Shattered (Koa #5)

38. Asher

Chapter 38

Asher

I t’s been a few days since Neela brought us the sketchpads, and Lila hasn’t touched hers, despite my attempts. I know what I need to do to help Lila, but I’m afraid she’ll hate me. Still, I know it has to be done. She hasn’t washed up in a couple of days, and she needs it, so I figure I’ll start there. Lord knows it won’t take much to piss her off. I just hope I can get her back after.

When she gets up to use the bathroom, I transfer into my chair and head for the kitchen, finding Neela at the table.

“It’s time, leave,” I say, my voice low.

She nods, quickly jumping up. “Text me if you need me to come back. I won’t be far.”

“Thanks. ”

She quietly heads out the back door just as my heart starts to race. God, I do not want to fucking do this. But I have to.

When Lila exits the bathroom, I call her name, and she drags her feet to the kitchen doorway. She still looks pretty rough. Her clothes are from yesterday, and her hair is a mess.

“Where’s Neela?”

“She left. Macy will be here later.”

“Oh. I’m going back to bed,” she says tiredly, her brows downturned.

I ignore her statement, grabbing two containers of soup from the fridge that I had thawed overnight. “You wanna pop these in the microwave for us? I’d do it myself if I could reach the damn thing, and Neela just left.”

She takes only one of the containers from me and puts it in the microwave. She picks up the other and reaches for the fridge door, but I grab her by the hand, and she glares at me.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat something. Let’s have lunch, and then we’ll get you cleaned up and go to the shop.”

Her eyes narrow. “No, thanks.”

“I need to pick up some things, and I’ll need some help.”

She bristles, her extremely short fuse lit. “Someone can pick up what you need. I’m too tired.”

“You’re tired because you’re hardly eating,” I say, my temper growing.

Her eyes darken. “Asher, don’t start.”

“Lila, you need to-”

“What? I need to what?” she growls.

I give her a warning glare, but she doesn’t fold.

“I need to get over it?”

I frown, shaking my head. “Lila, no.”

“No, I get it. Lila’s broken, Lila’s sad. Maybe she’ll never get her ass out of bed again.”

“Do not turn this around on me,” I snap.

“Why? Why shouldn’t I?”

“You’re hardly eating, you smell like death, and you barely get out of bed. I’m allowed to be worried about you, just like you were worried about my leg.”

“NO!” Suddenly, her head practically explodes, releasing all the anger she had built up. “How fucking dare you? Why don’t you let me drown you in a scalding hot bathtub, and we’ll see how much you want to get on with your life, hmm? FUCK YOU!”

As much as I love her, I’d love to give her a good fucking shake right about now. “How are you supposed to heal if you won’t eat? Hmm? You’re a nurse, you’re not an idiot! So stop acting like one !”

She slams the soup onto the counter before stalking away from me back to the den, and I follow closely behind her. When she tries to lie down, I grab her again by the arm. When she nearly punches me in the head, trying to shake me off, that’s when I snap. I shove her onto the bed and carefully climb out of my chair, landing on her chest-to-chest. She tries to hit me, but I grab her wrists, pinning them to the bed. She glares up at me with rage as I hold her.

“What are you gonna do, Ash? Fuck me? Make me your dirty little slut again?” she hisses, shaking me off.

“Not before I shove some food down your goddamn throat!”

She scoffs. “I’d like to see you try. ”

“Fine. Skip the soup, and get your ass in the car. We’re going to the shop.”

“I’m not going anywhere!”

I knew she’d dig her heels in, but the more stubborn she gets, the more I have to push, and the more I feel like shit for it. “Lila, Bane’s dead, and I need your help. We’re gonna get you cleaned up, then you’re gonna get your ass in the fucking car.” I hate to play the dead friend card on her, but in this case, it’s effective.

The burning fury in her eyes breaks my heart. “I’m not washing up right now.”

“Yes, you are; you smell like shit. Bathroom, now. ”

She knocks her shoulder against mine as she passes me, and it probably hurts her more than me, but she’s too stubborn to make a sound. Instead, she stops halfway towards the bathroom and turns to glare at me again.

“Fuck you. I’ll clean myself.”

Once she’s cleaned up and wearing fresh clothes, we head to the shop with a heavy, uncomfortable silence between us. Though she still helps me with my chair, she’s aggressive about it. Despite all the bullshit I’ve put her through since the day I moved here, she’s never been this angry at me. I can only hope she’ll forgive me.

When we get to the shop, she quickly sits on the sofa. I pile what I need in my lap and return to Sunshine, setting the things on the desk.

“What are you doing?” Lila finally asks .

I motion for her to sit down and place a large piece of fake skin in front of her. Then, I set up Bane’s tattoo machine with a fresh needle and black ink. I grab her sketchpad, the one I gave her the day she was here with Jared and me. I open it to the mountain.

“While I print some designs for my binders, I want you to tattoo that mountain the size of your palm on this fake skin.”

Her brows pull together as if she can’t see where I’m going with this. “Why? I don’t even know how.”

“Just humor me.”

“I’ll pass.”

I huff. “Lila, just fucking do it.”

I know she’s too tired to bother fighting me, so once I show her how to start and stop the machine and how to hold it, she goes at it. While I do my thing, she works beside me. After some time passes, some of her hostility melts away, and she becomes a little more malleable.

“How do I shade?” she asks.

“Don’t worry about that yet. Just do the line work.”

Once I’m finished with my fake busy work, Sunshine is finishing up the design. Without the shading, it’s pretty simple, and she nails it. It looks exactly like the one on her sketchpad but smaller. I don’t know how she does that.

“Asher, what are we doing here?” she repeats.

“You’re gonna tattoo that on my ankle.”

Her response is pure terror. “What? NO!”

“Yes, you are.”

“Ash, I don’t know how. I could hurt you!”

“I’m right here to help. The worst you’ll do is give me a shitty tattoo, but I don’t think you will.”

She’s not convinced, and her anger skyrockets again. “Why are you being such a fucking asshole today!?”

“Bane was going to tattoo a mountain on me. Now, he can’t. Fucking do it.”

Playing on her heartstrings works, and after a little more hesitation, she gives me a hesitant nod.

Since she doesn’t know what she’s doing, I set everything up for her and show her how to keep everything clean, which she catches onto easily, being a nurse. I lay on my side in the chair, giving her the easiest angle to work with. When she picks up the machine, I stop her.

“Remember, hold it like you were before.”

She corrects herself. “Like this?”

“Perfect.”

Having the number of tattoos I already have, I can tell the moment she touches that needle to my skin that she’s not pushing hard enough.

“A little deeper, Sunshine.”

“Like this?”

It might be a little too heavy-handed now, but that’s alright. If it blows out, so what? It’s her first tattoo.

“Much better.”

She’s slow as a snail at first, not trusting herself. This tattoo boot camp may be a little extreme, but I think she needs extreme. When I check after a few minutes, I see she’s doing good. Her lines are steady, but she’s tense as a board.

“Lila, relax. ”

She removes the machine and shoots me a glare.

“Okay, bad choice of words. Just loosen up. Have fun. This is supposed to be fun.”

She scoffs. “Fun for who?”

“For you! You’re giving me a tattoo!”

Something I say seems to stick because she’s a little more confident when she returns to my ankle.

The tattoo doesn’t take her long, being it’s just line work. Once she’s done, she turns off the machine and sets it down, and I take a look. It’s too deep in spots, with insufficient ink in others. Despite that, her lines are steady.

“You did great, Sunshine,” I say.

“It looks like shit.”

Her eyes clench shut as she spirals out of control.