Fix You (The Irish Rogues #3)

Chapter Thirteen Raphael

I t took everything within me to let Maeve walk away. I wanted nothing more than to jerk her into my arms and put my hands on her body. Jealousy flared in me that she was on the hunt for another man to touch her and give her pleasure.

I wanted to be the one to do that.

Instead, I tracked her through the crowd. Although I was desperate for a drink to cool me off, I couldn’t let her get out of my sight.

It didn’t take too long before some frat boy approached her. After they exchanged a few words, they started to dance. Red flared across my vision the moment his hand snaked around her waist and drew her against him.

“Hey sexy, wanna dance?” a brunette questioned at my side.

With a shake of my head, I kept my eyes on Maeve and her frat boy. At the feel of a hand on my ass, I momentarily jerked my gaze over to the brunette.

“Come on. Just one dance,” she purred as she squeezed my ass.

“Not. interested,” I bit out through gritted teeth.

With a roll of her eyes, she moved on. When I flicked my gaze back to Maeve, the world around me shuddered to a stop.

She was frozen in fear on the dance floor. Frat Boy had one hand on her ass and the other on her breast. Instead of a look of pleasure, panic was etched across her face. Her eyes were pinched shut while her chest was rising and falling with harsh pants.

“Fuck,” I growled as I rushed through the people.

When I reached Maeve, the douche frat boy was rubbing his hips against her. I grabbed the back of his neck and jerked him away from her. “Dude, what the fuck?” he demanded.

“Get your damn hands off her!”

“Fuck off,” he muttered before trying to grab Maeve again.

“You touch her, and I’ll break your fucking hand,” I snarled.

With a smirk, he started to turn back to Maeve who remained frozen in panic. I didn’t stop to think; I just reacted. I threw a right hook into the side of the frat boy’s face.

The sound of his pathetic wail of pain brought Maeve out of her stupor. After he collapsed to the ground, a shudder ran through her before she turned and started pushing her way through the crowd to the exit.

After stepping over the guy, I hurried to catch her. Since the bouncer knew who she was, he allowed her down the employee hallway. Once she was free of the crowd, she kicked off her heels and started running. She burst through the exit doors just as I made it to the employee exit.

When I got out into the alleyway, my head spun left and right to see where she’d gone. The falling snow fucked with my visibility. At first I didn’t see her. Then I saw a crumpled form to my right, causing me to break into a run.

She was on her knees in the middle of the alley. Doubled over, her arms crisscrossed over her stomach as her body shook with sobs. Through her cries, I could vaguely make out her saying something.

I knelt down in front of her. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I questioned softly, “Maeve?”

She jerked her head up to stare at me with haunted eyes. “The guy…he said he wanted to own me…” She swallowed hard. “Oisin said when he fucked me, I was his. That he owned me.”

Unsure of what to say or do at that moment, I merely clenched my fists. I would’ve given anything to be able to resurrect Oisin O’Toole, so that I could torture him for days. Maybe even weeks. The darkest parts of hell were too good for the bastard for what he’d done to Maeve.

Black mascara-lined tears streaked down Maeve’s face. “He’s been dead over a year, but he still owns me.” A shudder rolled through her. “He’s always going to own me.”

Cupping her cheek, I argued, “No, Tesoro . He won’t. You just have to give yourself time.”

She slammed her fists onto the concrete so hard I winced. “It’s been a year. How much fucking time is it going to take?”

“I don’t know. You just have to be patient and let your mind catch up to your body.”

“I just want to be free!”

Just as I reached to draw her into my embrace, she threw her head back and screamed up at the sky. The keening sound sent the hair on the back of my neck rising. As long as I lived, I would never forget the sound. Its raw agony pierced through me like the jagged tip of a knife, shredding me to the core.

During torture sessions over the years, I’d seen psychotic breaks in countless men. I’d witnessed their hallucinations, delusions, and rapid nonsensical speech. The episodes would shell-shock the common onlooker. Never in my life had it affected me.

But seeing it in Maeve caused my chest to constrict, cutting off my air. My hands came to claw at my pecs to try to release some of the pressure. If I felt like this just witnessing her suffering, how was it possible for Maeve to endure?

When her last cry waned, the exertion of her screams pitched her forward. I threw my arms out to catch her before her face could hit the ground. She swayed in my arms for a moment before she lurched over to once again beat her fists on the concrete. “Maeve, stop! You’re hurting yourself!”

“It’s the only way to get the pain out. It’s choking me. Suffocating me. Killing me,” she wept.

I grabbed her wrists in my hands. Blood already streaked down her arms. Staring into her feral eyes, I pleaded, “ Tesoro , you’ve got to stop. Please, my beautiful Tesoro , it breaks my heart to see you hurt yourself.”

She blinked at me like she was seeing me for the first time since she’d exited the club. Furrowing her brows, she asked, “What are you calling me?”

“ Tesoro means darling or treasure.”

“Am I your darling?”

Although I knew I should answer differently, I couldn’t help but say, “Yes, you are.”

“But why? I’m no treasure–I’m a shattered, jagged mess.”

Letting go of her wrists, I cupped her cheeks. “You are none of those things. Yes, you are wounded, but you’re not defeated. Fuck, Maeve, you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met.”

At the sound of someone behind us, I whirled around. Milos stood wide-eyed and white as a sheet. He’d seen some tough shit in his time as a bodyguard, so his reaction to Maeve was surprising.

He cleared his throat at my expectant look. “The car is waiting, sir.”

“Thank you.”

Concern radiated in his eyes as he stared at Maeve. “Should I drive us to the hospital?”

“No! No hospitals!” Maeve protested.

“Okay, Tesoro . No hospitals.”

“Then the Kavanaugh residence?” Milos asked.

Maeve furiously shook her head from side to side. “Please, Rafe, Mam…my brothers.” She swallowed hard. “They can’t see me like this.”

Deep down, I knew that. Although I was aware it had the potential to kick up a hornet’s nest, I said, “Take us to my hotel.”

Milos’s eyes shot wide. “Are you sure?”

Although I knew he was just looking out for me, I didn’t like him questioning my decisions. “Remember your place.”

Regret filled his expression. “My apologies, sir.”

Without another word to Milos, I bent over and drew Maeve into my arms. Rising to my feet, I began slowly carrying her back to the SUV through the slippery snow. Sniffles trembled through her body as she lay her head on my shoulder. Inching forward, she buried her face in my neck, the shudders of her cries ghosted over my skin.

When we got to the SUV, Milos had the back door opened for us. After easing her onto the bench seat, I slid her over before I flopped down. Since I would’ve had to pry her off of me, I didn’t bother with a seatbelt. Her dress was wet from the snow, so I grabbed a blanket from the back and wrapped it around us.

The drive to the hotel was silent except for her sniffles and shudders. Absently, I rubbed wide circles over her shivering back with my hand while speaking words to her in Italian. I don’t know why I did it in Italian, rather than English, especially since she didn’t understand a word I was saying. Maybe it was because I was so shell-shocked myself.

When we arrived at the hotel, Milos met my gaze in the rearview mirror. “Please call and ask them for access to the rear entrance,” I instructed.

“Yes, sir,” he replied.

The last thing I wanted to do was drag an emotionally vulnerable woman through a hotel lobby for prying eyes to stare at her. A few minutes passed and then we were given the green light.

Once we arrived at the rear entrance, I gathered Maeve up as I slid across the seat. Milos opened the door, and I eased us out of the SUV. With the blanket tightly around her, I began walking Maeve inside the hotel.

A hotel staff member was waiting on us. Apparently, they’d been informed of who I was because he kept his gaze averted. The only real power I had in Boston was because of the Kavanaughs, but tonight I would take it if it meant keeping Maeve protected.

When we reached my hotel room, Milos had the door open for us. I swept inside and made my way straight to the bathroom. After I carried Maeve inside, I eased her down onto the toilet seat.

When I started to pull away, she clawed at my shirt, digging her fingers into the material. “Don’t leave me,” she begged.

“Just for a minute so I can draw you a bath so you can get warm.”

After staring desperately into my eyes, she finally released me. I went over to the tub and turned on the hot water. Once I perfected the temperature, I eyed the bath oils and bubbles on the sink. I brought a few to my nose before deciding on one.

I poured it into the water, watching as the foam began to grow. When I turned back to Maeve, she appeared so fragile sitting there. With her alabaster skin, she looked like a China doll.

Scratching the back of my neck, I debated how I was going to get her undressed. I sure as hell didn’t think I needed to have any part in it, but at the same time, I didn’t know if she could. She was so emotionally and physically spent.

I crossed the distance between us and squatted down in front of her. “Maeve, your bath is ready. Do you think you can get undressed by yourself?”

She dragged her gaze from the tile up to mine. When she slowly shook her head, I grimaced. “Do you want me to help you?” At the bobbing of her head, I cursed under my breath.

“As much as I want to help you, I don’t think it’s the right thing to do.” When she stared at me blankly, I added, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for a man to take off your clothes…in your state.”

“But you’re different.”

“Am I?” I croaked.

“I trust you.”

Fuck. I wished she didn’t. I wasn’t a good man. There was no way in hell I wasn’t going to be a dirty bastard and look at her with lust. Her body was stunning in her clothes. I couldn’t imagine what it would be without them.

No, no, no. I couldn’t be a creep. I had to turn off that side of me. I had to be a good man for Maeve. She deserved only the best.

To my surprise, Maeve rose off the toilet seat. With her eyes locked on mine, she extended her hand. I slipped mine into hers and then pulled myself to my feet. “Help me with my dress,” she commanded in a whisper.

Biting back a curse, I bent over to take the hem of the barely there green fabric. I jerked it up her thighs and over her hips. Inwardly, I groaned at the sight of the scrap of lace covering her center. After Maeve raised her arms, I pulled the dress and tossed it onto the floor.

Modesty somewhat overtook Maeve because she crossed her arms over her bare breasts. “Turn around, please.”

With a nod, I whirled around. But the instant I glanced into the mirror, I realized my mistake. I had the perfect view of Maeve’s bare back as she tugged her thong over her hips and down her thighs.

God, she was perfection.

Before I could stare too long, I clamped my eyes shut. I kept them closed as I heard Maeve slosh through the water. It seemed an eternity passed before she spoke again. “You can turn around now.”

When I did, I thankfully found her submerged in the tub and covered by bubbles and foam. At her wince in pain, I asked, “What’s wrong?”

“My hands.” Frowning, she pulled them out of the water, staring at the battered skin. Her gaze flickered over to mine. “What did I do to them?”

“You beat them on the concrete.”

“Oh,” she murmured as pink tinged her cheeks.

“I’ve got a First Aid kit in my suitcase. Let me get it.”

As she pulled her knees up to her chin, Maeve bobbed her head. I hurried out of the bedroom. When I returned with the kit, tears were once again streaming down Maeve’s cheeks.

“Would you like me to give you an injection for the pain?”

“I’m not crying from the physical pain.”

“Oh,” I murmured, unsure what else to say or do at that moment. Instead, I busied myself with getting the proper medicine out of the kit to clean her wounds. While stitches wouldn’t be necessary, I imagined she would need them bandaged after she dried off.

I sat down on the edge of the tub with my supplies. “Let me have one of your hands.”

Maeve pulled away one of the hands wrapped around her knees. I then began to clean her fingers with a soft washcloth.

“The man who did this to me….”

My hand froze on her wrist. Glancing up into her beautifully broken face, I said, “You don’t have to do this.”

With a shake of her head, she replied, “I want to. You deserve to know the truth, so you can fully understand what happened back in the alley.” She swallowed hard. “And what happened when we kissed.”

As her shoulders caved in under the weight of her trauma, I fought the urge to dive into the tub with her. To take her into my arms and shelter her from the emotional storms that ravaged her. But like the emotionally stunted man that I remained rooted to the floor.

“My rapist was the man my father arranged my marriage with.”

In that moment, there were a million questions I wanted to pepper her with. But instead, I sat patiently, allowing her to tell her story at her own pace.

As Maeve began to relate the emotional and physical horrors she’d experienced that night in the Kavanaugh crypt, the nerves in my body grew impossibly tight like the strings on a bow.

Every time I thought it couldn’t get worse, it did.

When the tears began dropping down her cheeks, my taut nerves frayed and broke. A fury like I’d never known before in my life rippled through me.

I shot up off the bathroom floor. With no outlet for my anger, I began to pace around the room. The steam from the tub singed my skin which was already fiery from my rage. Before I could stop myself, I grabbed the bottle of bath oil and flung it at the mirror. Shattering glass echoed through the room as the bottle exploded into the mirror.

But it wasn’t enough.

My hands slapped against the top of my head as a scream of fury tore from my lips. I tugged at the strands of my hair until the last breath within me whooshed out. Bending over at the waist, I tried to regulate my breathing.

At the feel of a hand on my shoulder, I jerked my gaze up to meet Maeve’s. She stood naked before me. Grabbing the front of my shirt, she pulled herself against me. As she buried her head in my chest, I tentatively brought my hands around her back, which was still slick and soapy from the tub.

At that moment, I didn’t even think about the fact that she was wet and naked against me. I was just desperate to find a way to comfort her.

“Tell me that your brothers made him pay,” I croaked.

“They tortured him for days.”

“Good. But the bastard deserved weeks and months and torture. Your fucking father, too.”

“Yes, they did,” Maeve replied softly.

I eased back to stare into her eyes. “I can never say enough how fucking sorry I am. I’d do anything to take away your pain.”

“Anything?”

“Absolutely.”

At the expression on Maeve’s face, I shook my head. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m your fucking savior.”

“But you are,” she argued softly.

I shook my head. “Christ, Maeve, I’m no savior. I’m not even a good man.”

“You are to me.” Staring earnestly at me, she said, “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. From the moment we’ve met, you’ve always put me first. You’ve gone above and beyond to try to help me. You’ve read books about sexual assault, and you got me the St. Maria necklace–”

“Which was a big fucking mistake,” I argued.

“No, it wasn’t. I reacted badly.”

“You were right. It would be a daily symbol of what you went through–something others could judge you about.”

“But it was also an incredibly thoughtful gift.” She stared intently at me. “No man besides my brothers has ever bought me a Christmas present.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “And you came tonight to the club to protect me. I don’t know what would’ve happened with that guy if you hadn’t been there.”

Gritting my teeth, I snarled, “I should’ve killed him.”

“You really would’ve done that for me?”

“I can’t believe you even have to ask. Like I told you, I’d do anything for you.”

The moment I uttered the words the energy in the room shifted. Even though I should’ve been chilled from my shirt and pants being soaked from Maeve’s body, heat scorched over me.

As Maeve licked her lips, she gripped my shirt even tighter. “I need you, Rafe.”

From her tone and body language, I knew exactly what she needed from me. “Trust me, I’m the last thing you need.”

“But you’re the only man outside of my brothers that I can stand to touch me.” To prove her point, she brought my hand to cup her cheek. Her eyes closed as she leaned into my hand.

When she brought her lips to kiss the inside of my palm, I snatched my hand away. “That doesn’t mean we need to take it any further.”

“Even though things didn’t work out tonight, I still need to get over Oisin. I need another man’s hands and mouth on my body.” Her green eyes stared pleadingly into mine. “I need you to do this for me.”

“I can’t,” I croaked.

I knew once I touched her, I wouldn’t be able to stop. I wanted to devour every inch of her. I wanted to claim her as my own by burying myself deep inside her. I wanted to see my cum running down her thighs.

Her lips turned down in a pout. “Don’t you want to touch me?”

I groaned. “Don’t ask me that.”

When Maeve licked her lips again, my cock jumped in my briefs. “Do you want to touch me, Rafe?”

“Stop asking me that!” Throwing up my hands, I began to pace around the bathroom again. Blood roared in my head, which was surprising considering how much was already pooling below my waist.

When I threw a glance at Maeve, her wounded expression broke me. “Fuck me,” I growled. With my next words, I knew I was throwing myself off the cliff.

“Yes, I want to touch you. I wanted to touch you the first night we met. Even after finding out what happened to you, damn me to hell, I still wanted to touch you.”

Maeve’s eyes flared with desire. “Then touch me.”

“But I can’t give you what you need.”

“Yes, you can.”

“I’ve got nothing but the physical to offer. You deserve the moon and stars, Maeve.”

“And for me at this moment, you’re as close as I’m going to get to those things.”

It was too much.

Everything in that moment was too much. The feel of her slick body pressed against mine. The pleading look in her eyes. The weight of her words.

Inch by inch I began to feel my resolve fading. In my mind, I flailed about as my futile grasps on the right thing to do slid further and further away. Nothing mattered–not even my martial alliance or the anger of her brothers.

It was just Maeve.

“Kiss me,” she pleaded.

As I dipped my head to bring my lips to hers, I realized I was flinging myself off the side of a cliff into oblivion.