Quiet Longing (Quiet Love #2)

30.

Charli

I was even more sure the house was meant for me after taking a look around in person. The couple were about to have a baby and were eager to sell so they could buy a larger place.

Seeing my expression when we left, Rhys silently pulled out his phone and called Janice to cancel the afternoon viewings. He knew just by looking at me that my heart was set on the house next door. And besides, even if things didn’t work out, I could return to my search for a rental later down the line.

Pulling out my laptop, I set up shop on Rhys’ couch to start looking into how I could make it happen. I still couldn’t believe how on board he was with the whole thing. He didn’t even need time to consider it. He was immediately just like, Yes, I’d be delighted and honoured to have you as a neighbour, Charli .

Well, okay, so maybe he didn’t quite put it like that, but still. His enthusiasm for my impulsive decision to try and purchase a house gave me a warm, lovely feeling in my stomach.

After several hours of intense research and planning, I finally shut off my laptop and pushed my reading glasses to the top of my head so I could rub at the sore spot on the bridge of my nose. I stretched out to ease the ache in my lower back from sitting for so long. Rhys had left me to work alone at some point and was upstairs puttering.

Tugging on my cardigan since it had gotten a little cold, I went in search of him.

“Rhys?” I called out while standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“Up here.”

I hesitated on whether to go up. Then again, he had promised me an upstairs tour, which we hadn’t gotten around to yet. I checked my watch. It was late, and I knew I should probably call for a cab, but my curiosity won out.

Ascending the steps, I found myself on a small landing with plush stone coloured carpet. A door was open across the landing, and Rhys was inside. He sat on the bed tapping out a message on his phone, his eyes flicking up when he heard me enter.

“Sorry. I just had a few work things to deal with,” he said, sliding the phone into his pocket. I stepped past the threshold of the room, taking it all in. Just as I’d imagined, Rhys had a large bed with a solid wood frame. I thought the maids at the hotel were experts at those sharp, tight corners, but they had nothing on Rhys. His bed was immaculately made, and again, I imagined him lying in it. Knowing what his room looked like made the vision even more realistic. A brief shiver trickled over me.

Maybe it was the fact that the bed was so flawlessly made, and that was what had me imagining it all messed up. Rhys waking up shirtless, his eyelids heavy, his face soft and handsome with morning light shining in through the curtains.

Blinking, I shook myself from the daydream. Rhys tilted his head.

“Everything okay?”

I sucked in a breath to steady myself. “Yes, everything’s fine. Um, I was just going to call a cab to—”

“No need. I’ll drive you back.”

He stood and ran a hand through his hair. It suddenly made the room feel smaller, and I stepped back on instinct to give him space. Being close to Rhys, especially when we were alone, had me fighting the urge to run my hands over his short hair. Or reach out and squeeze his bicep just to see how large it might feel in my hand.

I realised I was staring at his body when I lifted my gaze and found him arching an eyebrow. A deep flush swept over me as he stared back, his attention going to my glasses before he plucked them off my head. “I like these on you,” he murmured.

My eyebrows rose. “Oh?”

Rhys cleared his throat and nodded, still looking at the glasses before he handed them back to me, some kind of heat in his expression.

“I’ll just wait downstairs,” I said, oddly breathless from the short interaction. Maybe it was his tone or the way he looked at me that made me nervous and confused. Sometimes it really felt like he was flirting with me, but I could never be certain.

“Okay,” he replied, a husky curiosity in his one-word response.

I hurried down the stairs and gathered my things, still trying to untangle what I felt. Rhys appeared soon after, car keys in hand, and wow, why did he have to be so handsome. It was distracting. “You ready?”

I nodded, still out of sorts from his compliment about my glasses. Not to mention the physical reaction and intense daydreams he seemed to draw from me without even trying. Rhys opened the front door, and I stepped out before gently touching his hand. His eyes immediately found mine, and a whoosh of breath escaped me.

“I just wanted to say … thank you for today. For doing all this,” I motioned to the “For Sale” sign just to our right. “It’s pretty nerve-wracking for me, and your support and help means so much.” Without thinking too deeply on it, I went up on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his check, his skin warm and his stubble prickly. My heart pounded all the while, and the blue of Rhys’ eyes burned bright. Something flickered across his expression before he smiled gently.

“Anytime, Charli.” His low, gravelly tone scattered tingles across the back of my neck and all the way down to the base of my spine.

***

On Sunday, Nuala, Aunt Jo, and I spent the morning at the health spa at the coastal Balfe Hotel. I hadn’t been back since working in the kitchen with Rhys all those years ago, and the place had hardly changed a bit. There were some small updates to the interior, but it was generally just as I remembered it.

Nuala arranged private, full-body massages for each of us, something I hadn’t had in a really long time. I wasn’t sure I was ready. The idea of laying on a massage table and allowing a stranger to touch me felt stressful. Aside from a few hugs from family, it had literally been years since I’d been touched. I felt like a coiled spring so tight with tension I feared I might have a bad reaction. But Nuala went to the trouble of arranging everything, and I’d feel awful to refuse—not to mention a part of me didn’t want to give in to my fears. Facing them always felt better in the end.

And that was how I found myself being ushered into a private room by a petite red head named Kelly.

Removing the thick hotel robe, I wore only a swimsuit as she spoke in a quiet, soothing voice and instructed me to lie face down on the table. My hands shook as I lowered my body down, heart racing and muscles tense while Kelly laid hot towels over my body.

She hadn’t even touched me yet, and I was already internally freaking out.

“I’ll begin now,” she said and folded back the towels until my lower legs were exposed up to the backs of my knees.

“O-okay,” I managed, hoping she couldn’t hear the hitch in my voice.

Then her soft, gentle hands met my ankles, and I started to ball up. By the time she reached my calf, there were tears streaming down my face and an audible weeping sound came out. She paused, and I felt her move away from the table. What on earth was wrong with me? Why was I crying?

“Is everything all right?” she asked gently.

“Yes, I’m so sorry,” I told her, sniffling. “It’s just that I haven’t …” I couldn’t find the right words to explain to this stranger that it had been a long time since I’d been so exposed with another human being. That her hands being so gentle and careful on my body were pulling something raw and cathartic out of my very soul.

Her hand came to my shoulder, her voice quiet when she said, “I’m just going to give you a minute while I grab some extra towels, okay?”

I nodded, still face down on the massage table, which was a relief in a way because eye contact would’ve been way too much right then. Kelly left, giving me just enough time to cry it out then wipe away my tears before she returned.

“Would you like to resume now? If not, we have other therapies you might prefer to try instead?”

Refusing to run away from whatever the massage was making me feel, I drew on all my reserves of courage and replied, “I’d like to resume.”

Without another word, which I was grateful for, she continued where she’d left off. I was still tense at first, but as the massage progressed, I found myself relaxing more and more. By the time it was over, I felt like a completely new woman, like I’d surpassed another hurdle.

The massage had been a revelation. Having a stranger’s hands on me felt like a release, drawing all these raw, messy emotions out of me and freeing the tension I didn’t even know I’d been holding.

Afterwards, I met back with Nuala and her mom, and we went to enjoy the Jacuzzi and steam room. If either of them noticed how my eyes were red from my mid-massage crying jag, they didn’t mention it.

The three of us had just sat down in the steam room when I decided to tell my aunt and cousin about my plans to possibly buy a house.

“How exciting,” Nuala exclaimed, full of supportive enthusiasm.

Jo seemed less enthused. “Are you sure this is the right step? I’ll admit I’m being selfish because Padraig and I love having you at the house. We’d be sad to see you go.”

“And I’ll be sad to leave, but I need the independence,” I said, inhaling deeply as I met her gaze. “It feels important I prove to myself I can go it alone, you know?”

Understanding tinged with sadness filled her eyes as she nodded, “No, I do know that, and we’ll support you every step of the way. Whatever you need, Padraig and I will be happy to help.”

“Living next door to Rhys, though,” Nuala said, some of her enthusiasm fading a little. “Are you sure about that?”

“Why would living next door to Rhys be a problem?” Jo questioned. “He’s basically another member of the family, and it’ll be good for Charli to have a friend close by if she’s going to be living in town.”

“Right,” Nuala scoffed mildly. “A friend. ”

I shot her a glare, but it was too late. Her tone had already garnered her mom’s attention. “Is there something I’m missing?” Jo asked, confused.

Nuala glanced at me, eyebrows raised. Oh great, so she wanted my permission to reveal mine and Rhys’ history to her mom. I sighed and waved for her to go ahead. It wasn’t like my aunt would judge me for having a teenage romance with Rhys. Not when it was so long ago.

“That summer when Charli came to visit,” Nuala began, “she and Rhys became close.”

“Close?” she said then looked at me, realisation dawning. “Oh,” she breathed. “I had no idea.”

“Yes, mother. If my brothers’ antics are any sort of marker, you can be fairly oblivious to teenagers secretly shagging under your roof.”

“Nuala,” Jo exclaimed. “I am not oblivious.”

“Oh, really? Then how come Derek and Tristan had about five or six girlfriends each stay the night, and you never found out about it.”

Jo’s eyes flared wide. “Excuse me? Five or six each ?”

Nuala chuckled raucously, and I couldn’t help releasing the grin that was tugging at my lips.

“And that’s a conservative estimate,” Nuala added. “Though, you’ll be relieved to hear I never broke the rules like my very naughty brothers because I’m a good girl.”

Jo narrowed her eyes like she didn’t entirely buy that statement, and it made me wonder if Nuala had ever had a boy stay over back in the day. As far as I knew, she hadn’t been with anyone the summer I’d visited.

Jo pressed her fingers into her temples. “I think this might be one of those things I’d rather not know about.”

“Hey, my brothers turned out okay in the end despite their youthful ho phases, right?” Nuala remarked with humour.

Jo shook her head in exasperation, and I sensed from her expression that she might bring the topic up the next time she had an argument with one of her sons. Nuala looked entirely too mischievous and pleased to have thrown them under the bus, and I realised that sibling rivalry continued no matter your age.

A small quiet passed before my aunt brought her attention back to me. “So, you and Rhys were together back then?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t serious.” The lie came easily. “Just a summer fling.”

“Well, you’re lucky you’re currently too old for me to reprimand you for doing whatever you did with him under my roof.”

“Come on. You and dad invited Rhys to stay at our house that summer. Charli’s room was right down the hall from where Rhys was staying in Derek’s room. What did you expect to happen?” Nuala put in.

“Okay, I think we need to change the subject,” I interjected, a flood of embarrassment sweeping forward to have my aunt thinking of Rhys and me “shagging,” as Nuala put it, in the very same room I was currently sleeping in.

“Yes, I think that might be wise before my daughter reveals more secrets and gives me a coronary.”

Nuala grinned and shook her head. “So dramatic.”

***

The following week passed in a blur of work and sorting through a possible mortgage application. Rhys and I exchanged texts most days, but we were both busy at the hotel, so we didn’t cross paths much.

It was nearing the end of the month, which meant Maeve, Barry, and I were holed up finalising payroll. By the time I got a chance to think about lunch on Friday, I was famished and craving one of the delicious sandwiches they made in the hotel restaurant. Deciding to treat myself, I headed out to make a to-go order so I could bring it back to my desk and work while I ate.

I went straight to the counter and put my order in. The girl on duty said it would be about fifteen minutes, so I nodded, perched on a stool, and pulled out my phone to catch up on emails. I’d just started scrolling through my inbox when a familiar voice called, “Charli, hello!”

I lifted my head and found Maggie seated at a nearby table. I hadn’t seen her since the day we’d shared lunch with Rhys and Shay a couple weeks ago.

“Maggie, how nice to see you again,” I replied, standing and stepping over to her table. She sat across from a handsome blond man who I estimated was a couple years older than her. He wore an expensive looking suit and was cleanly shaven. I had a hunch this was the half brother she’d mentioned the last time we’d met, the one she’d tried setting me up with.

I had to admit, if I wasn’t dealing with a bunch of intense and poorly timed feelings for Rhys, I might’ve been interested. Maggie’s brother hadn’t spoken yet, but he displayed confident body language, and there was an intelligent look in his eyes that was very attractive.

“You, too. This is my half brother, Jonathan,” she introduced. “Jonathan, Charli.”

“Nice to meet you, Jonathan,” I said with a polite smile and a nod.

“And you, Charli,” he responded in a low voice as he took me in from top to toe before his gaze settled back on my eyes.

“We’re just here to meet Shay for lunch,” Maggie said. “He seems to be running late, but you’re welcome to join us if you’re planning on eating. We have an extra seat.”

“Oh, I’m just waiting on a to-go order,” I said.

“Sit with us while you wait, then,” Maggie went on, motioning to the seat next to her and across from Jonathan.

I was eager to get my food and return to the office, but it felt rude to decline, so I nodded and took a seat.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to change your order and eat in?” Maggie asked. “This is such a nice table.”

“I would, but I’m planning to work through lunch today. It’s been a busy week for us in the accounts office, so I have to get back.”

Maggie made a sad face. “That’s too bad. I really enjoyed your company the last time we had lunch, and this one keeps telling me I need to make more female friends.”

“I just said you and Shay spend so much time together you’re in danger of becoming one another’s best friends, which can’t be healthy for the relationship,” Jonathan interjected.

“You’re just salty because you’re single,” Maggie shot back.

“Happily single,” Jonathan retorted, and their good natured back and forth made me smile. Rhys mentioned they’d only discovered they were related last year, but they had their sibling banter perfected already.

“My cousin, Nuala, and I are thinking of going to a resort in Spain this summer for a ladies’ vacation. You can come with us if you like?” I offered because I was in desperate need of more female friends, too, and Maggie seemed nice and super chill. Plus, Rhys seemed to like her a lot, and I trusted his judgment.

“Really? That sounds amazing,” Maggie said, taken aback by the offer. Jonathan cast me a smile like he appreciated me being kind to his sister.

“You should go. When’s the last time you let yourself take a trip?” he encouraged.

Maggie playfully narrowed her gaze at him. “You know good and well I’ve never been abroad. I don’t even have a passport.”

“All the more reason for you to throw caution to the wind,” Jonathan told her. “Besides, you’ve more than enough time to apply for a passport.”

Maggie looked to me. “I’ve only met Nuala a few times. Are you sure she’d be okay with me tagging along?”

“Of course. Nuala’s a more-the-merrier sort of person. Here, let’s exchange numbers so I can keep you updated. We still haven’t decided on our exact destination yet.”

“Sure,” she replied, looking genuinely excited, and there was something so pure about the reaction that warmed my heart and made me glad I’d impulsively made the offer. After we exchanged numbers, she frowned at the time on her phone.

“I’m really starting to worry about what’s holding up Shay. I’m just going to see if I can find him.”

“Sure,” I said then found myself alone at the table with Jonathan.

“That was very kind of you,” he said, his blue eyes, so pale they were almost grey, appraising me.

“It was nothing. I like Maggie.”

“She’s had a tough life,” he went on, his attention going in the direction she went. “Hasn’t gotten to enjoy herself very much.”

“She’s really never been outside of Ireland?”

Jonathan shook his head. “Her upbringing was rather deprived. I try to encourage her to treat herself from time to time, but she worries if she spends on something frivolous she’ll need the money for an emergency later down the line.”

“That makes sense. I didn’t grow up rich, but money was tight at times. It made me very aware of the cost of things.”

Jonathan nodded, his attention wandering over me once more. “I know we’ve never met before, but can I ask you for a favour?”

“That depends.”

He exhaled and leaned forward. “When Maggie tries to talk herself out of going, will you do your best to convince her otherwise?”

“You’re so sure she’ll change her mind?”

“I know Maggie. She’ll come up with a reason to save her money or spend it on something else. She has several younger siblings, and though they live with foster parents, she tends to put all her energy and resources into them.”

His words made me see Maggie in a new light. It was rare to come across someone so selfless. “Okay, sure. No promises, but I’ll try my best.”

Jonathan gave a faint smile. “Thank you. So, Maggie tells me you’re an accountant here at the hotel?”

“Head accountant, yes,” I replied, feeling a tremor of awkwardness because if Maggie already told Jonathan about me that meant she’d probably mentioned her idea of setting us up.

“Well, if you’re so dedicated to your job that you’re working through your lunch hour, it makes me feel like maybe I should headhunt you to come work at my own firm.”

“I’m quite happy here,” I said with a smile. “Plus, my uncle owns the place, so I’m kind of loyal to the family business.”

“Ah,” Jonathan replied as though gravely disappointed. “That’s too bad.”

I glanced over to the bar area, making eye contact with the girl who’d taken my order. She held up five fingers to say my sandwich would be five more minutes. It wasn’t that I wasn’t finding Jonathan interesting to talk to. I was just eager to get back to my desk so I didn’t end up having to work late.

When I looked back to Jonathan, he was eyeing me with a certain level of interest that made me think he might find me attractive. I felt the need to let him know I wasn’t on the market because this was beginning to feel oddly like a date even though I knew Maggie hadn’t left us alone on purpose. Wait, or had she?

“I’m not, um …” Oh hell, how to say this without coming across arrogant? “The last time I met Maggie, she mentioned how she was trying to set you up and asked if I’d be interested in a date. But I just wanted to say I’m recently divorced, so I’m not looking for anything right now.”

Jonathan’s faint smile deepened into a smirk paired with an arched brow. “Is that so?”

“Not that I thought …” I trailed off, heaving a sigh. “I just wanted to mention it in case Maggie said anything.”

Jonathan ran a finger across the lip of his glass. “She did. She said you were just my type, which,”—he paused to take a slow perusal of me—“you are, to be fair. But she also said you weren’t ready, which I respect. I’ve never been married, but I have gone through a broken engagement to a woman I was with for five years, so I understand how long it can take to get over these things.”

“And how did you get over it, if you don’t mind me asking?” I couldn’t help my curiosity. Especially since I was having all these reemerging feelings for Rhys, feelings from the past that had probably always been there, just suppressed. I was interested to know how someone like Jonathan got over the end of a long-term relationship.

“Hmmm, it was slightly unconventional to be honest.”

“Oh?”

“I was too emotionally raw to sleep around, but I did have, well, needs.”

“Understandable.”

After my massage last weekend, I was beginning to realise the importance of physical touch and how absent it had been from my life. It had wrought such raw emotions from me, and I’d felt strangely better after the somewhat intimate, though not sexual, contact with another human being. Lighter in my soul somehow.

“I ended up bumping into an ex of mine. It was a unique situation because our breakup was amicable, and the sex between us had always been great,” Jonathan said, and I blinked, unprepared for him to mention sex so directly. “It turned out she’d been through a bad breakup a few months previous, so we were both in the same boat. We decided to do a no-strings, friends-with-benefits thing for a while, just to get over our exes and get back into the swing of things, get our confidence back in the bedroom, you know?”

“Um, yes,” I said, and I did know. It had been so long since I last had sex, and after the first few “good” years with Jesse, it had become something to dread, something I had to force myself to get through for fear my reluctance might trigger a violent outburst. No wonder the massage had done such a number on me. Physical pleasure, even the platonic kind, was a mine field after what I’d been through.

“It was ideal because we knew we weren’t compatible emotionally,” Jonathan went on. “So we could enjoy the sex and then move on when the time came that we were ready.”

“That does sound ideal,” I said. It was a pity I didn’t have someone like that, I thought to myself, but then realised it wasn’t entirely true.

I had Rhys, and he, too, was recently out of a relationship. But unlike Jonathan and his ex, Rhys and I hadn’t technically ever broken up. We’d just stopped contacting one another, and I’d been so completely cut up over the whole thing. It certainly hadn’t been the amicable situation Jonathan described.

Despite this, I wondered if perhaps we could have a friends with benefits arrangement. I found myself daydreaming of him often, thinking about his body and his touch, and I knew from our kiss that he at least found me attractive on some level.

How would he react if I suggested a similar arrangement to Jonathan’s? The very question had me shivering, and then, as though some sneaky higher power was trying to mess with my head, Rhys strode into the restaurant.

He was on his phone as he approached the head server, and they exchanged a few words. Hotel security business, it looked like. He must’ve sensed my attention because his eyes travelled across the restaurant and landed directly on me. Then they went to Jonathan, and anxiety flooded in. I knew exactly how things must’ve looked. Panic gripped me as the faintest frown crossed his features. He brought his attention back to the server, they exchanged a few more words, and then he left without another glance my way.

“Are you okay?” Jonathan asked, clearly noticing my distress

“What? Oh, yes, um,” my gaze flicked to the bar where the girl was motioning me over. It appeared my sandwich was finally ready. “It looks like my food’s ready, but it was lovely to meet you, Jonathan.”

“Yes, hopefully, it won’t be the last time,” he replied with debonair confidence, standing like a gentleman as I left.

I snatched the brown paper with my sandwich, my heart in my throat. Why was I so freaked that Rhys might think I was on a date with Jonathan? I mean, I’d told him I wasn’t ready to date, and he’d been determined for me not to date Jonathan even when I was ready. Rhys said Maggie’s half brother wasn’t a good guy, and though I was on the fence on whether that was true since I’d only just met the man, I didn’t want Rhys to think I was blatantly disregarding his advice.

I barely thought about the direction I was going until I found myself outside his office. Raising my hand, I knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Rhys called, and I hurried inside, slamming the door shut behind me.

His eyes flared at my appearance. He was clearly surprised to see me.

“That wasn’t what it looked like,” I blurted.

“Oh?” he asked, a faint frown creasing his brow.

“It wasn’t a date.”