Lily and the Duke (Regency Spinsters Alliance #1)

Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

To say Lily was restless as she listened inattentively to the piano recital given by one of the other young female guests would be to seriously underestimate her state of inner agitation.

Two days and two nights.

That was how long it had been since she last saw or heard from Gabriel.

Two days of accompanying her mother on numerous and tedious visits to the homes of the other ladies of the ton .

The reason for the countess’s insistence that Lily accompany her, when normally she preferred to gossip with her friends alone, had become all too obvious when several of those ladies had unashamedly questioned Lily on the subject of her “acquaintance” with the Duke of St. Albans.

Questions to which Lily had sharply replied that her friendship was with that gentleman’s daughter and not the duke himself. She had not liked the knowing look in several of the ladies’ eyes. Or that her mother had only smiled coyly, as if she were in possession of a secret, as the countess obviously enjoyed being at the center of attention.

It had also been two nights Lily had spent aching and longing to be with and touch Gabriel again. To have him touch her.

But Lily had not received so much as a note from him, let alone a visit or an invitation to meet with him privately, as their last conversation together had indicated they might.

The six young ladies of the Spinsters’ Alliance had attended the second meeting today, at Amanda’s home this time. At which time, Chloe had told them that the duke would be accompanying her to the musical soiree that evening.

Lily was even wearing the sky-blue gown, the exact same shade as Gabriel’s eyes when he was aroused, that he had insisted on having made for her and which had been delivered only that afternoon. It had been her hope that she would be able to thank him for the gift this evening. In private.

It had also been her deepest wish that Gabriel would find as much pleasure in seeing her wearing the fashionable gown he had bought for her as she felt in wearing it.

Unfortunately, the musical soiree was fast approaching the halfway interval for refreshments, and so far, none of the St. Albans family, father or daughter, nor Chloe’s great-aunt, had yet made an appearance.

Which accounted for Lily’s increasing agitation, her thoughts running wild at Gabriel’s noticeable absence. Noticeable to her, at least.

Did Gabriel’s lack of contact with her and his absence this evening mean that he had already grown tired of her?

Possibly because she had been too passionate in her responses to his lovemaking?

The first possibility made her heart heavy, and the second caused her to inwardly cringe with embarrassment as well as dismay.

It had been impossible for her not to respond to Gabriel’s lovemaking as wholeheartedly as she had, and the thought of never being alone or intimate with him again caused a painful heaviness in her chest.

“Are you just going to continue sitting there or join me and your sisters-in-law in the other room for refreshment before the second half of the entertainment?” her mother prompted waspishly.

Lily looked up and realized the piano recital had come to an end and her mother was now standing beside her, impatiently snapping her fan to and fro.

The absence of her sisters-in-law indicated the two ladies had already gone through to the adjoining room. The four Tremayne women had attended the musical soiree together. Goodness knew what entertainment the Tremayne men were enjoying this evening.

Lily believed the only reason the other two younger women had decided to attend the soiree with them this evening was because it had been widely rumored that the Duke of St. Albans would be attending, and they were curious to see whether or not the duke would once again single Lily out for his attention.

She was unsure which was worse, the fact that Gabriel had not appeared at all, or the possibility that he might have done so before then cutting her completely.

On reflection, she decided the first was preferable.

Lily felt ill at the thought of joining her mother and sisters-in-law and possibly having to answer their probing questions as to why Chloe and her father had decided not to attend this evening after all. “It is so hot in here tonight,” she answered her mother. “I think I will step out onto the terrace and take the air for a few minutes. I will join you if there is time after that.”

“Very well,” the countess snapped, obviously impatient to be gone. “But take care you do not catch a chill. I do not want to be kept awake all night from hearing the servants running around catering to your needs because of your silly whim to go outside in the cold evening air.”

As if a chill would be lurking outside on the terrace, just waiting to ambush Lily and so put her mother to suffering such an inconvenience!

“Of course, Mama,” she replied obediently as she stood and made her way to where one of the doors onto the terrace had been opened when the room became too hot for the comfort of those both playing and listening to the music.

It was much cooler outside, as was to be expected for late February, but Lily felt so numb inside, she barely noticed it as she walked along the length of the terrace lit by the glow of several lamps.

Her evening had started out with such high expectations and excitement at the thought of seeing Gabriel again. Only for those feelings to slowly dissipate throughout the evening when he had not arrived. Now all Lily felt was that cold lump lodged in her chest, which she believed must be her bruised and aching heart.

There was also the knowledge of the pitying stares she would have to suffer from the other members of the ton during the rest of the evening, when it became even more obvious that neither Gabriel nor Chloe intended to join them for the second half of the recital.

That realization caused her to consider exactly what she was doing by indulging in any sort of intimacy with a man who was known to be opposed to love and emotions.

How stupid she had been to think entering into a relationship with Gabriel could ever end happily. For her, at least.

It would not.

It could not.

Nor was she sophisticated enough to deal with such a situation with any continuing degree of detachment.

There was also her pride to consider. Which, she now realized, was desperately in need of attention. She could not, would not, allow herself to be any more of a slave to her emotions, the love she felt for Gabriel, than she had already been. Not when she knew there was not the remotest chance of him returning those feelings.

The tears felt hot on the coolness of Lily’s cheeks, and it truly felt as if her heart were breaking as she finally accepted that as her reality.

Her despair at that acceptance was now such that she had no idea how she was ever going to be able to find the courage to face Gabriel again, even socially. Let alone continue to have a friendship with Chloe, when she would constantly feel in danger of meeting the person who was now the reason for her feelings of humiliation. She—

“What on earth are you doing out here alone and in the cold?”

Lily gasped as she spun sharply on her slippered heels to see Gabriel removing his jacket as he quickly strode down the length of the terrace toward her.

He looked magnificent, as always. Even more so than usual without the tailored evening jacket he now draped about her shoulders. His shoulders were wide in his fitted shirt, his necktie gleaming snowy white in the moonlight, his silver brocade waistcoat fitted to the flatness of his abdomen. The salt and pepper of his hair was slightly ruffled by the softness of the cool breeze.

The inside of his jacket was warm from the heat of his body, and it smelled slightly of the cologne he favored, that heady mixture of citrus and sandalwood.

“Lily?” he prompted sharply, hands lightly gripping her shoulders.

Instead of answering him, Lily began to sob harder, and she could feel the heat of those tears cascading down her cheeks.

Gabriel’s heart ached at the sight of Lily’s tears and the sound of her sobs.

Accompanied by yet more indecision on his part.

Instinct, need , said he should take Lily into his arms and comfort her.

Caution as to whether or not he might have done something to be the cause of her tears warned him against deepening her distress by being overly familiar with her when she did not wish him to be.

Followed immediately by the realization of how fucking arrogant it was of him to even think he could possibly be to blame for Lily’s distress. Just because he was obsessed with her, knew himself to be deeply in love with her, did not mean she felt the same way about him.

He had offered to show her physical pleasure, she had accepted, and since then they had shared their mutual desire for each other several times. But during none of them had Lily so much as hinted that she might be falling in love with him, as Hellsmere had suggested she might be.

But his need to hold her, to comfort her, overrode those feelings of caution as he now pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against him. “Whoever has dared to hurt you, caused you to cry, I will make their life a living hell!” he vowed fiercely as he gently cupped the back of her head to hold her against his chest.

She sobbed harder, shattering and not merely breaking Gabriel’s heart, even as her slender arms clung tightly about his waist.

“Lily, speak to me,” he pleaded seconds later when he could not stand the sound of her sobs a moment longer. “For God’s sake, speak to me.” He forced himself to speak less demandingly.

“Where have you been?” she wanted to know.

He frowned at this being her first coherent comment. “Chloe had some sort of catastrophe with the hem of her gown, which delayed our departure from St. Albans House,” he rasped, remembering his impatient pacing in the entrance hall of the house earlier as he waited downstairs for his daughter to reappear. His gaze narrowed on Lily’s appearance. “Is that your own new gown?” She looked absolutely beautiful in the blue silk.

“Yes. Thank you. It is one of the reasons I felt your absence so keenly this evening.”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to show it to you. To thank you for it. But then when you did not arrive after all, I realized how futile our…friendship is.”

He winced. “I have explained my tardiness.”

Lily gave an impatient shake of her head. “I was not only referring to your absence this evening when I asked where you have been. I am also questioning your silence for the past two days and nights since we were together in your study.”

His brows rose. “I have been involved in a…private investigation on behalf of the Prince Regent.” This afternoon, he had successfully proven the innocence of one of the last two cabinet ministers requiring that investigation. “I have also been attempting to rent or purchase a residence where the two of us might meet in private in future.”

“Oh.”

“I should not have been so late this evening if Chloe had not refused to simply change into another gown and instead insisted we all must wait while her maid made the necessary repairs on the one she was wearing,” he explained irritably, when he was never irritable or impatient with his daughter.

“Chloe alone is the reason for your late arrival this evening?”

“Yes,” he hissed. “What other reason could there be?”

Lily drew in several shuddering breaths before finally looking up at him. “I thought— I feared— You have not contacted me since—since we were last together.”

“I thought it best for your reputation not to do so until I had something substantial to tell you. Besides, I knew that Chloe would tell her friends that I intended to accompany her here this evening.”

Lily gave a shake of her head, her cheeks pale in the moonlight. “I do not believe I am the strong and independent woman you must have thought me to be when you made your offer of sharing the knowledge of physical pleasure with me. That I had thought myself to be,” she added shakily. “Because, sadly, I am proving not to be that woman at all. And if you are to punish anyone for my tears, then it must be yourself.”

Gabriel drew in a sharp breath and his arms dropped to his sides as he stepped back. “ I am responsible for making you cry?”

“Yes,” Lily choked. “I cannot go on like this, Gabriel. I simply cannot.”

“I do not understand.”

She clasped her hands tightly together in front of her. “I wish I could be as casual about these things as you gentlemen all appear so able to be, but… But I am simply not capable of turning my emotions on and off at will.”

Gabriel blinked. “It is your belief that I do not have feelings for you?”

She gave a choked laugh. “Well, of course I know you feel desire for me. That we desire each other. We have demonstrated that, several times. But that is not enough to cancel out the constant feelings of uncertainty and the exhausting inner questioning which goes along with that emotion. At least, for me it is not.” Her gaze no longer met his. “Difficult as this is for me to say and do, I can no longer continue with our association.”

Gabriel could only stare at her, shocked beyond belief.

Hellsmere had been wrong in his summation, so very wrong. Lily was not in love with him at all.

In fact, Hellsmere had been wrong to the degree Lily was now ending things between them.