Mix-Up under the Mistletoe (Glenbriar #11)

Chapter Twenty-One

Rafe

T illy backed into the middle of her room, her eyes fixed on Rafe. He closed the bedroom door softly behind him, frowning slightly, the thud of his pulse quickening in his ears. Tilly’s lips quirked into the ghost of a smile, but it fell well short of her eyes. Something was up. She sat down on the edge of the bed, her shoulders tense and her gaze fixed on a distant point beyond the window.

Rafe edged closer, tilting his head, trying to catch her eye. ‘Tilly? Is everything ok?’

She looked up, her eyes glassy, and shook her head.

‘What’s wrong?’ He sat down next to her. ‘Is it that email from your boss? I can help you reply now if you want.’

Tilly’s lips pressed into a thin line, her gaze dropping to her hands folded in her lap. ‘I… I need to leave.’

‘Need to?’ Rafe’s heart jolted. He should stay calm. This moment was always coming, but they had to be rational about this. ‘Tilly… I…’ He shook his head. ‘Do you mean you need to leave right now?’

She nodded.

‘Why? You’ve already told your boss you’re snowed in, and you’ve given him the option of talking to you remotely.’

‘He’ll look up the weather himself. He’ll see that buses and trains are running. I can’t stay here. The guilt will eat me. Please, can you give me a lift into Glenbriar? I need to catch a bus to Edinburgh.’ She didn’t look up. ‘And then the sleeper train to London.’

Rafe struggled to process the words, shaking his head like that would somehow realign everything.

‘Sure, Tilly,’ he said, his voice barely above a whisper. ‘I can do that, but I’m a bit thrown by the urgency.’

‘Now I know things are moving again, I can’t stay.’ Her shoulders sagged. ‘I’ll feel like I’m doing something wrong or lying somehow. I know I don’t owe 1-Quick anything, but I owe myself. This is who I am. I turn up every day and do my job like I’m supposed to. It pays the bills. I might not like it, but I do it. If I don’t at least try to get back and then Arnie fires me or refuses to give me references, I’ll always blame myself. Everything I’ve built up will be pointless.’ She threw her head back and sighed. ‘This kind of thing happened time and again when I was a child. One bad action on my sister’s part erased any good I ever did. How can I let that happen here?’

How indeed? ‘I understand.’ Rafe’s mind raced, grappling with her words and knowing how commendable he’d find her desire to get back if he was her employer. Not that he’d ever have put her through this in the first place. His fingers itched to reach out, to hold her close and tell her that everything would be ok. But he didn’t have that power. He couldn’t guarantee everything would be ok. All he could do was respect her wishes and make this part of her journey as trouble free as possible. ‘I’ll give you a lift as soon as you’re ready.’

Tilly met his gaze and smiled, pressing her lips together, then covering her mouth. ‘Thank you.’

He put his hand on her back and rubbed it gently. ‘But not to Glenbriar.’

‘Where then?’

‘Check to see if the sleeper train is running from Glasgow. If it is, I’ll give you a lift all the way there and stay in my flat tonight.’

She shook her head. ‘I can’t ask you to do that. It’s too much.’

‘You’re not asking. I’m offering.’ He pulled out his phone. ‘Let’s see.’ Opening the website for the sleeper train, he scrolled until he found the information he was looking for. ‘It leaves tonight at eleven-fifteen. I can get you there for that. It’ll save you a lot of faffing around on public transport.’

‘I really can’t thank you enough.’

‘I don’t want thanks.’ His eyes locked with hers. ‘I just want to know you’ll be ok.’

‘I’ll be fine.’ Her voice cracked and Rafe put his arm around her and pulled her into his chest.

‘This doesn’t sound fine to me.’ It didn’t feel it either. The pain in his chest was strong enough to crack it open, but this was nothing to what it would be when Tilly was gone. She was the part of his soul that completed him, a piece he didn’t even know was missing until she fell into his life.

‘I will be.’ Tilly sniffed, rubbing her hand up and down on his chest somewhat manically. ‘I’m just sad that I have to leave.’

‘You know you’ll be welcome at any time. Feel free to come back. I’ll give you all my contact details and my mum’s and Cress and Gen’s too. We’re all your friends.’ If friends was all they could be, it was better than nothing and it kept a lifeline bobbing on the surface. ‘Call or message about anything, ok?’ He tilted his head to look at her. ‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ She pulled out of his hold and got to her feet. ‘I’m ready whenever you are. My stuff is already packed. I don’t know how long it’ll take to get there.’

‘We’ve got plenty of time.’ He stood up. ‘It’s only four o’clock. I’ll go tell everybody what’s happening.’

His eyes met hers and for a moment, they just gazed at each other. Time stood still and all number of visions assailed Rafe’s brain, all of them possible futures with or without Tilly, some happy, some sad. None guaranteed. He blinked them away, closed the gap between them, and placed a long, slow kiss on her cheek.

‘Come down when you’re ready,’ he whispered. With one more brief glance, he left the room. His chest cracked like a brick had landed on it, but what more could he do? She’d made up her mind, and it wasn’t his place to change it for her. No doubt she was feeling pain too, but he had to respect her wishes. Her loyalty and sense of duty were too strong. They should be commendable, but he was ninety-nine per cent sure her employers wouldn’t care one bit. They wouldn’t give her the praise and recognition she craved. Their treatment of her was criminal and, like a beaten animal, she crawled back, ready to take all the pain again in the hope of one little fragment of kindness or acknowledgement.

She didn’t want to do anything to jeopardise her place there the way her sister had done to them both as children. But surely it would be better to find a new place? Easy for him to say. He wasn’t the one with the decision to make. His life was good for the main part. Not having Tilly would be the hardest thing he’d faced for a while, but he could do his best to keep in touch. Show her he wouldn’t easily forget her. He wasn’t some fleeting person she’d latched onto because he happened to be in the right place at the right time. He was real. He had feelings for her, and they ran deep.

Everyone was gathered at the kitchen table, laughing and chatting. Finlay was tickling Alexander, who looked completely fine apart from the little white wound closure strip on his forehead.

Hilary and Cressida looked around as Rafe joined them, the others still too focused on Alexander to notice.

He sat down with a sigh.

Hilary set down the cutlery she’d been holding and frowned. ‘What’s wrong?’ Her eyes searched him for answers.

He took a deep breath and gave a little shrug. ‘Tilly’s leaving. Tonight. Heading back to London.’

‘What?’

‘Did you not talk her out of it?’ Genevieve asked.

‘I tried, but she has to do this. It’s her choice and as an employer myself, I can understand her reasons. I should applaud them.’

‘You agree she should go?’ Genevieve goggled at him.

He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘It’s her job and her choice. I don’t like it, but it’s not my call. I can’t keep her here if she wants to leave.’

Geoff’s brows furrowed, and he tapped his finger on the table. ‘I agree. If I was her employer, I’d expect her to make every effort to get back.’

‘She’s already offered to work online, but they’re not accepting that,’ Rafe said.

‘Dear, dear,’ Geoff muttered. ‘I’m sure I’ve been called all sorts of names by my employees at times, but I hope I’ve never been that unreasonable.’

‘That’s pretty bad,’ Cressida agreed. ‘Did she tell them she was snowed in?’

‘Yes, they sound like a right bunch of dicks, but she’s worried they’ll check up on her and discover public transport is running again. It’s her call.’

‘That’s sad,’ Genevieve said. ‘She only just got here, but it feels like she’s already part of the family. I hate to see her going so soon.’

Rafe nodded. ‘Yeah. I said we’d all give her our contact details, so she can get in touch whenever she needs to.’

‘Of course.’ Hilary’s eyes welled with tears. ‘Oh, Rafe, I’m so sorry.’

Cressida stroked her back. ‘It’s ok, Mum. I know it’s not what you wanted, but I’m sure she’ll keep in touch.’

‘Poor girl,’ Grandma said. ‘There’ll be no telling her just now, but when she gets to my age, she’ll understand.’

‘Understand what?’ Cressida said.

‘That very little matters in the end, especially a so-called career.’

Geoff frowned and shook his head like she’d completely lost her marbles, but Rafe wondered if there was more truth in those words than any of them dared admit.

‘I’m going to take her to Glasgow.’ He didn’t look at his mum. Her being openly upset was more than he could handle. He didn’t trust himself not to crack. The ache inside was so strong. ‘The sleeper train leaves at eleven-fifteen, and I want to make sure she gets there safely.’

Finlay patted him on the back. ‘Let me know if there’s anything we can do.’

‘Thanks. You already helped by clearing the drive.’ For Alexander’s sake, he was glad they had, but a selfish streak inside him was mad. If they hadn’t done it, maybe Tilly wouldn’t have felt the need to leave so soon. But he couldn’t hold on to her indefinitely. What was keeping her here if not the snow?

Me?

Even if he proposed a future for their relationship, it wouldn’t bring any guarantees. And it definitely wouldn’t be a merry Christmas if she was stressed about her work situation. What had started as one of the happiest Christmases of his life suddenly looked set to become one of the worst.

‘Can’t she just quit her job?’ Genevieve said.

‘Sounds very rash to me,’ Geoff said.

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Grandma added. ‘Once she learns that family, friendship and love are what truly matter in life, she might decide that’s the best move.’

‘Listen, it’s her choice to make. Not ours. We have to respect that, ok?’ Rafe looked around and they all bowed their heads. Grandma looked like she might say something, but she didn’t.

They couldn’t make the decision for her or put what they would do in this situation onto her. She was capable of making her own choices and doing what was best for herself. Rafe’s choice was either to take her or refuse to help her at all. And of course he would help her. He’d do anything for her, even if it meant losing the woman he was falling for.

‘I’ll ask her to come and say goodbye before she leaves,’ he said.

He’d barely left the room when Genevieve caught up with him and dragged him into the empty living room.

‘Isn’t there anything you can do to make her stay?’

‘Like what?’

‘Tell her how you feel.’

He shook his head. ‘That changes nothing.’

‘Really? Tell me, how exactly do you feel about her?’

‘I like her… A lot.’

‘Uh-huh?’

‘What?’ He gave a little shrug.

‘I know you’ve slept with her.’

He looked away with a huff. ‘Did she tell you that?’

‘She didn’t need to. You left evidence on the bedside cabinet.’

‘Oh for god’s sake. You’re so nosey. And so what? We’re adults. It happens.’

‘And you just said you like her.’

‘Ok, yes. I like her, but so what?’

‘Oh please. You’re not going to compare her to one of your hookups, are you? You slept with her because you like her, not because you were both lonely or whatever.’

He shook his head and held up his hands. ‘Stop. I’m not denying it, but what do you mean one of my hookups? You make me sound like a manwhore. I don’t have that many hookups, you know. In fact, I hardly have any.’

She raised an eyebrow.

‘Do you know what it’s like to be divorced after just a few weeks of marriage?’ he said. ‘It messes with you.’

‘Obviously I don’t know how that feels exactly, but I know how it feels to be dumped and yes, it hurts.’

‘It does, but not only that. It’s made me wary. I shouldn’t have rushed into my marriage. My last girlfriend wasn’t really right for me, and I took a long time trying to figure her out and how to make things work. It’s confusing when things feel wrong and no matter what you do, you can’t fix it.’

‘And do you feel like that about Tilly? Does that feel wrong?’

‘Not at present, but how can I tell? I don’t really know her and I don’t have a crystal ball.’

‘Nobody does, Rafe.’ Genevieve shook her head. ‘I’ve just had almost exactly the same conversation with her. Love is love. Trust your instincts.’

‘That’s what I did the last time.’

‘Did you? You were a lot younger then. You’ve had a lot more experience now.’

He had. He also had what his heart was telling him. ‘Listen, I agree, but I can’t stop her from leaving if she wants to, or feels she needs to. What kind of man would I be if I did that?’

Genevieve pulled her lips flat like she was sucking back words she wanted to say. ‘Ok, you have a point, but let’s not leave her in any doubt that this house will always be open to her.’

‘I’ll make sure she knows that.’

Every one of his instincts was pushing him to keep Tilly with him, but she wasn’t a piece of property. If she wanted to leave, he had to allow that. He would do as Genevieve suggested, and he’d also make sure she knew she could always trust him to support her. Right now, that meant helping her to leave this house, his family, and him.