I Really Can’t Stay (A.R.’s Holiday Standalones #1)

Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

I ’ve made it through one full day of not seeing Zee, and I feel like I deserve a medal for that. I’ve spent every waking moment thinking of her, and when I close my eyes it’s her I see in my dreams.

Being away from her feels like I’ve left something behind in San Diego, and I know it’s my heart. It’s in the palm of her goddamn hand, and I never want her to give it back.

I thought falling in love overnight only happened in the movies, but she’s proven me wrong. Elizabeth Ashford is all-consuming. A gale-force wind that blew into my life and inserted her presence, whether she meant to or not.

When my animals are tucked safely into their homes for the night, I head back into my cabin to grab the bag I packed earlier. I couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing Zee tonight, so I made arrangements for my animals. Thankfully, a buddy of mine agreed to take care of them tomorrow and Sunday morning. It was a big ask, but I pay him well, and bribed him with promises of football, beer, and steak at my place next time his team plays. As soon as the plan was set in motion, I got ready to return to San Diego.

Slamming the door to the truck, I glance down at the clock as the engine warms up, and send Zee a quick text before I hit the road. She has no idea I’m on my way to surprise her, and I plan to keep it like that for as long as possible.

Thinking about you.

She’s off in about thirty minutes, so I don’t expect a response right away. Tossing my phone into the cup holder, I put on the radio and relax into my seat as I hit the road.

You’d never know it’s the week between Christmas and New Year’s by the way the tourists still flock to my small town, meandering around the different shops and eating their body weight in pie. The parking lots and streets are filled with vehicles, making the road out of town a little harder to navigate.

I’ve always hated this week—that awkward limbo between the two major holidays. It feels like time doesn’t exist, and everything is just… off .

Or maybe I’m projecting what I’ve been feeling since I’ve been away from Zee.

The drive is smooth, the radio deejay keeping my company through the winding back roads and bout of traffic as I drive through the town of Ramona.

When I make it to the outskirts of East County, I pick up my phone again and find a message waiting for me.

Just walked through the door! So glad to be home. Potato was sitting in the middle of my kitchen table looking like he was plotting my murder.

Why?

His bowl was empty.

I laugh and shake my head, keeping one hand on the wheel.

He’s an eating machine.

I shouldn’t be texting while I’m driving, but I can’t help myself. Knowing that I’m so close to seeing her but still have a bit of a drive is the worst.

He really is. How was your day?

It would have been better if you were here, but it was fine. Tended to the animals. Worked on cleaning up the tree farm.

Did Tamar help?

I groan, knowing she’s joking, but still feeling mildly guilty. I opened up to her about mine and Tamar’s past, which didn’t paint me in the best light. In my defense, the more I told her, the worse it sounded. And I didn’t think I’d see her again.

Ha. Ha.

The conversation goes silent, and I imagine her making herself some dinner, or fawning over Potato. After a while, I send her another text. There’s only about ten minutes of drive time left, so I want to see what she’s up to before I show up at her house unannounced.

What are you doing right now?

Soaking in the tub. My dogs are barking.

My dick stirs at the thought of her naked body slick with water.

Show me.

No way! I’m not a nude photo kinda gal.

I didn’t say you had to be nude.

The messages halt for a moment and I wonder if I pushed her too much, until my phone vibrates in my hand. I practically drop it as I swipe the message quickly to open it.

“Goddamn,” I breathe as a photo of Zee in the bath illuminates my phone. Bubbles are strategically placed over her breasts and lower body, but my imagination shows me everything I need to see. Her golden hair’s piled on top of her head, and I can just make out the tops of her lashes and the tip of her nose as she angles the phone downward.

She’s absolutely stunning.

My dick hardens as my thoughts run away with me and I think about all the filthy things I want to do to her.

God, you're so damn sexy.

I want you so bad right now.

I wish you were here…

Would I be in the bath with you if I was?

Yeah. We’d make it work. I could sit on your lap.

I could think of a lot of things you could do on my lap, Snow Angel.

Do you want to hear about them?

Yes.

I’ll tell you if you lay back and touch yourself as I tell you.

I'd rather have you down my throat.

My eyes widen as the message comes through, and I have to reach down and adjust myself. Maybe this is a bad idea—God, why the hell do I keep hitting every goddamn light in this city?

Oh, really, Snow Angel? Do you want my cum in that pretty little mouth again?

Yes.

Fuck .

Are you touching yourself right now, Zee?

Yes.

Tell me how wet you are for me.

So freaking wet. My toy just slid in so easily.

You brought your toy with you? Wishing it was me?

I’d rather it be you. I’ve thought about you nonstop. I touched myself to the thought of you last night and came with your name on my lips.

Fuck, you’re driving me crazy.

Tell me what you’d do if you had me on your lap.

I’d start by gripping your hips and grinding you on top of me. I’d slide you up and down my shaft, coating it in your juices.

Play with your clit, Snow Angel. I want your pussy to throb as much as my dick is right now.

I am. I’m imagining it’s you who’s touching me. Your fingers, not mine.

Damn straight. It’s me touching you right now.

And in a couple of minutes, I really will be.

As soon as the stoplight I’m sitting at turns green, I peel away, my tires skidding against the pavement when I step on the gas. I’m about to turn into Zee’s apartment complex, when another text comes through from her.

It’s another photo, and this time it’s of her lower body, the bubbles placed so it doesn’t show much, but I can clearly see her hand disappearing under the water and between her legs.

I take the first parking spot I can find and rip the keys from the ignition, practically running into her building. Jamming my finger into the elevator’s call button, I tap my foot impatiently as my fingers fly over my phone's touch-screen keyboard.

You’re so sexy. If I was there, I’d rip you from that bathtub and you’d be sitting on my face, dripping wet as you ride it.

I’m close, Miller.

The elevator pings, and I rush inside, slamming my finger against the button for her floor’s level, then again on the button to close the doors.

Don’t you dare come yet.

Are you touching yourself while you think about me?

Staring up at the numbers as they ascend, I mutter under my breath. “C’mon, stupid elevator, go faster.”

I’d rather be touching you.

When the doors open, I fly out of them and am in front of Zee’s door in a flash, rapping my knuckles across the white-painted wood.

My heart gallops inside my chest as I wait to hear her footsteps approach the door. With my head practically pressed against it, I listen, hearing nothing inside of her apartment as I wait.

Every fiber of my being itches to break the door down to get in there with her, but I keep waiting, trying to urge myself to calm down. I’m so wound up, I feel like I might spontaneously combust on her doorstep if I don’t have her in my arms soon.

In my hand, my phone vibrates, alerting me of another incoming message.

So come touch me then.

Practically snapping my phone from how tightly I squeeze it as I read her message, I shove it into my pocket and rap my knuckles against the door again, much louder this time.

My forehead knocks into the wood as I groan with frustration, still not hearing any signs of movement in her apartment after a few moments.

Slapping my open palm against the door, I growl, “Open the door, Elizabeth.”

This time, my heart flip-flops when I hear the sound of her footsteps.

“Miller?” she questions through the wood as the sound of the deadbolt disengages.

My chest rises and falls, my voice gruff as I confirm, “It’s me.”

Her front door flies open, and the second my eyes fall on her, she takes my breath away. Her hair is messy, tied up on top of her head, and all she’s wearing is a sage green bath towel that she holds against her breasts. Her skin is slick from the bathtub, bubbles still clinging to her skin as water droplets slide down her legs.

I can’t even string together a sentence as I walk through her door, slamming it behind me, and reach for her towel. Pulling it from her body, it falls to her feet. My arms encircle her and I slam my lips against hers, kissing her deeply as I walk her backward through her apartment.

“How are you here?” she asks between kisses.

My hand drifts down, cupping between her legs so I can feel her. “Drove.”

She’s soaked, and not from her bath. She was touching herself, and fuck if that doesn’t make me even harder just thinking about it. “Did you get yourself off, Snow Angel?”

She hisses through her teeth as I use two fingers to play with her entrance. “Obviously you drove.” Her calves hit her unmade bed and I lower her down on her sheets. She moans, then shakes her head. “No, but I was close.”

“I can tell.” Kissing my way down her body, I swipe my tongue up her seam, tasting her like I’ve been thinking about doing for the entire duration of my drive.

It takes every ounce of restraint I can muster to pull myself back to standing. Tugging my shirt overhead, I reach into my pocket and pull out a condom from the pack I bought yesterday, before stripping free of my pants and boxers.

“I’ve driven myself insane today thinking about you. Do you have any idea how hard it’s been to not be here? You’ve consumed every thought I’ve had since I left on Thursday. I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Zee lifts to her elbows and watches as I roll the condom on my shaft.

Pressing my knee into her mattress, I crawl over her body and catch her lips with mine. My muscles strain under my body weight as I hold myself above her. She slides her hands up my forearms until her hands tangle in the hair that rests on the nape of my neck.

Lowering myself onto her, her legs spread on instinct, widening to accommodate my body with hers.

“You’ve enchanted me, Zee. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

Holding my shaft in my hand, I rub it up and down her entrance, teasing her before I push in just slightly. We moan in unison as she stretches around me. Slowly, I ease in further, stopping for a few seconds with every bit I press, so she has the chance to adjust.

When she’s taken me fully, I rest my forehead against hers and marvel at the gift I’ve been given this year. She’s everything I didn’t know I wanted or needed.

As if she can read my thoughts, she whispers, “Don’t let me go,” and wraps her arms around my neck.

Sliding her foot against the back of my leg, I catch the bend in her knee with my arm, holding her leg as I adjust our position slightly.

“I have no intention of ever letting you go, Elizabeth,” I say against her lips. And I mean it. I’m going to marry this woman someday.

Feeling her body relax with the promise of my words, I deepen the kiss, and our bodies begin to move as one.

Slow and controlled, I thrust into her, worshiping her body with mine. A million emotions roll through me all at once, strong and intense. I’ve never felt this way about anyone in the past, like I just admitted to her, but what I won’t say is that connecting with her on this level stirs something with me that has laid dormant for my entire life.

She moans into my mouth as I kiss her, soft mewls humming through me while I appreciate every curve of her body. My hand slides up her side, exploring, as my hips roll into her.

Her body feels like home.

“You feel so good, Miller,” she whimpers, and the restraint I’m holding inside starts to sever. Picking up my speed, I press into her deeper and roll her clit between my finger and my thumb.

“How good, Snow Angel?”

“Oh, my God.”

Licking her neck, I pull nearly all the way out of her, then slam back in. I’m rewarded with a heady moan, so I do it again, and then again, enjoying the sounds it draws from her.

“Your sexy little moans are enough to make me come right now, but fuck , I could stay in your pussy forever. It was made for me, Zee. You take me so well.”

“You were made for me,” she repeats, her voice breathy and strained.

“Fuck yeah, I was. How have I gone this long without you? Never again. You’re mine, Elizabeth. You. Your body. Mine,” thrust , “mine,” thrust , “mine.”

Sliding my arm under her, I lift her and lean back on my heels so she’s straddling me in a seated position, and she shifts to ride me instead. From this position, I’m able to tangle my hand in her hair and kiss her. Her arms wrap around my neck as she bounces on my dick, taking me at different paces until she finds what works for her.

There’s no telling where I end and she begins, and when her body begins to tense around me, I know she’s close.

Snaking my hand between her legs, I brush my fingers against her clit to help her over the edge, and it takes seconds before she’s crying out in pleasure, and I catch every moan in my mouth as I deepen our kiss. My grunts merge with her satisfied whimpers as my release slams into me with fury.

I come harder than I ever have, losing all control as my body responds to this unbelievable woman in my arms.

“Holy crap,” she breathes, when we both finally catch our breath. I’m still inside her, sitting in the same position, neither of us wanting to break the contact.

Telling her I love her is on the tip of my tongue, but fear holds me back.

What if she doesn’t feel the same? What if I ruin everything by telling her too soon?

Dropping my forehead to hers, I keep my thoughts to myself, and instead, hold her tight and hope that my body conveys what my mind forces me to keep to myself.

“Thank you,” she whispers, surprising me when she pulls me from my thoughts.

“For what?”

“For taking away some of the loneliness.”

My heart squeezes in my chest, not ready for the words that tumble from her lips because they’re so bittersweet knowing her history. I want to take her pain away—hold her close and never let anything hurt her again.

Tell her you love her.

But I can’t. Not yet.

Instead, I press my lips against her forehead and tell her, “You’ll never be lonely again, Zee. I promise.”