Spicy Sapphic Christmas

18. Bea

EIGHTEEN

bea

“Jo,” Bea called down the corridor of the studio before Jo could leave. Piper had left following Bunny’s outburst with the promise that things would be all right. Bea, however, had her doubts.

Siena hadn’t looked impressed, and Bea’s heart hadn’t stopped stuttering since Bunny had walked out.

“Hey.” Jo stopped walking before she reached the main door. “What’s up?”

“I thought maybe we could grab a pizza and have dinner tonight.”

Jo nodded, threading her arm with Bea’s as they stepped outside of the studio. Bea shivered as the cool evening air embraced her. The parking lot for the studio wasn’t well lit and only one other car remained besides her own and Jo’s.

“Want to follow me to mine or will I follow you to yours?” Bea laughed as they nudged closer together as they walked across the loose gravel. The crunch sounded loud in the dim light, and Bea wished she hadn’t spent last night watching reruns of an old crime show, or that Bunny’s outburst hadn’t affected her so much.

Her heart sank.

After some discussion about logistics, Bea left with Jo following behind her. Thankfully the drive was against the main flow of traffic, so it didn’t take them as long as it usually took Bea to get home.

Once the pizza was ordered and drinks poured, the two sat on cushions on the living room floor, the coffee table between them.

“So.” Jo smiled, her eyes wide with questions as she looked at Bea. “What inspired this sisterly get together?”

“What do you mean?” Bea knew exactly what Jo meant. They spent a lot of time together—they always had. But Jo had never been oblivious to Bea’s inability to just say what was on her mind.

“What’s going on?”

“I need to tell you something I did, and I’m not sure how you’re going to handle it.”

“Okay.” Jo’s smile spread across her face, and she leaned forward, eager to hear what Bea had to say.

Bea ran the pads of her fingers over her palm, trying to work out the best way to word why she had gone to Siena.

“I might have crossed a line.” Bea started, and Jo’s smile grew. “But I’m worried about you, and I felt it was important to let Siena know.”

“What?” Jo’s smile vanished in an instant. She leaned away from Bea, eyes blinking as though she had just been woken in the middle of the night. “What are you talking about?”

“I told Siena about Mandy.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I’m worried she’s going to worm her way back in and make trouble again.”

“You mean for us.” Jo rested against the couch, her shoulders slumped and her head dropping forward.

“My biggest concern is you.” Jo knew that, didn’t she? Had Bea really gone on about the band more than her concern for Jo?

“I know.” Jo nodded and lifted her head.

Bea had to give her credit. She’d imagined Jo going off at her about interfering in her life again. She even managed a weak smile for Bea. The tension Bea had been hoping to ease hadn’t, and she couldn’t put her finger on what was still holding her in this place of stress. Bea clenched her jaw and sucked down a big gulp of beer.

“There isn’t anything else you want to tell me?” Jo’s lips quivered, trying to find that big smile again but not quite managing it.

The rapid knocking on the door saved Bea from having to answer immediately, but as she grabbed her wallet and paid for the pizza, her mind whirled about what Jo might want her to talk about. What had that big grin been expecting to hear?

Food and napkins sorted, the sisters sat more comfortably, relaxing into memories of when they had shared an even smaller apartment than Bea’s current one. They were halfway through the first slice, and Bea still couldn’t place that tension. She hated it. She wanted the ease that they used to have together. She wanted her sister back.

“Jo, what did you think I was going to tell you?” Bea put her food down and grabbed her drink. She’d do anything to mend what she’d so clearly broken.

Jo’s smile returned as she finished her current bite of pizza. “I thought maybe there was something you were going to tell me about.” She let the word linger in the air between them.

“Tell you about?” Bea loved her sister, but this was not one of the things she particularly enjoyed. “Just spit it out.”

“I was kind of hoping you’d tell me what’s going on with you and Bunny.” Jo wrinkled her nose before taking another bite of her pizza.

“Oh.” Bea’s stomach flipped over at the mixed thoughts speeding around her mind like race cars on a track.

“Oh?” Jo smiled. It was the smile that reminded Bea of the early years. Of nights lying awake, talking about dreams for the future, touring the world as a famous band and truly living the life they both wanted.

“I really like her,” Bea said.

“Yes!” Jo fist pumped the air, and Bea rolled her eyes, though the smile lingered on her lips. Just saying those words out loud brought a happiness to her that she hadn’t felt in ages. “But it’s crazy and stupid, and I don’t know what the hell is going on between us. And after today… I just don’t know.”

“So there’s something going on?” Jo wriggled around, crossing her legs and giving her full attention to her big sister.

“Yeah.” Bea bobbed her head back and forth, unsure if the answer to that was a simple yes or no. “But I have no idea what it is.”

“Do you like like her?”

“Oh my God.” Bea laughed, her cheeks burning as the memories of Bunny’s face between her legs multiple times resurfaced. “Are we teenagers again?”

“Lately, I’ve wondered that.” Jo’s face pinked, and Bea smiled. It wasn’t too hard to see where Jo’s mind had led.

“But maybe? No? Yes?” Bea didn’t want to push, even if talking about Bunny wasn’t exactly what she thought the night would be focused around.

“It’s not like you not to know.”

“I do like her, more than I should. But her reaction about the costumes…” Bea shook her head and used the seat of the couch to rest her head. “I could never be serious with someone who’s so set on being closeted. A simple rainbow outfit had her losing her shit. And to change the lyrics to make it about two women instead of a man and a woman? Hard no for her.”

“I guess so.” Jo nodded, her eyebrows furrowing. “Piper did tell me that Bunny had some major hang-ups about either of them officially coming out.”

“Oh yeah?” Bea tried to reel in her curiosity, but she was also too exhausted to care all that much.

“Yeah. Back when they started, there were a few bands who came out and their careers were entirely killed by it. But I think there were some threats to both Bunny and Piper too, because of the rumors.”

“That’s terrible.” Bea tried to imagine seeing anyone be destroyed by being authentic. Theoretically, she knew it had happened, and she wasn’t blind to any of the underhanded bullshit. There was more than one manager they had refused to be represented by, for that reason. But to actually see the fallout?

Had she been too hard on Bunny?

“Yeah, but who knew she was capable of having such a huge meltdown. Piper is a bit worried about her, actually. This hasn’t apparently happened before. Not like this. And according to Piper, Siena is pissed. Like pissed pissed.” Jo shoved another mouthful of pizza between her lips.

“You and Piper seem to be getting close.” Bea eyed her sister carefully, taking in all the changes to see if she was on the right track or not.

“We are. She was there when Mandy started texting again.” Jo chewed slowly, her cheeks paling just enough for Bea to really know just how much those text messages had affected her.

“Oh.” A sliver of pain made itself known somewhere in Bea’s chest. She hadn’t been there when Jo had needed her. She was an awful big sister, and all because she’d been distracted by whatever was going on with Bunny. Swallowing her pride, Bea asked, “And did she help?”

“She really did.”

“And do you like like her?” Bea genuinely wanted to know. It had been a long time since Jo had talked about having a crush on someone. Since Mandy, actually.

Jo giggled, the sound so pure that Bea couldn’t deny the happiness that Piper had brought to her.

Bea picked up the TV remote and flicked on some late-night reruns. It seemed to be the only thing she watched nowadays, and it was one-hundred-percent only because the murmurs of the characters helped to lull her to sleep.

Bea jumped up and offered her hands to help Jo to her feet. They sat back on the couch, a routine that used to be a far more regular thing, and leaned into each other.

“Bea?”

“Yeah?” Bea asked as she stifled a yawn.

“Do you really think Mandy is going to do something stupid at the charity event?”

“I want to say no. I really do. But honestly, I have no idea. I have a pretty strong feeling that she’s going to try. But with Bunny and Siena on the case, whatever she’s planning on trying, she won’t get very far.”

“I suppose not.”

Without looking, Bea knew Jo was chewing nervously on her bottom lip.

“What did Piper say when you told her about it?”

“She told me I deserved better than someone who only wants me when I’m in the spotlight.” That spread of color dotted over Jo’s face once again, highlighting the ever-present freckles that Bea was secretly jealous of. It gave her the perfect girl-next-door look that Bea had never managed to have.

“I like her even more now.” Bea smiled at both Piper’s advice and the effect she seemed to be having on Jo.

“She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.”

“Good.” I know just how you feel , Bea thought. “Now stop worrying about Mandy. We’ll take care of it if she dares to come around.”

“I’m trying not to worry. But I don’t want my stupid mistakes to ruin this event. I’ve been looking up the Holbrook Foundation, and it sounds pretty amazing. And this is such a big deal for us, you know?”

Bea cringed. She had to distract Jo as best as she could. She had to stop the bad thoughts from consuming their entire night, and while she couldn’t stop her own turmoil over Bunny, she could certainly distract the both of them with whatever budding relationship was happening with Piper and Jo. “Well, why don’t you tell me more about Piper? I’m sure that’ll help keep your mind off the crazy one.”

“I miss this.” Jo almost bounced out of her seat as she spoke.

Bea smiled, letting the statement wash over them for a moment or two. She didn’t turn to Jo, and Jo seemed to remain staring straight ahead as well.

“I miss it too, baby sis.”

Thankfully, neither of them needed to be anywhere in the morning, and studio time hadn’t been available until the afternoon. They could stay up late, eat junk food, and sleep in all morning.

“Do you ever think you might one day just call me sister, or better yet, just Jo?”

“Probably not.” Bea chuckled as she tried to work out what the characters of the scene were talking about. Her emotions were too much, and the conversation had taxed the last of her energy reserves.

“Thanks.” Jo laughed, and she all but vibrated as she spoke about Piper with the energy of youth and affection.

Once Jo had gushed about the main points of Piper’s brilliance several times, she finally stilled enough for Bea to relax into the couch.

“I like Bunny, too,” Jo added. “And you seem different since we’ve started working with them.”

“Is that good or bad different?” Bea stiffened unexpectedly. She should have been able to hide her discomfort better, but it was so hard with Jo.

Jo shrugged as a yawn took over, but she didn’t answer. Which left Bea in even more turmoil. Crushing on Bunny was probably a bad idea. And if her temper was anything to go by, Bea really needed to stay as far away as possible. The last thing she needed was to fall in love with someone who couldn’t even love themself. But Bea hadn’t really considered what Bunny had been through, what Bunny had seen and experienced herself.

Another hour passed before Bea realized that Jo had fallen asleep. Leaving the television on, Bea sauntered to her room and changed her clothes. So much for a late night. Maybe they were getting too old for those kinds of things. Burrowing under her blankets, she stared at the ceiling. Her thoughts swirled in so many spirals she couldn’t untangle them.

But one thought was clear.

What the hell was wrong with Bunny?