Spare Me

Chapter 20

Mr. Martini

U up?

You did not seriously just say that to me.

Mr. Martini

What do you mean? I just didn’t want to be blowing up your phone if you were asleep.

M addy sighed, realizing that this was likely another of the strange but significant lacunae in Alex’s pop culture knowledge that she’d have to explain to him at some point not over text.

Never mind. I’m up.

Mr. Martini

I miss you

Oh yeah? What do you miss about me?

Mr. Martini

That sassy mouth, for one thing

The noises you make when I’m driving you over the edge

Your incredible tits

Well now that I’ve been thoroughly objectified…

Mr. Martini

Mads! Of course I miss everything about you.

I know, I was only kidding

I miss you too

How has your week been?

Mr. Martini

Unbelievably busy. I think the press office is worried that people think I’m only here for the wedding, so they’ve been sending Ben and me out on joint appearances to build up this image that we’re inseparable

I mean, you like your brother… that doesn’t sound so bad?

Mr. Martini

I mean, it’s not terrible. But have you ever been required to spend copious amounts of time with someone who was so much more high-profile than you that you basically blended into the background?

...literally every day of my childhood growing up as the child of a heavily decorated high-ranking member of the United States Army

Mr. Martini

Oh. Right.

But yes, I know it kind of sucks. Sorry, A.

Mr. Martini

It’s fine. It’s the job. I just hate that it means I haven’t seen you in days.

Me, too. What’s on the docket for today?

Mr. Martini

We’re on the train on our way out to Wales. Ben will get dubbed Prince of Wales basically the second he gets married, so we have to be sure it doesn’t look like he only set foot in Wales once he got the title.

...by setting foot there for the first time a month before he gets the title?

Mr. Martini

Precisely

“Who are you messaging with that goofy grin on your face?” Ben’s voice cut into Alex’s mind, pulling his focus away from his phone.

“No one,” he answered quickly, pocketing the device before his brother could see. Even in their thirties, they’d been known to play keep-away, and he definitely didn’t want Benji seeing all of the things he’d said to Maddy lately. He’d been so busy their relationship had been almost exclusively via text and, despite both of their concerns about security leaks, they’d gotten a bit racy several times.

“Bullshit.” Ben said. “Is it the same girl from Christmas? The one you ditched the family for?”

“I did not ditch the family!”

“Mate, you left like five seconds after they cleared the dessert plates from Christmas tea.”

“If we’d stayed much longer, cousin Charlotte would have made a corgi-skin coat. ”

“True.” Ben snickered. “But we both know that’s not the only reason you went flying out of there at the earliest opportunity.”

Alex sighed. He and his brother didn’t always see eye-to-eye on things, but he knew he could trust Ben. He didn’t always give the soundest advice on everything, but, he forced himself to acknowledge, it might be good to have someone he could confide in besides Maddy.

“Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone—especially not Mum and Dad.”

Ben’s face somehow turned simultaneously immediately serious and completely giddy with glee. “Of course not, bro. Tell me!”

“Her name is Madeleine. Maddy. She’s American.” Alex saw his brother’s jaw drop slightly, but ignored him. “I met her doing that gala concert in November. She works at the embassy.” The story came out in fits and starts—starting with their first few hangs as “friends,” which was never what he wanted at all, to taking her to Windsor and kissing her for the first time, to their blissful five days over the holidays. He left out Maddy’s personal backstory. That wasn’t his tale to tell. But he gradually revealed the full story of him and Maddy until he was confessing, “So yeah. I guess we just try to see each other as much as we can and keep it really casual.”

Ben let out a low whistle. “Mate, you’ve gotten yourself in a heap of trouble there, haven’t you?”

“What do you mean?” Alex asked defensively.

“You can’t marry an American!”

“Who said anything about marriage? We’re just fooling around!” He hated himself, even as the words came out. No matter how secret their relationship had to be, no matter how casual they insisted they were keeping it, what they had had never been anything as tawdry as “fooling around,” and he damn well knew it .

Apparently Ben did too. “That’s absolutely nonsensical. I can tell just by the way you’re talking about her that you’re totally gone for her. I’ve never heard you talk about anyone that way before.”

Alex hung his head. “I mean,” he began, trying to formulate a response when he knew his brother was right. “Yes. I know we can’t get married. And I don’t think she wants to. She’s… she’s had a hard time. She’s not ready for anything serious. I just… I just want her to feel special. And cared for.”

Ben’s face softened. “I mean, that’s admirable as fuck, mate, but what are you going to do when her ambassador gets recalled?”

Alex sighed again. “No idea. That’s why we’re keeping it casual. She’s terrified of being exposed by the press, she’s not ready for anything serious, and by the end of the year her boss will probably be out of a job and they’ll all be packing it in and flying back to the States.”

Ben clapped him on the back sympathetically. “That’s shit, man. I’m sorry.”

Alex shrugged. “I mean, who knows where this will go. But we’re having fun for as long as we can.”

He didn’t miss the sad look on his brother’s face when he said, “As long as you think you know what you’re doing…” He sounded very doubtful on that front, and frankly Alex didn’t entirely blame him. He was starting to feel like he didn’t really know what he and Maddy were doing either. But he knew that he was starting to feel like he couldn’t live without her. “You should bring her around to dinner or drinks or something sometime,” Ben went on, pulling Alex out of his thought spiral. “I want to meet the girl who has you looking so lovesick you’re about to puke.”

“I am not lovesick!” Alex exclaimed.

“Yeah, sure, okay,” Ben replied with a grin. “But really. I’d like to meet her. ”

Alex smiled. “I think you’d like her.”

“If she makes you that happy, I’m sure I will.”

Their conversation was interrupted then by the announcement that they were pulling into their station. Alex slipped his iPad back into the shoulder bag he carried on these daylong events and stood to shrug into his overcoat. As the train slid into Cardiff Central Station, he took a few deep breaths, slapped on his publicity smile, and followed his brother out into the throngs. A camera flash went off right in front of them as they both waved to the gathered crowd, and he suddenly realized two things: one, he couldn’t ask Maddy to go back to this if every flash was going to send her straight back to the panic and grief that had consumed her after Evan’s death; and two, Ben was right. He was totally lovesick.