Grumpy Doctor’s Holiday Twins (Forbidden Doctors #17)

17. Melody

17

MELODY

T he Christmas pageant was a holiday tradition, and whether I felt like attending or not, I had to. Dad sat to my right at the end of the pew, John to my left, each of them holding a fussy toddler. I tried to focus on the choir singing Handel's Hallelujah chorus, but all I could think about was how close I felt to Ethan two nights ago. It wasn't just sex. He made love to me, and I felt it to the very core of my being.

I couldn't see why my leaving town to care for Mom in Chicago had violated him so badly that it altered his entire personality. How it had traumatized him. He told me repeatedly that we couldn't really date each other back then, how John would be angry and that we were coworkers. I was the one who loved him so deeply, not the other way around. It had destroyed my heart leaving behind the man I wanted forever with. And hiding my twins from him had been an act of love, not spite or anger.

I should've been the one hurting so badly that it stole my faith in Christmas or any good in the world. But for some reason, Ethan was stuck. Like a child who never quite grew up emotionally, he had stayed stagnant in the hurt feelings he felt when I left and never got over them, but he still wanted me. I could feel it in every touch of his hands on me.

"Shh," Dad soothed, trying to get Holly to stop fussing. Her stomach had really been bothering her the past few days, and I had no clue what it was. Now she was crying and disrupting the pageant, so I had no choice but to take her out.

"I'll go out to the mothers’ room," I whispered to Dad. But when I picked up Holly, Noel started whining and reaching for me too.

"I'll help," John said, ready to stand, but I waved him off.

"It's okay. Enjoy the choir. I'm used to this." My soft whispers were coupled with an extended hand. I had the diaper bag hanging from one shoulder as I held Noel's hand and walked out of the room. Holly was perched on my hip fussing until the minute we were out of the sanctuary and into the foyer.

Ethan's parents, seated in the back row, made sure to glower at me as I passed. The entire production was a result of their donations and they didn't appear to have a shred of compassion with my fussy toddler. They had never really approved of Ethan's friendship with John, and I was sure Ethan never told them he dated me. It would have been town gossip for months.

In the foyer, I bounced Holly on my hip while Noel admired the Christmas tree, and when the door opened and a burst of cold air rushed in around me, I looked over to see Ethan walk in. He had a hat which he was crushing in his gloved hands and I thought how he'd finally decided to embrace the cold weather and dress for it.

"Hi," I mumbled. My heart was heavy. After rushing out of his house crying, I had done a lot of soul searching. I was a fool for going over there to try to cheer him up. I was an idiot for thinking I could get my Ethan back too. That would never happen. And worst of all, I was completely devastated that I had opened my heart to him and asked him to stay and he responded the way he had.

"Hello," he said softly, then looked at Holly who was still a bit fussy, rubbing her eyes.

"Why are you here? This is probably the last place I expected you to be." My question wasn't meant to be harsh, but it came out that way. He winced, and I turned my gaze back to Noel to make sure he wasn't taking ornaments off the tree.

"I told you I'd try to be the way I used to be, and I figured it started here…" I heard the sincerity in his voice and felt bad for grilling him. He deserved to be here as much as anyone else. It was his parents who put it on, after all.

"They sound nice this year…" I continued bouncing Holly, who was beginning to settle, and took Noel's hand so we could continue our journey to the mothers’ room, but Ethan stopped me, standing in my way.

"I'm not here for the choir, Mel." The look in his eyes was earnest, yearning for something. I couldn't just ignore him. "Come with me?" he asked, and I sighed.

"The twins?—"

"Are welcome." Ethan held out his hand, but I couldn’t take it. I didn't want any more emotional pain. Noel, however, with one free hand, reached up and grabbed Ethan's finger and smiled at me.

"Wet's go!" he announced, and I sighed and licked my lips.

If my child could be so kind and forgiving, I should at least try to look past how awkward things would be. It was sweet that Ethan was at least attempting to make amends before he left.

"Alright," I told him. "But you have to help me with their coats." I knew I was getting myself into more emotional stress than I needed, but I let him take Noel and lead us to the coat racks.

Just a few more days until Christmas , I told myself. But even that countdown was heartbreaking now.