His Secret

25. Adrian

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

ADRIAN

I shouldn’t have asked for that hug. It was a selfish move. I wanted to feel him again. I wanted the connection. To see if hugging him was the same as it was all those years ago.

It wasn’t. It was different but not in a worse way. He’s bigger now, muscular where he didn’t used to be. Grip tighter and stronger, but maybe that’s just because it’s been so long since we’ve embraced. Perhaps he needed and longed for the hug as much as I did.

Now I can’t stop thinking about it. My mind rewinds the moment over and over again, remembering how I felt when he tugged on my hair, or when I touched his neck with my lips—so desperate to bite into him and then lick and kiss it better. His cock hardening against me almost did me in. I was afraid he’d soon see or feel my own arousal. I remember it all, but mostly, I want it again. I want more.

I attempt to put all those thoughts aside as I get ready. When I walk into the living room, I see him standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling window, his white button-up tucked into slacks that accentuate his ass. His hair is slicked back, the waves visible from here .

He turns when he hears my steps, giving me a thorough look up and down before a small smile touches his lips.

“Morning.”

“Good morning,” I say, making my way next to him. “What a view.”

I feel his gaze on the side of my face. “Yes.” He turns to peer out the window again. “It’s quite nice.”

“Do we have time for coffee?”

He looks at his watch. “Yeah, but we should leave now. The coffee shop in the lobby will probably be busy, but it’s better than the coffee they have in here.”

Matías puts on his suit jacket, and then we both pull our lanyards over our heads before heading into the hall.

The tension is thick between us. We’re both probably thinking about last night, so the elevator ride is silent.

As we’re in line, waiting for our coffee, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and read the screen.

Charlotte

Good morning. I hope you have a good day. Sorry I missed your call last night. I fell asleep early.

My eyes flicker to Matías, but he’s just staring straight ahead.

No worries. Thank you. I hope you have a good day too. Talk later .

I slip the phone back into my pocket as we approach the counter. After we get our coffees, we begin walking to the conference room where we run into the people from our office. For the next hour and a half, I sit next to Matías, trying to focus on the speech, but only thinking about his leg touching mine, and how good his thighs look through the navy blue pants.

Jesus, what’s wrong with me?

We stay busy until one when we can finally break for lunch. I find myself irrationally frustrated when Matías invites a couple of the people from the office to eat with us.

During the entire lunch, he barely acknowledges me. He engages in conversation with others, and when I join in, he’ll glance in my direction before focusing on his food.

I try to make eye contact with him, but it’s like he’s actively avoiding me.

After lunch, he continues talking to a man named Mike, and we make our way to a panel filled with experts about project management. There’s some Q & A time at the end, and then we break until it’s time for networking.

“I’ll be back,” Matías tells me with barely a look before strutting across the room to talk to some guy he clearly knows.

They hug, smiling and laughing before pulling away and engaging in what seems to be a very lively conversation.

I find myself feeling jealous and angry, which is ridiculous. I don’t have any right.

Fueled by those irrational thoughts, I pull out my phone and call Charlotte, finding my way into a corner.

“Hello? ”

“Hey.”

“Hey!” she says with some excitement in her voice. “How’s it going? How’s Vegas?”

“Well, I’m in a room with a bunch of suits as we all talk about work, so it’s about as fun as it sounds.”

She laughs. “Well, maybe you’ll get time to explore a little.”

I don’t tell her about my first day with Matías. She doesn’t even know we’re sharing a room. I know how that looks. I know it’s not the best idea to keep that a secret, but it’s nothing compared to the biggest secret I’m keeping from her. And I bet even if she knew we were sharing a room, it would be fine. We’re co-workers. It’s a business trip. She’d have nothing to fear.

A tingling sensation at the back of my head tells me I’m wrong. She does have something to fear, and it’s probably worse because she’d never see it coming.

“Matías is here,” I blurt out, hoping that by being honest about this, I’ll feel better about the things I’m keeping from her.

“Oh, yeah?”

I nod. “Yeah.” Silence stretches. “You know, we actually knew each other in school.”

“College?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. Were you close friends?”

I scratch the back of my neck. “No…not really. We had a class together. He helped me out because I was notoriously late or absent.”

She chuckles a little. “Well, small world. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

I shrug like she can see me. “Didn’t really think about it. It’s not a big deal, you know? He’s just my boss now. ”

She goes quiet for a minute. “Well, Dad wants to come out next month. The second week. Is that okay?”

I fail to hold in my sigh. “Do I have a choice?”

“Adrian, what do you expect me to do? Ignore my father for the rest of my life because he’s friends with yours? You know they only want the best for us.”

“Best,” I say with a sardonic laugh. “Sure. They want what’s best for them. My father doesn’t give a shit about what’s best for me.”

Her exasperation is released through a loud sigh. “Adrian, I know we didn’t come together on the best circumstances, but you can’t keep?—”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now. I have to go anyway. I’ll call you later.”

“Fine.” She exhales again. “Okay, fine. Bye.”

The rest of the day goes by at a snail’s pace. I’m frustrated over my call with Charlotte and the impending date of her father’s arrival. I’m annoyed that Matías suddenly started to ignore me, but seems to lament his attention on everyone else.

I want to go to the room, but I share it with the man I want and can’t have.

“You good?”

My head snaps up to find Matías at my side. “Oh. Yeah, mmhmm.”

He gives me a weird look. “Okay, well, it’s over, so I’m gonna head to the room now. You ready?”

“Yeah.”

Once again, the journey is silent and uncomfortable.

Inside the room, he speaks.

“I was planning on just ordering in for dinner tonight.”

“That’ s fine.”

I go to my room to shower and change before flopping onto my bed. After a while, Matías knocks on the door.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

He stands in the doorway. “You ready to order?”

“Is there a menu?”

Strutting in, he goes to the dresser and picks up a folder, pulling out a menu. “I’m ordering from here.”

After handing it to me, he stands near my bed as I look it over. I’m too focused on his presence to actually read it the first time, so I look it over again, this time paying attention.

I relay my order to him and he walks out. I hear his voice on the phone in the other room, and then silence.

When there's a knock on the main door, I get out of bed and make my way to the living area.

We gather our food, and I take mine to the small table in between the living room and kitchen. Matías looks like he’s gonna join me, but then stops himself.

“I’ll probably eat in my room.”

I snort, shaking my head. “Of course.”

“What?” he questions.

“I knew I shouldn’t have asked for a hug. You’ve gone all weird on me.”

He steps forward. “What do you mean?”

“All day today you’ve avoided looking at me. You didn’t speak to me. You acted as though I wasn’t around.”

“What do you want me to do, Adrian?” he exclaims, coming forward to drop his food on the table. “You’re married!”

“I know!” I yell, putting my fork down. “I fucking know that. The words I’m married run through my head over and over every time I look at you. ”

“I ignored you because the alternative is to touch you. To hold you. To steal you away and bring you up here so I can have my way with you. I had to ignore you, because my thoughts were running away with fantasies and ideas I’m not welcome to. I ignored you to keep from making you do something you might regret.”

I exhale and look up at him. “I could never regret you. I’ve never regretted any moment with you, Matías.”

He begins to shake his head. “Don’t. Don’t open the door. Don’t make me think there’s a chance.”

I stand, running a hand through my hair. With a sigh, I say, “I don’t know what’s possible between us. At times I feel like maybe nothing, but at others, I hope for the most incredible future. The two thoughts have been at war in my mind for a long time.”

Matías chews on the inside of his bottom lip, watching me for what feels like forever before he speaks.

“You’re still hiding who you are. You’ve somehow painted yourself into a life that you will never find happiness in. Tell me, have you ever been happy?”

“I was at my happiest with you.”

His shoulders sag a little, and his head tilts. “But you’re not happy now.”

I exhale, throwing my hands up. “I’m fine. I’m…content, I guess. My life could be worse.”

“That’s not a way to live, Adrian.”

“I know,” I say a little too sharply. “I know,” I repeat, my tone quieter. “But I don’t know what to do.”

“I think the problem is that you know exactly what you have to do, and it frightens you.”

With a sigh, I rub my forehead, looking down at the ground. “The things that I do know, do terrify me. You’re right.” I look at him. “I know I want you. Right now. I want to kiss you and touch you. I want what we had before, and I want more. That is terrifying for many reasons.

“I’ve always tried to be a good guy, and Charlotte doesn’t deserve the lies and deceit, but I struggle with who to care about more. Her or myself? For years, she’s been the focus. I’ve never allowed myself to be authentic—to be happy, and now here we are. You stand before me, the embodiment of happiness. Every meaningful and joyous memory I have is wrapped up in you. Tell me how I walk away from that. Tell me how I can look at you and remember the only time I’ve felt happy and loved, and be strong enough to deny myself those feelings again. It’s hard not to feel selfish, Matías. Not when I’ve gone my whole life living for other people.”

He rubs his hand over his chest, right over his heart. “You can’t ask me to tell you to walk away, because I remember what it feels like to be the one left behind, and I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me for a long time. If you want me. Truly. Without reservation or fear, come to me and tell me, and I’ll be waiting.”