Resist Me

Chapter 27

Lincoln

“What the hell happened to you?” Willow asked when we walked in the door.

I glanced at West, not bothering to hide how I felt about getting punched last night. He dropped his gaze to the floor. I thought he felt bad, but then I saw the way his lips twitched. With a huff, I shoved his shoulder, making him stumble.

“Sorry,” he said, putting his hands up.

“No, you’re not.”

“I’ve wanted to hit you for a long time.”

“Me too. You should let me take a swing.”

The way his brow raised while his eyes sparkled made me wonder if he was less opposed to that idea than he should’ve been. Crazy bastard.

“You two are adorable,” Willow crooned, clapping her hands together.

“Shut up,” West growled. “We’re not… anything.”

He headed into the kitchen and swung open the fridge. I frowned at the back of his head. It was hard to figure out where we stood when he kept going back and forth. He liked me, even if he wouldn’t explicitly admit it. Whether it was his stubborn refusal to give up his dumb rivalry or something deeper, I didn’t like it. Last night, I realized that pushing him too far led to violence, so I had to find a way to readjust my approach.

Maybe a sane person would choose to roll with the punches- literally- or walk away. I probably should do that because there was a high likelihood this would end in me getting hurt, but something about West made me want to stick around. When I got attached to someone, I’d let them use me as a human shield in a flurry of bullets, which was very likely my fatal flaw.

God damnit, West.

I joined him in the kitchen and lifted myself onto the counter. He looked at me suspiciously and I flashed him a smile. His jaw ticked, then he snagged his lip between his teeth. I’d rather be the one biting it.

Reaching out with my legs, I pulled him closer by his waist. I snatched the coke from his hand and took a swig. With a grimace, I set it on the counter.

“I don’t know how you drink that.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t steal my stuff,” he suggested before he drained the whole bottle without flinching. I hated the way carbonation burned, and he drank it like it was water. Maybe opposites really did attract.

“You should eat like an adult,” I teased, earning a scowl. “Your abs are getting soft.”

When I poked them, he grabbed my wrist. “That’s a lie. My body is perfect.”

“Mm.”

Settling my hands on the sides of his neck, I leaned forward to kiss him. He stepped away, dislodging my legs from around him.

“Remember when you told me that if you liked a guy, you wouldn’t fight it?”

He shrugged. “Maybe I’m just not into PDA.”

I looked over my shoulder. Willow was sitting on the couch watching Rick and Morty, so his statement didn’t hold much weight. I was about to push the issue, but the front door opened. Sen and Kai walked in, holding hands and looking adorable. West had taken a few more steps back and his expression was very blank .

“Linc,” Kai said, cocking his head. “What’s up?”

“Just chillin’,” I replied casually.

“At our place. That’s… interesting.”

I glanced at West inconspicuously. He continued to ignore me.

“He was just giving me pointers about how to avoid getting my ribs fucked up next season,” he said casually.

“Get a better lineman,” Sen suggested with a smirk. “Pretty sure yours was letting you get fucked up.”

“It did seem that way, huh?” West looked at me pointedly.

With a shrug, I got down from the counter. “You have to earn the respect of your team. Being real is a start.”

He rolled his eyes. I turned to Kai, feeling entirely done with whatever shit West was on today.

“You going into the draft?” Sen asked.

I shook my head. “I’m getting my doctorate in music theory.”

“Seriously? That’s dope. We should do some more karaoke nights.”

Kai laughed and jabbed him in the ribs. “If we do, you have to join in.”

“I’d rather die.”

“Come on. Embarrassing yourself is half the fun.”

“We could do it right now,” Willow suggested. “Linc can blow us all away again.”

I might have agreed, but when I met West’s eyes, he quickly looked away. With a shake of my head, I pulled my keys out of my pocket.

“Actually, I’m not staying.”

“But you just got here,” she argued.

“It was just a stop along the way. I’m meeting up with someone.”

Finally, West gave me his full attention. “Someone?”

“Yup. I do have a life, you know.”

“Okay. I’ll text you about that thing on Friday.”

I hesitated at the door. “What thing?”

He met my eyes and it was evident how conflicted he was. “Practice.”

“You’re gonna willingly practice with Linc?” Kai scoffed.

“Shut up. I’m growing as a person.”

“No practice,” I said .

His brow furrowed. “Why not?”

“I changed my mind.”

He opened his mouth but nothing came out. That was all I needed before I offered a wave to the others and left the apartment. I put on my helmet and swung my leg over my motorcycle. Staying there for a minute, I stared at the front door.

Was it pathetic that I was waiting for him to follow me? I wasn’t giving up, but unless he met me halfway, I had to be careful with this situation.

Everything was quiet and still aside from the rain. Instead of coming after me, he sent me a text.

West: Why’d you leave?

Lincoln: I’m too old for games.

West: Just come back. Please.

Lincoln: Is anything gonna be different?

It took him a long time to respond and I almost decided to take off and make him wait until I got home.

West: I need time for that.

Lincoln: Then take it, but I’m not gonna hang around and play pretend.

Look, I’m not trying to be a dick. If I haven’t made it clear enough, I like you and I don’t mind keeping this on the down low, but at the very least, I don’t want to hide and act like nothing’s going on when we’re around your friends. I just need you to figure this out before we keep going.

Putting the phone away, I started my bike. As much as my traitorous heart hated it, I had to take care of myself too. The ball was in his court and I didn’t have any control over what he did with it.

*****

Willow: So, about Rick….

Lincoln: What about him?

Willow: Good prospect or no ?

I sighed and dropped the phone on the counter. The woman was as much of a menace as her brother. And just like him, she had this lovable quality that seemed to come naturally. From the beginning, I was annoyed by the same thing in West because I thought it was fake and I wasn’t a fan of overly perky people. Sure, he did try too hard and was over the top when he wanted to impress the team, but overall, he was pretty real.

He’d texted me earlier and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. All he said was ‘hey.’ If he’d figured things out on his end, I was sure he would’ve said more than that. I didn’t really want to open up conversation right now because I knew myself too well. I’d start to miss him more, then I’d probably invite him over, even though we would continue to have the same issue. Those things didn’t end well.

There was a reason I needed him to figure out what he wanted right now. I’d done this before, dated a guy who was uncertain. By the time he’d made his decision, I was ready to take things further, and he left. If I wasn’t careful, I’d reach that point with West and I just needed to feel safe giving my heart to him.

When I finished blending my protein shake, I settled on the couch and went back to Willow’s text. I really didn’t want to give her a yes or no answer to her question.

Rick was nice enough and I’d never known him to be a fuck boy, but whether or not he was a good person for Willow to pursue was hard to determine. I’d never seen Rick actually date, so maybe it depended on what she was looking for. That wasn’t something I wanted to know the details of, so I sent her a shrug emoji and moved on. If she decided to hang out with him, it wasn’t on me.

The phone rang and I wanted to throw it across the room, but I saw that it was my grandma, so I put it on speaker.

“Hey, gran. What’s up?”

“Just checking in. You stay so quiet over there, we hardly know if you’re alive.”

I chuckled, bringing my legs up beside me. “Alive, kicking, and having the time of my life.”

“Right,” she scoffed. “You’re spending all of your time alone now that football is over, aren’t you?”

“That’s ridiculous. I’m forced to see people when I go to class. ”

“Well, it’s good to know you’re doing that, at least. Tell me how the song is coming along.”

I let out a long groan and laid back. “It’s fine. It just never feels like I’ve got it completely mastered.”

“You’re always too hard on yourself. I’m sure it’s perfect.”

“You’ll always think that. It’s your job to be proud of me.”

Her laugh brought a smile to my face. “Your mom was the same way. Always finding little things to criticize when she played.”

“She played everything perfectly.”

“Exactly. Being our own worst critic helps us grow, but there’s a point when we’re really just criticizing ourselves because it’s become a habit. Even the best in the world can find something to hate about their work.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Always am, kiddo. How’s that friend of yours with the pests?”

“He’s kind of a pest,” I muttered before I cleared my throat. “Fine, I’m sure, but it’d be better if your crew did it.”

She laughed and I could imagine the amusement in her green eyes. “You could leave that place behind and join the family business, although I know that you’d never do that. You’ve got the same spirit as your parents. I just…”

I downed the rest of the drink to give myself something to do. She was using the tone that told me something sentimental was coming.

“I wish they could see how far you’ve come,” she went on. “How far all of us have come. Those years when there was a rift between us will always be my greatest regret.”

“It’s okay, gran. You know that I love you guys and you’ve done right by me since they died.”

Her shuddering breath made my chest ache. My grandparents hadn’t always been supportive of the people I loved. They had deeply ingrained beliefs that had, at one point, halted their relationship with me and my parents.

I announced that I was gay when I was ten. My parents had seemed surprised, but they accepted me without hesitation and made sure that I knew how much they loved me. Nothing changed between us. It was when my grandparents found out that things got a little rough .

After telling them, they made a big deal out of it. They claimed that I was too young to understand what I was talking about, too young to make any decisions regarding my sexuality, as if this was something I’d chosen. We didn’t see them for a long time and when we started spending holidays together again, it was awkward. They’d grown, though, and when I was sixteen, they apologized. It didn’t fix the way they’d made me feel, but we began to rebuild.

It was after my parents died that things changed with them the most. I went to live with them to finish my senior year of high school. When I’d been there a month, we had a really long talk. I was shocked to find out that they’d not only done some self-reflection; they’d also joined a group of people who were similar to them, one that educated them so they’d get a better understanding of LGBTQ people. So, they’d become some of my biggest supporters. If they hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t have healed from the loss of my parents as well as I had.

“Well,” she said through a sniffle. “If you don’t find someone to love soon, I might lose all hope, Lincoln.”

“I’m twenty-two. There’s still time.”

“Back in my day, that was old enough to have three kids already.”

“Back in your day,” I laughed. “I think you’ve just gone a little senile.”

“That’s what you have to look forward to. You need a lovely man by your side when you do. Being crazy is a lot more fun with a person who’s just as crazy as you are.”

The way that crazy bastard just popped into my head… I missed having him in my bed, even though he was a blanket thief and an aggressive cuddler.

I stared at his text for a long moment, but I didn’t respond.