His Tiny Sun

Chapter 4 - Unattainable

CHAPTER 4

Unattainable

Alan’s smile faltered as Jonah walked away. He’d had Jonah all to himself. He could have asked him questions about his job, or told him about the ylang-ylang scented products he bought, or they could have chatted about the café they both liked. Even discussing the weather would have been a better idea than trying to offer Jonah the support he hadn’t asked for.

I clearly misread the situation.

Alan was even more confused now. He’d spent the last three weeks trying to understand what happened on the night of the debate—why Jonah had been so insistent on giving him a ride home, only to cancel his plans with Eric afterward. The whole situation made absolutely no sense.

The most likely explanation Alan had come up with was that Jonah needed someone to talk to about his relationship with Eric…which he hadn’t gotten the chance to because Alan had been glued to his phone the entire time. He wasn’t very proud of himself for it, but he’d been so nervous at the prospect of being alone with Jonah, it just…happened.

Maybe he wanted to be friends?

No. Alan had already established that it was unlikely. Even though bringing him home had been Jonah’s idea, he had remained tense and silent throughout the entire ride, as though it were an unpleasant chore he couldn’t wait to be over.

Maybe he was using me, so he wouldn’t have to tell Eric he didn’t want to go out for drinks.

The thought made Alan’s heart sink. He put his laptop back on the table with a sigh and opened the chapter he’d been working on before Jonah sat down with him. It was almost done—it just needed one last round of editing—but no matter how hard he tried to focus, his mind kept drifting back to Jonah.

If he was using me, then why sit with me today?

Alan gave up; completing this chapter was a lost cause for now .

Each time he thought about the night of the debate, a little voice in his head suggested that the tension Jonah had shown was of an entirely different nature—one that would make Alan’s heart dance were it to be true. Then, he dove into a long daydreaming session that steadily turned into guilt and shame when he remembered Eric’s remark about stealing Jonah from him.

It had become nearly impossible for Alan to focus on anything for more than a few minutes.

Alan opened a blank document and stared at it pensively for a moment, then started typing away. When he had a loud story idea that wouldn’t leave him alone, the only way he managed to silence it was to put it into words. Maybe it would work for thoughts like these too.

———

Alan opened the coffee bag and inhaled the delightful scent with a smile. It was a tragedy that it didn’t taste as good as it smelled—like some kind of prank the universe had pulled on humanity for a reason unknown. He scooped the required amount into the coffee maker and turned it on, then took out his phone and opened his email to reread the comment he’d received on one of his stories the day before.

It nearly moved him to tears the first time he read it, and he was still in a state of disbelief as he once again absorbed the words into his heart.

Caffeinated_Avocado: Damn. I couldn’t have found a better way to pass the time during my lunch break.

Alan had a fair number of followers—which he was incredibly grateful for—but they were mostly of the silent type, so even though he knew people enjoyed his stories, he seldom got direct feedback indicating what his readers had liked best.

I was so absorbed I forgot to eat and my pasta was cold by the time I was done. You owe me a warm meal, BTW.

When Alan got the email notification the previous day and saw the length of the comment this new reader had left him, his jaw dropped to the floor.

I was so tense during the chase, my smartwatch started freaking out. I’m pretty sure it almost called an ambulance.

It was just what Alan needed to distract himself from his embarrassing attempt at a conversation with Jonah that morning; the timing couldn’t have been better.

The descriptions were fucking amazing. I could nearly feel the ocean breeze on my skin when they finally managed to escape.

Alan spent the remainder of the day walking on air, and he finally managed to finish the chapter he’d been working on for weeks when he came back from class.

Each character had its own distinct voice, which is impressive considering the diverse cast of weirdos you had to work with.

Alan took the cute kitty mug Eric had bought him and put some sugar and milk in it, then leaned against the counter and read the comment until the end.

Guess I’ll have to eat salads for lunch from now on cause I’ll definitely be reading the rest of your stuff. Socializing is overrated anyway. Seriously, though, you’re really good at this.

Alan pressed his phone to his heart. He hoped he would hear from that kind stranger again.

A beep alerted him that the coffee was ready. He put his phone back into his pocket and poured some into the sugary milk he’d prepared beforehand, then made his way toward the living room, where he sat down on their sofa and unpaused the episode he’d been watching.

He’d synced his headphones to the TV when he saw Jonah’s shoes this morning. Alan’s so-called living room was an extension of the minuscule kitchen and shared a wall with Eric’s room, so it didn’t offer much privacy. With his headphones on, he wouldn’t risk waking them up…or hearing them.

Alan took the notebook and the pen he’d left on the table. He’d been wanting to write that battle scene from one of the background characters’ perspective for the longest time, but it was quite an intimidating challenge. The comment he got the previous day boosted his confidence, though, and he was thrilled to finally give it a try.

He pressed pause a few times, so he could jot down notes and make sketches of the action. He rewound back to the beginning of the battle, then watched it unfold again, this time without interruption. “So good,” he murmured to himself, then nearly jumped out of his skin when he caught a movement out of the corner of his eye and found Jonah’s head right next to him.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Jonah said, with a smile that would have made Alan weak in the knees if he’d been standing. Jonah was leaning against the back of the sofa with a coffee mug in his hand, and looked mouthwateringly handsome. As usual.

Alan took off his headphones and chuckled nervously. “It’s alright,” he said, his cheeks warming up at Jonah’s proximity. His forearm was so close to Alan’s shoulder, he could feel his body heat—or maybe not, he was probably hallucinating.

“I haven’t watched that anime in, like, forever. What season is this?” Jonah asked.

Jonah’s scent paired so well with the smell of coffee, it was almost dizzying. Alan struggled to remember how words worked as his gaze traveled from Jonah’s broad hand to his veiny forearm, to his bulging bicep, to his strong jawline, to his alluring bedhead, and to his sharp brown eyes that made his soul swoon. “Five,” Alan managed, as he brought his knees closer to his chest. He couldn’t trust his shorts to conceal much if his body suddenly decided to betray him.

“Five!” Jonah exclaimed as he straightened back up, to Alan’s displeasure. “Damn. I think I only watched the first…two? It was so long ago…” he trailed off and looked pensive for a moment, then said, “Mind if I sit?”

Alan awkwardly patted the seat next to him, not trusting himself to speak. He turned his headphones off as Jonah sat down, then unpaused the episode and raised the volume on the TV just loud enough for them to hear, but not enough to wake Eric up…he hoped.

“I remember him! Wait. Did he always wear an eye patch?”

“No,” Alan said, surprised by how calm his own voice sounded. “He lost his left eye during a battle in season four. It was really sad to watch. ”

“And how many seasons are there now?”

“Six. The seventh one is coming out soon.”

Jonah’s gaze left the TV and found Alan’s. “ Seven ,” he mouthed silently with an air of disbelief, which was soon replaced by a veil of nostalgia—or melancholy? “I have so much to catch up on.”

Alan paused the show. “There’s a major spoiler coming up,” he said, catching Jonah’s inquiring gaze. “I can put on the first episode instead, if you want?”

“Oh, no, don’t change your plans for me. I’ll just…” Jonah said, gesturing vaguely toward Eric’s room.

“I really don’t mind,” Alan said a little too fast. “I like rewatching the beginning.”

Jonah smiled and put his empty mug on the table. “Alright then,” he said, making himself comfortable.

Alan switched the episode, then furtively glanced at Jonah, who was watching the opening sequence with a soft smile. He rested his right arm across the back of the sofa, as if inviting Alan to scoot closer and curl up next to him. His left elbow was propped on the armrest, and he was absentmindedly twirling the neatly trimmed beard he had along his jaw and chin. His legs were spread wide, and from that angle, Alan had the misfortune of getting a hint of the reason Eric had given Jonah such a nickname on his phone.

“Who’s your favorite character?” Jonah asked, saving Alan from himself.

“I can’t decide. I like them all equally—well, except for John, obviously ,” Alan said, wrinkling his nose.

Jonah laughed. “What’s that supposed to mean? I like him.”

“What?” Alan exclaimed, laughing as well. “Why?”

“What do you mean, why ?” Jonah said, before looking at him with a teasing spark in his eyes. “I need a reason now?”

Alan’s eyes widened at his remark.

“I’m just messing with you,” Jonah said with a grin. He looked back at the TV and lowered his voice. “I’m sorry for running off yesterday, by the way. I’m an idiot who doesn’t like to admit when others are right.”

Alan’s heart warmed up at Jonah’s sincerity. He scooted closer to him, just a tiny little bit, so he could whisper and for no other reason whatsoever. “So you two talked it out?”

“Not sure we could call it that,” Jonah said, pulling his arm from the back of the sofa and resting it on his lap instead.

Alan did his best not to perceive the shift in Jonah’s body language as rejection.

He failed.

They watched the show in silence for a moment, or rather, Alan pretended to. Not that it mattered; he’d seen that episode at least a hundred times. “Who’s your favorite character?” Alan asked eventually, when he realized he’d never returned the question.

“John,” Jonah said, with a lopsided smile.

Alan narrowed his eyes in disbelief. “Are you…serious?”

“I am! I really like him,” Jonah exclaimed as he crossed his arms.

“Okay, but you definitely need a reason for John to be your favorite character.”

Jonah huffed, and although there was no sign of irritation in his body language, he had a challenging spark in his eyes—the same Alan had seen before, when Jonah was about to poke at Eric’s ego. Jonah opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by the sound of Eric’s bedroom door opening.

Alan reflexively put some distance between himself and Jonah— wait , when had they gotten so close?—and focused back on the TV.

Eric walked up to Jonah and stretched his arms over his head, his shirt riding up and revealing part of his toned stomach, while the very, very low waistband of his shorts left almost nothing to the imagination. Even though Eric was like a brother to him, Alan wasn’t blind to his physical assets , and neither was Jonah, seeing as how lightning fast his gaze snapped to Eric’s sculpted abs.

I should really start jogging.

Alan had bought everything he needed: running shoes, a smartwatch, clothes for any type of weather, and the water pouch thing with a rubber straw he’d seen other runners wear like a backpack. All that was left was to actually get up earlier in the morning and do it.

But his bed was so comfy…

“Why don’t you come back to bed?” Eric purred, running his fingers through Jonah’s hair. “Unless you prefer watching that lame-ass anime instead?”

Oh, no.

Jonah jolted up at Eric’s remark. “Take that back,” he hissed, his aggressive tone taking Alan by surprise—and Eric too, visibly.

“Why?” Eric challenged. “Did I hurt your fragile little feelings?”

Swift like a cheetah, Alan put his headphones back on and pressed the play button on his music app. It was almost time to leave for his appointment, anyway.

He got up and walked to his room while deliberately ignoring the two men, who were now wildly gesticulating in each other’s faces.

Alan put some pants and a long-sleeved shirt on, then grabbed his backpack and prepared to leave, but he paused as soon as he set foot in the kitchen. Something was wrong.

“Are you alright?” Alan asked as he took off his headphones. Eric looked devastated, and Jonah was nowhere to be found—and neither were his shoes, Alan noticed.

“He left,” Eric murmured.

“What happened?” Alan asked as he took a few careful steps toward Eric, who turned to look at him with misty eyes. Alan’s heart tore to pieces at Eric’s obvious attempt to conceal how hurt he was.

“You know I didn’t mean it, right?” Eric said, his voice not nearly as steady as usual.

“What do you— oh , what you said about the anime? Of course! I know you weren’t serious.”

Eric nonchalantly pretended to rub his eyes while typing something on his phone, then looked at Alan again. “Do you need a ride somewhere?”

“No, I’m good. I’m not going far. But…are you okay? Do you want me to cancel my appointment?”

“Nah,” Eric said as he looked at his phone again. “Marina agreed to meet at the gym.”

“Okay…” Alan hesitated for a second, then said, before he changed his mind, “Hey, I was wondering.”

“Hm?”

“Next time,” Alan said, rubbing the back of his neck, “could I come with you?”

Eric beamed. “Are you serious? You wanna come to the gym with us?”

Alan smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, I think so. I’d like to get in better shape.”

“Yes! Finally!” Eric exclaimed as he extended his arm for a fist bump. “I’ll figure out the perfect workout routine for you. It’ll be fun! You won’t regret it!”

A little voice inside Alan’s head told him that there was a big chance he might.

But it would be worth it. Probably.