Grumpy Doctor’s Holiday Twins (Forbidden Doctors #17)

16. Ethan

16

ETHAN

W hen the bell rang, I intended to ignore it, but I couldn't. If it was John, there would be hell to pay. He hadn't stopped by with a six-pack in a while, and I had flaked once again on my duties to help with the Christmas plans for the hospital. I ambled to the door, trying to bolster any bit of positivity I could, which was a struggle given what happened only hours ago with Melody and that jerk she had helping with the float.

One look through the peephole, however, showed it was Melody, not John. I clenched my jaw and sighed. Then I opened the door and backed away. She was here for a reason, and bickering right here on my front step wouldn't look good to any neighbors or passersby who were out and about.

I just walked away and she got the point, following me in and shutting the door behind her. I heard her stomp her feet as I continued into the living room where things hadn't changed a bit. The same sorry excuse for a Christmas tree sat across the room, and I hadn't even turned the lights on once. Last night's whiskey tumbler was on the end table next to the couch and my shoes were on the floor behind the recliner. Otherwise, things were just dust-covered and cold.

"I, uh… came to bring your card back." Her timid comment felt heavy as I absorbed it.

I'd made a fool of myself yet again, but this time, I honestly didn't care. Once I was gone, they'd just remember me as the man who was grouchy at Christmastime. I'd become a joke for a while, then they'd forget about me and move on to someone new.

"Leave it on the stand by the door…" I sat in the recliner and rubbed my face, too frustrated and worked up to deal with this.

"Ethan," she said, and the emotion in her tone pricked my heart. I owed her an apology for going off the rails again. I didn't even know why I was acting so irrationally. That man just infuriated me so much, but I had no right to interfere with whatever was going on between them. If the hospital board approved his ideas, who was I to disrupt them?

"I'm sorry, Mel." I sat forward with my elbows on my knees, hands clasped in front of me. "I acted childish. It was wrong of me." My apology was sincere, but she still hovered across the room looking hurt.

"It seems like you're still feeling jealous." Melody took a step closer to me, her boots leaving puddles on my tile floor. "I just need you to understand there isn't really anything going on between me and Lucas. We're coworkers, and he's a friend. Nothing more…"

Her explanation didn't change a thing for me. She liked him. I saw it in the way she smiled at him, the way she supported his foolish ideas and laughed with him. Besides, I was leaving town, and what did it matter if she was lying even now? If something really was going on with him…

"Regardless, I acted like a fool, and I'm sorry." I couldn’t look at her because every time I looked at her, I wanted to ask her a billion questions about how she could just vanish and not tell me where she was going and why. Like why wasn't I at least worth an explanation? My entire life, I'd never been so hurt by someone I loved so deeply, and it wasn't until she severed the tie that I even knew how deeply it ran.

"Can we talk?" Melody asked, but I had no more words. I was mentally exhausted from the gymnastics it took to keep my temper in check. All I could do was stare at her with a hurt expression.

She walked over and sat on the end of my antique coffee table and cupped her hands around mine. I was cold as ice, but even having just come in from the cold, her hands were warm, like her heart. I didn't even have energy to pull away from her, though I knew I should. Touching her was dangerous. It drew me back to our connection—the one I knew I couldn't have anymore. It was too painful, and I'd just be leaving anyway.

"Once upon a time, you were in love with Mistletoe Springs. You loved Christmas and the pageantry. You loved cocoa and carols and decorations… And you were happy." I met her gaze, but the words didn't resonate with me now.

I wanted to go back to those things, but there was a wall in my heart built of anger and resentment I couldn’t break down. I couldn’t feel what she was telling me I used to feel. I didn’t want to. I felt like in doing that, I was saying that what she did was okay.

"Somewhere inside here" —she touched my chest— "is that man, Ethan. I know it. I saw it tonight briefly, and I liked it. I want to help you so you aren't hurting so badly anymore."

"I don't know, Mel."

"For me, then… It's my first Christmas back here since Mom died, and I want my twins to have the same love for Christmas that we used to. I need your help, Ethan. You were such a big part of my life…" Her words stopped and turned to a trembling lip and eyes flooded with tears. I hated seeing her in pain, even if she was the one who broke me so badly.

I reached up and brushed away the first tear that fell, but more came rapidly and my gut wrenched. At one point, she had been the most precious thing to me, and I dragged my feet and ruined that, making her feel unwanted, so she ran off. And all this time, I was blaming her, but really, the pain I was in was my fault. I just didn't know how to not be angry with her.

"I really need you to be the Ethan I remember. At least until you leave. Can you try that?" she asked, and her hand pressed my hand against her cheek where I wiped away more tears. Then she turned and kissed my palm as she cried softly, and I felt like I was unraveling.

My aversion to vulnerability was niggling at my core, but fighting it was useless. Melody had a way of disarming me at every turn, and there was nothing I could do about it. I loved her. I needed her, and even if it hurt like hell, I needed to take care of her too. I couldn’t leave this place knowing her Christmas was crappy because of my behavior.

"I…" Words were inadequate. Nothing I could say would take the sting out of the heartbreak when I got on that plane and left. This would only end badly for both of us. "I'm still leaving."

"I know you are." Melody kissed my palm again. "I'm just asking for my Ethan back, just until Christmas…" She blinked, and a fresh round of tears cascaded across her rosy, frostbitten cheeks, and I couldn't stand it.

I pulled her close and kissed those tears away. One by one, I drank them in, filling my soul with such desire for her to be whole again, I'd do whatever it took, even throw my own heart on the fires of sacrifice to make sure she was happy. My soft kisses on her cheeks turned to kissing her lips, and her response was to kiss me back.

"This won't work, Mel," I growled against her mouth, all while my body was slowly climbing to a boil. "It's going to tear both of us apart when I leave."

"I don't care, Ethan. I miss you too much, the real you. I need this closure before you leave. I need to see that you're alright. That when you get on that plane and jet off to God only knows where, you're happy. If you leave miserable and depressed, I'll never forgive myself." As she spoke, she shed her coat, and when it was off, I pulled her onto my lap.

I had no words for her. My heart was too torn up to fight this. She was the balm to my soul and I needed to be soothed. I kissed her harder and pulled her down on my lap as she straddled me. I was sure she hadn't come here for this, but we were twin flames, cut from the same cloth. We were probably toxic for each other but addicted and unable to stay away. Yin and Yang, dark and light, sun and moon, Melody Winters was the air in my lungs, and if I didn't take a deep breath now, I'd suffocate.

Her soft whimpers as I slowly undressed her, one layer at a time, only encouraged me. I needed her against me, not for the sex but for the closeness. The only time I felt at peace was when she was in my arms, and I was reminded of who I used to be, of how we used to be and how things should have been now.

With a groan, I picked her up, cradling her naked body against myself, and carried her to my bedroom. I set her down on my king-sized bed, her hair fanning around her face like a halo. She lay there looking up at me as I shed my clothing to a pile on the floor and crawled over her. In the dim light, I could barely see the outline of her face, but it was perfect. Never had there been such magnetism in our relationship, never such a desperation for connection.

"I've missed you so much," I whispered, trailing kisses down her collarbone and all the way down to her stomach. She moaned in response and arched her back, silently asking for more. It was my pleasure to oblige. I nipped at her skin and palmed her curves. Her fingers tangled in my hair and soft gasps escaped her lips with each brush of mine against her body.

I knew her body like the back of my hand, and I used every stored memory as I continued to tease her, bringing her to the brink of arousal and then back down again. When I thought she would combust, I dipped a finger inside her, brushing against her sweet spot and making her gasp. I breathed against her skin, relishing the control I had over her. It was intoxicating.

My tongue lapped at her core, a torturous moan leaving my lips. She tasted as sweet as honey and salty like the ocean. She was my downfall, my kryptonite, and my home. I sucked and licked and devoured every drop of arousal she provided to me, pushing my fingers inside her in time with my tongue.

Melody whimpered and clung to the sheets, her back arched as she pressed against my mouth. I groaned in approval, pleased with her reaction, and continued, my tongue swirling around her clit. My cock ached for her, but I wanted this moment to last forever. I wanted to remember every single sensation, every moan, every moisture-soaked gasp. It would have to last me a lifetime.

When she came apart in my arms, her walls clenching around my invading fingers, I drank in her scent and flavor like it was my last meal. She was unique, a rare gem in a coal mine, and I never deserved her. I loved her, God, did I love her, but love wasn't enough to save us.

She bucked and writhed, pulsing contractions of her strong muscles around my fingers making my dick ache to be in her. Her body jolted and her moans of pleasure filled my ears. It was a symphony I hadn’t forgotten, the way my name sounded on her lips as she climaxed.

Gently, I crawled up her trembling body, her thighs still shaking from her orgasm. I stared into her eyes and brushed away the hair from her face. She was so perfect this way, unhinged, unbridled. The haze of lust in her eyes was betrayed by the sensitive way she traced lines down my ribs to my hips and then squeezed my body between her thighs. This wasn’t just sex to her either. She felt the same connection I was feeling.

Taking a moment to catch her breath, she pulled me down, and it was her turn to torment me now. I rolled us over so she was on top of me, and she kissed her way down my body, leaving a trail of fiery kisses in her wake, and when she got to my dick, I hissed in pleasure.

Her soft lips wrapped around my shaft and I groaned aloud. "Christ, Mel." I rocked my hips into her mouth, her tongue dipping and swirling around my tip. Her eyes locked with mine as she continued her ministrations. Her tongue lapped at my cock, her hand squeezing me in time with her mouth. The way her head bobbed and her hair danced drove me nuts. I held the chestnut strands away so I could watch the silhouette of her mouth taking me in and almost lost it.

My balls drew up, but I pushed her mouth away. “Not like this,” I told her, though my body was screaming at me. I wanted to bury myself inside her and flood her, but it was all happening too fast. I didn’t want the moment to end, for reality to crash back in on us. I’d craved her for so long, and with our defenses down, we were as incredible together as we ever had been.

“Here.” I guided her, and she humored me. With my hands on her hips, I urged her higher, up over my chest and shoulders until her pussy was on my face, dripping that liquid cocaine down my stubble and neck. I again lapped at her folds and sucked her clit, and she started grinding, rubbing that delicious moisture all over me.

"Oh, God," she moaned, rocking her hips against my face. I couldn't get enough of her, my tongue seeking out every hidden crevice, exploring her depths and corners like it had been a century since I last saw her naked. It was like we'd never been apart.

Our breathing was heavy, labored pants of ecstasy. My fingers pinched her nipples as I continued to suck at her core, gently teasing her until she was on the brink of another orgasm. When I brushed my thumb over her puckered hole, spreading her juices, she began to tremble and shudder. I felt her pussy contracting, pulsing and tightening around my tongue.

“Oh, God…” Her whimpers of pleasure made my dick pulse harder. I needed to be in her, but I let her ride it out, grinding on my face hard until she was sated and limp. Her hands gripped my headboard, and her chest heaved with exertion. I slowed my movements, not ready to end this just yet. I guided her hips lower until she was straddling my hard shaft.

"Look at me," I said, my voice husky. She looked down at me, her eyes glassy with lust and love. I pushed into her in one smooth, hard thrust, her walls clamping around me like a vise grip. Melody cried out, her nails digging into my shoulders. I stilled for a moment, savoring the sensations her tight heat brought me.

“You feel so good," I breathed, moaning as she clenched around my cock again. "I’m going to miss this," I whispered in her ear before tasting the salty sweetness of her skin. She draped herself across my chest as I began thrusting upward into her.

My hands slid around her hips, then her cheeks, and I gripped them tightly and pulled her onto my dick harder. It was muscle memory, ingrained into the fiber of my being. I found her tight hole with a finger and slid it in as my dick pistoned into her pussy, and she bit my shoulder.

No words needed to be exchanged. I knew her so well. My body was so close to spilling over, but she was on the edge too. I slid my finger in and out of her in a syncopated rhythm to my thrusts, and in no time she was crying out again, tears spilling onto my chest in the intensity of orgasm that made her emotional. She clenched and milked me, and when I couldn’t take it any longer, I grabbed her hips and lifted her up, letting her pussy slide off my cock before setting her back down.

Stringy wads of white cum shot onto my chest as her pussy slid across my shaft, rubbing me to keep the stimulation going. I was spent. My chest was pounding, my breathing ragged and choppy, and Melody was moist with sweat and sex.

"Whoa," she sighed, and I felt the same way. There was no better feeling in the world than the rush of endorphins after sex, especially when it was with someone you loved.

Melody wiped her face clean and rolled off me. I held a hand over the mess on my stomach and chest and rolled off the bed, heading to the toilet to clean up. When I came back she was gone, probably in the living room getting her clothing. I snagged my boxers and put them on, then walked out to see her already halfway dressed.

She looked exactly as melancholy as I felt. The sadness in her eyes revealed her understanding of the situation. We were both hurting, but she knew I had to leave. At least, I thought she did. But when she asked, "Would you even consider staying?" my heart sank.

"Don't go, Ethan. Stay here." Melody paused her dressing, and our eyes met, but I couldn't give her the answer she wanted.

"Mel, I…"

Words failed me yet again. Her shoulders slumped as she finished dressing and shoved her feet into her boots. When she picked up her coat and looked into my eyes, I said, "I'm sorry. I can't."

And this time, it was her turn to rush out in pain and tears. No matter how incredible sex was, there was just too much pain to stick around this town. I had to leave. It was the only way to keep my sanity, and my heart, safe.