Spicy Sapphic Christmas

27. Bea

TWENTY-SEVEN

bea

Bea stood, fingers still gripping the handle of her front door as she stared at Bunny.

The banging on Bea’s door had pushed her heart into her throat and made her jump. She hadn’t been expecting anyone, and this wasn’t a polite knock.

Now, staring at Bunny, she couldn’t find any words.

Bea couldn’t remember seeing Bunny look this disheveled, except after one of their ill-fated fucking sessions. That’s how she had to think of them. As nothing but fucking. Even now, with Bunny’s lips looking inviting even as she scowled at her.

Bea’s mouth remained open as Bunny’s chest rose and fell like she had run up the stairs. But her hands were steady as she held up her phone. Bea forced her eyes away from Bunny’s lips and took in the woman’s furious eyes and red cheeks. She wasn’t breathing heavily from running up any stairs, but from rage.

Bea’s heart plummeted to the pit of her stomach.

It wasn’t like she had visions of Bunny running to find her, to apologize and sweep her off her feet.

Had she?

Of course not.

But then, why would she be so disappointed to realize Bunny was angry? Again. The surprise was stupid. When wasn’t she angry, especially lately? Bea hadn’t been sure of Bunny when they’d met, but the more they’d gotten to know each other, Bunny had proven to be a kind and fiercely loyal person. But these last few days had been something else entirely—something out of left field that had thrown Bea off her feet.

“Did you know about this?” Bunny thrust her phone out, closer to Bea’s face.

“Hi, Bunny.” Bea found her words, and they dripped with sarcasm. Two could play at the asshole game, and Bea wasn’t going to let Bunny down on her end of the deal. “How are you?”

“Don’t.” Bunny sneered, her cheeks reddening and hollowing. She could have raged again, but she didn’t. Instead, she pushed the phone into Bea’s face again.

Bea’s only reply was her raised eyebrows and the crossing of her arms over her chest.

“Did. You. Know?”

“I don’t know what you’re showing me,” Bea snapped back. “You keep shaking the phone around like it’s an Etch A Sketch.”

“The engagement. Did you know?” There was a quiver in her voice, and Bea wondered what on earth could truly affect Bunny. Anger was one thing, but this bordered on something completely different. Any disappointment vanished as she processed Bunny’s words. She definitely should have known better.

“What engagement?” Bea's shoulders dropped as she uncrossed her arms, one hand reaching out for the phone.

The fury radiating from Bunny either cooled slightly or Bea’s distraction made her less aware of it. Either way, Bunny seemed the least of her problems as she stared at the phone.

She stared at the words and the photo.

This didn’t make sense.

Bea tried to take a step and stumbled. Bunny caught her by the waist and tucked Bea into her side, holding her steady. Somewhere behind her Bea was faintly aware of her door being closed with a soft snick and Bunny’s footsteps helping her inside.

Heavily, Bea sat down on the lumpy middle cushion of her couch and tried to focus on the actual words that hadn’t made sense the first time she’d read them. Still she struggled to make out the words and processing them was hard.

Jo and Piper engaged!

Romantic proposal at Eastbank.

Happy couple had a few small witnesses, including manager Siena.

Photos of the happy couple…

“What the fuck is this?” Bea muttered as she read the article again before scrolling down to the photos.

“So you didn’t know?” Bunny asked, hands on hips as she looked down at Bea. But the angry tone from before had tempered dramatically, and the sharp contrast threw Bea for a loop. She couldn’t handle these swings of emotions.

“No.” Anger boiled in the pit of Bea’s stomach, but her heart ached and her mind raced just as strongly. Why wouldn’t Jo tell her? Why wouldn’t Jo even mention that she and Piper were in a relationship before now? She’d seen them getting closer, had hoped that maybe something might grow between them, but to be left out of the narrative completely? That just flat out hurt.

It ripped Bea’s heart apart.

“This is ridiculous. You know, I caught them swapping spit once, but I didn’t think that Piper would take it this far. And your sister’s turning this whole thing into a God damn circus. I never should have agreed to this event. It’s going to ruin everything I’ve built.”

“Excuse me?” Bea stood, slapping the phone into Bunny’s chest, forcing her to step back a little.

“Piper wouldn’t do this .” Bunny planted the phone into Bea’s face again to show off the press release.

“The photos tell otherwise.” Bea forced the words out as calmly as she could. “She’s the one who proposed.”

“Photos can be manipulated.”

“Right, of course.” Bea scoffed. “It’s all everyone else’s fault, isn’t it?” Each word was harder to hold back.

“First Mandy, and now this,” Bunny ranted as if she hadn’t even heard Bea’s scathing remark.

“Stop.” Bea snapped so forcefully that Bunny jerked her head as though physically injured.

She was so tired. The exhaustion of the last few weeks—the emotional and the physical—she didn’t have it in her to have another screaming match. This just needed to end before it got worse.

“You can’t tell me you’re happy about this.” Bunny looked at her, face angled as though trying to work out what was going on.

“I’m hurt by it, yes,” Bea said, “But why wouldn’t I be happy about it? Would I have liked Jo to tell me herself? Absolutely. But if they’re happy, then I’m going to be happy for them.”

“Was this the whole point?”

“Was what the whole point?” Bea threw up her hands and let her head fall back as she stared up at the stained and cracked ceiling of her living room. “Stop talking around whatever you think’s going on.”

“The angle. Is this the angle you and Jo had from the start?”

Bea’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious right now?”

“Come on. This can’t just be some kind of coincidence.”

“Get out.” Bea stepped forward, into Bunny’s space.

“I’ve worked too damn hard to let your sister ruin everything. And for something as stupid as an engagement, which you know won’t last.”

“And why not?” Bea snapped out. “Why won’t it last? Because you say so?”

“Because the press is going to eat them alive for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! This industry will tear them apart in seconds with the amount of hate they’ll get. They’ll never be able to walk down the streets and feel safe. They’ll never have a moment’s peace!”

Was this what Bunny truly thought of Jo and Piper? Or was it everything she feared for herself? Bea didn’t have time to dive into that vat of self-loathing, nor did she have the desire to do it. Bunny needed to take time to figure her own shit out. “Or they just might celebrate them.”

Bunny scoffed.

“I need to call Jo.” Bea squared her shoulders and gave Bunny a pointed look. “So if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to call my sister and congratulate her on one of the happiest days of her life.”

“You can’t just let this go.”

“Watch me,” Bea fired back. “Because I’m not going to be the asshole who tears apart my family. I’m not going to be the one who is going to die on this hill. And I’m not going to lose my sister because my ego is so big I can’t see anything but my own fucking nose.”

Bunny stumbled back another step, Bea’s anger lashing out and hitting its mark. And Bea wasn’t even sad about it. Bunny deserved it, and someone had to take her down a few notches.

“So get out, Bunny. I’m done.”

Silence lingered between them, as they steeped in the anger, the shame, and the broken-hearted feelings. Bea shook her head again, waiting for Bunny to turn around and walk out the door. She held her ground. She wouldn’t let Bunny continue to treat her like this anymore. She couldn’t control what Jo did, but she could protect herself from working with this jerk.

Bea had called Bunny that the first night they’d met, and while she’d thought she’d been wrong for a few moments there, she hadn’t been. And she had to be done.

Those words settled deep into Bea’s heart.

She was done.

Not just with this conversation, but with everything.

“Get out, Bunny,” Bea repeated when Bunny didn’t move quickly enough.

Silently, Bunny walked to the door. That vibrating anger she’d shown up with was gone, and it had been replaced by something so melancholy that it would scare Bea if she focused on it. Bunny was someone to be pitied, honestly. She couldn’t let anyone else be happy because she was so damn afraid of what would happen if she truly lived into her own self.

Bunny hesitated as she reached for the door handle, looking over her shoulder and directly into Bea’s eyes. Her lips parted as if she was going to say something, but she remained silent. Bea watched the walls come right back up, locking into place.

The door snicked closed as quietly as Bea had ever heard. Before she let any emotions wash over her, before she did anything but breathe, she reached for her phone and called Siena.

“Hey Bea. How’s it going?” Siena sounded hesitant, more than Bea had ever heard her before.

“Do you have time for some coffee?”

“Of course.” The sound of shuffling paper through the phone stopped as Siena heard something in Bea’s voice. Something Bea didn’t have the strength to cover. “Is everything okay?”

“I’d rather do this in person.” And once she’d gotten control over herself again—at least as much as she could muster. “Do you have any time today?”

“I’ll make time.” Siena’s voice was accompanied by the quick staccato of fingers on a keyboard. “I’ve freed up my only meeting for the afternoon. Head in when you’re ready. Would you like me to send you a car?”

“No.” Bea smiled, silent tears escaping her eyes. “I’ll be there soon.”

“I’ll see you then.”

Bea hung up, washed her face and headed out. This couldn’t wait. She needed to do it all now before she lost her nerve.

“Hey.” Siena stood up as soon as Bea stepped in to her office. There was coffee on the small table, cookies on a beautiful tray, and bottled water. Bea wouldn’t be able to eat or drink any of it. She was still too hyped from the confrontation with Bunny.

“I can’t do the Christmas show,” Bea blurted out. There. It was out in the open now, and Bea wouldn’t have to fumble around for the words.

“And I was thinking you were here because of the engagement.” Siena gave an awkward smile, her body rigid in a way Bea hadn’t ever seen before. Bea slid into the chair she’d deemed hers the one time she’d been here before. Siena slowly lowered herself opposite.

“You saw this morning's photos and release as well then. I’m surprised they didn’t try and get some of the PR nightmare that this will be under control.” Bea wrung her hands together. This wasn’t because of the engagement. She had to keep telling herself that to make sure that she believed it. Because she wasn’t sure if she did. She’d always known they’d likely break up the act at some point. She just hadn’t realized it’d be so soon.

“What?” Siena twitched. “What photos?”

Bea shook her head. “Sorry, no. It’s not about the engagement. Not really. But I’ve booked some other shows over the holidays. And I won’t be doing the Holbrook Foundation’s charity event anymore. There’s a conflict in scheduling.” She’d practiced the line. She’d practiced all the lines as she made her way over. It didn’t matter that they sounded hollow and unconvincing in the warmth of Siena’s office. It just mattered that they were the excuse she was running with.

“So you and Jo are out?” Siena’s eyebrows pulled together as she asked.

“No.” Bea lifted her hands, waving them back and forth as though scared that Siena wouldn’t hear the word. She met Siena’s eyes and quickly dropped them to her lap. “Jo’s still in. It’s just—just me that can’t do it.”

“Bea?” Siena asked, waiting for Bea to lift her head again and meet her eyes. “Have you spoken to Jo? She told you about the engagement?”

“No, I haven’t talked to her yet,” Bea said, a sharp twist in the pit of her belly tightening.

“What happened?” Siena’s tone was the audible version of a child settling into their bed, prepared to hear the bedtime story they’d been waiting for.

Bea took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

She searched Siena’s office for the strength to do this. She had to make sure she didn’t ruin this for Jo. She wanted to believe she wouldn’t ruin it for herself, but despite what Bunny thought, neither she nor Jo were unaware of the fickle nature of the business. She sometimes wondered if they didn’t know more about it than Bunny.

It didn’t matter. What did matter was making sure Jo didn’t miss her dreams coming true because of her. Bea liked Siena. She liked her a lot. More than any manager she’d ever met. They’d been so close to their dreams, but Bea couldn’t let their dreams of a career trump Jo’s dream of love. She wouldn’t allow it.

Not like this.

“Bea. Talk to me.” Siena’s voice was so soft and kind. Bea wanted to cry again, but she couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t.

She would be a professional, despite Bunny’s vitriol playing over again in her head. It all came back down to Bunny. Bea wanted to believe it was more than that, but the truth struck where it was.

“I can’t work with Bunny.” Bea was almost as surprised as Siena looked. “And I know that’s unprofessional, but I think it’s time for me to move on with my own things. I wanted to ask if you would still represent Jo, though.” Bea’s words rushed out. It seemed appropriate for her mindset lately. Either all or nothing. Ever since this Christmas event, she’d lost her equilibrium. No. She lost her equilibrium the moment she’d met Bunny in the janitor’s closet that passed as a dressing room in the back of Julianna’s.

“You don’t want me to represent you anymore?” Siena asked. It wasn’t the tone Bea had expected. Siena spoke without any inflection of judgment that Bea could detect.

“I’d love you to, but I also know that I’m blowing those chances. I don’t want my actions to affect Jo’s chances, however. She’s more talented than me, anyway.”

Siena shook her head a little, a chuckle escaping her smile. “Well, I never thought I’d hear one of my own clients downplaying their own talent.”

“Clients?” Could Siena really have meant that? It had to have been a slip of the tongue, right?

“I think it might be a little too early to take that completely off the table. Especially if you’d still like me to represent you. Although, you’re asking me to take on two clients now instead of just one.”

“Please don’t try to convince me to go ahead with the Christmas show.” Bea knew the plea was evident in her voice, but this had been hard enough.

“No, no. I won’t do that. I like to pride myself on knowing when someone has made up their mind and when they’re asking to be convinced to change it.” Siena crossed her legs, her gaze never leaving Bea, but it wasn’t judgment reflected back at her. It was sympathy and understanding.

“Thank you.” Bea nodded, it had been relatively painless, but she could only hold herself together for so long. At least it had gone better than expected. “Thank you for taking time out for me today. I really appreciate it. I’m sorry to let you down and to take so much of your time.”

“Bea.” Siena stood up and took a step closer as Bea stood. “How about we both sit down and talk a bit about how it might work representing you and Jo individually?”

“Are you sure?” Bea never usually doubted what she could bring to the table, but nothing about her life over the last few months had felt very usual.

“Would you like some coffee?” Siena asked.

Bea nodded.

While Siena made their drinks, Bea sat back down and leaned into the chair. Could she really do this? Could she walk away and still find some of her dreams coming true after all?

She’d have to tell Jo.

Bea looked forward to that about as much as she looked forward to having to see Bunny again. Which would undoubtedly happen from time to time. If nothing else, they’d both be there for Jo and Piper’s wedding, assuming Jo forgave her before the two tied the knot.

Now was definitely the time to get out.

She’d been pushing herself to get through, knowing the event would be the last they would have to see of each other. But now. She couldn’t do it. Losing Jo hurt, but if she kept seeing Bunny, kept allowing her to have this strange power over her, she would lose so much more than Jo.

“So, let’s talk about setting up some individual shows to really share your ability as a solo singer,” Siena smiled sweetly, but Bea could see the fear in her eyes, the worry.

“I’ve already booked some.”

“Good. You never came across as someone who would sit back and wait to make things happen.”

“No, you’re right about that.” So why had she waited so long to put her foot down with Bunny?

Forget that. It was now or never. And Bea was making it now.