Tamsin saw the moment Christian connected it all in his mind. Oh, she had been foolish. So unbelievably, arrogantly foolish. It may have been an important, relevant message to convey. But she should have known someone would figure it out. No. Not someone. Him .
She hadn’t even disguised it, making the caricature look like him. But when she’d drawn it…it had just been a reaction. Directly after one of their arguments. At the time, she hadn’t meant to publish it. Merely work her frustration out of her system. But she’d put it in with the drawings she’d given to Georgie and…
Christian, his face thunderous, marched straight for her, and she straightened her spine, trying to quell the anxiety twisting her stomach into knots. Surely he wouldn’t make a scene in public. More than he was already barreling down on her like a beast with a thorn in its paw.
He stopped in front of her, his face a mask of angry disbelief. But he didn’t speak. Just stared at her, his eyes boring into hers.
“My lord?” she finally said, unnerved by his silence. “Does something trouble you?”
“We are leaving,” he said through gritted teeth.
She shot Georgie a panic-filled look, but for once, even Georgie was at a loss.
He turned on his heels and stormed out, leaving her to mumble excuses about the count suddenly taking ill as she followed.
Lord Feldhagen’s eyes narrowed, concern creasing his brow. “Shall I return with you? If the count has need of me…”
“No,” Tamsin said with a faint but grateful smile. She leaned in so naught but he would hear. “I fear the count is cross with me. Your presence will only delay the inevitable.” She snorted softly. “I’d rather get it over with.”
Frederick chuckled. “Well, if he gets out of hand, send for me. I am quite experienced with being on the receiving end of our lordship’s ire. If you feel you need an ally…”
Tamsin smiled again. “Thank you, Lord Feldhagen. Your support is much appreciated.”
He nodded and returned to his betrothed. And Tamsin took a deep breath before following the count to their carriage.
She had no idea how much he had puzzled out, and she certainly had no desire to provide him with information he did not yet have. So she would keep quiet for the moment. Though part of her would be greatly relieved if he had finally discovered her secret. Keeping this from him, something that was so much a part of her, something of which she was so proud, that was so exhilarating for her, but also carried much risk… To be able to share all this with him would bring her great comfort.
Assuming he ever forgave her for it.
Judging by his face when she climbed into the waiting carriage, he was not inclined to forgiveness.
“My lord…” she said, once the carriage was underway.
“Not. Yet.” The words were clipped. Angry. It nearly radiated off him.
Oh. This boded very ill indeed.
When they arrived, Christian jumped down, not reaching back to help her as he usually did, though he did wait until she was safely down before storming into the house. This time it was he who marched past the waiting footman and headed straight for the library. Though she did not anticipate what would happen behind those doors nearly as much as she had the last time. But she followed him anyway. And this time, when he closed the door behind them, he locked it as well.
“My lord—”
“Have you gone mad?” he asked, rounding on her so suddenly she stumbled back a step.
“My lord, I am not sure what you—”
“Don’t.” He held up a finger, closing his eyes briefly like he was trying to retain his grip on his composure. And was failing.
He dragged in a deep breath and slowly released it before continuing.
“What you are doing is…insanity. That’s the only word for it. If you were discovered…”
She tried to maintain an air of innocence, though he didn’t seem inclined to believe her. “I do not kno—”
“It’s you, isn’t it?” he said, shaking his head. “You are Anonymous Bartholomew.” He didn’t wait for her to confirm it, instead rubbing his hands across his face with a mirthless laugh. “I should have known. Perhaps I did and just didn’t want to see it. All the times you seemed to be hiding something from me.”
His eyes widened at some sudden epiphany, and Tamsin cringed, waiting to see which other part of the puzzle he had figured out.
“Is this why you wanted to return to the city so desperately?”
Tamsin blanched. The anger in his voice was difficult enough to bear. But now it was tinged with…disappointment. And worse, hurt.
“ This is why you tortured me so mercilessly until I agreed to return? So you could resume your surreptitious activities with more ease?”
Tamsin took a deep breath, lifting her shoulders, her hands held up like she would explain…only no words came. What could she say?
“And Lady Georgina?”
Oh no.
“I thought it odd when she stopped by on her way to town. Their estate is so near Herringbrook she would certainly not need a rest so soon. In fact, we are a bit out of her way. So I wondered. But… She knows as well, doesn’t she? She helps you?” He paced back and forth, then stopped in front of her again. “The day she came to visit you and Herringbrook. When you knocked the book out of my hand and practically threw yourself into my arms…”
She flinched again but still didn’t speak. Nothing she could say would help now.
“The drawings were in the book, weren’t they? Does she deliver them for you?”
“Sometimes,” Tamsin finally said. “More often since you have arrived.”
He snorted. “Yes. I suppose my presence would make clandestine visits to the printer more difficult…” He looked back at her, eyes wide with horror. “You don’t visit the printer directly, do you?”
“No! Of course not! I do take precautions, my lord. I have a better sense of self-preservation than that.”
“That, madam, is very debatable.”
She glared at him, tiring of anger and accusations. “Whichever of us is delivering the art, we go through the bookseller, and he delivers the art to the printer for us. No one questions a lady visiting the bookseller, nor a bookseller visiting the printer. I have been doing this for several years, and none but you have ever come close to discovering my identity.”
“Then no one else is looking closely enough!” He jammed his hand through his hair and went back to pacing. “Do you have any idea of the danger you are putting yourself in? Not just because of the content of the cartoons, although we will get to that in a minute. But if you are exposed…” He stopped in front of her, his forehead creased with confusion. “I do not understand. You have maintained time and time again that you want nothing more than to be accepted by Society. Become one of them. Was that a lie as well? Why would you then risk antagonizing them so severely?”
“I have never lied to you, Christian.” He scoffed, but she pressed on. “I hid my art from you, yes. But I never lied about it. And yes, while I have spent most of my life striving to be accepted into this world, the last few years especially, it is because I am already a part of that world. And I am tired of being shunned, ignored, and outcast because of the accident of my birth. Even more, my son has been born into this world. I need Society’s acceptance for his sake. And my own sanity.
“But that does not mean I like or condone much of the behavior I see. Many of elite class are horrid people who make the lives of those they see as lesser than them miserable. I want to change that. If I must be a part of this world, then I want it to be a better place. We are in a position to do much good, and far too few of us do.”
He looked incredulous. “And you think you are going to change the world by drawing caricatures of the very people from whom you seek acceptance?”
“Yes. They wouldn’t listen if I stood in the middle of their ballrooms and shouted about inequalities and charity. But when they see themselves mirrored in a caricature, when they know others are seeing them as well, then yes, they pay more attention. I have made headway. There are several families who have started paying their servants better wages. Treating them better. One family Georgie knows agreed to let their daughter be educated when before they had seen no need for it.” She shrugged. “Perhaps it is a small thing and only one or two hearts will be changed. But it’s still a difference.”
Some of the fight seemed to go out of him, and he leaned against the back of the sofa with a sigh.
“If you are found out…”
“I won’t be.”
“I discovered the truth.”
She gave him a faint smile. “Only because you see me. I have been Anonymous for several years now. Even before I married the duke. No one has ever come close to discovering me.”
“Tamsin,” he said, gently wrapping his hands around her upper arms and drawing her to him. “Some of what you’ve drawn…it’s dangerous. If you anger the wrong people…”
“I am careful. I take care to never use anyone’s real likeness when I draw them.”
“Except for me,” he said with a slight smile.
“Yes, well, I hadn’t meant to do that. I suppose you are on my mind more than I would like to admit.”
He started to smile, but the flash of amusement faded under the weight of his sudden fear.
“You do not hide the identity of those with the most power to do you harm. The Prince Regent. And Prince Heinrich.”
“No.” She frowned. “But again, the chances of them discovering my identity is slim. Many of those with whom I regularly socialize scarce recognize or acknowledge me. I have no reason to believe a prince, from my country or another, would have reason to know me.”
Christian shook his head and cupped her face in his hands. “You do not understand how dangerous men in their position can be when crossed.”
…
Christian’s anger melted under the weight of his fear for her. If his uncle were to take offense to the cartoons she had drawn of him—and knowing his uncle, he would—the danger would be great.
They already had so much against them. So many reasons for his uncle to refuse their match—if she would agree to one. If he were to discover what she had done, God himself couldn’t make his uncle give his blessing to them. Worse than that, Christian truly feared for her. His uncle could be vindictive enough he could ruin her forever. As could the Prince Regent. She would not only be ruined, she could be imprisoned. Or dealt with in far worse ways.
“No one can know,” he said fiercely, his eyes almost frantically searching hers. “I don’t think you understand the true danger. If anything were to happen to you…”
“I am careful, Christian. I promise. Nothing will happen to me.”
Christian groaned and dragged her into his arms, spinning and walking her backward until he had her caged against a bookshelf. She gasped, but she didn’t struggle.
“Stop. Promise me you’ll stop publishing them.”
“No,” she said, though she turned her head enough to press a kiss to his palm. “You may not understand or believe that I am making a difference. But I am. I’ve seen it. And I enjoy doing it. I won’t give it up.”
He closed his eyes and sighed. “You will be the death of me.”
Her luxuriously plump mouth pulled into a slow smile that had him sucking in a ragged breath.
“That seems a bit melodramatic, my lord.”
He snorted faintly. “Perhaps. Then again, you do not have to deal with you .”
She laughed, and Christian rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip. “Just the sight of this and I want to throw you over my shoulder and lock us both away from the world so I can discover what else it is that makes you happy.”
“My apologies, my lord,” she said without an ounce of contrition. “Should I endeavor to wear a more somber countenance? Add smiling to the list of activities from which you’ve forbidden me?”
“I have forbidden you nothing. You are, as usual, being purposely obtuse just to aggravate me.”
“I? Obtuse?”
He made a growling noise low in his throat. “You know exactly what you do.”
Her quick intake of breath left him reeling. “I have done nothing, as always, except exactly as you asked.”
“In all matters but one.” He pulled away just far enough so he could pin her with his gaze.
“Yes.” She raised her chin in the air, and his blood sang at the sight of his defiant, fiery duchess. Whatever was he to do with her?
“But I do not flout you to aggravate you, my lord.” She gave him a teasing smile that tested the meager hold he had on his control. “The fact that it does so is just like a dollop of decadent cream on my sweet summer berries.”
Oh, this woman .
“Is that so?” Christian pressed against her, making her breath catch. He smiled at the sound.
She cleared her throat, attempting, and failing, to act as though his touch didn’t affect her.
“Yes, it is. So I ask again, my lord. Do you forbid me good humor and smiles?”
He leaned closer, brushing his cheek across hers, his nose grazing the sensitive skin behind her ear.
“Would it do any good?” he said, unable to contain a smile that had probably gone nearly feral with the heat thundering through his veins. “You would but find a way to defy my wishes whilst somehow still obeying my commands.”
Her eyes widened, the tremble in her body belying the innocent expression she wore. “Whoever would do such a thing?”
“You would, you little minx. You have a decided talent for it.” His thumb ran down her jaw to her chin, and he pressed on it to open her mouth just a little. “Almost as pronounced as your talent for driving me mad.”
“Shall I apologize for that one as well, my lord?” she said, her voice hardly more than a whisper as his hand trailed down her neck.
“I think, Your Grace, if you start apologizing for every time you’ve vexed or thwarted me, you’ll never get another word in edgewise.”
“Christian,” she said, dragging her hands up his chest. “If I were to command something of you , would you obey?”
A bolt of desire hit him so hard he nearly doubled over with it. He captured her hands and brought them over her head, keeping her captive against the wall.
“And what would you command of me, meine Herzogin?” he asked, rocking his hips against her core.
She gasped, her head dropping back to lean against the wall. “Kiss me, Christian.”
His control snapped, and his lips crashed against hers. She opened beneath him immediately, and his tongue delved inside, tangling with her own until she was clinging to him, swaying with the force of his onslaught.
Her hips ground against his, and she broke away from the kiss, clutching his shoulders. “What is… I…I need…” Her brow furrowed, and he pressed against her again.
She gasped, her head falling back. “Christian…”
“I know what you need,” he said. “Hold onto me.”
Her lips trailed over his neck, and he groaned, his hold on his control strained.
He dragged his hands down her sides, rucking up her skirts. Tamsin’s head snapped up, her mouth open in shock, and he paused, letting her decide if he continued.
Then she lunged forward to kiss him again, and his hands delved beneath her skirts to grasp her thighs and lift her. She immediately wrapped her legs around his waist, sucking in a tortured gasp when the bulge of his hardened shaft met her bare core.
He left his breeches fastened. Their first time together would not be a quick tussle up against the library wall. But he could still give her what she so needed.
He pressed against her again, this time the only barrier between them the fabric of his breeches. She arched against him, chasing the glorious friction the new position afforded. Christian obliged, rolling his hips. His mouth closed over hers again, muffling her cries as he moved against her over and over, harder and harder until she stiffened against him with a final cry. He was right behind her. One more thrust and then he groaned his own release, spilling into his breeches like he hadn’t done since he was a youth.
She trembled against him as he set her down, his lips claiming hers one last time in a lingering kiss that nearly broke his heart.
Tamsin gazed up at him with both a wonder and a newly awakened hunger that he hadn’t seen in her eyes before.
“I didn’t… I didn’t realize…” She broke off with a little laugh that had Christian’s heart twisting.
“Have you never come to completion?” Christian asked, already knowing the answer.
She shook her head. “I felt…stirrings before. Sometimes, when I was alone and would…”
Her blush made him smile, but it was tinged with sadness for her. This incredibly strong, vibrant woman not only had no idea what her own body was capable of, but it seemed she was ashamed to admit she had tried to explore it. And that just wouldn’t do.
“Never be ashamed,” he said. “Your body is wondrous.” He lifted her chin with his finger so he could press a gentle kiss to her lips. “And it is capable of incredible things. Things you have every right to explore.”
That shy smile of hers turned speculative, and the sudden gleam in her eyes made him wish they were somewhere a little more private. With a bed.
“And will you assist in that exploration, my lord?”
His eyes narrowed. “Our previous discussion is not over. You take far too many risks.”
She let out a long sigh, but he pressed on. “Promise me, Tamsin. If you refuse to stop, then you will take more care with what you draw. And let me assist you where I can.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “You would help me?”
He cupped her face again. “I fear for you. If my assisting you will keep you safer, then yes. I would help you.”
The slow smile he gave her had her trembling in his arms all over again. “And right now?”
“As I said, my duchess, you have but to command me.”
Her eyes gleamed. “Then, my lord, I command thee. Make it happen again.”
He chuckled, the sound low and deep as desire swelled through him. He kept eye contact with her as he slowly dropped to his knees. “With pleasure, Your Grace.”