No Ordinary Love (A Modern Vintage Romance #5)

13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Amara

I couldn't believe I'd drunk-texted Lucas. And not just any text—a snarky, biting message that had led to a phone call where I'd let more of my feelings slip than I wanted to.

I was embarrassed and dreading the fallout of that conversation.

If he ignored me, I'd be hurt; if he didn't, I'd feel stupid. This was a lose-lose proposition.

I managed to get through work on Monday despite feeling like total shit. My TA had to do more than his share because I was still uneasy about my conversation with Lucas.

I drove home and just sat in the driveway, my forehead resting on my steering wheel. Why had I sent that stupid message? Why had I talked to him? He'd said closure. Like hell! Now, all the wounds were open and throbbing; even the ones that were on the way to healing had been torn wide open.

I forced myself out of the car and up the path, my steps slow and reluctant. As I approached the front door, I noticed a bouquet of beautiful, soft-petaled white peonies on the porch. Their delicate fragrance reached me before I even touched them. Beside them, in a small rustic wooden box, were young lavender plants, ready to be added to the garden I'd been so carefully cultivating.

I stopped in my tracks. I knew who they were from without even looking at the card. The peonies gave Lucas away.

I picked up the envelope tucked into the bouquet, my fingers trembling slightly as I opened it.

Tesoro, I know I've made mistakes, but please accept these as a step toward making things right. L P.s. The lavender is for your garden—to plant, to nurture, to grow.

How did he even know about my garden? Did he talk to Jax? Who? I hadn't told him. In fact, how did he even know where I was living?

I looked around the house as if I'd find Lucas spying on me. But then again, Charleston was a small town and he could've heard from any number of people that I'd bought a new place and that I'd hired help for landscaping.

Was this a peace offering, an apology, or both? Why did he have to remind me that he existed? Damn it, what did it take for a girl to get over an asshole who dumped her for his ex?

Not flowers from said asshole, for sure.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

Damn him.

Damn him for knowing exactly how to get under my skin, to make me feel something for him when I'd been trying so hard to keep my distance. But I couldn't ignore the gesture—it was thoughtful, sincere, and exactly what I needed after the mess I'd made, drunk on minibar bottles of gin and vodka.

Still holding the card, I unlocked the door and took my presents inside. I set the flowers and the lavender on the kitchen counter, staring at them for a long moment before finally pulling out my phone.

My fingers hovered over the screen, a dozen thoughts racing through my mind.

Should I text him? Call him. Pretend like nothing happened and hope he didn't bring it up again. But I couldn't just ignore it, not after everything.

Finally, I decided to text, cringing as I saw my last message to him.

Amara : Thank you for the flowers and the lavender. They're beautiful.

I hit send before I could second-guess myself and set the phone down. The phone buzzed almost immediately.

Lucas : I'm glad you like them. Can we talk?

I hesitated, my mind racing. I wasn't ready for this, not yet, though I was aching to hear his voice. Before I could talk myself out of it, I typed out a quick reply.

Amara : No.

My phone rang right away, and I took a deep breath, contemplating whether to take his call or not. Ultimately, I was too weak to resist.

"I thought I said I couldn't talk."

" Tesoro ," Lucas began, his voice warm and familiar. "I wanted to know how you're doing."

"I'm fine." I ran a hand over the peonies. "Thanks again for the flowers…and the lavender. It was really thoughtful. How did you…er…know about my garden and my new place?"

"You think I don't know what's happening in your life?"

"Why would you?" When you discarded me the minute, Kath was free and said she wanted you.

There was a short pause before I heard him draw in a deep breath. "Because I care about you."

"You cared about me before, but you walked out."

"No, Tesoro , you did without even talking to me."

The hell with the flowers. He wasn't going to turn this around on me. "We did talk, Lucas. I asked you if you loved me, and you said you didn't. I asked if you loved Kath, and you said you did."

"That didn't mean I wanted us to end."

"You selfish son of a bitch," I spoke through gritted teeth, "You wanted me to stay with you after you told your mother that the only reason you were with me was because you didn't want to hurt me? You don't think—"

"You were not supposed to hear that conversation," he cut in, "Hell, Amara, I didn't even know what I was saying. I can hardly remember what the fuck I said to Mama. You know how she gets and—"

" I know exactly how she is. She's been insulting me ever since you introduced us, and not once did you ask her to stop. That should've told me everything, but I didn't want to listen. Well, I finally did—and what you made clear was that your family comes first. That if we stayed together, I'd just have to put up with Patsy and Shelby. Did it ever occur to you to ask how I felt when your mother kept harping on about my background?" I was breathless by the time I finished, convinced I should just throw the flowers in the trashcan and be done with Lucas Fucking Covington.

"I didn't think it bothered you."

"Really?" I challenged.

"Fine. I knew it did but what she had to say was her business and had nothing to do with us."

I felt sadness claim me. For some reason, he wanted to be friends or whatever. Even now, he couldn't look at the past and see how he'd wronged me. He was still being defensive, belligerently so.

"It had everything to do with me . You were allowing your girlfriend to be disrespected. You let me down, Lucas. Time and again." I took a calming breath. "What is it that you want?"

"I want us to be…friends. At least—"

"No," I interrupted him. "Thanks for the flowers, but please don't send them again. As much as it pains me, I'll throw them in the trash. I'm sorry I texted you—that's on me. I'll block your number now so I'm not tempted to reach out again."

"No," he protested. "No, Tesoro . Don't…don't cut me out of your life."

"You're the one who did that, Lucas. I have no idea why you're sending me flowers, talking to me. I don't know what you want."

"I want you ," he whispered.

His words ricocheted around my brain, scrambling thoughts.

"You want Kath," I sneered.

He didn't reply to that. Instead, he said, "Please don't throw out the flowers. I know I've got a lot to make up for, and I didn't want to push you, but I wanted you to know I'm serious about trying to fix things between us."

I could hear the sincerity in his voice and that too offended me.

"There's nothing between us to fix . You obliterated us when you said you didn't love me. You destroyed us when you started dating Kath right after you ended us. You ruined us when you hid from me that you loved another woman. Goodbye, Lucas. Be well."

I hung up and sat on a barstool at the kitchen counter. I dropped my head to smell the lavender and let the tears fall. I was so sick and tired of being sad.

My phone buzzed, and when I saw Lucas's name, I almost threw it on the tiled floor.

Lucas : You're right. I let my mother disrespect you and us. I'm sorry for hurting you again and again. You're the last person who deserves it. Please forgive me for being blind and foolish.

Me : I'm blocking you now .

I blocked his number and went back to the life I was building. I wasn't going to let Lucas derail me again—absolutely not .