Shattered (Koa #5)

37. Asher

Chapter 37

Asher

I t’s been a week since Lila came home, and things have only worsened. Despite the attempts from Macy, Neela, and me, Lila is a shell. I can’t blame her one bit. I watched nearly everything she went through, and even I’m having nightmares about it. Watching the woman I love in so much pain was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.

But she had to live it.

The wound care nurse came yesterday and removed the bandages on her hands and feet. Her other wounds aren’t infected but aren’t healing like they should be. When the nurse asked Lila if she was eating well, she lied. Even with proper use of her hands with her finger bandages off, she doesn’t seem to want to do anything .

We’ve tried to get her out of bed, even to the sofa. She wants nothing to do with it. We’ve tried to get her to eat, but she’s barely managing one meal a day and doesn’t eat all of it. She stays in bed, sleeping most of the time, and when she’s not sleeping, she’s mostly crying. I hold her through it, and she usually cries herself to sleep.

While she’s asleep, I call Macy, Neela, and Turner over to help. We meet on the deck so she can’t hear us. Gareth joins us this time, and Neela’s going to be late.

“I can’t get her out of bed, and she’s still hardly eating.”

“It’s only been a week, Asher. It takes time,” Macy says.

“How long did it take you?”

She glares at me. “Y’know, I wish you’d stop using me as your cheat sheet for suffering management. She’s not me, I’m not her, and we went through completely different experiences.”

“But how long did it take you?”

“Are you not listening?” Gareth growls. “It doesn’t matter how long it took Mace. We’re talking about Lila.”

Despite the desperation coursing through my blood, I know they’re right. I need to knock this shit off.

“I’m sorry. I’m just… I don’t know how to help her, and it’s making me crazy.”

“Asher, you need to take a step back,” Gareth says calmly. “I know just how you feel; I felt it, too. The best thing you can do is just be patient.”

Neela arrives before I can punch Gareth in the face, jogging from the driveway up the ramp with a bag in her hand. “Hey, sorry. I brought these. ”

She hands a bag to me, and I open it up, finding two sketchpads and a pack of high-quality pencils from an art store. There’s no art store in town, so she must’ve traveled to get these.

“You know she used to be an artist?” I say to everyone.

“She did?” Macy asks.

“Yeah, she told me, too,” Neela says.

Lila was pretty enthralled in the whole tattooing process. The designs she made that day Jared was in were beautiful, and when she wasn’t drawing, she couldn’t take her eyes off my machine to Jared’s skin.

“It’s a good idea. She needs to channel her anger into something,” Turner says.

Neela looks me dead in the eye. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

I do. And I don’t even need the confirmation. “Yeah, I am, but I can’t even get her out of bed. How the fuck am I gonna do that ?”

Neela’s lips press together as her eyes meet mine. “You find what she responds to, and you use it.”

I know what she’s trying to say, and it’s wrong, so fucking wrong. How can I do that to her? Hurt her to help her? She’s been hurt enough.

But she’s suffering, and I need to bring her back.