Lost In The Dark (‘Lost’ #1)

CHAPTER 13

ADDY

“Okay in here, shortcake?” Eli asked as he appeared at the foot of the stairs and walked towards where I sat in the living room, watching my favorite cooking show.

I had been at the house for two full days now, and I was feeling a little more comfortable there. I was less jumpy around Adam and Jordan – though I had barely seen Jordan except for at dinner in the evening. He always seemed to be working. I was still nervous around the both of them, and I usually made sure there was at least one item of furniture between us if we were alone, but I could talk to them without panicking.

Eli and Asher had both been amazing. Neither of them had returned to their jobs in the days I had been there, no matter how much I insisted I would be fine. They just told me they wanted to spend some time with me, and they did. We’d watched movies together and they’d shown me around their vast house. Eli had taken me to his art studio and I had marveled at how talented he was. His art was beautiful, the images he painted seeming to spring from the canvas and into life.

At night, one, or sometimes both of them, had stayed with me, refusing to leave me alone to sleep until my nightmares got better, and they were getting a little better. No more memories had returned to me, and the nightmares I had, while still terrifying, were fewer and I woke screaming less frequently, knowing one of my brothers was right there with me.

Asher had spoken with his family physician after my meltdown. Thankfully, the doctor had been able to prescribe me some antibiotics for my back, and some pain meds for my wrist and ribs, without having to see me, which had helped immensely. Asher was still worried about my back and wanted the cuts dressing, but I assured him I was okay and keeping an eye on things. I was glad he accepted that, though it was a lie, since I couldn’t bring myself to look at my scarred and wounded back even for a second.

“Look at you!” I told Eli with a smile. He was dressed in a black suit with a white shirt beneath and a black tie. He had tamed and waxed his hair in place and he was once again clean shaven. “You look really good.”

“I don’t feel it. I hate this damned suit and I hate these stupid charity functions,” he sighed as he fell to the sofa beside me, the whole time pulling at his collar.

“Then why go?”

“Because Asher needs to make an appearance since we support the kids charity the function is for tonight, and I hate to make him do these things alone. He hates them just as much as I do.”

“You’re a good brother,” I told him as I patted his arm. I was getting better at contact with Asher and Eli. I often tested myself by patting their arm or back when we were talking. They were also the only ones I could allow close enough to touch me when I started to have a panic attack. Well, other than Kane, but he seemed to have disappeared since our awkward moment in the garden. I hadn’t seen him once.

I shook my head, refusing to let my mind stray to what had gone on between Kane and I that day. Mainly because I had no idea what that feeling was that sparked to life between us in that moment, when we had stood facing one another. Was I attracted to him? Yes. He was a handsome guy and he had been kind to me, mostly. But that couldn’t have been what I thought it was between us, could it? Could Kane actually have been going to kiss me? No stupid! I scolded myself.

This was why I had to stop thinking about that moment – because I had these insane thoughts. There was no way Kane was interested in me, especially with the way I looked. And even if he were, there was no way I’d be interested. I’d been trafficked! I’d been raped repeatedly. Getting close to a man in that way – any man – was something I was pretty sure would never ever happen for me again.

“Addy?” I looked up at the sound of Eli’s voice, then sighed when I realized I had zoned out on him. It seemed to be happening more and more, and I hated how rude I must seem when I did it.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

“Are you okay? You know it’s no problem if you want me to stay tonight. Asher will be okay at one function alone.”

“No. We talked about this. I’m okay here. I feel safe, and Adam’s staying with me. You have to leave me some time,” I sighed. I hated the idea of them both leaving, but I knew they had lives to get back to. It was time I pulled myself together and let them do that. Plus I did feel safe there. I may be nervous about Adam still, but I knew he’d take care of me if anything happened.

“Only if you’re ready. It’s only been a couple of days.”

“I’m okay, Eli. Really. I’ll just watch my show, then head up to bed.”

“Adam said he’d stay with you if you need him to when you go to bed,” Eli told me as he looked to me with his usual mask of concern.

“I know. He told me, but I’ll be okay. Asher said you guys would be home by midnight anyway,” I assured him.

“We will, and we both have our cells, so if you need us, you just call and we’ll come right back.”

“I know that too. You both told me at least ten times. Stop worrying. I’m really alright.” It was a lie. I was keeping it together, but I was pretty far from ‘alright.’ There was just so much in my head – horror at what I had remembered and at what Kane had told me the other day, and fear at what I suspected was to come in the memories not yet returned. I was in a constant state of anxiety that anything could trigger another horror filled flashback, but I was getting better at keeping a lid on it as much as possible. It did help that I felt safe in the house with all of the security measures and the trained men outside. At least I could feel reassured I was protected from anyone who may come after me.

“Do you need anything before we go? Snacks or a drink? Did you take your meds?” he fussed and I smiled. Eli was a worrier and he loved trying to take care of me. He was always checking in on me and checking I didn’t need anything. It was sweet, and made me feel cared for. I just worried about how it affected him when I had nightmares or panic attacks. He was becoming so attuned to my emotions, and I worried about how upset he seemed every time I came back around from whatever hell I had been lost in. I was filled with guilt over what I knew it did to him each and every time.

I worried about what I was putting Asher through too, but he was better at hiding his emotions. He didn’t fuss as much as Eli, though he still checked on me often. He stayed back mostly though, watching me from a distance. I knew he still worried as much as Eli did, because I’d seen it all over his face when he didn’t think I was watching him. No matter what though, when I was struggling they were both always right there, giving me what I needed and helping me pull myself from the darkness. I had known them less than a week and I was already starting to wonder how I had ever lived without either of them.

“I took my meds,” I nodded. “And Adam is coming to watch this show with me. He said he’d bring popcorn. He just went to change.”

“Kane’s staying here if you need him. He’ll be in the security office with three other guys, but you can just call him if you need anything, or if you’re worried. You have his cell number, right?”

“It’s in my phone,” I agreed as I held up the iPhone Asher had handed me the day before. It was already programmed with the numbers I would need, and Asher had even downloaded an E-reader app for me, telling me to go ahead and buy as many books as I wanted. He had even set it up on his credit card. I had cried at that. Reading was my comfort blanket and to have it back meant so much to me. I’d already finished two of my favorite crime writers latest releases and was working on the third. I refused to dwell on the fact all three had been released in the time I had lost.

Before Eli could address his next concern, the front door opened, then slammed loudly startling me. I guessed it was Jordan, though I was surprised he’d slammed it. He was very conscious of how jumpy I was. He even closed the kitchen cabinets silently, the whole time watching me for my reaction. He was so sweet. They all were and I knew I was lucky.

“Jord?” Eli called as he looked to the entrance which was separated from the open plan space by a wall. I looked to Eli when several moments passed and Jordan hadn’t called back, my worry increasing. Kane had assured me no one could get on the property, let alone in the house without access codes, but I still started to panic.

“Stay there,” Eli said as he got to his feet and headed for the door.

“Eli…” I whispered, not wanting him to go to the door either. What if someone had gotten inside? What if they hurt Eli?

“Ridiculous security idiots!” A shrill female voice cried as a tall, blonde figure rounded the corner and came face to face with Eli.

“Zara? What the hell are you doing?” Eli snapped as he took a step back, away from her. I focused on the woman, taking in her immaculate appearance. Her long blonde hair framed her face, hanging in a perfect straight curtain. Her make up was heavy but applied flawlessly. She was in a form fitting red dress that fell to her ankles. It was strappy at the top and showed a very generous cleavage. She wore towering, heeled stilettos with it, and she was clutching a matching, sparkling clutch.

“Where’s Asher?” she demanded as she looked past Eli like he hadn’t even spoken.

“He’s upstairs. He told you not to come tonight,” Eli said, sounding annoyed.

“Nonsense. He needs me there. He can’t very well turn up without a date,” she said dismissively.

“How did you even get in here?” Eli asked.

“I have access codes, of course. Asher gave them to me. Don’t be so ridiculous, Elijah.”

“ASH!” Eli yelled up the stairs, clearly frustrated. The woman winced at the yell, then shook her head in annoyance. Who was she? Did Asher have a girlfriend?

“I’m here,” Asher announced as he came jogging down the stairs.

“Good. Then you can handle this,” Eli sighed as he faced his brother and nodded towards the leggy blonde.

“Zara? What are you doing here? I told you I didn’t need you to attend tonight,” Asher asked as he looked to her with surprise.

“Of course you need me. The press will be there. You need to have a date on your arm,” she sighed impatiently. “Realy Asher, I told you this earlier. And you need to handle those buffoons who work for you. They tried to question me as I came in. Damned idiots!” I was surprised when she strode up to him and started pulling at the bow tie he wore with his tuxedo.

“The security are doing their jobs. And I told you earlier, Eli is coming with me to the fundraiser. As for the press, I don’t care what they think,” Asher sighed as he stepped back from her grasp. “Why are you here anyway? We always meet at the venue.”

“She has access codes for the house. Says you gave them to her,” Eli questioned.

“You let yourself in?” Asher growled as he turned back to Zara with a stone cold look that shocked me. I had only ever seen warmth in his face since I met him, but he was clearly angry in that moment. I prayed I never gave him cause to look at me that way.

“You gave me the codes. I thought…”

“I gave you the codes to grab the paperwork legal needed while I was away. You do not ever let yourself into my home without permission,” Asher growled, then he looked to me and his face softened. “I’m sorry sweetheart. I promise that no one else can access the house. Zara is my P.A. and I really needed some paperwork while we were in Vegas,” he explained more gently.

“Why are you apologizing to her? This is your home!” Zara snapped as she looked to me with clear rage.

“It’s Addy’s home too, and I assured her no one could enter it but the people who live here. You just made me a liar,” Asher snapped.

“I-it’s okay, Asher,” I told him shakily.

“No, it’s not, but it will not happen again.” Asher glared at Zara again, but she didn’t really seem to care as she turned her focus back on me.

“You’re not quiet what I expected,” she commented as she looked me over with blatant disapproval. I was just relieved the back of the sofa was hiding the fact I was wearing pink and white stripy pajamas. I had chosen them when Eli had persuaded me to order more clothes online the day before, thinking they were cute. They were soft and comfortable, and I had loved them as soon as I felt them in my hand, but they weren’t exactly stylish. Regardless of how much of my outfit she could see, my hair was a mess, tied up on top of my head, and I was pale and thin. I knew beside her I looked pretty pathetic and that just made me feel even more intimidated.

“Zara!” Eli snapped. “Don’t you dare!” He moved, placing himself between Zara and I so she could no longer glare at me.

“You are ridiculous, Elijah. I just meant the girl looks like she needs some medical attention. Maybe she’d be better off in the hospital?”

“Addy is none of your concern, Zara. She’s fine right where she is,” Asher replied with a small growl in his tone.

“Did you call the psychiatrist I found for her? She looks like she needs some psychological help,” Zara went on and I flinched. Did she know what had happened to me? Did she know everything? The idea that Asher had shared the details with her hurt.

“Asher, get her the fuck out, right now, or I will,” Eli barked, startling me. I had never heard such a dark, menacing tone come from him. He was always so gentle and soothing.

“Why don’t you stay here with the girl, and I can go with Asher to the function? I’m here now anyway,” Zara suggested with a sickly sweetness that almost made my teeth hurt.

“Just leave, Zara. I already told you several times you were not required tonight. I’ll speak with you at the office in the morning,” Asher told her as he started to usher her towards the door.

“So you’ll be in the office tomorrow then?”

“No. I told you I’m taking some time off. I’ll call you,” Asher sighed, his frustration evident.

“If she needs that much care, you really should consider some professional help. You have an empire to run, Asher,” Zara tutted as she looked over Eli and sent me a glare again.

“Zara. You’re standing on very thin ice right now. I suggest you leave if you want to keep your job!” Asher stepped even closer to her, but she didn’t back up. Instead she placed a hand on his arm and smoothed it over his jacket sleeve seductively.

“You know you don’t mean that. You couldn’t cope without me. You’ve said it yourself,” she purred.

“Don’t be so sure.” Asher moved his arm away and her hand dropped back to her side. I didn’t miss the hateful glare she immediately looked to me with.

“Fine, I’m going, since this girl seems to have you acting so irrationally, but you need to call me tomorrow. Things are getting backed up at the office.”

Asher almost dragged her to the door and I heard her raging at him, up until the second the front door was slammed shut.

Asher looked exhausted and guilty when he walked back in and looked right at me.

“I’m so sorry, Addy,” he sighed. Before I could utter a word to reassure him, Eli started talking. When I looked to him I realized he was on a call.

“Kane, make sure that bitch leaves the property, then change the access codes. She is not permitted in this house again,” he snapped. “Thanks. I appreciate it,” he added, then he hung up and looked right to Asher. “What the fuck were you thinking giving her codes?”

“I needed some paperwork. I had no choice, but I never thought for one second she’d just let herself in again,” Asher explained.

“Of course she just let herself in. She thinks it’s only a matter of time before she lives here as lady of the manor,” Adam chuckled as he walked in with a huge bowl of popcorn and two sodas.

“Is she y-your girlfriend?” I asked as I looked between Asher and Adam with surprise. The idea of her having her claws into my kind brother had me feeling strangely protective.

“No! Definitely not. She’s just my P.A.” Asher said vehemently.

“Tell her that!” Adam laughed as he sat on the sofa, leaving an empty seat between us.

“He’s right, Ash. You need to get rid of her. She might be good at her job but she’s a raging bitch. The things she said to Addy…” Eli told him.

“It’s f-fine. I’ve definitely heard worse.” I shrugged and lowered my eyes to my lap.

“It’s not fine and it won’t happen again. I’ll take care of it. Are you sure you’re okay, Addy?” Asher asked.

“I’m sure. You guys should go or you’ll be late,” I told them both.

“She’s right. Go. Addy and I have cooking shows to watch,” Adam agreed as he looked to me with a smile.

Asher and Eli were both studying me, so I smiled, then reached into the bowl that Adam had put on the sofa between us, to grab a hand full of popcorn.

“Call us right away if you need us,” Asher said as he pointed to me playfully.

“I will. Have fun.”

“No chance of that,” Eli grumbled as he leant over the sofa to kiss the top of my head. I looked up at him with a genuine smile. I loved it when he did that. It just felt so comforting and cemented the thing I was coming to realize slowly – Asher and Eli really were my family.

***

I leapt awake and gasped desperately for breath as a huge amount of freezing cold water landed over me. My eyes shot up as my body instantly started to shiver. My heart was racing and I had to swipe the water from my face to see anything. Then I locked eyes on him. He was stood over the cage, which I was trapped in, with an empty bucket in his hands, glaring at me as I fought to catch my breath.

“Lazy little pet, aren’t you?” he sneered. He was dressed in black slacks and a sickly shade of green colored shirt, his large stomach hanging over the top of his pants. His flinty eyes locked on mine, but he no longer looked annoyed. He looked excited. I may have only been his possession for a week, but I knew enough to know that could not be a good thing.

I’d been sold at an auction. An illegal auction where plenty of other young women like me had been held in cages and dragged one by one to the stage, so rich, sick monsters could bid on us. There had been kids there too, but I refused to allow myself to think about them. I couldn’t. I was barely holding onto my sanity as it stood. Worrying about those innocent children I’d seen in a separate cage and knowing there was nothing I could do to help them would be my end.

A deafening bang against the top of the cage had me cowering, then he was yelling, “Why are you not in position yet, pet!?” he roared.

I could barely think straight. It had been days since I’d eaten and he wasn’t allowing me more than small sips of water between what he called our ‘sessions.’ I shuddered at the reminder of the reason my entire body throbbed like one huge angry nerve.

I dare not move, even if I could make my body cooperate. I knew what he wanted. He’d already explained to me that I was to be kneeling with my hands laid palm up on my parted thighs every time he walked into the room – my prison. I guessed it was in a basement, judging by the fact there were no windows and a definite damp and musty smell. The room my cage sat in was small and consisted of rough concrete walls. The cage was locked with a digital keypad and there was no escaping it. I knew that after two solid days of trying.

“It seems we have some work to do, little pet. I’m so glad I have a session scheduled this morning,” he told me as he typed in a code I had no chance of seeing, then pressed his thumb to a scanner. I heard the loud beep of the lock disengaging, then he grabbed my ankle and ripped me from the cage. I screamed and tried to kick at him, but who was I kidding? After six months of hell in the club, and no food for days, I wasn’t strong enough to fight my way out of a paper bag.

He just laughed at my fight as he dragged me from the room and into a narrow corridor. I knew where he was taking me and to say I was anything other than petrified would have been a lie.

Another beep alerted me to the fact he had unlocked the door to his ‘sex room’ as I had coined it. He dragged me inside and locked the door behind us, then he landed a hard kick to my side.

“Get into position!” He barked, and my body started to move before my brain registered what I was doing. By the time my thoughts caught up I was in the position he had demanded of me, on my knees, my head lowered and my hands open on my thighs.

“Oh, we have so much work to do, pet,” he smirked as he strode up to me. “And I’m going to enjoy every second of it. Breaking you will be my greatest pleasure.”

I almost laughed deliriously at his comment. He had no chance of breaking me. I was already broken. I had been smashed into so many pieces so many times, since that night I had been grabbed from the side of the road, that all I had left to hope for was death.

“Stand up!” he roared and I moved as quickly as I could to stand, stumbling several times as my legs refused to hold me up. He grabbed my arm and dragged me over to the item that stood in the middle of the room. It was a huge wooden ‘X’ with restraints attached to the end of each section. I didn’t even fight as he pulled my limbs to the restraints and attached each one until I was spread wide on the huge cross. I didn’t have any fight left in me, and I knew to try would only mean more pain. So instead I lay my face against the cold wood beneath my naked body and closed my eyes. I didn’t have any wonderful memories or special places to get lost in, even if I could do that, so instead I just tried to breathe and push back the heart breaking hope – the last shred that remained within me - that he might just go too far and kill me this time.

The first blow landed and a scream ripped from me. The pain on my already marked back was more than I could handle, and as he went on and on, hitting me with a whip, which he had taken pleasure in showing me before he began, I screamed over and over, my whole body shaking violently beneath me as tears spilled down my cheeks.