Grumpy Doctor’s Holiday Twins (Forbidden Doctors #17)

20. Ethan

20

ETHAN

I got home and had to pace in front of my cold fireplace for fifteen minutes before my body calmed down. It wasn't frustration with my mother's reaction to that kiss, nor was it anxiety about John having seen it either. I was worked up—dick so hard, I could have busted a nut just thinking of having Melody again. She made me insane with desire for her and it was intricately linked to the emotion I felt. Emotion I was purposefully pushing away so I didn't have to hurt when I finally boarded the plane and left.

I tried calling but it went to voicemail, and what would I tell her? That I wanted her to come to my house so I could bang one out and feel better? How would that benefit her or this situation at all? The only thing that would do would be to make things worse. It would make both of us crave each other more and compound the ache when I left.

She made me love this time of year so much—the parades and festivities, caroling, snowfall, cocoa, and presents. Then she made me hate it all. Every single hint of holiday cheer felt like daggers to my heart because she wasn't here, and my heart had been crushed. And now, against all odds, she had me hooked again and there was no way out.

I stopped and crossed my arms on the mantel and laid my head on them, staring at my feet. I could stay. I could do what she asked and just tell John I wanted the job I was currently holding as an interim position, and maybe he'd give it to me. But then he'd know. We'd be forced to tell him about our relationship, and if that happened, the angry glare on his face this evening would only turn to feuds and arguments, and the precious position I sought after with Doctors would only be given away, and maybe I wouldn’t have the position here, either.

John's attitude about me and Melody would drive a wedge through his family, which I couldn’t stand to see. My family was so messed up as it was, and I craved the closeness I saw in the Winters' lives. Togetherness and loyalty meant more to me than reputation and power, which was the only thing my parents ever thought of. It was why they’d never approved of my friendship with John. He didn’t have anything to offer me in the way of networking or affiliations. Even their marriage of convenience had been the blueprint for how they expected me to live my life.

But I wasn't a puppet and I wasn't going to just marry someone with a good name to keep the Sinclair name going. I wanted love and passion, and I wanted Melody. But staying here wouldn't give me what I wanted. I couldn’t be a father to her twins any more than I could convince John that the two of us together made sense. My place was out on the road alone, bucking the status quo and showing my parents what really mattered in this world.

If I couldn’t have what I wanted, I would have what I believed I was created for. I would use my gifts and knowledge to help the underprivileged, and that would have to be enough for me.

The bell rang, and I stiffened. I figured it was either John, here to lecture me about kissing his sister—my God, did he have so much to learn—or it was Melody. Maybe she let her dad keep the kids and decided to join me like I asked. It wasn't a good idea. Both of us knew that. But both of us felt that pull of attraction and intimacy.

I walked to the door and opened it and my mother stood on the stoop with her black dress coat and shiny heels. Her Christmas floppy hat was decked out like at Easter, but covered with poinsettias and mistletoe, red holly berries, and gold garland. It overshadowed her face and stood in stark contrast. Her glower soured her entire persona. She was here to lecture me, and I had no choice now that the door was open.

"Ethan, I have to say I'm disappointed." She took off her gloves and clasped them in her hands as she walked in, though she only took a few steps in before shutting the door.

"What did I do now?" I sighed and scrubbed a hand over my face to wipe away my frustration, but it didn't work.

"Skipping the holiday pageant in favor of gallivanting around with that hussy? She's a gold digger just like her brother." I'd heard the term used for a few women I dated in college, but never John, and never Melody. Mom and Dad never knew I even dated her for this very reason.

I backed away and shoved my hands in my pockets so she wouldn’t see my angry fists. "Mom, John was never a gold digger, and neither is Melody."

"Well," she scoffed, shaking her head. "She has those two little burdens. Why do you think she's seducing you? She needs a sugar daddy, Ethan." The raised-eyebrow look on her face made me feel angry. I wanted to lash out, but she was my mother.

"Christ, Mom. Just because a woman doesn't have as much money as me doesn't mean she's a gold digger. Besides, I invited Melody to that carriage ride. I thought her kids would like the cocoa and cookies." Jamming a finger into my neckline, I pulled my tie loose then unbuttoned the top button of my shirt. "I don't think there is anything wrong with being charitable."

Mom rolled her eyes and huffed. "Well, you could have been charitable without skipping church. The whole town watches who comes, and my own son couldn't show up to an event we paid for. And to think you still haven't grown out of that pathetic friendship…"

"Alright, Mom. It's gone too far. John and I have been best friends for years. I'm not going to break ties with him because you don't think he's rich enough or because you have some chip on your shoulder about him holding me back by encouraging my interest in medicine instead of real estate."

"Christ's sake, Ethan. After all we've done for you." She had a look of hurt on her face, but it was dramatized.

"Mom, you may have gotten me started in medical school, but I am my own man now. If you want me to pay you back so you can stop lording it over me, I will. But I’m my own man. And as for Melody and her twins, you have nothing to worry about. I won’t be tarnishing your precious family name, anyway." I reached for the doorknob and opened it. "I'm leaving in a few days to go to Europe, and I'm not coming back."

I didn't mean to hurt her, but this time, the hurt in her eyes was real. She swallowed hard and put her glove back on, and I swear she was blinking back tears. "Will you be there for our Christmas party?" she asked, and the sheer joy I felt that she was asking instead of ordering made my heart soften, but not enough to actually want to go.

"I haven't decided yet," I told her. "Be safe on the steps. I haven't had a chance to de-ice them."

I kept my shoulders squared and my chin erect, and she walked out. My frustration over the whole situation and how I'd lost the only person who really ever meant something to me was making me even more of a curmudgeon and a jerk than normal. I wanted to be happy, not this freak of a person. And I didn't see how I'd ever find my way back. The best I could hope for was to put distance between me and the people and circumstances and hope for the best.