Mind Pucked (Chicago Blue Jays #1)

14. Jackson

14

JACKSON

P ractice is intense, but I love it when I get amped up and there isn’t even a game. Coach helps so much with the strategies he gives us, but I think my current mood helps the situation too.

Geared up and with my stick in my hand, I skate down the ice between Oliver and Vaughn, toward Felix at the goal on the other side of the ice. Once I get there, Oliver twists, sending the puck toward me. I grab hold of it as I skate at breakneck speed toward the other end of the ice. We’re in the middle of a scrimmage between the B team and us. These scrimmages are my favorite. Sure, I like going head-to-head with other teams, but playing with our own guys is so fun.

There’s a kind of challenge to it that isn’t here during the games, and it’s the best way to show who’s improved and who hasn’t. This is the reason you have a back-up string…that and just in case one of us A team players gets hurt or can’t be on the ice for some reason.

It’s a little hard to focus after the conversation and celebration Amelia and I had the other day. Things have been so good between us. I don’t know that anything could change the way I feel about her. I fight the distraction as I glide down the ice toward the goal.

I smile as I turn to avoid Andrew who’s coming my way. I fake left and go right as I spin, our backs nearly touching as I pass. I feel the whoosh of his jersey against mine as I barely miss him and come out on the other side, still in control of the puck.

Andrew plays the same position as I do, just on the other side. He knows we barely avoided collision back there, but that doesn’t stop us. For being on the B team, Andrew is getting better and one day may even be good enough to take my place…if and when I ever decide to retire or be traded.

Not that I ever think that will happen…at least I hope not. Not anytime soon anyway.

I chuckle to myself as I stick the puck and allow it to glide down the ice, but I don’t allow it to get out of control, my blades slicing off the cool surface with ease. I get close enough to Collin, their goalie, and pause for a moment, sliding across the ice, spraying bits of shaved ice over my legs.

I can feel the adrenaline running as I stick back, breathing before slapping the stick to the puck, allowing it to sail through the air, past Collin’s defense, allowing it to swoosh against the net.

“Damn it,” Collin says as he throws his gloves to the ground with a grunt of disappointment. “How is it you’re always getting past me?”

I smile broadly at his tantrum, knowing that no matter how good Collin is, Felix will always be better than him. Felix is the best I’ve ever seen. I know Coach has worked hard to keep him. He’s been up for negotiation six times, and every single time, Coach has managed to keep him as ours.

I couldn’t imagine any of these guys not being here. Losing Preston nearly killed us as a team, but we got stronger over the past couple of years. We don’t need to lose anyone for any reason.

The thought of Preston sends my mind into a whole other realm, and I have to focus not to go down that rabbit hole.

After a few more plays, Coach calls a break. I skate to the edge of the rink and edge off, removing my skates and some gear before taking a seat on the bleachers. I take a long drink of my water before grabbing my phone to make sure I haven’t missed any calls or messages.

I have twelve missed calls and five messages…all from Amelia.

Call me please, it’s important , the texts say in various ways, but none of them give any detail as to why.

My heart races as I dial her number and bring my phone up to my ear to wait for her to answer. It takes less than five seconds for her to pick up.

“Jackson,” she says, and I can’t help but hear a little bit of panic in her voice. I might be reading into the tone a little too much, but it’s the way my mind works.

My heart pounds as I wonder what’s going on. My mind flashes as I recall the day the officer came in at halftime to let me know Lyla had been in an accident. I don’t know why, but the feeling I’m getting right now is not a good one.

“What’s wrong, Amelia? Are you alright? Is Hayden okay?” I ramble, turning to the side a little to shield my conversation from the guys who are still spilling off the ice.

“Now, don’t freak out, but I am at the hospital with Hayden,” she says. There’s a softness to her voice, as if she’s trying not to make a big deal out of the situation.

“What?” I stand up, panic filling me. “What’s wrong?” I demand, a little louder than I mean to.

“Jackson, calm down, baby,” she says, but it does little to calm me. “We were in the back yard playing like usual, just about to go in for lunch when it started to rain. We were running and Hayden slipped on the wet grass going onto the concrete leading up to the back door.”

“Oh my God…is she conscious?” I ask, fighting to get the rest of my gear off so I can go to her, drawing the attention of Coach and the guys. “How hard did she hit?”

“Yes, she’s fine,” Amelia says with a small laugh. “She didn’t hit her head or anything. We’re waiting for the X-ray results to come back, but she hurt her arm.”

Something snaps in me, and I’m suddenly mad that this has happened. I know accidents happen, but sometimes those accidents claim lives.

“I’m leaving, Coach,” I say as I pass by, dragging my equipment with me. “Amelia has Hayden at the hospital, and I need to go.”

“Okay, Jackson, be careful,” Coach says, worry laced in his voice. “Drive the speed limit and get back to us in one piece.”

I nod, because that’s all I can manage.

“Oh my God, man, is everything okay?” I hear Felix ask as I pass, but I don’t say anything, I simply nod. “Jackson…you okay?” I hear, but I ignore him completely as I go.

“Jackson—” Amelia’s voice catches my attention from the other end of the phone. “Jackson, baby,” she calls again, but my heart is beating too hard for me to register what she’s saying.

“I’m on my way,” I say with a tense tone to my voice. “According to my phone, I’ll be there in less than ten minutes.”

“Jackson,” she says again calmly, “I have things handled from this end. You don’t have to leave practice if you don’t want to. There’s nothing to worry about until the X-rays come back, and that might be an hour yet…you know how long these things take. They have her comfortable, and we’re really just sitting here watching My Little Pony .”

“Amelia, this seems a little more serious than My Little Pony ,” I find myself saying as I head into the locker room and start distributing my stuff as fast as I can.

I pull on a T-shirt and sweats, followed by my tennis shoes, then grab my keys and head to the door. My mind is in a million dark places.

“I really do have this handled,” she says softly.

I’m not hearing her, though. Parts of me want to believe what she’s saying, but I’m finding it near impossible.

I see red—I can’t understand why she’s trying to tell me not to come be with my daughter. A part of me knows she’s just being nice…she knows how important practice is right now with the playoffs to consider, but still, I’m irritated.

“You are not her mother,” I find myself spouting. “I am her parent, and I need to be the one there with her, so I’m coming,” I growl. “See you soon.”

“Understood, see you soon,” she says, and I can tell she’s hurt.

She hangs up before I can make things right with her.

I head out to my vehicle. That was not at all what I meant to say to her. No, she’s not Lyla, but in a way, she’s just as important to Hayden. When Amelia came on as nanny, I filled out the paperwork to allow Amelia to seek treatment for Hayden if and when it might be needed…exactly for this type of situation.

On the way to the hospital, my worry for my daughter fades a little. She might have a hurt arm, which will mend, but she’s okay. I’ve made an ass out of myself over something so small, something that stirred up memories of something bigger in me that Amelia was not involved in.

I know I sounded so callous, and she must hate me now because of it. I hope I can make things right with her. I would never want her to feel like she isn’t important enough to take care of a child who means so much to both of us.

As soon as I walk into the hospital, I ask the lady at the desk where Amelia and Hayden are. She points me in the right direction, and I’m rounding the corner to the room in moments.

Sure enough, Hayden is sitting up in the bed, legs crisscrossed, watching My Little Pony . Amelia is sitting behind her in the bed, her legs thrown on either side of her. Hayden’s back is resting against Amelia’s chest.

They look so relaxed as they watch TV together. Hayden’s arm is covered in cloth and ice as it rests on a pillow over her legs.

“Daddy!” she squeals as she sees me standing at the door.

“Hi, baby.” I go over and drag a chair up beside the bed.

“Do you want to sit here with her?” Amelia asks as she goes to move out from behind Hayden.

The hurt in her eyes is more than I can bear. I hate what I’ve done to her so much. I don’t know if I should say anything to her in front of Hayden, but I don’t want her to continue to look at me like this either.

“No, you stay there—I’ll sit here,” I say with a weak smile. “You guys look comfortable.”

“I was going to head out now that her parent is here,” she says. There’s no anger in her tone, but her voice is flat and unfeeling. “The doctor will be in soon to let you know how her arm is. I’ll be back to work tomorrow.”

She goes to move again, but I reach out and softly grab her arm. I glance at Hayden, who seems to be distracted by the TV show.

“Amelia, stay,” I say to her softly as she looks down at my hand on her arm. “I should have never said what I did. It isn’t true. You deserve to be here just as much as anyone. You had the situation handled, and I should have trusted that.”

“Yes, you should have, but Jackson…I do understand,” she says softly. “I was fine with you coming, and I’m great with you being here. I was simply saying that if Coach needed you or you were needed at practice, I had things handled here until you could get here. If it was worse than this, I would have demanded you come, but it’s just a bump…maybe a break, but it’s just an arm.”

“I know, but for some reason when you called—really, when I saw that I had all those missed calls—I couldn’t get the memory of the day I found out about Lyla out of my mind. I needed to see her for myself,” I say. “I trust you, and I know you can handle anything that’s thrown at you, but this was because of my own mind and not being able to deal. I should have never… never said that to you, and I don’t mean it at all…please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” she says, and she leans into my arm a little, giving me a nudge with her nose against my cheek. “I was a little hurt, but I’m not mad. Hayden is something special, and I would’ve wanted to know that she’s alright too.”

“She is something special,” I agree, and Hayden looks up to me and offers me a smile. “Are you hurting, princess?” I ask her.

“Only a little, Daddy,” she says as she cuddles her arm closer to her little body.

I look back and forth between the two girls who mean the world to me. I hope Amelia really has forgiven me. She isn’t the type to hold a grudge, but I can see the hurt in her eyes even now and it’s killing me.

I look up when the doctor walks in. He has a smile on his face, which does little to help me relax. I don’t even know if I’m all that worried about Hayden’s arm anymore, mostly fixated the way I acted like an ass earlier.

“Hi, I am Dr. Valcourt,” he says, offering me his hand so I can shake it.

“Thank you for tending to my girl, Doc,” I say as I pull my hand away from his and lean back in my chair.

“You have a couple of really great ladies,” he offers. “I almost couldn’t get your little one away from her mama to look her over.”

Amelia gives me a sad look and moves to correct him, but I speak first before she can say anything to the contrary.

“Do you know how our girl’s arm is, Doc? Is it broken?” I look back and forth between him and Hayden.

Amelia gives me a look of both thanks and shock. The whole she’s not her mother conversation doesn’t need to be brought up again. I shouldn’t have said anything to begin with.

“Yes, well, I’ve just looked over her X-rays,” the man says as he moves over to the computer on the wall and brings up the image to point to it as he talks. “She’s a very lucky little girl.” He smiles at Hayden. “It looks like the impact was right here by the growth plate—” He points to a spot near her wrist. “But, other than some swelling and a little bit of fluid here in this pocket…” He points out a little white patch near the growth plate. “It looks like there are no fractures or breaks…just a bad sprain.”

“Oh, well, woohoo! Did you hear that, baby? It’s not broken,” I say as I rub Hayden’s hair out of her face so I can see her eyes.

“While there is no break, she’s still going to need to take it easy.” The doctor turns the screen off and turns to us. “I’ll be sending my nurse in to put a small temporary cast on for the time being. She’ll need to wear it for a week, and then be seen by the orthopedic doctor to concur with my findings. Sometimes sprains are more painful than breaks, so alternate Ibuprofen and Tylenol as needed. Other than that, she should be good as new soon enough.” He smiles. “I’ll get her in here to do that, then we’ll get you discharged and home.”

“Thanks, Doc,” I say, a smile on my face as I shake his head once again in appreciation.

“Yes, thank you, Doctor,” Amelia adds with her own smile on her face.

In no time, Hayden’s wrist is wrapped in a light pink temporary wrap, and we’re home. I don’t know what to feel as we sit around the table for dinner that night. Hayden is struggling a little, but Amelia is helping her every step of the way.

I’ve had to answer text after text from the guys checking on things. The last time I left the way I did today was when Lyla died, so I scared them all a bit. They’re happy that Hayden is okay, and so am I.

“Do you really forgive me?” I ask Amelia after we finally get Hayden to bed, which wasn’t easy at all. “Because I don’t know if I can live with myself if you haven’t.”

“I forgave you as soon as you said it,” she admits. “It’s fine. You’re right—I’m not her mother, because I will never be Lyla, or even try to be. She was a special woman…but I am Amelia, and for the time being, I’m your girlfriend, Hayden’s nanny, and I’m in love with your family. I’ll be here for as long as you’ll have me, and as long as that might be…I will never try to take Lyla’s place—I’ll only try to add to it.”

I can hear the truth of her words in her voice. There are tears trailing down her cheeks, and I reach up to wipe them away. My words were so hurtful to her, but here she is saying the best things I’ve ever heard a person say. She is everything, and she’s right…she is here to add to our life.

I can’t imagine not having Amelia in our lives, and I nearly ruined that with my mouth.

I don’t know when I’ll ever learn, but something tells me with Amelia around, I’ll learn soon enough…I just hope it will be enough. I hope I’m enough.