Secluded with the Rogue

Chapter 4

Four

December 22, 1819

N ancy woke at her customary time, even though she’d stayed up a bit late the night before.

Once she’d finally met up with Kitty, that woman introduced her to several other women at the house party, and they’d all had a cozy chat in the drawing room until yawns became more popular than talking. All Kitty’s sisters were lovely, as were those women’s spouses, and there were an impressive number of unattached but hopeful women as guests too.

Rumor throughout the house party was that the earl was looking for a bride, and it must have been the truth, for her roommate, Miss Thompson, had her sights set on landing him. She’d told Nancy so as they’d turned in last night.

She’d kept her own counsel on that; clearly if the earl had remained a bachelor over the years, he certainly didn’t want to marry, at least not for himself, and wedding merely for the sake of a title seemed a disingenuous thing to do.

Not that she was an expert at marriage since hers had been little better than a sham.

With that less than inspiring thought, Nancy left her bed and then did the necessary behind the painted silk privacy screen. Since she didn’t want to summon her maid and risk waking her roommate, she donned a petticoat as well as a lawn dress in navy. It was plain and had next to no adornment, but it was early yet in the day and there was no need for fancy.

If luck was with her, she could enjoy a cup of tea as well as breakfast by herself and then sneak into the earl’s library to immerse herself into a delicious book or two in the hopes that the house party would go on without her… and avoid the earl.

After that horrible and surprising string of admissions she’d shared with Edward, the embarrassment had set in. The last thing she wanted to do was see him in any sort of capacity, for she couldn’t imagine what he thought of her.

It took very little time following putting on her half-boots and shawl to make her way through the still-quiet corridors and find the breakfast parlor on the second level at the opposite end of the house from the formal dining room. Because it was half past seven in the morning—and in many country houses still too early for breakfast hours—she was, indeed, the only one in the room, but as soon as she entered, a footman appeared and went directly to the sideboard to fill her a plate.

With a tiny sigh of contentment, Nancy sipped her tea, and then nodded her thanks when the footman put a plate before her. As she picked and ate from the golden fluffy scrambled eggs, hamsteak, and toast triangles with marmalade, she gazed out the window that looked out onto the back lawn of the estate. The grounds were covered by snow, and that same precipitation drifted lazily down from gray, overcast skies.

Not that she minded, for it made everything seem that much cozier.

“Oh. I didn’t think anyone would rise as early as I do, but I’ll leave you to your privacy.”

At the sound of the earl’s voice, Nancy’s head came up. Dear heavens, had his presence always filled a room? Her hand froze with the teacup midway to her lips. “Uh… I have always woken with the dawn; I don’t know any other way of being.” She shrugged. “That’s a good indication that I’m no longer a society lady.” Then she took a sip of tea.

“Bah.” He waved away the comment. “It only means you have certain sleep habits, as do I, and that you probably dislike wasting the day by sleeping until noon.” After greeting the footman, he dropped himself onto a chair near her location on a sofa. Soon, the robust scent of coffee filled the air as the footman brought over a cup of the fragrant brew. “Thank you, Daniel.”

Though she’d never liked the taste of coffee—it was entirely too bitter for her liking—Nancy admitted to herself that she might change her mind, for the smell was intoxicating. While he indulged in the first few sips of the beverage, she took the opportunity to study him.

He’d aged a bit in the intervening thirteen years. Faint lines framed his mouth and the corners of his eyes. Strands of silver glinted in his hair at the temples, and there were shadows in his dark brown eyes that spoke of secrets and disappointments that tugged at her curiosity. She had no idea how old he was, perhaps nearing forty, but he was nearly as fit as he’d been when she’d last seen him, and with his expertly tailored jacket, waistcoat, and breeches, he was quite an attractive man.

“Do I have something on my face?”

She frowned. “Not that I’m aware. Why?”

“You are staring at me quite intently.”

“Oh, I apologize. Just thought I saw vestiges of the man you’d been… before.” That was a silly explanation and betrayed more of an interest in him than she perhaps had. Not knowing what else to say, Nancy blew out a breath. “No matter how you feel about hosting a house party, I appreciate that your staff is serving breakfast for those of us who rise early. If I had to wait for two hours or so until the regular time, I would go mad.”

One corner of his mouth quirked but he didn’t fully grin. “So then, you aren’t the type of woman who enjoys a mug of drinking chocolate while writing letters as you’re waiting for breakfast?”

“I used to be when I was first married, and especially during the time I was increasing, but I thought it was wasting a portion of the day waiting for that day to officially start.” There were many times that she felt her words didn’t make sense to other people. “Instead, I answer correspondence in the afternoon a couple of days a week.” She poked at the food on her plate with her fork. “And with Andrew away at school now, my days feel long and empty.”

Why couldn’t she stop sharing private things about her life with him? Yet there was something about this man that invited confidences. Again, why? She’d never felt that about him before.

He nodded and refrained from commenting while the footman brought him a plate loaded with the same sorts of foods she had. “I have found over the years that responding to correspondence brings a sense of calm at times simply due to it being a benign activity.”

“I suppose.”

They ate in silence, and oddly enough, it wasn’t fraught with nerves or uncomfortable feelings. It was as if they’d known each other for ages, instead of only having met one night thirteen years ago.

“How have you been keeping yourself?” she asked him as she pushed a bit of scrambled egg about her plate. “Have you not married?” Perhaps the rumors were wrong.

One of his blond eyebrows rose in surprise. “I assumed you listened to society gossip.”

“I haven’t in some time, for I know how it is to be at the center of rumors, and then after a while, I didn’t care.” She took a tiny bite from one of her toast triangles. “For a long time, I had been consumed by grief and anger, so I ignored what was happening around me in London, so please indulge me. What has been going on in your life? According to my roommate, you hope to find a bride within the guests here at your house party.”

Good heavens, Nancy, stop talking!

A faint trace of a flush rose up his neck. “While it is true I have been putting out hints that I might like to marry, I rather doubt I’ll find the woman I wish to spend a lifetime with here at this house party.”

“How can you know that? Christmastide hasn’t yet arrived, and your party has only gotten started.” Then she laid her fork on her plate of half-eaten food. “Not to put to fine a point on things, but you don’t have a paunch, you have all your hair, your breath doesn’t smell like garlic, and you don’t have the pox. Any woman would choose you above all others if you were to ask.” In fact, she remembered when she’d been in his arms yesterday as he’d comforted her, that his shaving soap or cologne had smelled like evergreens and wind-driven snow with just a veriest hint of peppermint.

It had been like winter personified.

“Should I be flattered that you have categorized my form in such a way?” His lips twitched, but a grin still didn’t materialize. “Not that I mind your assessment.”

Heat slapped at her cheeks. “I merely made an observation.” When the footman took away her plate, she nodded her thanks. “However, here is another observation—I don’t see Miss Thompson as the next Lady Armestead.”

He chuckled, then, and when a grin curved his sensuous lips, her gaze dropped to his mouth, and all she could remember was that night when he’d kissed her right before asking for her hand. “Neither do I. She is far younger than me, and I’ll wager she’s a title chaser. Rather desperate at it.”

At least there was that. “Is there someone else here you might have romantic tendencies toward? I only ask because you must have filled your years with something.”

“Not you, too?” He huffed out a breath, finished the last bite of his toast, and then frowned. “You are as bad as Reggie.”

Oh, dear, she couldn’t remember who that was, for once they’d parted, she’d put everything about him from her mind. “I imagine the people in your circle are concerned about your well-being and your future.”

“Perhaps you are correct. My mother would have been so disappointed in my failure to marry and fill my nursery.” He then drained his cup, but the footman was there to promptly refill it and take away the plate. “The fact of the matter is that I haven’t had the enthusiasm enough to put myself out into society in order to scrutinize the offerings.”

“Why? I should think you are popular with any lady, and I rather doubt you have practiced abstinence over the course of your adult life.” Why couldn’t she stop her penchant for plain speaking? Where was this wildness coming from? That wasn’t the woman she’d been since marrying her husband, but then, perhaps now that she was free and out of mourning, she was merely remembering the woman she was meant to be all along.

It was quite confusing as well as frustrating.

“I, uh…” Edward tugged at the knot of his cravat. “I have had my fair share of mistresses, this is true.” Seconds later, he lowered his voice. “I have also been involved heavily in the House of Lords as well as other causes. Then there is my club.” He shrugged. “I suppose when I go back and look at it, the years were filled with unfulfilling things, but this isn’t the proper conversation for a genteel lady.”

“They weren’t unfulfilling if you gained a lesson from them. However, I have been that for far too long, and what did it gain me? A husband in love with his mistress for years, a son who hides his emotions by staying at school with his fellows, and two daughters I have had to bury and mourn.”

Was nothing sacred? Why couldn’t she keep aspects of her life private from this man?

The earl’s eyes widened. “I…” For the space of a few heartbeats, he took refuge in drinking his second cup of coffee. “I’m so sorry; I had no idea of the hardships you’ve suffered. Kitty didn’t tell me.”

“She didn’t know.” Feeling suddenly restless, Nancy left the sofa and drifted to the window. “We are not close friends, but we do enjoy a companionship, and at times, meeting her and having outings with your sister have been all that has kept me uplifted over the past two years. I think that is why she invited me here. She knows I’ve been lonely and have hidden myself away from society for far too long.”

“I understand that concern. Her husband—my best friend—has taken me to task for nearly the same thing.”

How interesting. Why would he wish to hide from society, other than being forced into a marriage? Then an unladylike snort escaped her. “Fear not. I never told her what occurred between the two of us either. She only knows that we met once but didn’t suit.”

“Then that leads us naturally into the next subject.” His voice sounded from directly behind her, and she startled, for she hadn’t been aware he’d followed her. “Why did you decide to give me the cut direct all those years ago after refusing my suit? It wasn’t as if such a thing didn’t happen all the time. You had a choice in whether you wished to marry a man or not, despite what your parents wanted.”

Well, drat. How long have I feared this day would come?

“I…” A sigh escaped her, and she rested a palm against the window glass. Outside, on the snow-covered lawn, a couple of deer crept out from the wooded area to go exploring, no doubt to find food. “I didn’t like how arrogant you were, how you treated your friends, or that you assumed I would fall at your feet in gratitude that you’d asked me to marry you.”

Where she assumed he would show annoyance, he merely nodded, and she watched his reflection in the window glass. “I can certainly understand how I came off as that sort of man, but you must understand, I was a nodcock then. At five and twenty, I was arrogant. I thought that being the heir to an earldom made me better than others, that I could have any woman I wanted.”

“That wasn’t the case?”

“Far from it. In fact, that thinking only led to shallow, empty interactions with nearly everyone I’d ever known. None of them connected with me on a deeper level.”

That was a surprising admission, but perhaps they were both owed that. “I understand, which was one of the reasons I had to turn down your suit. I didn’t love you, couldn’t fathom marrying a man without at least that.” Then she blew out a breath and laughed, but couldn’t quite keep the bitterness from that sound. “In the end, my own thinking was flawed, for I threw you over to marry a man where there was absolutely no love present.”

“If you had known that in advance, would you have wed me?” An odd light of hope appeared in his eyes but vanished with his next blink.

Would she? “I might have taken the chance.” Nancy glanced away as embarrassment warmed her cheeks. “My husband made a fool of me, but the difference there? You wouldn’t have done the same, even if we’d never fallen in love with each other. I don’t know how I know, but you would have had more integrity than that.”

For long moments, he regarded her, and when she returned her gaze to his, speculation shadowed his dark eyes. “Thank you for that, and I am sorry your life didn’t turn out as you’d hoped.”

“Thank you.” She nodded. “Have you changed, then? Are you a different man?” Would it make a difference to her now?

“I would like to hope so.” The sound of rustling fabric indicated he must have shrugged or shifted his stance. “Much of that came about when Kitty let Reggie illicitly court her last summer. Watching their romance bloom and seeing how in love they were with each other forced me to change my thinking on more than a few things.”

“Oh?” Slowly, she turned to face him, was startled again at just how close he stood to her. So close, in fact, that the scent of his shaving soap teased her nose. “And are you enjoying the man you are becoming?”

“Actually, I am.” The surprise in his eyes was genuine. “I realized that I had been harsh in some aspects of my dealings with others, and I had also been flippant and uncaring. While it had gained me attention and friends, none of that enhanced my life and they were very shallow, with the exception of Reggie.” Emotions flitted across his face. “In truth, I want to be more like him, because he is true, what every man should strive to be.”

“What a lovely revelation to have.” She eased her gaze over his jaw and the ruggedness therein, wishing she had the courage—and the privacy—to perhaps dance her fingertips there. He was so much more… solid and manly than he’d been as a young man all those years ago. What would a kiss from him feel like now? “I’m glad for you. Perhaps that will help you in your search for a wife.”

“Perhaps, if there is such a woman who can arrest my attention. That has been the problem over the years.” The odd intensity in his eyes both intrigued and puzzled her. “I suppose the question of the moment is this, and especially since you are here at this house party.” He rubbed a hand along the side of his face. “Do you believe that you and I can begin a new relationship? If we set aside the embarrassment from the past and recognize that we aren’t the same people we used to be, do you believe we can move forward this Christmastide with some semblance of friendship?”

Was that too much to ask or was it expected from a man who’d changed since the last time she’d known him?

“I think that would be acceptable.” She put a hand to her throat, for it was difficult to breathe while this close to him. “If you can forgive my occasional bursts into bitterness.”

“You have every right to your feelings.” Then he slowly grinned, and it loosed queer little butterflies in her lower belly. “I would like the chance for a renewed friendship with you. Over the years, I have had precious little true friends.”

For whatever reason, a tiny bubble of giddiness rose in her chest as she nodded. “That is how I’ve felt about my own life. Perhaps this Christmastide season won’t be as horrid as I originally thought… as long as you don’t force me into playing parlor games. I’m not good at them, and I don’t like being the center of attention.”

He chuckled, and the sound tickled through her insides. “Neither do I have that sort of skill, but I wouldn’t mind watching the others, especially my sisters, partake.”

A semblance of peace came over her, and she gave him a hesitant smile. “I look forward to seeing how the house party gets along.” Even if she wasn’t certain of him, but then, that didn’t matter with a friendship.

Did it?