Shelf-Made Man

Chapter 7

Chapter

Seven

T obias twisted around and saw two large men entering the dining room. Well, one large man—who looked to be as big as Tobias—and one enormous one. Tobias guessed they were in their seventies, and both were dressed in jeans and flannel. The comparatively smaller one had a long white ponytail and was clean-shaven, while the giant had an unwieldy cloud of steely curls and an impressive grizzled beard. He looked like Paul Bunyan’s grandfather. Both of them seemed robust despite the gray hair and wrinkles, and they had stopped in their tracks to stare back at Alfie and Tobias.

Heart racing, Tobias leaned toward Alfie and attempted to whisper. “Is that guy a troll?”

Frowning, Alfie shook his head. “He resembles a snjómaeur, but not… exactly.” He didn’t appear alarmed, which was good. Tobias remembered that sn jómaeur meant yeti, and that Alfie had said they weren’t dangerous. But still.

The newcomers marched over to Tobias and Alfie’s table. “What are you?” demanded the maybe-yeti.

But then his companion elbowed him. “That’s kind of rude, Jerry.” He smiled. “Forgive us, gentlemen. We spend a lot of time in the forest. Sometimes we sort of forget how to act civilized.”

Even though Tobias was still trying to process this interaction, Alfie was unfazed. “It was a reasonable question. I was wondering the same of you, in fact. Forgive me for not standing and introducing myself properly. I’ve had a leg injury and prefer to remain seated.”

“Don’t worry about it. We?—”

“I’m Jerry,” the giant interrupted. He had a slight southern accent. “This is my partner, Art. Are you here to create any trouble?”

Alfie shook his head. “We’re simply passing through.”

By now, Tobias was slightly annoyed. “Are you guys cops or something? Because no offense, but you’re a little, uh….”

“Old,” Art finished for him with a chuckle. “Yep. And no, not cops. But Jerry was Forest Service—he’s retired now—and I’m retired from the Bureau of Trans-Species Affairs. We used to be law enforcement adjacent, and I guess we haven’t quite kicked the habit.”

Although Tobias had never heard of the weird- sounding bureau, it was a relief to know that he wasn’t the subject of a manhunt due to what had happened in Portland. At least not yet. “We’re having a quiet dinner, after which we’re heading back to our hotel room and going to sleep. We’ll be gone by morning.”

Jerry and Art exchanged looks, then Art nodded. “Look, your business is, well, none of our business. But your friend here says he’s hurt. If you need some help, we still know people in the Bureau who can help. Part of the Bureau’s responsibility is to assist non-human sentients when they’re in trouble.”

Non-human sentients?

Before Tobias could ask for more details, Alfie spoke up. “I thank you. But Tobias is assisting me wonderfully, and in any case my problems… well, let’s say they exist in a realm well outside the Bureau’s jurisdiction.”

Art shrugged. “Fair enough. We’ll let you eat in peace. I see that Camila’s about to bring you some chocolate cake. You’re gonna enjoy that.”

As the waitress approached the table, Art nodded and headed toward a vacant table near one of the windows. Jerry, however, stayed put and then, grinning, pointed at his foot. The biggest foot Tobias had ever seen. “Half,” Jerry said. “On my father’s side. You?”

Alfie tugged off his hat, revealing his pointed ears and making Jerry guffaw. “I’ll be darned. Well, I guess it’s the season.” Jerry turned his attention to Tobias. “What about you? ”

“I’m just an ordinary man.”

“Huh. Well, all right. You two take care.” He gave them a salute before trundling off to join his partner.

Camila, of course, had also seen Alfie’s ears, but she simply shrugged. She set down the plates. “Enjoy!” she said and sailed away.

The cake was as wonderful as promised, but Tobias was too distracted to fully appreciate it. “Are there lots of, um, non-human sentients? Like… I don’t know.” He did a quick mental inventory of various movies and books. “Dragons and goblins and unicorns and merfolk and… and vampires and?—”

“I don’t know. This is your world, not mine.” Alfie licked some frosting off his fork, which almost distracted Tobias from his distraction. “We know quite a bit about you, just as you do about us, but I imagine both sides are stuffed with myths and misconceptions. I wish I’d had the opportunity to explore your world under happier circumstances.”

Tobias was going to pursue this, but he noticed—belatedly—that Alfie looked a little drawn. “Are you ready to head back?”

“I think so.”

After Tobias paid, he helped Alfie to his feet and provided an arm for support. It was a little selfish of him, how much he liked performing this role for Alfie. It made him feel useful and as if his size was finally a benefit instead of an embarrassment.

And speaking of size, Art and Jerry watched as Tobias helped Alfie toward the exit. Alfie waved good- bye at them and they both waved back. But Alfie and Tobias had taken only a few steps outside when Jerry rushed through the door, moving with unexpected speed for someone his age and size. “Are you sure you don’t want to get in touch with the Bureau? They saved my ass, a long time ago.”

“I’d prefer to have as few people involved as possible.” The way Alfie said it, Tobias found it easy to believe he was a prince.

Jerry shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He squinted down at Tobias. “Are you sure you’re entirely human? I could’ve sworn…. Well, never mind. Can I give you boys some advice?”

“I’d be honored, sir,” said Alfie.

“When things get rough, nothing beats having a good partner. Keep close to each other, you know? And happy holidays.”

Jerry patted each of them on the shoulder—Alfie gently but Tobias almost hard enough to make him stagger—and then ambled back into Black Bart’s.

“I’ve never truly had a partner, for anything,” Alfie said as he and Tobias shuffled back to the motel. “I’ve had friends, of course. Lovers. But when I was younger I was too wayward to be interested in accomplishments, and when I grew older, I was too proud to enlist help, I suppose. Too shortsighted. Perhaps things would have gone differently if I hadn’t insisted on confronting Kol by myself.” He stopped in his tracks, still clutching Tobias’s arm, shivering a little in the cold .

“What’s wrong?”

“None of this is fair to you. Nobody asked whether you wanted this role. You’ve been put in danger and forced to flee your home. You’ve?—”

“I want this role.”

Tobias stated that with a sureness that surprised even him. Maybe he wasn’t being especially rational, but rationality might not be the best choice when your whole world has turned upside down. Anyway, he felt what he felt, and he wanted to help Alfie. He couldn’t recall wanting anything so desperately, in fact.

Alfie was staring at him as if Tobias—even though not an elf prince—was the remarkable one. “I’m just a data engineer,” Tobias protested.

“You’re not ‘just’ anything.”

It was a short walk back to their room, but by the end, Tobias was nearly carrying Alfie. Inside, Alfie sank heavily onto the bed and didn’t protest as Tobias removed his borrowed coat, sneakers, and socks. “How’s your leg? And your bruises?”

“Better.”

Alfie must have realized that Tobias didn’t believe him, so he peeled off his flannel shirt and tee, revealing a pale chest still mottled with discolorations. They were less horrifying than they’d been the day before, however, and the tattoos were extra swirly. He managed to wiggle out of the borrowed sweatpants and unwrapped the bandage on his leg. The wound had closed already and there was no sign of infection, although everything was scabby and slightly swollen. “See?”

“You do heal quickly.”

“An advantage of being an elf. I’m going to end up with a scar, of course, but that’s fine. And now I owe you the rest of my tale. Will you join me in bed to hear it?”

Bed. Yes. The one and only bed, which was plenty big enough for the two of them despite Tobias’s size. Alfie was currently climbing under the covers. Naked. Apparently Tobias was trapped in a romance trope after all.

He swallowed, said, “Um, I need a minute,” and rushed off to the bathroom.

It was a tiny space, with both a mirror and a shower that forced him to stoop. He glared at his reflection as he whispered, “You faced trolls today. You can manage an overnight with a nude elf.” Unconvinced, he took his time getting ready for bed. Maybe if he dawdled long enough, Alfie would be asleep when Tobias emerged.

Except Tobias really did need to hear the rest of the Kol story, which he already knew wouldn’t end happily.

Alfie was still wide awake and looking amused when Tobias stepped out of the bathroom. “You must be very clean by now. ”

Tobias simply stood there, feeling huge and awkward and stupid.

“Is everything all right?” asked Alfie.

There was no way to answer that without sounding awkward and stupid. So instead Tobias stripped as quickly as possible, leaving on his boxer briefs, and dove under the blankets. He stared up at the ceiling rafters as if they might offer suggestions on how not to be a dork.

Alfie switched off the bedside light. “You are a beautiful man,” he said softly.

“In the dark, sure.”

“Elves have excellent night vision.”

“Look, you don’t have to?—”

“Beautiful,” Alfie repeated firmly and stroked Tobias’s cheek with a single warm finger. “And don’t argue with me about it. My family is renowned for our exacting and exquisite taste in aesthetics. Even Kol can’t be criticized in that regard.”

Right—Kol. Who was way more important right now than the fact that Alfie’s touch made Tobias burn, made his skin feel too tight, made him want to lose himself forever in Alfie’s embrace.

“Tell me about Snjokarl, please.”

Alfie sighed deeply enough to shake the mattress. “As you said, he radicalized Kol. He’s not merely persuasive—he’s dangerous as well. Most of the empire’s trolls live in his kingdom and are faithful to him. He uses them as guards and… thugs. ”

“And you said trolls can cross over from one world to the other.”

“Yes. And in addition to being strong, they are excellent trackers. They can find almost anything or anyone if they set their minds to it. They would be a formidable force on their own if they were numerous, but luckily for the rest of us, their belligerent temperaments—off-putting to even their own kind—have kept their population small and prevented them from unifying.”

Trackers. Well, that explained how the trolls had found Alfie at Tobias’s house. Horrifyingly, it also suggested that they’d discover him wherever he went. All the more reason to talk to Aunt Virginia, since Tobias couldn’t think of anyone else who could possibly help.

But wait. “If they’re so great at finding stuff, how come they didn’t discover you for… I don’t know how long? Decades.”

“Because I was inanimate. Once the enchantment was removed and I was once again a living being, they found me straight away.”

“Oh.” Tobias supposed that made some sense. “Sorry—I interrupted your story. What happened after Snjokarl got to Kol?”

Another sigh from Alfie. “Father became ill, and as he weakened, Kol exerted his own power more often. He and I argued more violently. Perhaps it would have been better had I held my temper and tried to counter Snjokarl’s effects, but I’m not patient. And honestly, I feared what would happen to our kingdom when Father died. I belatedly realized that I needed allies—partners—but also realized that if I recruited my friends to support me, there was a strong possibility that they’d be prosecuted for treason once Kol had the crown.”

“You must have felt so alone.”

“Isolated and terrified. And not making rational choices. I should have fled the kingdom, but I couldn’t bear the thought of abandoning my father as he lay dying.”

In the heavy silence that followed, something occurred to Tobias. “You haven’t mentioned your mother.”

“My mother was a member of one of the wild clans that live in the far north, outside the empire’s boundaries. They are few in number. They want nothing to do with any form of governance, and they rarely interact with outsiders. I’m told she traveled south out of youthful curiosity, met the ruler of the Kingdom of the Five Sisters, and… had a fling. A bit of a protracted one. She promised the king she would give him two children as long as he promised that after she left, neither he nor their offspring would ever try to contact her. She returned to her homeland a few months after I was born.”

Tobias considered that for a moment. “Did that make you sad?”

“Not especially. My father loved me and I was well cared for. I never knew her, so I didn’t miss her. ”

That made sense. Tobias had never minded not having a father. “I’m sure your father appreciated having you there when he was ill.”

“He did, and despite everything, I don’t regret staying at his bedside. His mind was muddled at the end, but he knew that I was there and told me he loved me.”

Alfie sounded a little choked up, so Tobias reached over to pat his shoulder consolingly. Somehow, however, Alfie ended up snuggled up against him, head tucked into the crook of Tobias’s arm and soft hair tickling Tobias’s cheek. It felt lovely.

Maybe Alfie thought so too, because he gave a little wiggle, settling more comfortably into position, and this time his sigh sounded contented rather than heavy. “You don’t mind?”

“Not a bit.”

“Mmm. Perfect.” He wiggled again. “It’s much easier to talk about unpleasant things when I’m near you like this. You are a bulwark against sorrow. Father died. Kol immediately began making plans to withdraw from the empire. Which would quite likely result in a war, but he didn’t seem concerned about that. He demanded that at his coronation I publicly state my endorsement of his ideas. I refused. We had the biggest fight yet, which is when I finally recognized the truth I’d been avoiding: that he would kill me over this. My own brother. So then I fled. But it was too late. He sent Snjokarl after me.”

Alfie shuddered and Tobias held him more tightly. “Too chicken to go after you himself?”

“Snjokarl likely requested the task. He hates me because I opposed him. And he’s a sadistic wretch. Anyway, I went north, hoping to leave the kingdom, but Snjokarl’s trolls caught me before I reached the border and dragged me to him. I like to think that my brother’s instructions were to kill me straight away, and that the torture was Snjokarl’s personal addition.”

“He tortured you?” Appalled, Tobias clutched Alfie even more tightly, until he realized that might be painful and relented a bit.

Ironically, Alfie ended up comforting Tobias. “Only a little,” he said, stroking Tobias’s arm. “I managed to escape my bonds before he got too far. I tried to get out of the palace where he held me, but one of his trolls found me. I’m not much of a fighter even at my best, and I knew it was a lost cause, but I struggled anyway because what else could I do? Better to die quickly during an escape attempt than slowly at Snjokarl’s hands. The troll… he had a knife. That’s how my leg was injured. And then….” He trailed off into silence.

“It’s a terrible memory. You don’t have to talk about it anymore.” Tobias figured he’d heard all the important parts anyway. Not that he really had a handle on how Alfie had ended up in this world, and as a doll to boot. He also had no clue how Alfie might escape his pursuers. But he hoped Aunt Virginia could help with that.

“It’s not that I don’t want to say more, Tobias. I can’t , because I don’t really remember what happened. There was a lot of shouting. A burst of light? And then… then I was in your house and I hurt and I thought you were a troll. I’m sorry about that part.”

“I’ve seen trolls now, and I know what I look like. I can understand your confusion.”

Alfie yawned noisily, which made Tobias yawn too. It wasn’t especially late, but they’d had a trying day, and Tobias wanted to get an early start. His eyelids felt heavy. And Alfie was so warm and sweet against him, so comfortable , as if the two of them had been made to lie like this. Also, he smelled remarkably like the peppermint milkshake that Tobias had enjoyed with dinner.

“We’ll get to San Francisco tomorrow and we’ll figure this out,” Tobias promised. “I won’t let Snjokarl get his claws on you again.”

“My hero.”

Those two good words floated around in Tobias’s head and eventually followed him into sleep, where he dreamed of castles and kings and beautiful elves. They were good dreams.

When he awakened at dawn, Alfie was nowhere to be found.

Tobias’s first, horrifying thought was that the trolls had whisked Alfie back to their world. It seemed unlikely they’d manage that without waking Tobias, but he’d seen a lot of strange things lately.

He was saved from hysterics when he noticed the piece of paper lying on top of his small suitcase. The paper had been torn from the motel notepad, and it contained a message written in spiky but legible cursive:

My dearest Tobias,

I am so sorry to do this to you. But I’ve put you in mortal danger. I cannot allow harm to come to you. The trolls will leave you alone if I’m not near you.

Thank you for being a true friend. You may think me foolish, but I do love you already despite our short time together. I’m grateful I’ve had the chance to love.

Yours always,

A

Instead of dissolving into hysterics, Tobias nearly threw a tantrum. With considerable effort, he got hold of himself and took a few deep breaths to clear his brain. “ Think , Lykke,” he said as he hastily pulled on his clothes. “Where the hell is an injured elf going to go at seven thirty in the morning?”

Of course, Alfie could have left hours ago. He’d said he had good night vision. That was too dismal to even consider.

Tobias gathered his few belongings and ventured out into the cold. His car was still there, so Alfie hadn’t driven away; Tobias doubted he would have even known how. A glance up the empty street told him that none of the few shops or restaurants were open yet. Alfie could have hitched a ride out of town. Or he could be hiding somewhere in town, in a shed maybe, or even inside someone’s house.

God, he could be anywhere.

“Think ,” he repeated, turning a slow circle in the little parking lot. Talking to himself was better than doing nothing at all, he hoped. Better than giving up and never seeing Alfie again. Spending the rest of his life wondering what had happened to him, picturing him being tortured and killed, picturing him all alone in either one of the two worlds.

Up the street, there was a clock tower on the building that housed a bank and the local newspaper. Tobias stopped, stared at it, and knew it was sending him a message. Time . Now was the time. He could live in denial and resign Alfie to his fate. Or he could allow himself to accept the truth… and just maybe have some hope of finding the elf who loved him.

“I am Tobias Hilmar Lykke,” he said out loud. To the sleeping town. To the world at large. To himself. “I am the son of Isabella Lykke. I am the godson of Virginia Segreti, Countess of Contovello. I am a data engineer.

“And I am a troll.”