

And just when I thought I could escape my problems, they came searching for me.