I Really Can’t Stay (A.R.’s Holiday Standalones #1)

Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

“ A re you sure I can’t help you clean up?”

Miller kisses me on the side of the head as he comes around to my side of the table. “No, you go get ready. Leave the kitchen to me.”

Grinning, I nod my head. “You’re too good to me.”

Yesterday as we laid in bed after he surprised me by showing up at my apartment, I told him my idea to go ice skating and do s’mores on the beach for our date. I thought I’d be met with at least a little resistance, but Miller was all in for it.

Opting to not fight the crowds, we made dinner together in my small kitchen instead. The scent of roasted sweet potato, rosemary chicken, and asparagus still lingers in the air.

“It’s just cleanup, Zee. Don’t give me too much credit.” Miller stacks our plates and carries them over to the trash can, scraping the remnants of food into it, before placing the dishes down gently in the sink.

While he waits for the water to warm, he adds soap to the sponge and rests his forearms on the edge as he looks over his shoulder at me. “Go.”

“So bossy! Fine. I’ll be ready in less than twenty.”

“Take your time.”

Heading into my bedroom, I find Potato lying on top of my pillow, and I sit down on the edge of the bed to give him some attention.

“What’re your thoughts on all of this, big guy?” I scratch behind his ears, knowing I won’t get a response. “I think he’s a good one. A keeper.”

Potato gives me a blank expression.

“I don’t feel so lonely when I’m with him,” I continue, as though the tubby feline understands exactly what I’m saying. “I know what you’re thinking—it’s all so fast. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I am optimistic that it won’t. I have to be, Potato. There hasn’t been much hope in my life lately, but Miller makes me think a little differently. I feel like I can see the good again.”

A deep ache resonates in my chest and I picture the faces of my mom, dad, and brother. They would have loved Miller. My dad especially. But I know Miles would have been skeptical about how fast my new relationship has been moving. He was always protective of me.

A sob strangles in my throat, and before I know it’s happening, tears stream down my face.

Potato looks at me with a bored expression, curling further into himself to take a nap. I should go get ready, but instead, I sit here, chest heavy, as I stare out my bedroom window with my hand perched on my cat.

I wish I had a time machine so I could go back to that day and just draw out our goodbyes a little longer. If we had just spent a little more time at that restaurant, maybe things would be different.

Maybe they wouldn’t have been hit by that car.

Time seems to stand still, and I’m not sure how long I sit on the edge of my bed, but I’m pulled from my thoughts when I hear the water in the kitchen shut off. Realizing I need to get ready, I go into the bathroom and pull out my hairbrush, curling iron, and my makeup bag.

Being relatively low maintenance has its perks, and I’m finished in less than 15 minutes. When I come out of the bathroom, Miller is on the couch with a deep scowl on his face, staring down at his phone.

“What’s wrong?” Sinking onto the cushion next to him, I place my hand on his thigh.

He pushes the side button, darkening his screen. “I was just texting with Lincoln. He’s going to be at my aunt and uncle’s on New Year’s Eve.”

“Is that a problem?” Sure, I may have fake dated Lincoln for a day, but it’s not like we actually had feelings for each other—which Miller obviously knows.

“Not really, but he does want to tell my aunt and uncle the truth. He said the guilt is weighing on him. I told you we wouldn’t have to tell them anything you weren’t comfortable with, and now Lincoln is trying to derail that.”

“Oh, well, you and I had already discussed it. I think it’s what’s best. I don’t want there to be lies between us. They were so kind and welcoming, and I’ve already broken their trust.”

His intentions are good. I know they are.

“I just don’t want to put any more on you…”

Taking his hand in mine, I squeeze it. “It’ll be fine, and if it’s not, then we will figure it out then.”

Miller wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. “You’re right. Let’s not dwell on it now. It’s time for me to show off my ice-skating skills.”

“Are you good at skating?”

“The best. I used to be pro.” His smile is coy, like he’s suppressing a laugh, and my eyes widen.

“Seriously?”

“No,” he says through laughter. “I’m actually really terrible at ice-skating, so this should be interesting.”

“Oh, no! That’s not good.”

“Why?”

“Because one of us needs to be good at it to carry the other.”

“You suck at skating too?”

“Big time.”

“Great. Well, at least we’ll be embarrassed together.”

The ice rink glitters from the Christmas lights around it, reflecting off the ice. Holiday music plays through the speaker system, still giving Christmas cheer even though it’s about to be New Year’s Eve.

Happiness oozes from every direction as families and couples skate. Tables are full of families enjoying hot chocolate together, and couples in cozy winter jackets and beanies line the bar. It’s far busier than I thought it would be, but as we put our skates on, excitement tingles me, zipping around my bloodstream in a rush of endorphins.

“Are you ready for this?” Miller asks, taking my hand.

“Ready as I’ll ever be. Hopefully neither of us ends up in the hospital.”

“Don’t worry, we know a good doctor if we need one.”

I’m still laughing when Miller pulls me out onto the ice, and we clutch onto each other—and the wall—like fawns who are learning to walk. The ice is crowded with people of all skill levels, some gliding across it gracefully, and others not so much.

My legs tremble like a leaf as I try to get my bearings, but once I start grasping the concept better, I gain the confidence to let go of the wall.

You’d think I’d be better at this considering I love to rollerblade on the Mission Beach Boardwalk, but wheels on the bottom of a shoe feel much different than a blade.

What little confidence I have at the moment doesn’t extend past me, though, because Miller looks like he might be ready to throw in the towel. Even holding onto the wall, he hunches over as he tries to be steady on his feet.

“How the hell do hockey players make this look so easy?” he grumbles as his legs start going in opposite directions.

“Well, I’m no figure skater, but if you stop thinking about it and just try to walk and glide, your body fills in the gaps.”

Straightening himself, he lifts one arm out to the side while the other death grips the wall, and tries to do as I instruct, but ends up marching on the ice, which only makes me laugh harder.

After a couple minutes, he seems to get the hang of it.

At least for twelve seconds.

Growing cocky, he reaches for my hand, but it becomes his undoing. Completely losing his balance, he topples over, taking me down with him as he falls. Two sets of arms and legs go flying, and we both land on our butts on the cold, hard ice, laughing so much, we both struggle to breathe.

“I was doing so well!” I squeal, my cheeks sore from the wide grin on my face. “Why’d you have to pull me with you?”

“Me?” He gives me a sarcastic look of disbelief and shakes his head as he lays it on thick. “This was all you! I totally had it.”

“Sure you did.”

Sitting on the ice proves dangerous as skaters race past us, their blades getting far too close for comfort, and when a small child passes by paying no attention to us, I try to stand, which is much harder than it looks without grabbing onto something.

Falling again, Miller roars a laugh. “Let me show you how it’s done.” Reaching for the wall, he uses one hand to pull himself to a crouch, but ends up losing his balance again and topples back over.

Cursing under his breath, he repeats the process, and this time stands successfully, extending his hand for me. Surprisingly, he’s able to pull me to my feet, and we end up clutching onto the side of the wall like it’s our lifeline.

“Maybe ice-skating isn’t for us,” he admits. “I don’t think either of us have the grace this sport requires.”

“Are you saying I’m not graceful?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” He tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear that’s escaped from my beanie.

“Wow, tell me how you really feel.”

“You know what I bet we both are good at?”

“What?”

“Devouring some s’mores.” Miller looks longingly in the direction of the beach, then back at me with puppy dog eyes.

“We haven’t even been skating for ten minutes!” I laugh, knowing he paid a lot of money for us to do this.

Miller shrugs, obviously not caring. “Personally, I think that’s five minutes too long. But if you’re still into it, we can struggle around the edge together.”

“We at least should take a full lap! Come on, we can do this.”

And we did, but it took us a full twenty minutes, and almost two more rounds of falling before we made it back to the entrance.

“I’m so sorry, sir, but our cabanas require a reservation in advance and unfortunately, they’re all spoken for this evening.” The hotel worker apologizes with a remorseful look on his face.

Miller glances at me. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, otherwise I would’ve scheduled ahead.”

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing. I suggested this date! I didn’t know either.”

Turning back to the worker, he asks, “There’ve been no cancellations? There isn't a waiting list?”

The man ponders Miller’s question and looks down at his schedule book in front of him. “Give me just a second.”

As the man scurries away, Miller turns to me. “We could always go to the hotel's gift shop, get some snacks, and pick a spot to hang out on the beach. Not quite the same, but if all else fails.”

“That sounds perfect.” I lean against him with my head on his chest. His arm circles around my waist. “Don’t worry, we could also just go back to my place and hang out. It doesn’t have to be fancy. I just want to spend time with you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promises, kissing the top of my beanie-covered head.

The hotel worker comes back to his podium and looks around before dropping his voice. “I just got approval from my manager to open up one of the reserved cabanas. You have an hour before the party comes.”

“That’s all we need.” Miller pulls his wallet from his pocket and hands the man a credit card. “Thank you.”

“You’ll be in cabana number eight.” The worker pulls a box of graham crackers, two chocolate bars, and a bag of marshmallows from below his stand. “Roasting sticks are already in there, and a member of the waitstaff will be there to take your drink orders shortly. There is also a menu if you’d like anything else.”

“Great, thanks.” Gathering everything, Miller shifts the sweet treats into one arm so he can hold my hand with the other. I offer to take something, but he tells me he’s got it.

My heart swells from how kind this man is. No one’s ever treated me like such a princess.

As we walk along the beach, our steps are slow, heavy from the weight of our shoes against the sand. When we enter our cabana, it takes my breath away. Three of the four sides are enclosed so it’s semi-private, and Christmas lights line the edges of the inside, brightly lit with multicolor bulbs. The small gas fire pit is already lit with a small fire burning, and there’s plush seating arranged around it, overlooking the ocean. I bet the view is gorgeous during a clear summer day, and I make a mental note that we should come back for a staycation. Looking around, I locate the menu and the marshmallow skewers we were told would be here.

“This is so cute!” I tell Miller as I drop my purse on the couch, feeling giddy. He places the s'mores supplies down next to my purse, then turns to me with a serious expression on his face.

My heart drops, a flicker of ice instantly shooting through my veins. Taking both of my hands in his, he pulls us down to sit, then kisses my knuckles.

“Elizabeth, you know these last few days have been a dream. I’ve spent years up in my secluded little cabin, spending time with family, and working on my farm. Life’s been good—comfortable—and I never felt like anything was missing. But then you tripped into my world, and suddenly, everything changed. I never realized my life was the equivalent of white Christmas lights until you came in and rehung them in multicolor hues. Everything’s more vibrant and beautiful with you around, and I don’t want to go back to how things were.”

He looks down at our hands, still clasped together, and sighs deeply. “This is going to sound absolutely insane. Never for one second did I think I would ever be the guy to say this, let alone have this happen to him…”

He hesitates, and I wait with bated breath, not wanting to interrupt him. My heart is hammering in my chest as I wait, nerves coursing through me.

“But I’m trying to say… What I’m trying to say…is… I fell in love with you, Elizabeth. I love you.”

My jaw slackens, completely stunned by his admission. All at once, my brain and my heart go to war with each other, one screaming it’s too soon while the other swells with happiness.

“You… You love me?”

“More than I ever thought possible,” he says in earnest. “And I know it’s fast—I’m not expecting you to feel the same. I just needed to tell you. It has been weighing heavily on my mind, and I needed to get it off my chest.”

“No.” Quickly, I let go of his hands and take his face between my palms, pressing my lips to his. “I love you too,” I breathe, and kiss him again.

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” The confirmation is barely audible before he slams his lips to mine again. Immediately, I wrap my arms around his neck and a small whimper leaves my chest.

As our kiss intensifies, his hands slide beneath the hem of my shirt, and he traces my spine as he pulls me closer. “I want you so bad. I can’t keep my hands off you. It’s like I have no self-restraint when you’re in my vicinity.”

The sound of laughter from a neighboring cabana rings into the crisp night sky, forcing me to pull away. Breathless and flustered, I turn to the box of graham crackers and give it a small shake. “Let’s have some s’mores, then I’ll let you take me home.”

I hand him one of the skewers and he nods, then drifts his hand down to the bulge in his pants and shamelessly adjusts himself. “You’re right—we need to keep it PG here. But how long did the guy give us? An hour? After that, you’re mine, Elizabeth, and I don’t care if I have to have you in the back of the car. I will have you.”

His filthy promise ricochets into the deepest parts of my core, and I swallow thickly. “Sounds fair.”

Picking up a marshmallow, Miller smirks as he stabs it onto the stick. “I have a very important question to ask you.”

“Okay.”

“Are you a marshmallow burner, or a slow roaster?”

A genuine giggle erupts from my chest. “Burner for sure. You?”

He tosses his head back, groaning. “No,” he drawls. “I thought for sure you’d be a slow roaster. You know the best things in life take time.”

“Do they? Doesn’t seem so lately.”

Leaning forward, he gives me another kiss. “You’re right, not all things I guess.”

I bite my lip to suppress the smile that forms.

Sitting in comfortable silence, we slow roast our marshmallows, stealing glances at each other as we take time to not burn them. When Miller finishes assembling his s’more, he holds the delicious treat near my mouth, encouraging me to take a bite since my marshmallow is still roasting.

Melted chocolate assaults my taste buds as I take it between my teeth, moaning in appreciation. Pulling my mouth away, a string of marshmallow pulls from the dessert, sticking to my chocolate covered lips and making a giant mess. His tongue comes out to steal the string of marshmallow, and he pulls it into his mouth as he takes his own full bite.

Setting the rest of his s’more down on the edge of the firepit, he kisses me, and I’m overwhelmed by the taste of chocolate and Miller .

I don’t think I’ve ever tasted anything this amazing.

I melt into him as he takes the marshmallow skewer from my hand, and I assume places it on the edge of the fire, but I’m too consumed by him to look, or care, even.

Tangling his hand in my hair, we deepen the kiss, pressing our bodies against each other as he angles us, laying me against the back cushions of the outdoor couch.

Our tongues mold together, dancing seductively in a way that leaves me breathless, but it’s short-lived. As Miller pulls back, he drags his tongue across my lips. “There,” he repeats his actions, licking me again. “All clean.”

My core throbs as he sits upright, putting some distance between us. I want to pull him back to me, but in my peripheral, something catches on fire.

“Oh, no!” Pulling the roasting stick away from the fire, it's submerged in a bright orange flame, encircling the marshmallow in black char and burning it completely.

Blowing the fire out, the smoke floats into the air, and I look over at Miller, scrunching my nose. Without hesitation, he reaches over and grabs it with two fingers, lifting away the burnt to reveal a small, perfectly melted marshmallow beneath it. He plops the char into his mouth, smiling at me as he chews. “Good as new.”

Pulling the rest of the marshmallow from the skewer, its heat burns my fingertips as I feed it to him, but the heat between my legs burns hotter when Miller wraps his lips around my fingers, dragging his teeth against them as he takes the marshmallow.

My body buzzes with need, and suddenly, I couldn't care less about marshmallows, s'mores, and beachside cabanas.

The way Miller’s looking at me turns my insides to Jell-O, and the only thing I want is him .

“Let’s go,” I suggest, but it definitely sounds more like a demand. He flashes me a knowing smile.

“Not in the mood for s’mores, Snow Angel?”

“Not anymore.” Standing, I take his hand and tug so he’ll stand, too.

“What are you in the mood for, then?” His eyes glitter with mischief, the illumination from the fire highlighting his amusement.

“You. Take me home?”

“Nah, let’s go for a walk on the beach instead.” Toeing off his shoes, he reaches down and pulls off his socks, then drops to his knee to remove mine.

“I…wha… Okay.” It’s impossible to hide my surprise, but I try to force myself to go with the flow as he pushes to a stand once I’m barefoot and grabs my hand.

Lacing our fingers together, he leads me down to the water. The further we get from the bustle of the hotel, the louder the waves become, until the only sound is them crashing against the shore.

The water is freezing as it hits my toes, and I squeak, instinctively dancing away from Miller and the frigid sea, running a few steps back to the soft sand.

To our left is a cluster of boulders, so I start to walk toward them, knowing Miller will be close behind. I only get a few steps ahead when I sense his presence, and when I peek over my shoulder, I see him stalking after me. A smile plays across his lips, looking at me like I’m his prey, which does nothing to ease the knot of arousal growing inside me.

When I reach them, I say nothing as I wait for Miller to join me, then take his hand. As we round the boulders, we’re immediately out of view of everyone else.

It’s quiet on this side of the beach, secluded, and completely dark aside from the lights on in the neighboring apartment complexes.

“Trying to get me alone, Snow Angel?”

“Maybe.” My bare foot presses against the rough edge of a boulder, still wet from the waves that crashed against it earlier. I climb onto it and stand, looking into the black ocean.

Miller does the same as he wraps his arms around my waist. We’re still out of view, the other boulders blocking us from the apartments—at least, I think.

At this point, I don’t really care.

I’m burning with need for him, desperate for his touch.

Leaning against him, I feel his erection press through his jeans and against my backside, and I know he’s feeling the same.

Turning my head, I lift my head, and he meets my silent request, kissing me deeply.

My entire body melts in a relaxed sigh as his hand reaches beneath my shirt, splaying across my stomach. His fingers drift lower, and he unbuttons my jeans, pushing his hand into my panties. A sharp intake of breath inundates my lungs as he touches me, circling my most sensitive spot.

“Is this too much?” he whispers, his teeth nipping at my ear.

“No. I want you. Please.” My eyes flutter shut, my body acutely aware of his.

“If we do this here, there won’t be anything sweet or soft about it, Snow Angel. I can’t dote on you and worship your body. It’ll be hard and fast. If that’s not what you wa?—”

“It is,” I breathe, my voice raspy and almost unrecognizable to my own ears. “I need you, Miller.”

“ Fuck . Okay. Hold on to that boulder.”

I do as he says, holding onto the large rock in front of me, before looking over my shoulder at him.

Miller takes his wallet out, procuring a condom before he pushes his pants down his hips just enough to pull himself out.

Sliding it down his shaft, he shoves the wrapper into his pocket, then pulls my pants down until they’re around the tops of my thighs. “Tell me if it’s too rough,” he growls, and I lean further down.

“It won’t be.”

Carefully, he knocks my feet a little further apart, then aligns himself with my entrance.

We both groan as he pushes into me in one thrust, pausing to let my body accommodate. “Is this okay?”

“Yes. God, yes. Move, Miller,” I beg, my eyes rolling back as he steadies one hand on my hip while wrapping the other around my body to reach my clit.

Obeying my wish, he begins to move, and my body succumbs to three of my most heightened senses. All I can feel is him, and all I can hear is the crashing of the waves, as he quickly makes me see stars brighter than the ones in the night sky.

The cold ocean air whips around us as Miller pounds into me, the sound of skin slapping against skin clashing with the water just a few feet below us. The ocean spray splashes around us, and somehow a chill still runs through me, even though my body is burning hot.

“Does that feel good, Snow Angel? You like feeling me deep inside you when we overlook the ocean?”

Pushing my butt back into him more, I nod my head, bringing my hand over his. “You feel so freaking good.”

Miller circles my clit with his finger as he grabs my waist, his fingernails digging into my skin with every grunt that leaves his lips. From this angle, he’s impossibly deep, and I feel him practically in my stomach.

On the other side of the boulders, voices draw closer, but it doesn’t slow us. My fingernails bite into the top of his hand, and I turn my head, looking for the source.

“Does that turn you on, Zee? Knowing we could get caught at any second? Your pussy just got so damn wet.” He slides in and out of me excruciatingly slowly, sending sparks through veins.

“So hot,” I breathe incoherently as my orgasm begins to crest. I’m so close, so incredibly close to the edge of release.

Moaning his name, my toes curl into the rough stone below them. “Miller…I’m…I’m going to…”

“I can feel it. Your body is so responsive to me, Snow Angel. Let me hear your voice merge with the waves as you scream my name.”

It takes a few more circles of Miller’s expert fingers before I’m falling over the edge, seeing stars as he brings me to orgasm. He must have been holding his own release off, because the second he feels my body let go, he comes too. Holding my body to his, he rests his forehead on my back as he finishes inside me.

“You’re amazing, Zee. That was so sexy I’m not even sure how this is really my life right now.”

“I’ve never done anything like that before,” I admit as he pulls out and helps tug my pants back in place.

Turning to face him, he catches my lips with his as he removes the condom and tucks himself back in his jeans. “Neither have I,” he smirks, tying a knot in the contraceptive, and hiding it from view in his hand, “but I definitely want to do it again sometime.”

“Me too.”

Carefully, we climb back down to the sand, lacing our fingers together as we start to walk back toward the hotel.

Passing a nearby trash can, he tosses the condom in, then we head back to the cabana to pick up our discarded shoes. As we put them on, I look around, feeling a little remorseful that we didn't spend more time here, and now we don’t have the option.

“What should we do now?” I ask as we walk away, feeling a little bummed I didn’t get to eat an entire s’more, although the alternative was just as sweet.

“Now we’re going home, Snow Angel.” Turning to me suddenly, he wraps his arms around the backs of my legs and tosses me over his shoulder, slapping his palm to my butt as I hang upside down. “I didn’t get to worship your body, and I plan on making it up tenfold.”

“Miller!” I squeal, laughing and trying to lift my upper body as he walks us to the parking lot. Bystanders look at us, a few giggling as he carries me like a Neanderthal past a line of electric cars.

“Yeah, that’s what you’ll be screaming later, too.”

“Put me down!”

“As you wish.” Smacking my butt again, he grabs a handful in his palm before he drops me to my feet on the passenger side of his truck, then presses me up against it and kisses me, making me lose my breath all over again.