The Coast is Clear (Breakaway Shores #1)

Izzy

Bedtime

“I don’t want to go to bed!” Christian whined, flopping himself down on the ground. Zander was washing the dishes after making the boys a special dessert. Not that they needed any more sugar. Luke had gone home, telling me he wanted to give us some space and told me to be happy. It relieved some of the anxiety I felt about the whole situation.

“Buddy, it’s bedtime.” I stood over him, trying to keep a straight face. Kingston had gone to bed alone, asking me to put him to sleep. Today had worn him out. But Christian always fought bedtime. Always.

“No, Mommy. I’m never going to sleep. I hate sleeping.” He spread his limbs out, his cheek on the floor.

Zander came around the corner, putting the dish towel on the bar. “Buddy, I have this really special song I want to play you.”

Christian’s head popped up, “What song?”

“It’s special, but I can only play it for you if you’re in bed.” He jumped off the ground and headed up the stairs. I rolled my eyes as Zander came to stand by me. “What?” he asked.

“Nothing, just wish I had a magic trick like that every time he doesn’t want to sleep.”

“That’s what I’m for...” He kissed my cheek and followed Christian up the stairs. I walked behind him but let him take the lead. Christian brushed his teeth and then crawled into his bed. Zander turned off the light and lay down on the floor. He held his phone over his head, the light shining down on his features. I sat on the floor next to him, resting my elbows on my knees when the music started to play.

It was soft, the piano notes relaxing, and Christian rolled on his side, facing the wall. Zander put his phone down next to him and put his hand on my leg. He motioned with his head, pulling on me. “Lay down,” he whispered, and I moved beside him. Zander’s arm was around my shoulders, and I rested my head on his chest as the room filled with the music. It was a special song, if only because it had gotten Christian off the floor and into his bed. I put my hand on Zander’s chest, trying not to notice how strong it felt under my palm. His heart beat smoothly against my ear, and his woodsy scent surrounded me. We lay there like that until the song ended and another began to play. I pushed myself up and stepped over Zander to check on Christian. His eyes were closed, and his mouth was hanging open a bit. That might be a magic song.

Zander followed me out of the room, and I closed the door very slowly. “Cooking show?” he asked, and I smiled at him.

We went down to the couch and fell into the overfilled pillows. I placed my legs over his, and he rested his hands on them. It was interesting to me, and maybe a bit alarming, how easy it felt. I clicked on the show, and Zander started to run his hands up and down my legs. I was grateful to be wearing my yoga pants, knowing that if he touched my skin, I’d be a goner. “Thanks again for today,” I told him before I lost the ability to speak.

He smiled. “I wanted it to be a surprise. I’m glad you liked it.”

“It was so nice, and I made some progress in my book.”

“What is it about?” he asked, his hands moving to my feet, pressing into the tired muscles.

I let out a soft sound of delight, and a smile spread across his face. “It is about a single mom who has to move back home after her divorce. She runs into her ex from high school, except he’s a little more grown-up. And her daughter just adores him. ”

“Classic. Gotta love a guy who is good with kids.” Zander said with a wink. He began to rub my feet, and it sent shocks of relief up my legs.

“But you see, he cheated on her when they were young. Was a real douchebag. And now he’s the owner of the coffee shop and wants another shot. Pun definitely intended.” I chuckled. Sometimes I could be funny.

A piece of Zander’s hair fell in front of his face, and I loved how it changed how he looked. A little more relaxed. “So what’s the hang-up? What are you stuck on?”

“I’m stuck on their all-is-lost moment, actually.”

“What does that mean?”

“In every romance, they fall in love, and everything is amazing until it all falls apart, right? I can’t bring myself to break them up, I think. It’s too sad. Logically, I know they’ll make it back to each other, but I hate to damage their relationship.” Zander’s face changed, and I had a hard time deciphering it. “It’s stupid because they’re fake, but I’m stuck regardless.”

Zander shook his head, “It’s not stupid. It makes sense to me. You had the worst all-is-lost moment with Jack. And you guys didn’t make it back to each other. I can see why that would make it hard for you.”

His words are so simple but so powerful. I stop momentarily and realize that is precisely why it’s difficult for me. Jack and I won’t get our happily ever after. “Is it weird for you to talk about Jack? I don’t want you to—"

“No, absolutely not. If my mom showed me anything, you can love more than one person. In fact, you kind of have no choice when you’re a widow.” I watched him, trying to find cracks in his very confident fa?ade. “I don’t know if you knew this, but I was aware you were widowed when I decided I wanted to kiss you.”

“And when was that?”

He moved his hands to my other foot. “It was when you showed up to the parade in those tight pants with your American flag shirt on.”

“Sounds like you weren’t really focused on my lips,” I said and was surprised at how forward I was being. It wasn’t like me at all.

Zander’s eyebrows shot up, and he stopped rubbing my feet. “You’ve got a great ass.”

We were inching close to dangerous territory. Another line that we wouldn’t be able to uncross, and surprisingly, I felt okay about it. “I’ve caught you checking it out a couple of times.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Ditto, honey. I know I’ve got a good ass, too.” The way he said it, so confident and cocky, made me laugh. “So, Dee is coming into town for the weekend. You didn’t get a chance to meet her last time. I’d love to have you guys over to the house when she’s here.”

“Dee? Your daughter?”

Zander looked taken aback. “I don’t usually call her that, but yes. Dee.”

“I mean, you raised her, right?”

“Yeah, but my brother, man, he loved her so much. I just would never want to erase him from being her dad.” Zander’s fingers rubbed over the ball of my foot.

“What was he like?”

Zander’s face changed, and I could tell that he went somewhere else. “My brother was older than me by eight years, so he was always just so cool. I always wanted to be like him and follow in his footsteps. He played football and did well in college but then got married. His ex-wife didn't want him to play football. She wasn’t--well, she was very controlling. But Marco was vibrant, strong, and stepped up to help be a pseudo-dad to me after our dad passed away.”

“Do you miss him?”

“Every day, yeah. We were close, and he was my biggest fan in my football career.” Zander placed his hands around my feet, resting his head against the couch.

“When we were sitting out on the deck, you said something about grief to me about how people expect you to just be over it at a certain point, but it doesn’t work like that. I was so curious about how you knew that and had that insight, and I should have realized that you only knew that because you’d lost someone.”

Zander nodded. “It was the worst day of my life. His wife was long gone by then, and Dee woke up for school. She found him and called the cops. And then she called me. I can still hear the panic in her voice. The way she was sobbing.”

“Were you in the NFL at that point?”

“Not yet. I was headed there, but my team was flexible with me. I was in LA, so I flew to Texas, where they lived, and stayed with her. My mom came in, too, and she was the rock. If you asked her now, she’d say that her heart was broken that day, just like when my dad died. But she kept it together for Dee. She also moved to LA for that first year to be with Dee. She saved me and Dee.” I reached out and put a hand on his arm.

“That was a lot for you to deal with so young.”

Zander smirked at me. “Look who’s talking.”

I chuckled. “We’re a perfect match when it comes to that.”

His hand trailed up my leg. “I think other things make us a match, too. But yes, we do understand what it means to grieve. To live with grief.”

“Yes. Thank you for not being scared of me because I’m a widow. Your neighbor, Beau, seriously ran away so fast.”

“He’s a player and a bit annoying.”

I held Zander’s hand and focused on the show, nestling into the couch. “Yeah, but being a widow comes with baggage.”

“No, it comes with history. That’s okay with me.” Zander’s voice was soft, and we said nothing else while watching professional chefs make food with ridiculous ingredients. I knew that we could do more. I wanted to do more, to touch him. But it felt nice to sit there together.