Fix You (The Irish Rogues #3)

Chapter Twelve Maeve

A s I scratched Murphy’s full belly, my focus remained on the time reflected on my Kindle screen. After dinner when everyone had adjourned to the living room, I’d pretended to be enthralled in my book. In truth, my mind was too scattered to focus on the words.

After the lunch fiasco with Rafe, I’d spent the rest of the afternoon hidden in my room. My emotional turmoil had exhausted me to the point where I slept on and off for the remainder of the day. Every time I’d wake up, Rafe’s engagement or the necklace would flash in my mind. It was too much for me to even process so I’d drown out the images with thoughts of the ocean.

But this morning I woke up with a renewed sense of purpose about taking control of my sexuality. While the original plan had crashed and burned with Rafe at the wedding reception, I’d let too much time pass. With every minute and every hour that I continued to remain untouched, I allowed Oisin to reign over me.

The plan was simple: I would sneak out and go to one of Boston’s nightclubs. While I wouldn’t be going home with a man, I fully intended to let him put his hands and mouth on my body. In my mind, I saw it working best with a stranger who I never had to see again. I’d had just enough wine at dinner to relax me, yet I was still sober enough not to be aware of my surroundings.

Thankfully, the others seemed occupied enough to let me slip away. There was only one bodyguard on duty to give the others some time with their families for the holidays.

Across from me at a makeshift table, Callum and Quinn were teaching Caterina and Leo how to play the Irish card game, Twenty-Five while Mam sat beside the crackling fire nipping back some whiskey and knitting booties for Callum and Caterina’s yet-to-be-conceived baby. While Caterina had blushed when Mam had told her who the knitting was for, Callum had rolled his eyes and claimed they’d only been married four months.

As for Dare, Kellan, and Eamon, they’d left earlier in the day to visit some of our cousins outside of Boston and wouldn’t be returning tonight, so I wouldn’t have to worry about them screwing up my plan. It seemed the Neretti brothers wouldn’t be an issue either. Gianni had his head buried in his laptop, and I’d assumed Rafe had gone out since he hadn’t come into the living room after dinner.

Since yesterday, we’d been involved in a dance of avoidance. If he saw me in a room, he wouldn’t enter it and vice versa. We’d only come in contact with each other again at dinner, which thankfully Caterina sat beside me to where we could talk easily. I wouldn’t totally be at ease until they went back to New York tomorrow.

When the antique clock over the mantle chimed ten, I stretched my arms over my head and yawned rather theatrically. “I think I’ll head up to bed.”

Mam’s brows furrowed. “Now? But the night is still young.”

I laughed. “I’m still catching up from all the sleep I lost during exams.”

Callum glanced up from his cards. “Don’t be a langer. Let me deal you in for the next hand.”

“No. I really just want to go to bed.”

When he and Quinn exchanged a concerned look, I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be dramatic. I just want to rest.”

Quinn winked at me. “All right, Mae. I suppose anyone who earns all A’s deserves to rest their brain.”

With a laugh, I replied, “Thanks.”

When I rose off the couch, I fought the urge to sprint out of the room and up the stairs. Instead, I took my time, so I wouldn’t raise suspicion. Once I got upstairs, I locked myself into Kellan’s bedroom.

Immediately, I hurried into the bathroom and once again locked myself in. Then I got to work making myself club-ready. I did my makeup more intensely than I usually wore it and put waves into my hair.

When I was finished, I went to the back of Kellan’s closet. Among his dress shirts and pants, I’d hidden an outfit behind my other clothes. The sparkly emerald dress was strapless and barely covered my ass. No one who saw me would have any doubt what I was seeking at the club. After I slipped it on, I paired it with slinky back heels that I threw into my purse.

As I stared at my reflection in the mirror, I did a double-take. The woman before me wasn’t broken and damaged. She oozed confidence and sex appeal. Any man would want to dance with her…to kiss her and touch her.

Tonight I would leave the final parts of the Old Maeve in the past.

Turning from the mirror, I then made my way over to the nightstand. I grabbed the burner phone I'd shipped to the house. If I was discovered missing, I knew my brothers would try to track me with my phone.

After ordering an Uber, I threw the burner into my purse. I then donned my robe. I needed to wear it until I got out of the house in case I ran into anyone. Even though I hated to mess my hair up, I put the hood up in case anyone saw me and wondered why my hair was done up and I was wearing glitter eyeshadow at ten o’clock at night.

I stuck my purse in my robe under my armpit. As quietly as I could, I unlocked the door. Cracking it slightly, I surveyed the empty hallway. I then sprinted down the carpet as fast as I could to the back staircase.

With my chest heaving from both my exertions and nerves, my heartbeat pounded in my ears as I hurried down the stairs. When I got to the doorway, the kitchen was bathed in shadows. Tiptoeing across the floor, I then cracked the door.

Peeking my head to the right, I exhaled a relieved breath when I didn’t see anyone. After throwing open the door, I stepped out into the side yard. I peeled off the robe and tossed it behind the trash can.

After fluffing out my hair, I smoothed my hands over my dress. A giggle bubbled from my lips that I had actually successfully snuck out of the house. Now I just had to get my Uber, and I’d be on my way.

As I started around the side of the house, the smell of cigarette smoke entered my nostrils at the same time someone said, “Who’s there?”

I jumped out of my skin as a squeal erupted from me. Whirling around, I came face to face with Rafe. At that moment, I had the oddest sense of déjà vu from our night together on the rooftop.

Rafe’s dark eyes bulged comically wide as his gaze began slowly trailing down my body. Once he was finished, he growled, “Where the fuck do you think you’re going in that?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“That’s none of your damn business!” I snapped.

“You can sure as hell believe I’m making it my business.”

“I think you confuse me with your fiancée, Mr. Neretti. You have no say in what I wear or what I do.”

With a scowl, he replied, “Don’t bring up my fiancée.”

“Why not?”

“She’s an innocent in all this.”

A bitter laugh tumbled from my lips. “And I’m not?”

“You know she wasn’t my choice just as much as you know I never meant anything to happen between us.”

“But something did,” I argued.

“Yeah, it fucking did,” Rafe replied, taking a long drag on his cigarette.

Tilting my head at him, I said, “I thought you quit.”

His onyx eyes narrowed. “I did. But like all bad habits, I just can’t seem to give it up.”

That’s how I feel about you. A bad habit I need to give up. “While I’d love to stay and chat, I have an Uber waiting on me.”

“You’re going out without a bodyguard dressed like that ?”

“I am.”

With a slow shake of his head, Rafe replied, “Over my dead fucking body.”

“Once again, you’re not my fiancee or my brothers, so you don’t get to tell me what I can or can’t do.”

As I started past him, he reached out and grabbed my arm. “I’m not playing, Maeve.”

“Let me go,” I gritted out.

“Not until you get it through your stubborn skull that I’m not letting you throw yourself to the wolves in some desperate plan to get over me.”

Wrenching out his grasp, I jabbed a finger at him. “You egotistical bastard! How dare you think any of this is about you?”

Placing both hands on his broad chest, I shoved him.

Hard.

“This is about me and my trauma. It doesn’t have a damn thing to do about you.”

Rafe’s head jerked back like my words had struck him. After a moment of staring at me in disbelief, he said, “I’m sorry, Maeve.”

“Good. Now get out of my fucking way so I can try to be like a normal twenty-two-year-old for once.”

“Why exactly are you planning to do tonight?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I plan to be young and carefree. I plan to let a hot guy take me out on the dance floor. I plan to let him put his hands and mouth on my body.”

Rafe’s jaw clenched. “Fucking hell,” he gritted out.

“Satisfied?”

He shook his head. “With those reasons and that dress, I sure as hell can’t let you go out by yourself.”

“You’re not stopping me.”

“No, I’m coming with you.”

My mouth dropped open. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“In that outfit, you don’t need a babysitter–you need a fucking army of bodyguards,” he grunted.

Even through my anger and frustration, his words sent desire spreading through me. I hadn’t chosen the outfit for him, nor had I imagined him seeing me in it. But I liked it garnered such a strong reaction from him.

I liked it a lot.

“So, what’s it going to be?”

“Like you’re even giving me a choice. If I don’t agree, you’ll rat me out to my brothers, and if I do agree, I’m stuck with you.”

“Sounds like you have a choice to me.”

As I glared at him, I knew I couldn’t back down. I’d had this plan for months. I couldn’t allow him to get me off course. “Fine,” I grumbled.

After I slid across the seat, Rafe dropped down beside me. “46 Commonwealth Avenue,” he instructed the driver.

The driver frowned as he turned around. “I’m sorry. I thought you wanted to go to 38 Trinity Place?”

Glaring at Rafe, I replied, “I do.”

He shook his head. “We’re going to Bandia at 46 Commonwealth Avenue.”

My eyes popped wide at the name. “You want me to go to my brothers’ club?”

“They aren’t there tonight.”

“I don’t care. It’s still their club.”

“If you insist on doing this, we’re going to do it where I know you’ll be safe.”

“The whole point of this was to be able to forget who I was and lose my inhibitions. How can I do that knowing my brothers’ men are around?”

“It’s my way or no way,” Rafe growled.

With a roll of my eyes, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Bastard,” I huffed.

The driver stared open-mouthed at us until Rafe pronounced. “46 Commonwealth Avenue.”

After nodding his head, the driver replied, “Yes, sir.”

As the car sped off into the night, I scooted as far away from Rafe as I could, pressing myself up against the door. Staring out the window, I tried focusing on the passing landmarks and not the warmth from his body. His smoky, sandalwood smell permeated the backseat.

“Giving me the silent treatment, huh? Very mature,” Rafe remarked.

“Fuck you,” I muttered.

A dark chuckle rumbled through his chest. “You act like I want to be doing this.”

“Apparently you do.”

“I owe it not only to you, but to your brothers and your mother to make sure you're safe.”

As I stared up at the ceiling, a mirthless laugh tumbled from my lips. “I had two of my brothers standing over me, but it didn’t stop me from being assaulted.”

Rafe jolted forward in his seat. “What did you just say?”

“Nothing. Forget it.”

Although I stared straight ahead, the heat of Rafe’s inquisitive gaze bore into me. After an eternity seemed to pass, Rafe's deep voice broke the silence. “Maeve, what happened that night?”

I swung my eyes to his. With a jerk of my head, I replied, “Don’t ever ask me that.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just–”

The driver awkwardly cleared his throat. “We’re here.”

“Before we get out, I think we need to lay down some ground rules,” I said.

“Such as.”

“You can lurk around the corners and stalk me, but I don’t want you anywhere near me.”

With a smirk, Rafe replied, “Not even a dance?”

“I’m serious.”

“Fine.”

“Second, I leave when I’m damn well ready, not when you decide.”

“As long as you don’t presume to leave with some strange man, I don’t care how long you stay.”

I rolled my eyes before typing in a large tip for the driver on my burner phone. Without another word to Rafe, I started to open my door. But the bastard was quick and was already at my door. “Thank you,” I grumbled.

To my utter shock, Rafe’s arm came around my waist, drawing me against him. “What are you doing?”

“Making sure you get inside safely.”

“Can’t you do that without manhandling me?”

“Once again, my way or no way.”

With a frustrated huff, I allowed him to lead me up the sidewalk to the entrance. Despite the cold and that it was two days after Christmas, there was still a line to get in. Bypassing the others, Rafe marched up to the bouncer. “Let us through,” he commanded.

The bouncer’s gaze flickered from Rafe over to me. When he realized who I was, he instantly moved to the side. “Have a good evening, Miss Kavanaugh.”

“Thank you.”

As we started inside the pulsating club, I turned to Rafe. “If I’ve never been here before, how did he possibly know me?”

“Everyone who works here is trained to know the family and their associates.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Because I own a club.”

My eyes shot wide at his realization. “You do?”

“Yes.”

Tilting my head at him, I asked, “What’s the name?”

His jaw clenched. “You don’t need to know.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not the type of place for someone like you.”

Fury pulsed through me at his words. “Are rape victims not welcome?”

Rafe grimaced. “Jesus Christ, Maeve, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then enlighten me.”

“It’s not for someone innocent like you,” he growled.

I blinked at him. After everything that I’d been through, Rafe still thought I was innocent. “Why? Is it a strip club?”

“Part of it.”

As my mind spun with possibilities, heat bloomed in my core at the thought of being with Rafe in his club. It was a fantasy of mine to go to a sex club. To watch others have sex. Maybe to have them watch me.

“Is the other part a sex club?”

His brows shot up. “What do you know about those?”

With a roll of my eyes, I replied, “Just because I was raped, it doesn’t mean I’m ignorant to what goes on in the world. For fuck’s sake, my brothers own a strip club along with this one.”

Rafe exhaled a harsh breath. “Fine. The club’s name is Inferno.”

I cocked my brows at him. “Like Dante’s Inferno ?”

“Yes.” His hooded eyes stared down at me. “Lots of deadly sins.”

“Do you ever partake?”

“Sometimes.”

Although my mind was screaming to walk away, I found myself asking, “What’s your kink, Rafe?”

As couples danced around us, we stood there, staring into each other’s eyes. Dipping his head, Rafe brought his lips to my ear. His breath scorched against my ear. “I like to watch.”

A gasp escaped my lips as a shudder ran through me. “Y-You do?”

“To see others giving and taking pleasure.” A shudder ran through his body. “It gets me off.”

His words engulfed me in fiery desire. It was everything I wanted to feel for a member of the opposite sex. There was no revulsion or fear at the emotions overtaking me. It was straight desire shooting through me.

For a moment, I allowed myself to imagine Rafe and I at his club.

Watching others.

Being watched.

I realized we could achieve some of the same thing right here, right now.

Just as I reached out to ask him to dance, I remembered he was engaged. Somewhere in Philadelphia his fiancee was wearing his ring–the one I never would.

No, Rafe wasn’t what I had come for. He wasn’t the anonymous hookup I’d planned. He was a distraction.

It took everything within me to take a step back from him. “I’m going to dance.”

When he made a move like he might join me, I shook my head. “You’re only here to watch me, remember?”

Rafe’s nostrils flared at the mention of watching. His jaw clenched as I backed away from him. His hooded eyes sent an ache through my core.

Ignoring it, I turned and began losing myself in the crowd.